


Home

by MajorWolfe



Series: Feels Like Home - The 'Home' AU [1]
Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2018-10-14 12:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 58
Words: 129,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10536723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: When Bernie returns home from a tour of duty to find Marcus in bed with another woman she knows she wants him to leave. However, she still needs someone to take care of her children whilst she goes on her final tour.  Enter Serena Campbell, the live in nanny and the woman who manages to charm Bernie and her children within minutes of meeting them for the first time.AKA The MummaWolfe/NannyCampbell AU I didn't know I needed until now!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, whilst trying to think of AUs that a friend could write, I came up with this, she said I should write it so I did. This chapter is mainly just setting the scene for things to come but I'd love to know what you think :)

When Lieutenant Berenice Wolfe of the RAMC returned home from Iraq three days earlier than planned, her children were so engrossed in the game they were playing that they didn’t hear the click of the front door or the thud of her heavy pack hitting the laminate floor in the hallway.  They didn’t even notice the squeak of polished boots against the laminate flooring or the figure dressed in camo leaning against the living room door frame, allowing the mother to watch her children play together for a good few minutes until she was finally noticed.

“Mummy!” It was five year old Cameron who noticed her first, leaping to his feet and propelling himself into her arms faster than she’d ever seen a human move before.

Cameron was closely followed by two year old Charlotte, “Mamma, Mamma!” 

“Hello” Bernie smiled softly, crouching down to hold both her children closely.

“I’ve missed you Mummy” Cameron clung to her, “I’m so happy you’re back.”

“I’ve missed you too” she kissed his head before kissing Charlotte too, “and I’m only going to go away one more time, I promise.”

“Yay” Cameron grinned, “I don’t like you goin’ ‘way.”

“I know Darling, I know” Bernie smiled, glancing down at Charlotte who’d snuggled into her and began sucking her thumb, “are you okay peanut?”

Charlotte looked up at Bernie through long eyelashes and nodded, “Love Mumma.”

“Mumma loves you too” Bernie smiled before looking at Cameron, “where’s Daddy?”  She frowned when she saw Cameron drop his head and begin to bite his lip, “Cam sweetheart…?”

“He’s upstairs, he said we had to be good and not ‘sturb him ‘til he comed down.”

“Well I’m sure he won’t mind me going to surprise him” she smiled, “can you play with Charlotte for 10 minutes? I’ll say hello to Daddy and get changed then we can go to the park for ice cream.”

Cam’s face lit up “two scoops?” he asked hopefully

Bernie laughed and nodded, “two scoops” she told him, “and fish and chips for tea?”

Cam nodded excitedly and hugged Bernie tightly, “you’re the best Mummy.”

“I know” she laughed, kissing Cameron and Charlotte, “you play for 10 minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”

“Shall I put my shoes on?” Bernie nodded, “I can help Charlie too” he nodded, “we’ll be ready and waiting Mummy, you be quick.”

“Yes soldier” Bernie saluted, kissing her children a final time before heading upstairs in search of her husband.

It hadn’t surprised her when her children had been too busy playing to notice her arrival home, what did surprise her, almost to the point of making her want to vomit, was finding her husband naked in their bed, another woman, at least 10 years younger than herself in a similar state of undress beside him, in the space where she’d always slept.

Like their children, Marcus didn’t notice Bernie stood in the doorway, only flinching when he heard the click of the door, “Cam I thought I…” he sat up, eyes widening in shock, jaw dropping as he realised he hadn’t been interrupted by his son, “Bernie? Fuck.”

Bernie didn’t look at him as she opened the wardrobe, hearing him get out of bed, scrabbling for his clothes, “I said I’d take the kids to the park for ice cream” she told him as she took a pair of jeans and a tshirt from the wardrobe so she could change from her fatigues.  “I want you, both of you, gone by the time we get back.”

“Bernie I…” she ignored him as she moved over to the chest of drawers, taking out some clean underwear.

“I don’t want to hear any excuses Marcus, I’ll be leaving in about 10 minutes, we’ll be gone for at least an hour, I don’t want you here when I get back” she said firmly as she left the room, locking herself in the family bathroom to get changed.

“Bernie” Marcus was waiting for her on the landing when she came out of the bathroom, “please, I…”

Bernie ignored him, “I’m nearly ready Cam, have you and Charlie got jackets down there or do I need to bring them down?” she called down the stairs.

“Bring them please Mummy” Cam yelled back, “I want my spiderman one please.”

“Okay Darling” Bernie called back, making her way into her son’s bedroom to get the spiderman hoodie he’d requested.

“Bernie” Marcus followed her.

Bernie stopped and turned to face her husband for the first time since she’d seen him with the other woman, “Marcus, I have just found you in bed with another woman, a woman you’ve been seeing for God knows how long, I’ve just got back from a six month tour of duty in Iraq, I’m exhausted and all I wanted to do was spend the afternoon with my family so that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to take my children to the park and when I come back, you will be gone.”

“Where do you want me to go?”

“Anywhere Marcus, I don’t care.”

“You don’t care about your husband?”

Bernie laughed sarcastically, “and you were really caring about your wife when you decided to get into bed with another woman.” she said as she pushed past him into Charlotte’s room to get a jacket for her too.

“What about the kids you’ll need me when you go on tour, when…”

“No” Bernie corrected him, “I won’t stop you seeing the kids but If you think I’m going to be asking you to move back in when I go back on tour to look after them then you’re wrong. I’m going out now, I want you gone by the time I get back” she said, not looking back as she headed downstairs to her children.

Bernie spent an enjoyable afternoon with Cameron and Charlotte in the park and didn’t think about Marcus once. They walked around the lake as they ate their ice creams, Charlotte tucked up in her buggy to make it easier to eat, and then Bernie spent a good hour chasing both children around the playground, pushing them on the swings, helping them up the climbing frame and Bernie wasn’t at all surprised when, given the option to walk home, Charlotte instead chose to crawl back into her buggy, “try not to fall asleep” Bernie told her as she strapped her in, “we’re going to get fish and chips on the way home”

Charlotte nodded, “no s’eepy Mumma” she mumbled around the thumb already in her mouth.

“Okay” Bernie smiled, brushing Charlotte’s hair from her face and kissing her forehead before holding out her hand to Cameron, “come on, let’s go home.”

“Mummy” Cameron tugged on her hand as they walked home, “can I sleep in bed with you and Daddy tonight? Charlie too?”

Bernie took a deep breath, she hadn’t thought about how she was going to explain this to the kids, “Daddy’s had to go away Darling, but you and Charlie can sleep in the big bed with me.”

“Oh” Cameron frowned, “will Daddy be gone for long?”

“I don’t know Darling” Bernie said honestly, “I’m sure he’ll see you and Charlie as soon as he can” she promised, “but until then, you’ve got me” she smiled, not wanting her son to worry.

“What if he’s not back before you go ‘way again?”

“Then I’ll make sure someone else is here to look after you” Bernie promised, “I’d never ever go away without someone being here to look after you Darling, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

The three of them sat around the dining table to eat, Cam’s worries about his father leaving seemingly forgotten as he told Bernie story after story about things she’d missed during her latest deployment, “and what about you Peanut?” Bernie asked her daughter, “what have you been doing?”

“I paint” she said quietly.

“Wow” Bernie smiled, “that sounds fun, we could do some painting tomorrow if you like?”

Charlotte nodded as she picked up a chip, “‘kay Mumma.”

Bernie took the kids upstairs once they’d finished eating, letting them play in their bedrooms whilst she changed the sheets on her bed, glad to see that a large number of Marcus’ clothes had gone from the wardrobe and she made a mental note to look into getting the locks changed.

She bathed Charlotte and Cam, changing them into their pyjamas before tucking them into the bed and putting a film on for them to keep them entertained so she could have a quick shower too.

The film was turned off when Bernie came back into the room and it didn’t take much longer, just three short stories and Charlotte and Cam were asleep, Cameron tucked into Bernie’s right side, Charlotte her left, both clutching at her pyjama top.  Bernie kissed them both, watching them sleep for a while before her own exhaustion finally overwhelmed her and she too fell into a peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments/kudos, I never imagined this would be as well recieved as it has been! I hope you enjoy Chapter 2 too!

Bernie spent the next few days making the most of the time she had with her children whilst trying to sort out something for when she went on her final tour.  She hadn’t heard from Marcus, and the kids had barely asked about him, something that relieved Bernie greatly.  She wasn’t going to call him, if he wanted to see Charlotte and Cameron he could call her, but otherwise, she’d cope on her own.  She guessed that he’d be waiting for her to give in, to call him, to need him when she left but Berenice Wolfe was nothing if she wasn’t resourceful. She’d already interviewed five different nannies but none of them had seemed ‘right’, so, once Charlotte was settled for her afternoon nap, Cameron happy drawing at the dining table, Bernie picked up the phone and dialed the sixth, and for now, final number on her list.

“Serena Campbell” a cheerful voice answered after the second ring.

“Oh, hi, I erm, my name’s Bernie Wolfe, I got your phone number from the agency, I’m looking for a nanny, preferably to start as soon as possible.”

“Oh, I’m very sorry” Bernie heard a quiet wail at the other end of the line, “I’m not...I’ve just had a baby of my own, the agency shouldn’t have given you my number, it’s not really the done thing, turning up to look after someone else’s children with your own in tow.”

“I erm, I wouldn’t mind” the words slipped from Bernie’s lips before she could stop them.

“You, you wouldn’t?” Serena frowned.

“Sorry, you probably want to be at home with your baby, I’ll leave you…”

“How many do you have? Children I mean”

Bernie was shocked at the other woman’s response, did this mean she’d consider working for her, “two, Cameron and Charlotte, five and two. I erm, I’m looking for someone to live in, for six months, nine tops, I’m in the military and I’ve just split up with my husband so as I said, I’m looking for someone to start as soon as possible really, before I go on my next tour.”

“When do you leave?”

“In about five weeks time.” Bernie tapped her pen nervously against the notepad.

“And you wouldn’t mind me bringing my baby along too?”

“Not at all.  If you’re interested, would you erm, would you like to come and meet me and the kids? Nothing formal, maybe just a chat over coffee, make sure we all get along?”

Serena couldn’t help but smile, she thought that having her own daughter would put an end to the career she loved so much, “yes, that would be nice, when were you thinking?”

“Well, we’re free this afternoon if that’s not too soon, Charlotte’s asleep at the minute but she should be awake in an hour or so. Obviously I’d like whoever gets the post to spend some time with the kids before I leave, to get settled in so to speak.”

“Yes, that’s a very good idea, and I, we can meet you this afternoon.”

“Brilliant” Bernie couldn’t help but smile, somehow this woman already seemed different to all the nannies she’d already interviewed.  They spoke for a few minutes more, Bernie being sure Serena had her address and phone number, before ending the call, Serena going to get herself and her daughter changed and ready to make a good impression, Bernie to tell Cameron that he was going to meet another potential nanny.

Charlotte hadn’t been awake long when there was a solid knock at the front door, and she clung to her mother, thumb firmly in her mouth as Bernie went to answer the door, “you must be Serena” she shifted her hold on Charlotte so she could offer a hand to the other woman.

Serena nodded and shook the outstretched hand, “and you must be Ms Wolfe, and this must be Charlotte” she smiled.

“Bernie please” she kissed Charlotte’s head, “can you say hello Peanut?”

“‘Lo” Charlotte mumbled.

“She’s not long since woken up, come in and I’ll just…”

There was a loud crash and a call of “sorry Mummy” from the living room.

Bernie rolled her eyes and laughed, “I’ll just go and see what chaos Cameron is causing now.”

Serena followed Bernie into the living room in time to see the blonde stand from where she’d been crouched on the floor, Charlotte still on her hip, picking up the things Cameron had knocked over, “be more careful next time yeah?” she said as she ruffled his hair before looking at Serena, “this is Cam, or, as he seems to think he is at the moment, Spiderman. Cam, this is Serena, do you remember I told you about her?”

Cameron nodded, standing close to his mother, “hi” he said shyly.

“Hello” Serena smiled, sitting down on the sofa when Bernie told her to make herself comfortable.

“Right” Bernie untangled herself from Charlotte and put her on the floor, the girl instantly taking hold of her brother’s hand, “I’ll stick the kettle on, tea, coffee?” she asked Serena.

“Tea please, milk one sugar.”

“I’ll be right back” Bernie nodded, “you two play nicely.”

Cameron and Charlotte walked over to a toy box in the corner of the room, “what you want Charlie?” Cameron asked as he opened the lid, pulling out the trains his sister pointed to before sitting on the floor to play with her.

They both looked over when they heard a wail come from Serena’s direction, “wha’ tha’?” Charlotte asked quietly as Serena carefully lifted her daughter from the sling on her chest.

“This is my baby” Serena smiled as she rocked her gently, “her name’s Elinor.”

“Me see baby?” 

Serena nodded and held out her hand, “of course you can, she’s just woken up from her nap like you have.”

Charlotte pushed herself to her feet and toddled over to the sofa, letting Serena help her up, “nice baby?” Charlotte looked up at Serena as she reached out to gently hold Elinor’s hand.

“She’s a very nice baby” Serena smiled, “I think she wants to be your friend” she said as she watched Elinor’s little fist curl around Charlotte’s fingers.

“Will she be my friend too” Cameron asked as curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to have a look at the infant.

Serena nodded, “I’m sure she will.”

Bernie smiled as she came back into the room, Cameron and Charlotte had never willingly approached any of the other nannies she’d interviewed and she’d never seen Charlotte so close to someone she’d never met before, “is everything okay in here?” she asked as she put the tray on the table, lifting Cameron onto her lap as she sat beside Charlotte.

“Sorry, Elinor woke up and they wanted to say hello.”

“Nice baby” Charlotte nodded.

“She is” Bernie agreed as she ran her fingers through Charlotte’s hair before looking up at Serena, “how old is she?”

“11 weeks.”

“Is her father...sorry” Bernie shook her head, “I shouldn’t pry.”

“No, no, he erm, he’s not around.”

Bernie kissed Cam’s head, “go and play” she told him before lifting Charlotte from the sofa, “you too Peanut, you can come and see the baby again in a minute.”

“He erm, we didn’t really plan to have a family, he gave me two options, one involved him and one involved her, I don’t think this was what he was expecting me to choose.”

Bernie smiled sadly, “well, if it makes you feel better, I got home a week ago, three days earlier than planned, those two were down here, my husband was in our bed with another woman.”

“Wow, that must have been…”

Bernie nodded, “yeah it was.  So, about the kids, Cam’s at school obviously, Charlie went to the creche at the hospital whilst Marcus was working but I can sort something else out if you want a few hours without her in the daytime.”

“No, no, I’m sure we’d be able to find plenty of ways to fill our time, if you wanted to hire me of course.”

“I’ll be honest” Bernie told her, “I’ve already interviewed a few others, the kids didn’t take to them at all, I assume the agency wouldn’t have given me your details if you didn’t have all the relevant qualifications and background checks, so to me, the most important thing is knowing my children are happy with whoever’s looking after them.”

Serena nodded and sipped at her tea, “I have to be honest to, I’ve never looked after children whilst their parents are away for such a long time before, usually at least one of the parents is around for some of the day.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to manage with the three of them, and I doubt I’d be able to give you any days off unless Marcus decides he wants to see them, but I’ll make sure the pay more than makes up for that” she said before smiling at Elinor who was gurgling quietly in Serena's arms.

Serena nodded, “the last family I worked with had four children, the oldest was seven and the youngest was born whilst I worked there, He was four weeks old when he was first left with me.  And I won’t get any time off from this little one so there’s no need to worry about that, Cameron will be at school during the day so Charlotte, Elinor and I will be able to run any errands or anything that need doing together.”

Bernie smiled, “Charlotte’s getting better at walking places but she still uses the buggy quite a lot, I don’t mind getting a double buggy for Elinor too if you decide to take up the position.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary, she’s a bit clingy so she spends a lot of time in the sling” Serena explained, “it’s the only way I’d ever get anything done.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled and glanced at Cameron and Charlotte, “well, while those two are happy, why don’t I show you around?”

Serena smiled and nodded as she stood up, "lead the way."


	3. Chapter 3

Bernie talked Serena through the kids’ routines as she showed Serena around the house, “this will be your room” she led Serena into a large attic room, the wall behind the bed decorated with a pale blue floral wall paper and the other walls painted in a rich cream. Two big windows in the roof let in large amounts of light and there looked to be built in wardrobes in the wall opposite the bed.  “There’s an ensuite in there with your own shower” she gestured to a closed door, “If you find it easier to sleep in my room once I’m away then that’s fine too but the kids are good at sleeping through the night, and there’s plenty of room in here or in my room for a cot but if you want to put Elinor in with Charlotte then that’s fine with me too.”

“It’s lovely” Serena nodded, bouncing Elinor slightly as she looked around the room, “it’s almost as big as my entire flat” she chuckled.

Bernie laughed, “you might not think it’s quite so lovely once you’ve hoovered through a few times”

“No” Serena agreed, “I think you’re right” she looked down at Elinor as the baby began to whine quietly, “I think she’s getting hungry, is there somewhere I could feed her?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded, “is up here okay? I’ll go back down and check the kids aren’t up to no good. Come down when you’re ready.”

Serena smiled and nodded as she walked over to the bed, “thank you.”

“Where Re’a go? And baby?” Charlotte asked as Bernie walked back into the living room alone, going to sit on the floor where her children were playing.

“She’s feeding Elinor upstairs, she’ll be down again soon.”

“Is she going to look after us when you go ‘way?” Cameron asked, shuffling onto Bernie’s lap.

“I think so” she nodded, kissing his head as she lifted Charlotte onto her lap too, “would you be okay with that?”

Cameron nodded, “she’s nice.  Will she let us have ice cream?”

“I’m sure she will Darling, but not all the time.”

“I’m gonna miss you Mummy.”

Bernie smiled softly as he nuzzled into her, “I’ll miss you too Cam, but this is the last time, I promise, and I’m not going for a few more weeks yet so you’ll be able to get used to Serena looking after you before I go.”

“Okay” Cameron nodded, “I be good for Serena.”

“Me good too” Charlotte mumbled.

“I know” she smiled, standing with both children in her arms and moving to sit on the sofa, “you’re both good, just try not to break anything while I’m gone” she tapped Cameron’s nose.

Bernie sat talking to her children until Serena came back into the room, Elinor now sleeping contently in the sling once again, “I’m not interrupting anything am I?” she asked.

“No, not at all” Bernie smiled.

“Mummy says you’s gonna look after us when she hasta go ‘way” Cameron looked up at Serena, “and she says you’ll let us have ice cream sometimes.”

“I, erm…” Serena looked at Bernie who smiled up at her.

“If you’d rather have more time off with Elinor then I completely understand, but, if you want the job then it’s yours” Bernie told her, gesturing for her to sit down again.

"Yes” Serena smiled, “I mean, I’d love to, thank you.”

“Great” Bernie grinned, “when erm, when can you start?”

“I don’t have to give notice anywhere and I only have a month to month lease on my flat so I can start pretty much whenever you want me to.”

“Is tomorrow too soon?” Bernie asked, “so the three, four of you have as much time as possible to get used to each other, “if you need time to pack up your apartment or…”

“No, it’s only a shoebox” Serna said sadly, “and I only took what I could carry when I left my husband so it shouldn’t take long at all, I was so set on doing it all on my own that I didn’t really think about how expensive having a baby was so Ellie just has the essentials too, clothes, nappies and a moses basket really.”

Bernie smiled sadly as she watched Serena kiss Elinor’s head and told her own children to go and choose a film to watch, “this coming tour was always going to be my last, Marcus and I had planned on trying for another child once I was home so I still have all Charlotte’s baby things, I’ll get them out for you, you can use whatever you need for Elinor” she said as she reached out to gently squeeze Serena’s hand.

Serena looked up with tears shining in her eyes, “thank you” she whispered, “that’s very kind of you.”

“It’s nothing” Bernie said, watching as Cameron tried to put the video into the vcr player, “it’s not like I’ll be needing them now” she briefly turned her attention to her son, “Cam darling, I think there’s already one in there.”  She watched as the five year old pressed the eject button, giggling and nodding as he extracted yesterday’s video before looking back to Serena, “do you drive?”

“I’ve got my driving license but I shared Edward’s car, I don’t have one of my own at the moment so…”

“Thats no problem, I’ll add you to my insurance and I’ve got Charlotte’s old car seat upstairs that should be good for Elinor, I’m sure we can get all three car seats in the back for now but before I leave I’ll show you how to turn off the front air bag and if it’s easier you can move Cameron into the front” she nodded.

“Thank you” 

Bernie smiled, “It should be me thanking you, you’re doing me a huge favour, giving you a few baby things for Elinor and letting you use my car whilst I’m away is nothing, honestly” she looked up to see tears rolling down Serena’s cheeks, “are you okay?”

“It’s nothing” Serena wiped at her eyes, “just the hormones, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure” Bernie asked as she reached for a box of tissues and handed them over.

“I’ve only just met you” Serena whispered as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, “and you’re being so nice to me, I’ve been on my own for the past six months and, well you get a bit sick of your own company I suppose, and I love Elinor, I do, but I can hardly hold a conversation with her yet, having another adult to talk to...” Serena began to ramble, not entirely sure that having a breakdown in front of your new boss was the best thing to do before you’d even started work but at the same time unable to stop herself.

“Oh Serena” Bernie shuffled across the sofa to hug her, being careful not to disturb Elinor, “why don’t we put a stop to that then?” She asked, looking up at the brunette as she sat back, “once the kids have watched that” she gestured to the tv, “we’ll go and get your things, pick up a takeaway on the way home and you can get yourself settled here tonight.”

“I wasn’t hinting at…”

“I know you weren’t” Bernie said softly, “but I got a bit of postnatal depression after I had Cameron, I’m not saying you have it too, but either way, being stuck on your own won’t help matters.  I’m afraid Charlotte isn’t much of a conversationalist for once I’ve gone, but Cam can talk for hours, so you won’t ever have to worry about not having someone to talk to.”

"Tha…”

Bernie held her hand up to stop Serena thanking her again, “now, you make yourself at home, I’m going to put the kettle on again and you can ask me anything you feel you need to know about the kids whilst we watch…” she glanced at the TV, “101 dalmatians” she groaned softly, “you’d better get used to it, I think Cameron’s trying to see how many times he can watch it before the video wears out” she laughed, gathering their mugs from earlier before pushing herself to her feet and making her way to the kitchen to make them both another drink.


	4. Chapter 4

They sat talking about Cameron and Charlotte whilst the kids sat on the floor, engrossed in the film they’d already seen countless times.  “I’ll go and get you that car seat for Elinor” Bernie said as the film neared it’s end, “do you need anything else for her?”

Serena shook her head, “no, thank you, we’re fine” she said as she stroked her daughter’s back through the sling.

“Okay” Bernie nodded, “I won’t be long.”

Serena nodded, waiting for Bernie to leave the room before moving to sit the floor, opening her oversized handbag and taking out a small waterproof mat, a clean nappy and a packet of baby wipes, “wha’ doin’?”  Serena hadn’t heard Charlotte pad over inquisitively as she lifted Elinor from the sling.

“We’re going to go out for a little bit so I’m just going to change Elinor’s nappy before we go out.” she explained, carefully laying Ellie on the mat she’d laid out between her legs and beginning to undo the sleepsuit she was wearing.

“Baby like me” Charlotte smiled, tugging at the waistband of her jeans to show Serena the pull up she was wearing.”

“That’s right” Serena smiled, “she is.”

“She’s not like me” Cameron came over too, sitting on the edge of the sofa where Serena had just been sitting, “I’m a big boy, I got spiderman pants on, not nappies.”

“Yes, but you are a lot older than Charlotte and Elinor aren’t you? One day they’ll be big enough to not need nappies either” she said as she rolled up the dirty nappy and redressed Elinor, leaving her on the changing mat.

“I potty” Charlotte whispered.

“Sometimes she has accidents” Cameron told her, “that’s why she hasta wear nappies.”

“That’s okay” Serena told Charlotte, “everyone has accidents sometimes darling, you’ll get the hang of it as you get bigger.”

“You he’p me?” Charlotte asked Serena.

“Okay” Serena nodded, hoping Bernie wouldn’t mind, “do you want to go now?”

“I’ll stay with Elinor, I promise I won’t wake her up” Cameron said as Charlotte nodded and held out her hand to Serena.

“Thank you” she smiled, “we won’t be long” she told him as she took Charlotte’s hand and allowed the toddler to lead her from the room.

Bernie came back a minute or two after Serena had left the room to find Cameron sat on the floor beside Elinor, gently stroking her tummy, “where have Serena and Charlotte gone?” she asked as she put the car seat on the coffee table. 

“Charlie wanted ‘Rena to help her go potty, I say I’d look after Elinor.” Cameron said proudly.

“Okay” Bernie smiled as she took a blanket from the car seat, “well we’re going to go out for a little bit so I’m going to put Ellie in here so she can be safe in the car, do you want to pick out a toy to take with you?”

Cameron nodded as Bernie adjusted the height of the shoulder straps, Charlotte having been over a year old the last time she’d used the seat, “where are we going?” Cameron asked.

“We’re going to Serena’s house” she said as she picked Ellie up and rocked her gently before sitting her in the seat, “she needs to fetch all her things, so she can live here while I’m away.”

“Elinor too?”

“Yeah” Bernie tightened the straps once Ellie was settled in the car seat and tucked the blanket around her legs, “Elinor’s going to be living here too.”   Cameron put a couple of spiderman action figures on the coffee table before Bernie pulled him onto her lap, “do you like Serena?” she asked.

“I think so” Cameron nodded, “she’s nice and Charlie likes her too and Charlie never likes anyone.”

“She is a little bit shy sometimes” Bernie nodded, “but I want you both to be happy while I’m away?”

“Will you be gone for a long time?” Cameron asked.

“I’ll be gone for as long as I was this time.”

“And never again?”

“Never again” Bernie promised, “I’ll be at home with you and Charlie.”

“And ‘Rena and Elinor?”

“I don’t know if they’ll still live here once I’m back but I’m sure we’ll still see them” she said before looking up as she head Serena and Charlotte come back into the room.

“I potty Mumma” Charlotte said quietly.

“Wow, aren’t you getting big?”  Bernie looked up at Serena, “thank you for taking her.”

“It’s my job” Serena smiled before looking at Elinor, “thank you for getting her settled… that blanket…”

“I know she’ll get a lot of body heat from you when she’s in the sling, I didn’t want her getting cold.”

Serena ran her fingers gently along the edge of the blanket, pale blue with tiny pink roses, the back covered in soft white fleece, it felt so soft and warm, much better quality than anything Serena had been able to afford for her daughter, “it’s lovely, thank you.”

“It’s okay” Bernie gently squeezed Serena’s arm, “shall we get off so we can get you two sorted.”

Serena nodded, “only if you’re sure, I can get the bus if you’d rather…”

“Nonsense” Bernie sent Cameron to fetch his and Charlotte’s shoes, “do you want to get Cam and Charlie their shoes and jackets on and I’ll go and get this sorted in the car?” she gestured to the car seat.

Serena nodded again, “of course, we’ll be right out.”

Serena walked outside a few minutes later, Cameron holding her right hand, Charlotte her left, “what’s Mummy doing?” Cam asked as they found Bernie knelt on the back seat of her car, Elinor’s car seat on the passenger seat of the car as Bernie mumbled and grumbled to herself.

“She’s making space in the car for Elinor’s car seat too.” Serena told them, watching as Bernie emerged from the car, a triumphant look on her face, winking at her children before moving Elinor into the back seat and pulling the seatbelt around the car seat, checking it was firmly in place before calling Cameron and Charlotte over to get into the car,  “Cam, jump in first” she told him, showing Serena how to fasten him into his car seat before letting her get Charlotte settled as she went to lock up the house.

“Do you want to check I’ve done it properly?” Serena was stood by the car when Bernie returned.

“Sure” Bernie smiled, tugging on Charlotte’s car seat before nodding and kissing her daughter’s head, “perfect” she nodded as she closed the door, glancing at the three children in the back of her estate car, “I should probably thank Marcus for not leaving me with the little hatchback” she laughed, gesturing for Serena to get in the car, “are you okay to give me directions? Or there should be an A to Z in the glove compartment...”

“I can direct you” Serena nodded, “do you know where tesco is on the way out of town?” Bernie nodded, “if you head for there then I’ll give you the directions.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, turning the key in the engine, “let’s go.”

Bernie frowned slightly as Serena directed her to the rougher side of town, “this is me” she gestured to a tower block, “third floor, the erm, the lift doesn’t work I’m afraid, hasn’t since I moved in.”

“I bet that was fun right after you’d given birth” Bernie raised an eyebrow.

“Extremely” Serena rolled her eyes, “I don’t know which was most fun, walking down the stairs when I was in labour or walking back up them once I’d had her. Do you want to wait here while I…?”

“I can if you want” Bernie nodded, “or if you want me to help carry things…”

“It’ll probably be easier if you wait here” Serena told her, “save trailing the kids up.”

She didn’t say as much but Bernie could tell Serena was embarrassed, that she didn’t want Bernie to see the state of the flat she lived in, the small, damp, single room with a small bathroom the complete opposite of Bernie’s cosy family home. “Of course” Bernie smiled, “but if you want me to carry anything down once you’ve packed up then let me know.”

Serena nodded as she undid her seatbelt, “I won’t be long.”

Bernie spent the next fifteen minutes singing nursery rhymes with Charlotte and Cameron, occasionally glancing in her rearview mirror for Serena, surprised at how fond she’d grown of the other woman in the short time she’d known her. She then spent a while talking to her children, trying to encourage Charlotte to join in the conversation before announcing,  “Serena’s back” a little more than thirty minutes after they’d arrived, when she saw the other woman appear from the apartment block, “I’m going to help her put her things in the boot” she told the children as she stepped from the car.

“Thank you” Serena smiled when Bernie walked over and took her suitcase and the Moses basket that she’d used to pack all Elinor’s things in, from her.

“It’s okay” Bernie smiled as she opened the boot, effortlessly lifting the case into the car, “is this everything?”

Serena nodded as she added a small rucksack, a holdall and the folded stand for Elinor’s Moses basket, “yeah, like I said, we didn’t have much” she dropped her head.

Bernie smiled and nodded, “Okay” she didn’t push it, “let’s get you both home, once the kids are in bed we can go through Charlotte’s old things, I think I’ve still got a rocking stand for the Moses basket, it was great for those nights when she wouldn’t settle, I could doze a bit as I rocked her.”

Serena smiled as she got back into the car, “I hope Elinor doesn’t wake you, she’s not always great at sleeping.”

“I’m sure we’ll be just fine, I’m used to not getting much sleep and once the kids are gone then they’re gone, nothing wakes them” Bernie reassured her as she too got back in the car, “now what do you want for dinner?”

“Pizza?” Cameron asked hopefully.

“Yeah” Charlotte agreed, “pweese Mumma.”

“You need to make sure it’s okay with Serena too” Bernie told them as she drove towards home.

“Do you like pizza ‘Rena?” Cam asked her.

“As a matter of fact I do” she grinned as Cameron cheered excitedly, Charlotte smiling too.

“Me and Charlie and Mummy like ham & pineapple” he told her, “what do you like”

Bernie saw the look of disgust flash over Serena’s face, “not a pineapple fan?” she asked.

“Not on pizza” she told them, “I like ham and mushroom or pepperoni.” She lowered her voice so only Bernie could hear, “fancy feeding your kids pineapple on pizza, I could report you to social services for cruelty like that.”

Bernie laughed, “I’m sure you’ll soon change that”

“Oh” Serena nodded, “as soon as you’re gone I’ll be educating them on acceptable toppings for a pizza, you can count on that.”


	5. Chapter 5

Bernie smiled to herself as she drove home, listening as Cam told Serena everything he thought she needed to know, that he liked ‘broc’lili’ but not cauliflower, his reading book from school had ‘big words’ in it that he sometimes needed help with, and that he had lots of friends at school but Tommy was his best friend.

Serena listened patiently before asking Charlotte what she liked, “I like paint” Charlotte mumbled, “and books.”

“I want to get real good at reading, so I can read Charlie all her books” Cameron nodded enthusiastically.

“Maybe one day we could read to Charlotte together” Serena suggested, “you can read the words you know and I’ll help you read the ones you don’t.”

Cameron nodded again, “Yeah, can we? Mummy, can me and ‘Rena read to Charlie?”

“Of course you can” Bernie smiled, “not tonight though but another day.” She glanced in her rearview mirror, “would you like that Peanut? If Cam and Serena read you a story?”

Charlotte nodded, “Yeah, and baby too?”

Serna twisted in her seat to smile softly at Charlotte, “I’m sure Charlotte would love to have a cuddle with you while we read a story” she told her, Charlotte smiling shyly at the thought.

Bernie left the kids in the car with Serena whilst she went to get the pizzas, the smell of melted cheese filling her car on the short drive home from the takeaway,  “I’m so hungry Mummy” Cam groaned as she let him out of the car on the driveway, “my tummy’s all growly.”

“Well you’d better go and get settled at the table then” Bernie chuckled, unlocking the front door as Serena took Elinor from the car, the baby waking and beginning to whine as she was lifted into her mother’s arms, “and I’ll bring the pizza in.”  She looked up at Serena, “I’ll bring your things in once the kids have been fed if that’s okay?”

Serena nodded, “of course, is there anything I can do?”

Bernie locked the car, “come and help me get the plates and things? I can show you where everything is in the kitchen.”

“Okay” Serena slipped Elinor back into the sling she was still wearing and stroked her back, hoping to settle her, “lead the way.”

Bernie showed Serena where the plates, cups and cutlery were before asking if she’d be okay to get the kids sorted.  Serena nodded and Bernie left the room, heading upstairs as Serena took the pizza into the dining room along with two plastic plates, “We got lots of pizza” Cam grinned.

“I know” Serena smiled as she put all the food on the table, “we’ve got ham and pineapple and pepperoni, which would you like?”

“Can I have one of each?” Cam asked. 

“Of course” Serena put a slice of each pizza onto the red Spiderman plate, “do you want garlic bread and wedges too?”  Cam nodded again, thanking Serena as she passed the plate to him, “and what about you Charlotte?” Serena asked, the toddler sat on a grey booster seat at the table.  Charlotte looked up at Serena before silently pointing to the pepperoni pizza and smiling shyly.

“She likes wedges and garlic bread but Mummy pulls the outside off for her” Cameron said helpfully, earning a nod and a smile from Serena who placed some potato wedges onto Charlotte’s Cinderella plate, pulling the crust from a slice of garlic bread and adding that too before putting the plate in front of the girl.

“If you want some more then just say so okay?” she told her.

“Fank you” Charlotte whispered.

“You’re welcome” Serena smiled, “I’m going to get you some juice and get plates for me and your Mummy, I won’t be long but shout me if you need anything.”

“Rena” Cam called her back before she’d even left the room, “can we have some ketchup?”

“Of course” Serena nodded as she headed back into the kitchen.

By the time Bernie returned, Serena was sat at the table chatting with Cameron as they ate, Charlotte watching on cautiously, Bernie knew her daughter sometimes got overwhelmed by new people and situations and she knew Charlotte was trying to suss things out, she was trying to make sense of Serena and Elinor and their sudden introduction into her life, and, whilst Bernie knew it might take Charlotte a while to adjust to the changes, from her earlier behaviour, Bernie knew that her daughter would be absolutely fine with Serena.  She gently ran one hand over Charlotte’s hair before kissing her forehead when she looked up, “are you okay Peanut?”

Charlotte nodded, “mine like Re’a” she said as she pointed to the pizza on her plate.

“Oh wow” Bernie smiled, knowing how reluctant Charlotte could be to try new things, “is it yummy?”

Charlotte nodded again, “nice.”

“You eat it all up then” Bernie smiled before walking around the table to Serena and putting something on the floor beside her, “I know you said Elinor can be a bit clingy, but I thought you might appreciate having the option to put her down somewhere now and again.”

Serena glanced down and saw Bernie had put a bouncer chair on the floor by her feet, pale blue with a pillow shaped like a sunshine, toys shaped like a cloud, a rainbow and a raindrop hanging from a bar over the seat, “Oh” Serena was lost for words, “thank you.”

“It’s okay, it used to play music too, and you can set it to make the toys move but it probably needs new batteries by now, I’ll pick some up the next time I go out.”

“It looks lovely, thank you” she stroked Elinor’s back, “are you going to let me put you down for a little bit?” she asked softly as she lifted Elinor from the sling, the baby still grizzling in protest at being woken from her nap in the car.

“Do you want me to…” Bernie held out her hands and Serena nodded, carefully passing her daughter over.

“Here you go Sweetheart” Bernie carefully sat Elinor in the seat and fastened her in, bouncing the seat gently when Elinor whined, “what are these?” she asked softly as she nudged the toys with her hand, the swinging motion attracting Elinor’s attention as she gurgled and reached out, trying to grab them, “there we go” she smiled, “we’ll find you some more toys out later too” she said, stroking Elinor’s stomach and smiling up at Serena before taking the empty seat at the table.

“Thank you” Serena repeated as she looked down at her daughter who was happily kicking her legs and trying to grab at the toys hanging over her head, content to be separated from her mother for once “really.”

“Serena” Bernie gently touched her arm before reaching for a slice of pizza, “it’s fine, honestly, I’ve got all the baby stuff Charlotte’s grown out of, it might as well get some use.”

“Mummy” Bernie looked over at Cam, “Elinor can share my toys too.”

“That’s a lovely offer Darling, but Elinor’s a bit too little to be sharing your toys just yet, I’ve still got lots of toys from when you and Charlie were babies, Elinor can have those for the time being.”

Cameron nodded, “when she big she can play with my spiderman.”

Bernie smiled, “I’m sure she’d love that.”

Even Charlotte joined in the conversation as they finished the pizza, before mumbling “I s’eepy” once they’d finished.

Bernie glanced at the clock, “well it is nearly bedtime sweetheart, do you want a bath before bed?”

Charlotte nodded, “Mumma bath too?”

Bernie glanced at Serena, “are you okay to stay down here with Cam while I have a bath with her?” she asked, “we shouldn’t be too long, she’ll be out like a light almost as soon as we get in the water.”

Serena nodded and smiled, “of course.”

“And then you can help put Cam to bed if you want” she looked at her son, “you’ll want Serena to know what you like before bedtime won’t you?”

Cameron nodded, “will Rena read me a story?” 

Bernie looked at Serena and she nodded, “of course I will.”

“Right then” Bernie smiled as she stood and lifted Charlotte onto her hip, “are you going to say goodnight Peanut?”

Bernie bent over so Charlotte could clumsily kiss Cameron, “n’night Cammy”

“Night Charlie, sweet dreams” Cameron blew his sister a kiss and Serena smiled sweetly at the bond the siblings obviously had, something she knew Elinor was unlikely to ever have.

Charlotte looked up at Bernie, “I kiss ‘Re’a and baby n’night?” she asked quietly

Bernie looked to Serena and Serena smiled and held out her arms, Charlotte happy to be passed over, kissing Serena’s cheek before hugging her tightly, “Goodnight Darling” Serena smiled, “I’ll see you in the morning” she gently kissed the top of Charlotte’s head before putting her on the floor beside Elinor who was still gurgling happily in the bouncer chair.

“N’night baby” Charlotte crouched down and kissed Elinor’s head, gently stroking her tummy, “I see you ‘morrow” she looked up at Serena and smiled shyly, “I see you ‘morrow too?”

Serena smiled and nodded, lifting Charlotte onto her lap, giving her another hug before passing her back to Bernie who’d watched the whole interaction with a smile on her face, “you certainly will Darling, you certainly will.”


	6. Chapter 6

Cameron helped Serena clear up the leftovers once Bernie had taken Charlotte upstairs, Elinor, for once, content not to be clinging to her mother as she sat in the bouncer chair gurgling to herself and trying to grab at her own feet.  After a short soak in the bath, Bernie changed her daughter and tucked her into bed, Charlotte’s heavy eyelids telling her mother she didn’t even need a story before she was fast asleep.

Bernie came back downstairs, dressed in her own pyjamas, to find Cameron, Elinor and Serena all curled up together on the sofa, Cameron on Serena’s lap, cradling Elinor as Serena told them both a story.  She smiled as she stood in the doorway watching, listening as Serena recited the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears to Cameron and Elinor, Cameron letting out a large yawn before Goldilocks had even sat down in Baby Bear’s chair, “I think it’s bedtime Little Guy” she said, finally making her presence known.

“But Mummy” Cameron pouted, “Rena was telling me a story.”

Bernie smiled, “why don’t we get you upstairs and in bed and then Serena can tell you the rest of the story if she wants to.”

“Will you?” Cam asked hopefully.

Serena smiled and nodded, “of course, let me put Ellie back in the sling and we’ll go and get you tucked up in bed.”

Bernie showed Serena where Cameron’s pyjamas were before sending him off to brush his teeth once he was changed, “he has a bath most nights, we don’t really have a routine, if he doesn’t want a bath one night and he’s not filthy then I don’t mind him, or Charlotte, skipping a night, Marcus used to hate it that I was never bothered about a routine, I suppose it’s odd seeing as everything is so ordered in the army but as long as the kids are in bed by 8-ish and they’re fed and happy, then to me, that’s all that matters.”

Serena nodded, “you have to do what works for you” she agreed, “I’ve had people telling me I should feed Elinor to a schedule and not just when she’s hungry but it seems a bit cruel” she shrugged, “I eat when I’m hungry, I don’t see why she should have to wait until I decide it’s time for her to eat.”

“I was the same” Bernie agreed, “but don’t feel like you have to be completely flexible, if getting Cam and Charlie into a bit of a routine would be easier for you then by all means do it.”

“Okay” Serena smiled as Cameron padded sleepily back into the room rubbing at his eyes, “I’ll see how we get on.”  She liked Bernie, all the other families she’d worked for had been wealthy families who all seemed to seem like they wanted to spend as little time with their children as possible yet at the same time, still be the ones that set the rules, one family even going as far as to dictate the temperature of their children’s bath water.  Bernie seemed different, just another mum plodding along and trying to do the best by her family and Serena was sure that, had they met under different circumstances, they’d probably have become good friends.

Bernie sat on the end of the bed, Serena by Cameron’s side as she finished the story, his eyes fluttering closed almost as soon as she’d finished, sleepily mumbling his goodnights.  Serena stood and pulled the covers around Cameron, tucking him in and saying goodnight before smiling at Bernie who got up to flick on the small night light, “he has that on and I leave the bathroom light on in case he needs to go in the night” she said quietly before bending to kiss Cameron’s forehead, “sweet dreams Darling.”  She turned to look at Serena, “I’ll bring your bags in, you can get Elinor settled and we can go through Charlotte’s baby things, I’ve got a bottle of wine in the fridge if you fancy sharing?” she suggested as she walked out onto the landing

Serena glanced down at Elinor who was sleeping in the sling, “I haven’t since…” she gestured to the baby, “I suppose a glass won’t hurt” she nodded.

Once again Bernie told Serena to make herself at home as she went out to the car, easily carrying Serena’s few belongings into the house, “I’ll take these up to your room” she said softly, “I’ll find out Charlotte’s Moses basket and put that in my room while we go through the things.”

“Thank you” Serena stood, Elinor sleeping peacefully in her arms, “I’ll just get her changed.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “I’ll be in my room, just come down when you’re ready”

It didn’t take long for Serena to change Elinor into a pale pink sleepsuit and she carried her downstairs, knocking gently on the door to the master bedroom, pushing it open once she heard Bernie call her inside, the blonde pointing out that she didn’t have to knock. “Sorry” Serena said quietly, eyes widening at the amount of boxes and bags now in the room.

“Yeah, Charlotte was quite spoiled” Bernie chuckled before gesturing to the cream Moses basket set up on a rocking stand by the bed, “feel free to… if you want to, we could put that downstairs for her to use during the day.”

Serena felt almost overwhelmed by Bernie’s kindness as she settled Elinor under the warm blanket in the basket, “thank you, that would be very kind.”

“It’s no trouble” Bernie told her, “I’ve got a highchair and stairgates too, you’ll probably be needing them before I get back but I’ve left them in the cupboard for now with the bigger clothes but feel free to help yourself when you need them, it’s the big cupboard on the landing, it used to be the airing cupboard before we had the central heating and a combi boiler fitted.  The cot’s in there too but I’ll put that together for you before I go, save you the trouble” she said, handing over a glass of wine once Elinor was settled.

“Bernie I…”

“Serena” Bernie interrupted her, “I’ve never done this before, I’m not sure how this parent/nanny thing is meant to work but whilst you’re here, when I’m deployed, for all intents and purposes, this will be your house and you will be the only parental figure that Charlie and Cam have.  If you think one of the kids needs to see a doctor, you won’t be able to ring me to ask for permission, you just have to use your own judgement, I’d like, if possible, for you to be like a mother to Charlotte and Cameron when I’m away.  If you can do that then the very least I can do is make sure that both you and Elinor are happy and comfortable while you’re here.”

“I appreciate it” Serena told her, “I really do, and I’ll take as much care of your children as I do my own.”

“I know” Bernie nodded, “and obviously I’ll make sure you have plenty of money and a proper contract before I go away but if there’s anything you think you need please let me know” she sipped at her own wine, “now, let’s make a start on these, see if there’s anything you like.

Serena was in awe as she and Bernie went through box after box, there were more toys than Serena could ever have imagined Ellie having, Bernie promising she’d sterilise all the rattles and teething toys for Elinor, there were boxes of clothes, some with designer labels Serena could never have afforded for herself, never mind her daughter.  The majority of Elinor’s clothes had come from the supermarket, especially when the sales were on but it was obvious Charlotte had whatever had taken her parents eyes.    


Bernie pulled out soft blankets and warm snowsuits, bibs, bottles, a changing mat that would apparently still fit on top of the chest of drawers in Charlotte’s room.  A plastic baby bath, a playpen, useful in the kitchen to keep her out of the cupboards once she started crawling Bernie told Serena before she picked up the final box, “I got this when I found out I was expecting Cam” Bernie smiled, “Charlie loved it just as much as he did.

“Oh” Serena gasped as Bernie unfolded a large padded circular mat, the edges raised with a large teddy bear head and limbs on it, Bernie producing two bars that crisscrossed over the mat with toys hanging down, she’d looked at something similar when she’d been pregnant but it had been way out of her budget, and, despite the fact it had already been used for two children, the mat still looked as good as new. “It’s beautiful Bernie, it really is.”

“I know you said she doesn’t like being put down, but it’s nice to at least have the choice if she’s settled, and, if you need a minute, I’m sure Charlotte will be only too happy to give Elinor all the attention she wants while you do whatever you need to do.”

“She does seem quite taken by her” Serena nodded as Bernie packed the things back into the bags and boxes on her bed.

“She’d have made a good big sister” Bernie sighed sadly as she reached for her wine, taking another sip.

Serena reached out and gently squeezed Bernie’s arm in what she hoped was a reassuring manner, “there’s still time, you might find someone else and…”

“No” Bernie shook her head, “I don’t think so, I know it’s not been long since Marcus… but I…” she shrugged, “I just can’t see myself doing it all over again, not now.”

“Well...” Serena picked up her own glass and held it up for a toast, “here’s to being happy, strong, independent women.”

Bernie smiled and tapped her glass against Serena’s, “I’ll drink to that.”


	7. Chapter 7

Bernie drained her glass before looking at her watch, “I erm, feel free to say no if you’d rather just go up to bed, but do you fancy watching a film or something downstairs?”

“I’d like that” Serena nodded, “I take it it won’t be 101 dalmations?”

“God no” Bernie laughed, “do you want to take Elinor downstairs? I’ve got these if you want to leave her up here for the time being?” she gestured to the baby monitors on the bed.

Serena glanced down at her daughter, snoring quietly as she slept, arms up by her head as she had every night since she was born, “she erm, she’d be okay up here?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded, “you’ll hear her straight away on the baby monitor, but if you’re more comfortable having her downstairs then…” she understood Serena was still relatively new to parenthood, remembered her own worry the first night she left Cam to sleep in his own room and didn’t want Serena to feel forced into leaving Ellie upstairs.

“Okay” she nodded, “I’ll leave her there” she said as she stroked her daughter’s cheek, “I wouldn’t want to wake her by moving her.”

Bernie smiled and plugged in the baby monitor by the bed, “there we go, once we plug the other one in downstairs you’ll be able to hear everything.”

“Thank you” Serena smiled, watching as Bernie picked up the baby toys, intending to take them downstairs, “let me take something” she said, taking a box and the bag containing the playmat from Bernie.

They put the toys down in the living room and Bernie plugged in the second baby monitor, “that one’s portable” she told Serena, but it’ll need charging tonight obviously, I used to put it on to charge when I got up to see to Cameron at about 7, leave it there until I put Charlie to bed between 7 and 8.30 and it was fine all night so don’t worry about having to have the charger in your room, I used to keep it in the kitchen” she smiled.

“Duly noted” Serena nodded, smiling as Bernie showed her how to adjust the volume and suddenly she could hear Elinor’s snuffly little breaths, reassuring her that her daughter was still fast asleep, “I’m sorry, you probably think I’m being overprotective and…”

“Not at all.  I barely slept the first night we put Cam in his own room, I was up every hour to check on him, he slept through the night for the first time 2 weeks after we moved him and when I woke to feed him I went into his room and sat in the rocking chair for the rest of the night wondering if I should wake him to feed him.” Bernie hoped her tales of being a new mum would put Serena’s mind a rest.

“I’m so used to it just being me and her” Serena admitted, “and we only had a studio apartment, the only time I’ve ever left her, been able to leave her even, was when I went to use the bathroom or have a quick shower.” 

Bernie nodded, “I bet the two of you are close” she smiled, “and I wouldn’t judge you if you wanted her down here or if you wanted her in the sling until you went up to bed, parenting, it’s hard, I’m not going to tell you it isn’t, and every baby is different, you’ve probably already noticed that Charlie and Cam are complete opposites, you’ve just got to do whatever you can to make sure that, not only Elinor is healthy and happy, but that you’re taking care of yourself too.  From what I’ve seen so far, you’re doing an amazing job looking after Ellie, but don’t feel guilty for taking time to look after yourself too, have a soak in the bath once she’s asleep, forget about the dishes and just have 10 minutes to yourself with a cuppa if she’s settled and happy.  After I had Cam, the health visitor once told me that being a good Mum is a great thing, but you can only be a good Mum, you can only look after your baby properly if you take the time to take care of yourself too.”

Serena nodded, “thank you” she whispered, wiping at her eyes as she failed to hold back her tears any longer, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to blub, it’s just been so hard, I’ve looked after babies before and I love Elinor, I love her so much but doing it all on my own has been exhausting, for the first three weeks she barely slept more than an hour at a time it took me forever to get the hang of breastfeeding but I knew I couldn’t afford formula, so to hear you saying I’m doing a good job… no one’s ever told me that before” she wiped at her tears again, “I’m so sorry, you won’t be wanting an emotional wreck looking after your children, I’ll get myself together, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no” for the second time that day, Serena found Bernie’s arms wrapped around her, “you’re not an emotional wreck, you’re a mother, it’s a learning process, you’ll find out what works for you soon enough, and, while you’re here, I’m sure Cameron will be more than happy to help fetch you things, to play with Ellie if you need to make dinner, you’ll find things that work for you and in a couple of months you’ll look back and wonder what you were worried about, trust me. I’ve been there” she smiled.

Serena nodded, once again accepting the tissues Bernie offered her, dabbing at her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to apologise for” Bernie said, feeling Serena stiffen slightly and hearing her sigh when a quiet whimper was heard over the baby monitor, “I’d better…”

Bernie shook her head, “do you remember what I said about taking time for yourself?”  Serena nodded, “you go and make us both a cuppa, I’ll go and see to Elinor” she saw Serena about to protest, “if she needs feeding I’ll let you know, but you take five minutes to get yourself together.”

Serena nodded as Bernie stood up, “thank you.”

Bernie made her way upstairs as Serena flicked on the kettle and made her way back into the living room, anxious to see if Bernie managed to settle Elinor.  She listened to the baby monitor as she heard the creak of the door, footsteps getting closer before Bernie spoke softly, “hello you” she cooed, “oh dear” Ellie’s cries momentarily got louder before quietening again as she was lifted into Bernie’s arms, “you should be sleeping shouldn’t you?” she kept her voice low as she gently rocked Ellie in her arms, “now, you’re not wet and you can’t be hungry so soon after your last feed so what’s wrong hmm? Did you have a bad dream? Do you know you’re somewhere new? Is that it? You’re in a strange bed in a house full of people you don’t know aren’t you? Well you don’t need to worry little one, your Mummy’s right downstairs and I bet it won’t be long until she’s taking you up into your new bedroom and I’m sure she’ll give you a great big cuddle before she goes to sleep.”

Serena smiled as she heard Bernie talking to her daughter, Ellie’s cries quietening as, unbeknown to Serena, the baby gazed sleepily up at Bernie.  Satisfied that her daughter was settling, Serena made her way back into the kitchen to make them both a mug of tea. She carried the mugs back into the living room just in time to hear the bedroom door being closed and Bernie walking down the stairs, “everything okay?” Serena asked.

“Yeah” Bernie smiled and nodded, “I think she just needed a cuddle, she’s fast asleep again.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do that” Serena sipped at her tea, “I’m meant to be looking after your children not the other way around.”

“It was no bother” Bernie sat back on the sofa and curled her feet underneath herself, “sleepy baby cuddles were one of the best things about middle of the night feeds, I’d never say no to that” she chuckled, “and Ellie’s still clinging on to that little new baby smell too.”

“She erm, she started smiling the other week” Serena admitted, smiling slightly herself, “properly, not just wind or…”

“See” Bernie smiled, “parenting does have it’s good moments, it’s not just all cracked nipples and dirty nappies.”

Serena chuckled and looked down at her mug before looking up at Bernie, “can I ask you something?” she asked out of the blue.

“Of course” Bernie nodded, “anything.”

“What erm, what made you want to meet me? I mean I’m sure there are tens, if not hundreds of other nannies out there, all with the same, or better, qualifications and experience than me but all without the baggage I have.”

“Honestly?” Bernie asked and Serena nodded, “Elinor” Bernie told her, “the fact that you’re a mother, I interviewed some other women but I’ve got to trust whoever I hire to look after my kids for six months… I know Elinor’s only a baby but I guess I wanted someone who knew what it’s like to raise a child, not to just look after one.”

“It’s always a big responsibility” Serena told her, “looking after someone else’s children, it means a lot that you’d trust me, that you’d choose me to look after Cameron and Charlotte whilst you’re away.”

“Charlotte’s a good judge of character, she took to you straight away, I’ve never seen her like that with anyone else, usually she’s clinging to my leg and refusing to go near strangers.  I’m taking the fact she likes you as a good sign of what’s to come.”

Serena smiled and took a drink from her mug, “in that case, I hope I don’t disappoint you both.”


	8. Chapter 8

Bernie was surprised at how easily she and Serena fell into a routine over the next few weeks, how quickly they found the right balance between Serena getting to know the children and their routine and Bernie spending as much time as she could with Charlie and Cam before she left.

They’d been to Cameron’s school where Bernie had introduced Serena, and Cameron Elinor, to his teacher, and Bernie had made it clear that no one except Serena was allowed to collect Cam unless Serena had given her explicit permission, she was half expecting for Marcus to wait until he knew she was back in Afghanistan before trying to get at the kids and wanted to do all she could to stop him.

With that in mind they’d also been to see Bernie’s solicitor, and drawn up, not only a contract for Serena, giving her a much higher wage than she could ever have dreamt of despite her protests, but a legal document stating that, for all intents and purposes, Serena was to be the children’s legal guardian until Bernie returned home.    


Serena too was surprised at how easily she and Elinor had fitted into family life with Bernie and her children. Elinor seemed to have completely come out of her shell in the three short weeks since they’d left the flat, the infant loved the almost constant attention she got from Cameron and Charlotte who treated her just like another sibling.  Usually she’d spend her evenings, once the children in her care were in bed, in her own room, away from the family she was working for but not any more, now her evenings consisted of sitting on the sofa with Bernie, putting the world to rights over a cuppa or the occasional glass of wine.  It was safe to say that, since meeting Bernie, Serena and her daughter were happier than they’d ever been.

Bernie glanced from the ceiling to the clock by her bed, 47 minutes.  She’d been laid in bed listening to Elinor’s cries for over three quarters of an hour, she could count on one hand how many times she’d been woken by the baby since she and Serena had moved in and it never took Serena long to settle her at all.  There was another wail from the infant before Bernie slowly pushed herself from the bed, taking a moment to check both Cameron and Charlotte were still asleep before she headed up the stairs and knocked gently on the door to the attic room, not waiting for an answer before carefully pushing it open after seeing the light on in the room, “Serena” she said softly.

The flustered mother turned as she paced the room, rocking and shushing the agitated baby in her arms, “Oh, I’m so sorry” she sighed, “I didn’t mean to wake you and…”

“Nonsense” Bernie interrupted, “is Elinor okay?”

“I don’t know” Serena said honestly, “she feels a bit warm and she won’t settle.”

“Okay” Bernie nodded, “just give me a minute” she said as she left the room, returning a few minutes later with a thermometer in her hand, “I know Darling, I know” she said softly, one hand on the side of Elinor’s face to stop her moving as she held the thermometer in her ear until it beeped, “you’re a warm little thing aren’t you” she asked, gently running the back of her hand over Elinor’s forehead before looking up at Serena, “do you trust me?”

Serena nodded, “of course.”

“Let me take her” Bernie said softly.

“I beg your pardon.”

“You look exhausted” Bernie told Serena, “let me take Elinor downstairs, I’ll give her some calpol and see if she’ll settle, you get some rest. I’ve got plenty of experience at coping with next to no sleep.”

“I’m supposed to be the one that’s looking after your children” Serena looked up at her.

“And there might be a time when you need to stay up with Cameron or Charlotte, but while I’m here, let me help.  There are bottles for her in the fridge, and, if her temperature doesn’t start to fall or if I think she’s getting any worse then I’ll come and wake you but right now I think she might have a bit of a viral infection that will clear up on her own in a couple of days.”  She reached out to gently hold Elinor’s head still so she could look at her, “her ears don’t look red or inflamed, and, from what I’ve seen her throat looks okay too so it’s probably just a case of waiting it out.”

Serena looked down at Elinor as she whined against her chest, before she looked up at Bernie, “I suppose you are the most qualified person to be looking after her” she kissed Elinor’s head, “and you’ll wake me if she gets any worse?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded.

Serena kissed Elinor’s head again, “thank you” she whispered, tears filling her eyes as she handed the baby over.

“You don’t need to thank me” Bernie reached out to wipe at Serena’s tears, “you’re going to be helping me immensely when I’m on tour, helping you with Elinor while I’m here is the least I can do.”

“I do appreciate it though” Serena told her, “you’ve been so good to me, to the both of us…”

“Serena, it’s fine, honestly, now let me take Ellie downstairs and you get some rest” Bernie leant to get Elinor’s stuffed bunny and favourite blanket from the cot, not noticing Serena leaning over to kiss the baby’s head as she bent down, Serena’s lips missing her daughter and instead brushing against Bernie’s cheek.

“Bernie” Serena’s cheeks flushed as red as Elinor’s, “I’m so sorry, I…” She didn’t get chance to finish as Bernie leant forwards, her lips brushing against Serena’s, “oh” Serena whispered, pulling apart for a second before kissing Bernie again, her heart pounding in her chest when they finally pulled apart.

“Get some sleep” Bernie gently stroked Serena’s cheek with her thumb, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Serena nodded as she got into bed, “goodnight Bernie” 

Bernie smiled as she carried Elinor towards the stairs, “goodnight.”

When Serena woke the next morning it took a moment for her to remember where she was, she felt well rested for the first time in months, and, it was only as she became more aware of her surroundings that she noticed first the sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains, and secondly the silence.  For a house that housed three children under the age of six, the silence was almost unnerving.  Serena opened her eyes and glanced at the clock before swearing as she sat up, 8.42, she had to leave at 8.15 to get Cameron to school on time, Bernie was going to kill her, she couldn’t believe she’d slept through her alarm.

It took a moment for her to notice the sheet of paper propped up against the lamp, her name scribbled on the front in Bernie’s messy handwriting and she unfolded the page to read the note Bernie had left her, “ _ Serena, I’ve turned your alarm off, I’ll take Cameron to school, don’t worry about a thing.  Elinor’s fine, her temperature’s almost back to normal. She’s still a bit grizzly but she’s had a full bottle this morning and kept it down and she’s asleep in the car seat ready to go out as I write this.  I’m going to go to asda on my way home and pick up a few bits so don’t worry if we’re not back when you wake.  Enjoy the silence of an empty house while you can! See you soon, Bernie x. _

Serena was sat out on the patio area of the garden with a mug of tea when she heard the click of the door, and Bernie’s quiet voice, “I don’t know if Serena’s going to be up yet Darling, but you can show her later”

“Serna’s up” she said, walking into the kitchen just in time to see Bernie put the car seat where Elinor was still sleeping peacefully and several carrier bags on the table.

“Hi” Bernie smiled, “you okay?”

“I am, yeah” Serena nodded, “what did you want to show me?” she asked Charlotte.

“Mumma get book” Charlotte said quietly, holding out the picture book towards Serena.

“Wow” Serena smiled, “aren’t you lucky, why don’t you go and read it with Mummy while I put the shopping away?”

Charlotte looked from Bernie to Serena, “I think she wants you to read it with her” Bernie smiled as she ran her hand through Charlotte’s messy blonde curls.

“Oh” Serena looked surprised, “is that okay?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded before looking at Charlotte, “why don’t you and Serena go and read your book in the garden?”

“Mumma too?”

“I’ll put the shopping away and then come out” Bernie promised, “and I’ll put Ellie in the buggy and bring her out with me, the fresh air will do her good” she told Serena.

“‘Kay Mumma” Charlotte nodded, before looking up at Serena and holding out her little hand, “you read me?”  
  
“Of course” Serena took Charlotte’s hand and smiled at Bernie, “let’s go and see what your new book’s about.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments & kudos on the last chapter, I had no idea so many people actually read this, never mind that you'd all like the kiss so much! This chapter's a little shorter than usual but it seemed like a good place to end, I hope you enjoy it as much as the last chapter.

Serena was sat on one of the wooden patio chairs when Bernie came out with Elinor, Charlotte sat on her knee as they read the book Charlotte had chosen at the supermarket.  “Mumma” Charlotte frowned slightly as Bernie left the buggy in the shade by the back door, carrying a tray over to the table, “mine” Charlotte pointed to the buggy.

“I know Darling” Bernie passed over a cup of juice to her daughter, “but Ellie’s just borrowing it for a little bit so she can have a nap while she’s not well.”

Charlotte looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding and looking up at Serena as Bernie sat beside them, “I feed baby” she whispered.

“Did you?” Serena smiled, “I bet you liked that didn’t you?”

Charlotte nodded, “Mumma help.”

Serena looked up at Bernie, “she helped me give Elinor her bottle this morning” she explained, “Elinor was being very cuddly and Charlotte loves cuddles.”

“I’ve noticed that” Serena smiled as Charlotte nuzzled into her, “and I bet Elinor loved having cuddles from you” she told Charlotte who smiled shyly.

“Love baby” Charlotte whispered.

Serena smiled as she gently bounced Charlotte on her knee, “and she loves you too.”  Serena looked at Bernie, “are you okay?” she asked quietly as she saw the blonde was just watching her.

“Yeah” Bernie nodded as Charlotte began looking at the pictures in her new book, “just glad I found you, Charlotte’s never taken to anyone like this, I was worried about leaving them, but not any more, they probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“Nonsense, of course they'll notice.”.

Bernie nodded, “I was worried” she admitted, “even leaving them with…”she didn't want to say Marcus’ name in front of Charlotte but Serena nodded, showing she understood, “I worried about leaving them. I feel a bit more relaxed about it this time, I know they're in safe hands.”

Serena smiled, “it means a lot to me that you’d say that.”

“I mean it” Bernie reached out to squeeze Serena’s hand, “I really do.” Serena didn’t get chance to reply before there was a quiet wail from the buggy, “come here Peanut” Bernie lifted Charlotte onto her lap, “let Serena go get Elinor.”

Charlotte nodded, “where baby book?” she asked as she reached up to stroke Bernie’s cheek.

“It’s in the kitchen” Bernie kissed Charlotte’s fingers, “shall we go and get it?”

Charlotte nodded again and wriggled from her mother’s lap, “we go” she nodded.  They came back out a few moments later, Charlotte clutching a cardboard picture book as she toddled over to Serena who was once again sat at the patio table, Elinor snuffling quietly as she fed.

“‘Re’a” Charlotte said shyly, holding out the book to Serena, “for baby.”

“Oh” Serena smiled as she took the book from Charlotte, glancing at the front, “thank you, we can read it to her when she’s finished feeding if you want.”

“Yeah” Charlotte nodded, climbing onto Bernie’s knee, “baby like?”

“She does like books” Serena nodded, “like you.” She glanced at Bernie and smiled, knowing she’d been the one to buy the book.

“We got a book for Cam too didn’t we, a Batman one, we couldn’t leave Ellie out so Charlotte chose something just for her.”

“Thank you” Serena smiled as her eyes met Bernie’s, “thank you.”

They made the most of the nice weather, Bernie and Serena joining Charlotte on a blanket laid out on the lawn to eat a picnic lunch, Bernie even going as far as to cut Charlotte’s sandwiches into flowers and butterflies with the cookie cutters she kept in a drawer, along with the trains and dinosaurs that Serena knew were used for Cameron’s packed lunch.

After they’d eaten, Bernie opened the shed and took out several toys for Charlotte including four plastic squares that she easily clicked together to make a small climbing frame, a fifth piece of plastic easily added to become a slide, a small trampoline, orange with tigger printed on it, a blue scooter and an assortment of bats and balls. Serena gave Elinor another dose of calpol and the baby settled down to sleep again in Charlotte’s buggy, the toddler happy to have the undivided attention of both her mother and nanny.

“Do you want to walk to school?” Bernie asked Serena as it neared the time when they’d have to leave to collect Cameron.

Serena nodded, “yeah, I’ll just change Ellie’s nappy and get her sling so Charlotte can have her buggy back.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “I’ll get Charlie her shoes on” she nodded, both women secretly relieved that things between them didn’t seem awkward after their kiss the previous night.

“Mummy” Cameron swung Bernie’s arm gently as they walked home, Serena a few paces in front of them, Elinor in the sling against her mother’s chest, Serena insisting on pushing Charlotte’s buggy.

“Yes Darling?”

“Can we camp at the weekend?” he asked, “inside so Charlie and Elinor and ‘Rena can come too?”

“Me and Charlie will camp with you but you’ll have to ask Serena if she and Elinor want to join us?”

“‘Rena” Cameron ran the short distance between his mother and Serena, “will you and Elinor camp inside with me and Mummy and Charlie at the weekend? It’s not scary, honest.”

Serena glanced at Bernie who gave her a look that said she’d explain later, so Serena nodded, “okay” she agreed, not entirely sure what she was getting into but certain it was worth it when she saw Cam’s face light up.

“Thank you” he wrapped his arms around Serena’s hips, “thank you thank you thank you.”

“So” Serena raised one eyebrow as she helped Bernie cook dinner that evening, Charlotte, Cameron playing in the living room where Elinor was fast asleep on the playmat, “camping inside?”

“Ah” Bernie laughed, “he got this obsession with camping a while ago, we were going to take him but then it absolutely poured down the weekend we were meant to go and Marcus chickened out so I made a tent out of blankets in the living room and filled it with cushions and blankets. We had hot dogs for tea and sang silly songs in front of the electric fire, Marcus thought it was stupid and he went up to bed but Cam loved it and Charlie ended up ‘camping’ with us too, you can put Ellie’s moses basket on the floor and we’ve got some air beds from when we went ‘real’ camping so you’ll be quite comfortable.”

Serena nodded before admitting, "she's getting a bit long for her Moses basket."

"You should have said something" Bernie frowned slightly, "I'll get the cot out and put it together for you, and she can sleep in the playpen when we 'camp' or we’ve got a double air bed, you and Ellie could share that, or I think we had one of those inflatable beds with the sides for Charlie but she always ended up with me and Marcus, I'll see if I can find that out, we'll find something.”

“What about you?” And the kids?”

“Charlie and I can share the single air bed, she doesn’t take up much room, and Cam likes to sleep in a bed of cushions so it won’t bother him.”

Serena nodded and smiled, “in that case, Elinor and I will look forward to it.”  The pair fell into an easy silence as they carried on preparing dinner, Serena peeling the potatoes for Bernie to chop and drop into the waiting pan of water, “we erm, we should probably talk about last night” Serena eventually broke the silence.

Bernie nodded without looking up from the potato she was chopping, “we probably should but maybe once the kids are in bed?”

“Yeah” Serena agreed, “okay...” going back to peeling the potato she was holding for a moment before she asked, “we erm, we’re okay though?”

Bernie nodded and looked up at Serena as she smiled slightly, reaching out to squeeze her hand, “of course we are.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've finally recovered from meeting Jemma (and lots of lovely other Berena Fangirls) yesterday! So here's this week's update, the talk you've all been waiting for, I hope it lives up to your expectations.

Bernie stood in the kitchen later that night, Charlotte and Cameron were already fast asleep and, after another dose of calpol, Serena was trying to settle Elinor down for the night.  She glanced from the bottle of wine she’d placed on the side to the kettle, not sure which would be better, “she won’t settle”. Bernie jumped, despite Elinor’s quiet whines she hadn’t heard Serena walk into the kitchen. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… are you okay?”

Bernie turned to face Serena and smiled softly, “yeah, just erm, I didn’t know whether to open a bottle or put the kettle on.”

Serena glanced down at Elinor who clumsily rubbed at her eyes with her fists as she whined, “open the wine, do you mind this little madam being down here with us?”

“Of course not” Bernie opened the cutlery drawer and took out a corkscrew as Serena walked over to the cupboard and took out first one wine glass and then another, bouncing Elinor gently as she laid against her mother’s shoulder, “I erm, I hope you don’t think I crossed a line but when I brought her down here last night I erm, I took my top and her sleepsuit off, let her sleep on my chest, the skin contact seemed to settle her, it always worked for Charlie and Cam too when they were ill.” Serena felt her heart swell at the thought of Bernie treating Elinor like one of her own children.

“You… you did that for her?”

Bernie nodded as she uncorked the bottle, “she was upset and probably uncomfortable, I just did what I could to help her settle.”

“Thank you” Serena whispered as she dropped a kiss to Elinor’s head.

“There’s still a blanket on the back of the sofa, I can give you a few minutes to get settled if you want to give it a go?”

Serena nodded, “I, yes, that’d… thank you.”

Bernie smiled as she saw Serena getting a little flustered, “go on” she chuckled, “you go and see if Ellie will settle, I’ll be in in a minute.” She pottered round the kitchen for a few minutes, setting the dishwasher going and taking a packet of chocolate biscuits from the cupboard before picking up the wine and the glasses and making her way into the living room.

“It worked” Serena smiled, Elinor already settled on her chest, the blanket covering them both, “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.”

Bernie sat beside Serena and poured out two glasses of wine, handing one to Serena, “you’re her mum, you were worried about her being ill, you’ll know for next time” she smiled softly.

Serena nodded and kissed Ellie’s head, “will she be okay if I let her sleep in the bed with me tonight? If I can’t get her to settle on her own?”

“Yeah, I'm sure she will” Bernie smiled, “Marcus hated it but I used to fall asleep feeding Charlie and Cam all the time when they were tiny, I’d lift them into bed to feed them, and the next thing I knew it’d be three hours later and they’d be in my arms whining for their next feed.”

Serena smiled at the thought of Bernie falling asleep with a newborn in her arms before quickly shaking her head, “sorry, I shouldn’t, we’re not meant to be talking about Elinor.”

“It’s okay” Bernie settled back on the sofa, sipping her wine and letting her hand rest on Serena’s arm, “you know I don’t mind.”

“About last night” Serena’s gaze dropped back to her daughter, her fingers lightly tracing the swirl of dark hair on the crown of her head, “if you want to forget it happened then, well, I’d understand.”

Bernie bit her lip and took another sip from her glass before quietly asking, “what if I don’t want to forget it?”

Serena’s head snapped upwards, Elinor flinching at the sudden movement, “shh, I’m sorry, you’re okay” she whispered, stroking at her daughter’s back until she settled again when she looked back at Bernie, “you…”

“I know you didn’t mean to kiss me” Bernie said softly, “but you didn’t pull away when I kissed you, and I, I hope you don’t mind me saying that I didn’t think it was an accident the second time you kissed me.”

“No, no it wasn’t” Serena bit her lip, “so, do you…?”

“Do I what?”

“Like me? Like women?”

Bernie took another sip of her wine, “I erm, I’ve found other women attractive in the past but I’ve never acted on it, I was married to Marcus, if I’m honest, our relationship wasn’t great, it hadn’t been for a while but it just seemed easier to stay with him, I thought once I was home, having another baby, I thought it would ‘fix’ things somehow but now, having some time away from him, I, well, I guess it’s taken some distance from everything to show me that he wasn’t really what I wanted anymore.  I, well, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find you attractive but I was trying to keep things professional between us, and if you want to keep things that way, then that’s okay by me.”

Serena drank from her own glass, “I, I had a few ‘flings’ with women when I was younger, before I met Edward but, well, I suppose it’s like you said, it was easier to find a husband and settle down than to… And you’ve been so good, so kind to Elinor and I, I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage.”

“You’re not” Bernie said softly as she squeezed Serena’s arm gently, “I knew I’d have to get someone in to look after the kids, but I never imagined it would be someone who, so quickly felt like they’d been part of mine, and the kids lives forever.”

“Ellie’s changed so much since she’s been here” Serena admitted, “I don’t think her being a few weeks older has got that much to do with it, I think being here, being safe and settled, being loved by you, by Charlotte and Cameron, well, you’ve probably noticed it, she’s really come out of her shell.  She used to scream every time I put her down, now she doesn’t even seem to mind if I leave her in here while I go to make dinner. You’ve changed things so much for both of us” she whispered, “I can’t ever thank you enough for that.”

“You don’t need to thank me” Bernie said honestly, “knowing that the two of you are safe and happy here, and that Cameron & Charlotte will be well looked after when I’m deployed is all I need.”

“I’ll do my best” Serena smiled, not realising as she slowly moved closer to Bernie. Bernie however did notice,  slipping her arm around Serena’s waist, closing her eyes briefly as she suddenly remembered Serena had taken her top off to settle Elinor and her arm was now touching the bare skin of Serena’s back, her fingers lightly tracing circles on her hip, “is, is this okay?” Serena asked as she let her head rest on Bernie’s shoulder.

Bernie nodded and gently kissed Serena’s hair, “it’s fine.”

They sat in silence for a while before Serena spoke again, “What erm, what happens now?”

“It’s only a few weeks until I leave” Bernie said sadly, “why don’t we keep things as they are until then, and then, once I’m home, we can take things slowly and see what happens, there’s no need to rush anything and for the kids’ sake if not ours, it’s probably better if we didn’t rush into things.”

Serena nodded before nervously asking, “when you, when you say we keep things as they are for now… can I kiss you?”

Bernie chuckled, “I suppose I can agree to that.”

Serena turned in Bernie’s embrace, one hand trying to hold the blanket to her chest, the other coming to rest on Bernie’s cheek before she leant in and gently brushed their lips together, “hi” she whispered, a smile on her face once their lips parted.

Bernie smiled, “hi yourself.”

Serena settled back against Bernie, gently running her fingers up and down Elinor’s back, a content silence falling between them as they finished the bottle of wine, “I should probably try and get this little one in bed” she said as the clock on the mantlepiece neared 11pm.

Bernie nodded and kissed Serena’s hair again, “if you need me in the night, if you can’t get Ellie settled or you think something’s wrong, come and wake me up yeah?”

Serena nodded as she stood with Elinor still against her chest, thanking Bernie when she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, helping her keep her dignity, “she still sounds a bit snuffly but at least she’s settled for now, I’ve got the calpol upstairs for if she wakes but I’m hoping she’ll be okay.”

Bernie stood too, picking up the empty glasses and bottles, “well, the offer’s there.”

**** “I know” Serena smiled before gently kissing Bernie’s cheek, “goodnight Bernie.”   
  
Bernie returned the smile, “goodnight.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This camping chapter seemed to take on a life of it's own, so if the ending doesn't seem quite 'right' it's because I've had to split it into two. As always I'd love to know what you think!

“Mummy” Cameron flung himself at her almost as soon as stepped out of his classroom on Friday.

“Hello Monkey” Bernie chuckled, “you’re happy today.”

“Can we camp inside tonight Mummy, can we, can we please?”

Bernie chuckled and ruffled his hair, “of course we can.”  She’d half expected him to not want to wait another night and had already been out to buy everything they’d need to have a barbeque in the garden for dinner.

“Yes” Cameron cheered excitedly, “thanks Mummy, thanks ‘Rena.”

“You’re welcome” Serena smiled, gently ruffling Cameron’s hair before taking hold of his outstretched hand as they walked home.

“Go and get changed then” Bernie told Cameron once they were home, “there are some clothes on your bed, I’ll go and put the barbeque on.”

“And make the tent?” Cameron asked excitedly.

Bernie laughed and nodded, “once the barbeque’s on I’ll make us a tent” she nodded before sending him up the stairs.

“Is there anything I can do?” Serena asked as she let Charlotte out of the buggy and removed Elinor from the sling, laying her down on the playmat.

“Is it too early to open a bottle of wine?” Bernie laughed, “you could go and get the duvets off the kids beds if you like? And as many pillows as you can carry, feel free to grab the pillows and duvet off my bed too if you can manage them.”

“Do you want my duvet too?” Serena offered.

Bernie nodded, “you can use that on your air bed, it’ll probably be easier for you to feed Elinor under a duvet instead of having to get her into a sleeping bag.”

Serena nodded, “yes, you’re probably right.”

Bernie lit the barbeque as Serena went upstairs, Charlotte happy to lay on the playmat beside Elinor, the still snuffly baby enjoying being cuddled by the toddler, “wha’doing Mumma?” Charlotte asked when Bernie came inside, beginning to move the two sofas.

“I’m making us a tent so we can sleep in here tonight.”

“And baby too?”

“Yes Darling” Bernie laid a large bed sheet over the top of both sofas to make a ‘roof’ to the tent, “Serena and Elinor are going to sleep in here too.”

Charlotte smiled, “I like cuddle baby.”

“I know” Bernie smiled, as she pushed the sofas further apart, making sure there would be plenty of room for all of them, the double airbed for Serena, a single on for her to share with Charlotte, the bed with sides for Elinor and the nest of pillows that Cameron would sleep inside, “I think Elinor likes cuddling you too.”

“Baby owie?”

“She’s still a little bit poorly” Bernie nodded as she hung a sheet over one end of the sofas, leaving the other end open as a ‘door’, “but Serena’s giving her medicine and she’s getting better.”

Charlotte nodded and kissed Elinor’s forehead, “she better soon?”

Bernie smiled softly as she saw her daughter kiss Elinor, “she will be Darling.”

“Mummy” Cameron bounded into the room, his arms full of blankets and pillows, “I helping ‘Rena.”

“Are you” Bernie chuckled as she gestured for him to dump everything in a pile on the floor, “that’s kind of you.”

“She throwed them down the stairs so I can bring them in here.”

“That’s a very good idea” Bernie smiled, “you just pile everything up and I’ll go and find the airbeds in the garage.”

“Mummy…”

“I know you don’t want an airbed Monkey, but the rest of us do” she placed her hands on his cheeks and kissed his forehead, “you can have your little nest like always.”

Cameron wrapped his arms around Bernie’s waist and hugged her as tightly as he could, “thanks Mummy” he grinned before bounding off to collect more of the blankets and pillows that Serena had thrown down the stairs.

Bernie found the airbeds easily, a large box in the garage marked ‘camping’ giving her everything she needed and she took the three airbeds, her sleeping bag, Cam’s sleeping bag and a foot pump from the box, taking them outside to blow them up as she checked on the barbeque.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Serena asked as Bernie blew up the double air bed with the foot pump, “Elinor’s happy with all the attention she’s getting from Charlie and Cam.”

Bernie nodded, “you could get the sausages out if you want, and put some wedges in the oven if you don’t mind, I think this might be nearly ready” she gestured to the barbeque.

“Okay” Serena nodded, “do you want a cuppa?”

“Please” Bernie nodded, “you read my mind, and hopefully Cameron won’t be too excited to sleep and we can sit out here with a bottle of something once the kids are asleep if you want?”

“Mmm” Serena pressed a brief kiss to Bernie’s cheek, “sounds like a plan to me.”

Serena bought out Elinor’s bouncer chair once the food was ready, the baby babbling contently as she tried to grab at the toys swinging over her head, Cameron and Charlotte sat on a blanket on the lawn, Serena and Bernie at the table on the decking as they ate the hot dogs and potato wedges that Bernie and Serena had cooked.

“So” Bernie smiled once Charlotte and Cameron had finished eating, both children covered in tomato ketchup, “which mucky pups want to toast some marshmallows whilst the barbeque’s still hot?”

They both nodded excitedly, racing over to Serena and Bernie as they pushed marshmallows onto the end of sticks of uncooked spaghetti, “hold it over the barbeque but don’t touch it, it’s hot” Bernie warned as she lifted Cameron to her hip, letting him hold his marshmallow over the smouldering coals.

“You he’p me?” Charlotte asked Serena as she picked her up, “I no want owie.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt” Serena promised, holding Charlotte on her hip away from the barbeque with one hand, keeping her other hand over Charlotte’s to hold her marshmallow in the right place.

Serena glanced over at Bernie, finding the blonde looking right back at her, Bernie’s affection for the brunette only growing as she saw how naturally she took care of Charlotte, reassuring her that she was safe and she wouldn’t let her get hurt, something Bernie was sure would last once she was deployed.  Serena met Bernie’s gaze and smiled, the smile being returned instantly, “I think that’s about done” Bernie was the first to break the moment, turning her attention back to Cameron, standing him on the floor and handing him a paper plate, “don’t eat the spaghetti, it won’t be nice, and mind your fingers, it’ll be hot” she warned him as he raced off to the blanket with his plate, Bernie holding a second plate out for Charlotte who thanked them both before going back to her brother.

“They seem happy” Serena smiled as she moved back to her seat on the decking, taking a marshmallow from the bag and popping it into her mouth.

Bernie nodded, “they are, I was thinking a couple of board games before bed? Cam quite likes pop up pirate and Charlie’s surprisingly good at hungry hippos” she chuckled.

Serena nodded, “they’ll miss you” she told Bernie out of the blue “no matter what you think , they’ll miss you just as much as you’ll miss them.”

“It almost feels harder this time, knowing it’s the last time, like I’m so used to seeing them for a few weeks, a few months at a time then being redeployed again but, I don’t know, knowing that next time I’m home it’ll be for good, it makes the 6 months feel like it might as well be 6 years.”

Serena reached for Bernie’s hand and squeezed it softly, “I’m sure you’ll be home before you know it.”

Bernie nodded and smiled, making no attempt to remove her hand from Serena's “I hope so.”

“Do you, I mean can you call them? Send letters?”    


Bernie nodded again, “I try to call once a week but I don’t like doing it on the same day or at the same time, I don’t want them to get in a routine only to be too busy one week and for them to be disappointed.”

“That makes sense” Serena agreed, “what about letters, can they write to you? Send you drawings and things.”

Bernie looked shocked, “you, you’d want to do that?”

“Of course” Serena frowned, “why wouldn’t I?”

“Marcus never, he didn’t even ask.”

“Well I’m not Marcus” Serena raised one eyebrow, “and I’d only be too happy to send you pictures and help Cameron write to you if he wants to.”

Bernie was surprised to find tears prickling in her eyes, “I’d like that, thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me” Serena stole another marshmallow from the bag and glanced down at Elinor, the baby yawning and rubbing her eyes as she sat in the bouncer chair, “why don’t we make a start on those board games? See if we can get the kids settled and make the most of this nice weather?”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “I’ll take the beds inside and get them sorted, then you can put Ellie down whenever you’re ready” she gestured to the pale blue airbed, the sides considerably higher than the middle, “will that be okay for her?”

Serena nodded and smiled as she squeezed Bernie's hand again, “it’s perfect, thank you.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Right you mucky Pups” Bernie smiled when Cameron and Charlotte bounded over with their empty plates, “lets get you inside, faces and hands washed and jamas on, then I thought we could play pop up pirate and hungry hippos before we tuck you up in bed.”

The children cheered excitedly, “thank you Mummy” Cameron grinned.

Bernie winked at her son, “go and wash your face and hands Monkey.”

“I’ll bring Elinor inside and help you get cleaned up” Serena told Charlotte.

“And I’ll bring the air beds in and make someone a nest to sleep in” Bernie smiled, thanking Serena for offering to clean Charlotte up.

“Need a hand?” Serena came back outside when she’d cleaned Charlotte up and helped her and Cameron into their pyjamas, intending to change Elinor later.

Bernie frowned as she pumped up the single airbed again, “it’d gone down, I think it might have a leak, if it doesn’t stay up this time I’ll get some more cushions to make a bed for Charlie and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No, Bernie, you can’t sleep on the floor while I have the double airbed to myself, I don’t mind sharing if you don’t, with Charlotte too.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course” Serena smiled, “I even promise not to hog the duvet, unless you’d be more comfortable in your sleeping bag?”

Bernie smiled, “as long as you promise you don’t snore either?”

“If I do, I don’t keep myself awake” Serena laughed, “but if I do, just give me a nudge”

“Okay” Bernie chuckled, “we’d better go and get them some games sorted before they both fall asleep cuddling Elinor.”

Serena nodded and smiled, “are you okay to get the games while I change and feed Ellie?”

“Of course” Bernie smiled, “but I’m probably going to put my PJ’s on too.”

“I’d better do the same then, wouldn’t want to be the only one with my clothes on” she winked, heading back inside before Bernie could reply. 

Cameron and Charlotte were happy to read with Bernie once she’d made up the beds, even going as far as to cover both airbeds with fitted sheets to make sure Serena and Elinor were comfortable.  With a tummy full of milk and a dose of calpol, Elinor quickly dozed off, not waking at all as Serena laid her in her makeshift bed and tucked the blanket around her.

“Okay” Serena smiled once Elinor was settled, “who wants to play some games?”

“Me, me, me!” Both children gasped excitedly as Serena took pop up pirate from it’s box.

“Try and keep it down a little bit” Bernie chuckled as she slipped from the sofa to sit on the floor, “you don’t want to wake Ellie up do you.”

“Sorry Mummy” Cameron grinned, “Sorry ‘Rena.”

“It’s okay” Serena smiled as Charlotte crawled onto Bernie’s lap.

“Baby go s’eep” she nodded

“That’s right Peanut.”

Charlotte yawned, “me s’eep soon?”

Bernie nodded, and kissed Charlotte’s hair, “you can go to sleep whenever you want, do you want to play some games first?”  Charlotte nodded, “what colour do you want to be?” she asked, gesturing to the four piles of coloured swords Serena and Cameron had sorted out.

Charlotte looked up at her brother, “I be ‘lelo’ Cammy?”

Cameron nodded, “I be red, Mummy, you want green? And ‘Rena, you be blue?” Both adults nodded and Cam smiled happily, “Charlie can go first because she’s the littlest.”

“Thank you” Bernie smiled at her son before holding the plastic barrel steady so Charlotte could push her sword into one of the many holes to try and make the pirate pop up, Bernie explaining to Serena that whoever made the pirate pop up ‘won’ contrary to the rules that you lost if you made the pirate jump out of his barrel.

Three games of pop up pirate, one won by Serena and two won by Cameron, and three games of Hungry Hippos, surprisingly all won by Charlotte, later, Bernie told her children it was bedtime, “are you going to read us a story Mummy?” Cameron asked as he climbed inside his sleeping bag and made himself comfortable in his nest of pillows.

“I am” Bernie nodded, “and if you’re not sleepy enough to fall asleep, just this once you can watch a film as long as you have it on quietly because the girls will be asleep” she said as she lifted the duvet so Charlotte could settle down in the middle of the bed.

“You s’eep here?” Charlotte yawned.

Bernie nodded again and brushed Charlotte’s hair from her face, “I’m going to sleep right here” she gestured to the side of the bed nearest Cameron, "and Serena’s going to sleep just there” she gestured to the side of the bed nearest Elinor.

“You s’eep now?”

“Not yet Peanut, I’m going to sit outside with Serena for a little bit and then we’ll come inside and go to sleep.” 

Charlotte nodded sleepily as she began to suck her thumb, “storytime?”

“Yeah” Bernie settled down on the bed and picked up a story, “it is.” She’d barely finished the second page when Charlotte sat up, “what’s wrong?” Bernie ran her hand down her daughter’s back.

“‘Re’a?” Charlotte held out her free hand, “come?”

Serena nodded, slipping off the arm chair and crawling into the ‘tent’ lying beside Charlotte and allowing the toddler to hold her hand, “better?” Bernie asked, beginning to read again as Charlotte nodded.

It didn’t take long, ten minutes later and Charlotte was fast asleep, Cameron settled watching a video, laid upside down in his ‘nest’, his head poking out of the tent to get a better view of the television, “wine?” Serena asked quietly, as she turned on the baby monitor that she’d brought downstairs.

Bernie nodded as she stood from tucking Charlotte in, stretching her back until it let out a satisfying crack, “wine.”

They settled back in their chairs on the decking, Elinor’s quiet snores playing out over the baby monitor as Bernie uncorked the wine and poured two generous sized glasses, “cheers” Serena smiled as she held up her glass, taking a sip once Bernie had clinked glasses with her.

“That’s nice” Bernie sighed after taking a drink from her own glass, “I’m sure Cam didn’t have this much energy the last time I was home” she laughed.

“He’s a lovely little boy” Serena smiled, “you should be proud of him.”

“I am” Bernie nodded, “and as tiring as running around after him is, I know I’ll miss it when he’s a teenager and he wants nothing to do with me so I want to make the most of it.”

Serena nodded as she took another marshmallow from the bag still open on the table, “I’m sure he appreciates all the time you spend with him when you’re home.”

Bernie smiled and pulled another chair out from under the table, kicking off her battered trainers and lifting her feet to the chair as she relaxed, “it sounds awful but I’ve enjoyed being at home with them a lot more without Marcus, he was always so rigid and inflexible about everything, I want the kids to be kids, to be able to do things on the spur of the moment if they want to, I’d rather have the kids happy and a pile of dirty dishes in the sink than bored kids and a clean house.”

“I don’t blame you” Serena agreed, “and I hope I’ll be the same with Elinor, they’re young for such a little time, go on bear hunts and camp on the living room floor for as long as they’ll let you, the chores will still be there when they’re asleep, and when they’re at university” she laughed.

“That’s true” Bernie smiled, not for the first time wondering how she and Marcus managed to raise their children for so long, although she presumed her long deployments abroad helped somewhat, “that being said, I do need to talk to Charlie before I leave, and I’m not sure how well that will go” she sighed as she sipped at her wine.

“Can I ask what about?” Serena asked softly.

“She’s been getting in with me every morning, about 5 or 6, I need to try and convince her to stay in her own bed once I’ve gone.”

Serena ran her finger around the rim of her glass, “I’m probably overstepping the mark but if she wanted to, if it’s okay with you, I wouldn’t mind her getting in with me, Elinor usually wakes about then anyway and I sometimes bring her into my bed too so I can doze for a bit.”

“Are you sure?” Bernie looked up, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Serena shook her head, “she’s only young, if she feels comfortable having cuddles first thing in the morning then that’s fine with me, as long as you don’t think it’s too much?”

“No, no, it’s, I’m sure she’d love that” Bernie smiled, “thank you.”

“It’s not a problem” Serena smiled before frowning as she heard Elinor wake over the baby monitor, “I’d better…” 

Both Serena and Bernie’s smiles grew as, before Serena even had chance to stand up, they heard Cam over the baby monitor, “shh Ellie, it’s okay, your Mummy’s outside with my Mummy, it’s bedtime now” Elinor’s cries stopping almost instantly at the attention.

“I’ll give you a hand settling them down” Bernie said when she heard Charlotte wake too, Cam comforting his sister as Charlotte mumbled for ‘Baby’ not to cry.

“I didn’t wake her Mummy” Cameron protested as he saw Bernie and Serena walk into the room.

“I know Darling, we heard you trying to get her back to sleep, that was a very nice thing for you to do.”

“I don’t want her to be sad” Cameron yawned, “but Charlie wanted to cuddle her” he gestured to Charlotte who was now laid in the smaller airbed with Elinor, both girls close to being asleep once again.

“She’s not sad Cam, just a bit grumpy because she’s still feeling poorly” Serena explained, gently rubbing Elinor’s stomach as Bernie settled Cameron back down amongst all the pillows.

“Let me get Charlie” Bernie said quietly once Cameron was settled down to watch the end of the film.

Serena looked up at Bernie then back at the two girls, “I erm, I don’t mind her sleeping in there if you don’t, they both seemed to have settled each other” she smiled, “and they’re holding hands.”

Bernie smiled as she saw Serena was right, Elinor had fallen asleep clutching three of Charlotte’s fingers, “okay” she nodded, kissing Charlie again as Serena tucked the blankets around them both.

“Come on then” Serena stood to her feet and held out her hand to help Bernie up, “there’s still half a bottle of wine outside with our name on it.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but I really struggled to write this chapter, so I hope it's okay. I think the next chapter may have a time jump to Bernie leaving because I've alredy got quite a few ideas in mind for when she's away so hopefully that will be easier to write!

Bernie and Serena spent several hours sat out on the decking, talking about anything and everything, “do you want to take the kids camping, properly I mean when you get back from your tour?” Serena asked, drinking the fruit juice they’d switched to after they'd finished the wine.

“Cameron would love that” Bernie smiled.

“And Charlotte?”

Bernie shrugged, “if Cameron’s excited and she gets to cuddle someone then I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“And Elinor will be getting on for a year, so, maybe I’m overestimating her abilities but hopefully she’ll be sleeping through the night, and she won’t be feeding as much from me so we could do more of this” she smiled, gesturing to the empty wine bottle.”

Bernie nodded, “I think we’ve still got the tent and everything else in the garage, we could have a practice run in the garden once I’m home, see how the kids are with it before we go anywhere.”

“Yeah” Serena smiled, “sounds good to me.”

They sat outside until it began to get colder and, once they’d tidied everything away, relocated to the kitchen, talking until gone 11 when Serena let out a large yawn and Bernie suggested they settled down for the night to let Serena get some sleep before Elinor woke for a feed.

“Look at him” Serena chuckled when she saw Cameron, half in his nest of pillows, half sprawled on the floor at the bottom of the ‘tent’ where he’d fallen asleep watching his film.

“He must have worn himself out with all the excitement” Bernie chuckled as she carefully lifted Cameron back into the pillows so he’d be more comfortable.

“And these two are firm friends” Serena smiled, stroking Charlotte’s hair back from her face as the toddler slept, still curled into Elinor, Elinor still holding onto Charlotte’s fingers. 

“They are” Bernie smiled, leaning over Serena slightly to stroke Charlotte’s back, “I think it’s safe to say that Charlie adores ‘Baby.’

Serena chuckled quietly, “do you think she’ll ever call her by her name?”

Bernie shrugged as she settled down under the duvet, “hopefully before Ellie’s wedding” she joked.

“I’m glad they get along” Serena said honestly as she settled down on her side, facing Bernie, “that they’ve just accepted Elinor without any fuss, it’ll certainly make things easier when you go.”

“Cameron was the same with Charlotte, when she was a few days old Marcus took him to the park, when he got back, Charlotte was upstairs and he started sobbing because her Moses basket down here was empty and he thought we’d taken her back.”

“Oh” Serena buried her head in the pillow to stifle her laugh, “that’s adorable.”

“The thought of her going ‘back’ four days after a 15 hour labour was not adorable, I can guarantee that!”

“Fifteen hours? I thought nine with Elinor was bad.”

Bernie rolled her eyes and glanced over at Cameron, “someone took three days.”

“Oh” Serena grimaced, “with hindsight, nine was just fine” she chuckled before yawning again, “sorry” she mumbled with her hand over her mouth.

Bernie smiled, “don’t apologise, get some sleep, it’s a fry up for breakfast.”

“Sounds perfect” Serena smiled sleepily as she settled down, thanking Bernie as she flicked off the small light that had been left on, the landing and downstairs bathroom lights on too in case Cameron needed to use the bathroom in the night.

“Goodnight” Bernie said softly.

She felt a soft kiss to her cheek before fingers entwined with hers under the duvet, “goodnight Bernie.”

Bernie wasn’t surprised when she woke the next morning to Charlotte crawling into bed beside her, shuffling over slightly to make more room for her daughter, forgetting for a moment that Serena was sleeping beside her and she was now laid right against the other woman, “Mumma” Charlotte smiled sleepily.

“Good morning Peanut” Bernie smiled as she ran her hand through Charlotte’s hair, “have you had a nice sleep?”

Charlotte nodded and yawned, “I cuddle baby, she cwy.”

“I know” Bernie said softly, “we came in to see if she was okay when we heard her cry but you were already falling asleep again.”

“I like cuddles.”

“I know” Bernie said softly, “and I told Serena last night just how much you like your morning cuddles and she said that when I have to go away, you can have your morning snuggles with her if you want?”

Charlotte nodded and nuzzled closer to Bernie, “Mumma come back?” she whispered.

Bernie nodded, holding Charlotte closely and kissing her hair, “of course Darling, and when I come back, I won’t be going away ever again.” Charlotte nodded again before yawning loudly.  “Close your eyes Darling, get some more sleep.”

“Love Mumma” Charlotte whispered as she closed her eyes.

“And I love you too” Bernie promised, waiting until Charlotte was settled before allowing her own eyes to close once again.

Serena was the next to wake, smiling at the sight beside her, Charlotte and Bernie both laid on their sides facing each other, Charlie clinging to her Mother’s top, Bernie’s body curled around her daughter, “oh, Good Morning to you too” she cooed quietly, when a quiet gurgle from the bed beside her told her her own daughter was already awake, “you slept well with Charlotte didn’t you?” she asked, the baby having slept through her usual night feed, “I bet you’re hungry now though aren’t you?” she asked, adjusting her pyjamas so she could feed her daughter.

Bernie woke again about 20 minutes after Serena, “morning” she smiled when she realised Serena was awake, rolling onto her back and lifting Charlotte onto her chest, “did you sleep well?”

“I slept surprisingly well” Serena nodded, “and someone” she stroked Elinor’s back, “must have been so comfortable cuddling Charlotte that she slept right through the night”

“Wow” Bernie grinned, “that’s great.”

“I know, I’ll have to put them in there more often” she chuckled as she gestured to the airbed.

“I’ll put the cot up for you this afternoon, see if she’s more comfortable when she’s got a bit more space.”

“I’d appreciate that, thank you.”

“I’ll need to go out and get a new mattress for it but that shouldn’t take long.”

“No, let me, I’ll go out and get one, I don’t expect you to…”

Bernie reached out and put one hand on top of Serena’s, “Serena, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.  I’ll put the cot in your room for now and if you want to move into my room when I go I’ll move it for you before I leave.”

Serena nodded, linking her fingers with Bernie’s, “thank you. I erm, if you don’t mind, I think it would be easier for me to use your room, especially if Charlotte’s going to be coming in in the morning.”

“Of course I don’t mind” Bernie gently squeezed Serena’s hand, “I wouldn’t have suggested it if I did, there’s Marcus’ wardrobe and the drawers he used that are mostly empty, I’ll box up the rest of his things and you can use that for you and Elinor.

“Thank you” Serena smiled, tipping her head to the side until it was laid against Bernie’s.

“I keep telling you” Bernie smiled at the contact, “you don’t need to thank me for anything.”

They laid together, both women holding their daughters, only Elinor’s occasional happy gurgles breaking the silence until Charlotte stirred in Bernie’s arms, just seconds before her stomach let out a loud rumble, “someone’s hungry” Serena chuckled as Bernie kissed her daughter’s hair.

“Me” Charlotte mumbled tiredly.

“Why don’t you lay here with Serena then?” Bernie asked softly, “you have some nice cuddles and wake up a little bit more and I’ll make us all some breakfast.”

“‘K Mumma” Charlotte yawned as she shuffled off Bernie’s chest to lay beside Serena, instantly curling into her side.

“Do you want me to wake Cam?” Serena asked as she held Charlotte closely.

Bernie shook her head as she rolled off the bed, kneeling beside it as she answered, “no, I’ll wake him when breakfast’s nearly ready, unlike Charlotte he’s awake seconds after his eyes open” she chuckled, “do you want a cuppa or a glass of water or anything before I start cooking?”

“No” Serena smiled up at Bernie, “I’m okay thanks.”

“Okay” Bernie returned the smile, “I’ll be in the kitchen if you want anything” she said before running her hand down Charlotte’s back, “and you be good for Serena.”

Charlotte nodded, “I have nice cuddle with ‘Re’a, you make b’e’fast.”

“Okay” Bernie chuckled, “I’ll go and make breakfast” she smiled, biting her bottom lip and winking cheekily at Serena before crawling out of the tent and making her way through to the kitchen, unaware that Serena’s eyes followed her until she disappeared from view.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will Serena and the kids cope without Bernie? Time to find out!

The next few weeks passed far too quickly, and Serena soon found herself waking in the master bedroom, Elinor’s cot in the corner of the room and the rest of the house silent, a quick glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table telling her Bernie would have been gone for almost an hour.

She’d said her goodbyes the night before, told Serena that was how she prefered it.  There’d been tears as she’d said goodbye to her children, reading them an extra story before reminding them that she loved them and tucking them into their beds for the last time.  Once the children were settled she’d helped Serena move the cot into the master bedroom before the pair had relocated to the attic room, curling up on the bed together, Serena’s cheeks becoming damp with her own tears as she told Bernie she’d miss her.

They’d laid together, holding each other and sharing the occasional kiss, talking about their future when Bernie returned until Serena had barely been able to keep her eyes open and Bernie had kissed her a final time before walking her down the stairs to the master bedroom, wiping at Serena’s tears with her thumbs, “it’ll fly by” she promised, “I’ll be home before you know it.”

Serena hadn’t been awake long when she heard the creak of a door and footsteps padding down the landing, Charlotte appearing in the doorway, her teddy bear in her left hand as she rubbed at damp eyes with her right, “I want my Mummy” she cried as Serena lifted her into the bed.

“I know darling, I know” Serena murmured, letting the toddler cling to her, rubbing her back to try and calm her sobs.

Cameron had been different, whilst Charlotte had cried for her mother and clung to Serena all morning, only letting go to sit at the table and eat her toast, he’d been quiet, barely speaking to Serena until she’d hugged him outside his classroom and told him to have a good day.  He’d clung to her for a moment longer than usual before looking up at her, briefly making eye contact before looking down at the floor again, “are you going to pick me up later?” he whispered.

Serena put her hand on Cameron’s chin, gently lifting it so she could make eye contact, “I will be waiting in the playground with Charlotte and Elinor when you come out, just like I did when Mummy was here okay?”

Cameron nodded, “Okay” he said, dropping a kiss to Elinor’s head through the sling before kissing his sister and heading into his classroom.

Serena stopped off at the shops on her way home, picking up a few things, including a new film for Charlotte and Cameron to watch that evening, she planned on treating them to a takeaway for tea to try and cheer them up a bit, but made sure to pick out a chocolate fudge cake for dessert too, and some ice cream to keep Cameron happy.

She curled up on the sofa with the girls when she was home, Charlotte still being clingy she decided to spend the morning reading stories with Charlotte and Elinor, already planning a picnic lunch on the living room floor for herself and Charlotte when the time came, frequent rain showers meaning that a picnic in the garden was out of the question but she was sure she could still make it fun for Charlotte.

They hadn’t been home long when the phone rang, Serena leaving Charlotte cuddling Elinor and looking at the pictures in one of the books as she went to answer it, “Ms Campbell?” an unfamiliar voice asked, waiting for Serena’s confirmation before continuing, “I’m calling about Cameron, he’s quite upset about his mother leaving, he’s sat in the quiet corner with a teaching assistant at the moment but nothing seems to be calming him down, is there anything you’d like us to…”

Serena cut the woman off, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

The woman seemed surprised, “you’re going to come in?”

“Is that okay?”

“No, it’s fine, do you know how long you’ll be? We’ll let the reception know you’re coming in.”

“About 10-15 minutes” Serena was already picking out the girl’s coats and shoes, “tell him I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Serena kept as close to the speed limit as she could as she drove to the school not bothering with the buggy as she put Elinor in the sling and raced inside with Charlotte on her hip.  She was shown into Cameron’s classroom, empty except for him and the teaching assistant, sat on beanbags in the brightly coloured reading area of the classroom, Cameron still sobbing occasionally as the assistant read him a story, “the rest of his class are doing PE in the hall” the receptionist told Serena, explaining the empty classroom, “they’ll go straight out for playtime afterwards.”

She thanked the receptionist and the teaching assistant before lowering herself into one of the beanbags, settling both Charlotte and Elinor onto another so she could lift Cameron onto her knee. He began to sob almost as soon as he felt Serena’s arms around him, burying his head against her, his tears wet against the crook of her neck as he cried into her, Serena rubbing his back, mumbling reassurances that he was okay and she was there, “hello” she smiled softly, wiping away his tears once he finally calmed down, “do you feel better now you’ve had a good cry?”

Cameron nodded and sniffled slightly, “sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Serena asked as she ran her hand through his hair.

“You had to comed back because I cried.” Cameron whispered, looking down at the floor.

“You don’t need to be sorry Cam, I know you’re sad because you miss your mummy and it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to need someone to give you cuddles.”

Cameron nodded, “Will Mummy be back soon?” he asked.

Serena nodded, “she’ll be gone for a little while, but we’ll do lots and lots of fun things while she’s gone, and we can write her letters and you can draw some pictures that we can send to her.”

Cameron’s face lit up, “can we do that tonight? Will you help me do the writing?”

Serena smiled and nodded, “of course, and as a special treat I thought we could get a takeaway too, and I’ll even get some ice cream.”

Cameron hugged Serena tightly, “you’re the best” he told her, wiping at his eyes, “I’ll try not to be sad anymore”.

“It doesn’t matter if you are” Serena gently stroked Cameron’s back, “you can always come to me if you’re sad, I won’t be angry.”

“Can I go and find my friends now?” Cameron asked a while later, once he’d calmed down.

Serena nodded, “of course, I’ll take you to the office and see if someone will take you to them” she said, waiting for Cameron to stand up before she hauled herself to her feet, slipping Elinor into the sling and picking Charlotte up again, the toddler instantly nuzzling into her as Cameron took her free hand and lead her to the reception area of the school, “Cameron would like to go back to his class now” she told the receptionist.

“Okay” the woman smiled, calling over the teaching assistant from earlier who was talking to another member of staff, “it’s playtime now so we’ll take you outside and find your friends” she told him with a friendly smile, the teaching assistant waiting for Cameron to say goodbye to Serena, Charlotte and Elinor before taking his hand and leading him out towards the playground.  “Is he okay?” the receptionist asked once Cameron was out of earshot.

“I think so” Serena nodded, “but if he gets upset again, call me and I’ll come back in.”

“Right” the receptionist seemed surprised, “okay.”

“Is that okay?” Serena asked.

“Yes, of course, it’s fine, it’s just erm, he’s had little moments like that when his mum’s left before, we called his father but he usually told us to tell Cameron to be a big boy and stop crying, he never came in to see him.”

Serena felt her heart ache for the boy, “yes, well I’m not his father, if he gets upset then I’d like to know please.”

“Of course” the receptionist nodded, “I’ll make sure you’re kept up to date, I can ask his teacher to let you know how he is for the rest of the day when you pick him up this afternoon too if you’d like.”

“Thank you” Serena nodded, bouncing Charlotte gently as she felt the toddler nuzzle against her, “I’d appreciate that.”

“Cammy sad?” Charlotte asked as Serena strapped her back into the car a few minutes later.

“He misses Mummy, just like you” Serena told her, “so he might need lots of cuddles like you do.”

Charlotte nodded and sat up a little straighter in her car seat, “I cuddle him” she told Serena, “I make him no sad.”

Serena smiled and ran her hand through Charlotte’s hair, “I’m sure you will Darling, I’m sure you will.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think those of you that are already missing Bernie might like this chapter :)

The first week without Bernie passed quickly, as promised Serena let Cameron write to Bernie the evening that she left, after they were all full of pizza she’d settled Elinor down on the play mat with some toys as Charlotte and Cameron stayed at the dining table, Cameron told Serena what he wanted to write and Serena printed it clearly, allowing Cameron who hadn’t been learning to write for long, to copy out the letter in his clumsy scrawl whilst Charlotte drew a picture of the five of them.

She’d posted the letter the next morning and, as she’d needed to go into town anyway, she’d popped into the army recruitment office, getting a strange look from the men inside as she walked in with two children in tow, but she quickly explained that she had a ‘friend’ who was deployed, that she wanted to send out a parcel of things but didn’t know what would be useful, the two men had been more than helpful, giving her, not only a printed list of suggested items but personal suggestions too.

Cameron and Charlotte had been more excited than Serena had ever seen them when she read the list to them at the weekend before letting them both choose a few things to send out to their mother along with several more drawings, another shakily written letter from Cameron and photographs of the children from the camera Serena had bought the day after Bernie left, not wanting her to feel like she was missing out.  Serena and the children had come to an agreement, Serena promised they could write to Bernie every week, and that she’d write whatever Charlotte wanted to say, and once a month they could send her a surprise parcel.

Bernie’s first phone call had come five days after she’d left, both Cameron and Charlotte sworn to secrecy over the parcel, Serena and the children all wanting it to be a surprise, from what she’d said about her past deployments Serena was almost certain that Bernie wouldn’t be expecting anything.

Serena hadn’t spoken much to Bernie, a quick hello but then she’d passed the phone straight to Cameron and Charlotte who’d spoken to Bernie until she’d had to go, leaving Serena to put the children to bed, big smiles on both their faces.

She’d frowned when the phone rang two days later a little before 9pm, “hello” she answered the phone quickly so it didn’t wake any of the children sleeping upstairs.

“It’s me” Serena couldn’t help but smile at the familiar voice.

“Hello you, the kids are asleep, do you want me to wake them up?”

“No, no” Bernie answered quickly, “I knew they’d be asleep, that’s why I rang now, I erm, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh” Serena padded back into the living room and curled up on the sofa, “well hello then.”

She could almost hear the smile in Bernie’s voice as she replied, “hi.”

“How are things out there?” Serena asked, “or is that a stupid question.”

“It’s busy, almost like I’ve never been away.  How have the kids been?”

“They’re okay, they miss you but they’re okay” Serena knew she couldn’t lie to Bernie about her children, “Charlotte’s been a bit clingy and Cameron, I got a phonecall from his school the day you left, he got a bit upset and they couldn’t calm him down so I went in, he seemed okay after a few cuddles and his teacher’s said he’s been okay since so...”

“Thank you for going to sort him out” Bernie said softly, “he’s never been like that before.”  Serena was silent, “Serena.”

“I’m sorry Bernie.”

“What is it?” Bernie frowned, worried about what Serena was going to tell her.

“The school said it happens a lot when you leave, but when they called Marcus his response was that they should tell Cam to grow up and stop crying” She heard Bernie sigh, “I’ve told him that it’s okay if he gets sad, and that I don’t mind if he needs to cry or if he needs to come for cuddles and he seems okay.”

Bernie sighed again, “Thank you, not only for what you did for Cam, making him feel like his feelings are valid and acceptable but for thinking I’m worthy of knowing what happens to my children even when I’m not there.”  Serena knew Bernie was getting angry but she knew the anger wasn’t directed at her, “when he first left I hoped he’d get in touch, that he’d want to see the kids again but now I’m wondering if they wouldn’t be better off without him.”

“Whatever happens, you can’t do any more than you already are by being there for them and, when they’re at home, giving them a safe space to grow and be themselves.”

“Thank you” Bernie smiled slightly, “and how are you doing? Is everything okay? Is there anything you need?”

“No, no I’m fine, we’ve got everything we need thanks.”

They spoke for a few minutes longer but then Serena heard someone call Bernie’s name in the background, “I’ve got to go” she said with a sigh, “I’ll call the kids, and you again next week.”

“Okay” Serena sighed, disappointed that their call was ending so abruptly, “stay safe.”

“I’ll do my best.” Bernie promised before ending the call as she raced off to the hospital on the base.

They were midway through the second week without Bernie when Cameron came out of school holding onto his teacher’s hand, “could I have a word please?” the teacher asked as she walked over to Serena.

“Of course” Serena nodded, thanking the teacher as she helped lift Charlotte’s buggy over the single step that lead from the playground into the school, wondering if Cameron had been upset again.

“Cameron” the teacher looked at him once they were back in the classroom, “why don’t you take Charlotte to look at some of the books?” she asked before glancing up at Serena who nodded.

“Jump out” she unstrapped Charlotte from the buggy and gently put a hand on her back, “Cam’s going to take you to look at some books while I talk to his teacher so you don't get bored, I’ll be right here” she promised, Charlotte nodded and began to suck her thumb as Cameron took her hand and led her over to the story corner, helping her onto a beanbag as he picked up a book.

“Cameron thinks I’ve brought you in to tell you he got full marks on his spelling test this morning” the teacher kept her voice low so Cameron didn’t hear.

Serena raised one eyebrow as she sat in the chair the teacher gestured to, “but…?”

“His father tried to collect him earlier, he came into the office and said Cameron had a dentist appointment but he’d forgotten to send in a note. We thought we should let you know, he didn’t seem too happy when we told him he wasn’t on the list of people authorised to collect Cameron anymore.”

Serena rubbed her temple, “right, thank you.”

“Obviously we haven’t told Cameron but…”

“No, no, that’s fine, it’s… thank you for letting me know.”

“Rena” Cameron came over with Charlotte, “Charlie hasta potty.”

“There are some toilets just in the corridor” the teacher told her helpfully.

“Right” Serena plastered on a smile, “we’d better get you to the toilet then hadn’t we?” she lifted Charlotte to her hip, “and your teacher was just telling me how well you did with your spellings” she told him, watching him smile proudly, “so once Charlotte’s been to the toilet, I thought we could go to the park on the way home as a treat?”

Cameron nodded, helpfully pushing the empty buggy into the corridor once they’d all said goodbye to the teacher, Serena thanking her again, “and Charlie play too?”

Serena nodded and ruffled his hair, “of course Charlie can play too, now just wait here with Ellie for a minute” she lifted Elinor from the sling and laid her in the empty buggy, “and once I've taken Charlotte to the toilet we can go straight to the park, and if you're good, I might even let you both have an ice cream on the way home.”

Cameron’s face lit up as he moved round the buggy, kneeling down so he could tickle Ellie’s tummy, “I'll be super good Rena. I promise.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit longer than usual but I'm sure you won't mind that! There's no Bernie this time I'm afraid but I'm sure she'll be home before you know it!

Serena let Cameron and Charlotte run around the park for almost an hour before Charlotte’s little legs tired out and she climbed back into the buggy, a happy smile on her face, Serena calling Cameron over a few minutes later, the boy happy to leave the playground behind in favour of a short walk to the ice cream van, “ready to go home?” Serena asked once they’d all finished and she’d cleaned the kids up with an abundance of baby wipes.

Cameron nodded and smiled, “yep, can we play aminal snap when we get home? Charlie too?”

Serena smiled and nodded, taking Cameron’s hand as they walked home, “I’m sure we can manage a game or two before tea.”

Cameron chatted non stop to Serena on the way home, and it took him a moment to notice a strange car on the drive, but not Serena, she saw it instantly, not only the car but a man she recognised from photos as Bernie’s husband on the doorstep, banging madly on the door, “is that my Daddy?” he asked, moving closer to  Serena as Marcus began yelling, angry that no one was answering the door, their impromptu trip to the park meaning they were home later than usual.

“Can I help you?” Serena asked, squeezing Cameron’s hand gently, hoping to reassure him.

Marcus spun on his heels, “who are you?” he spat, “and what are you doing with my children?”

“My name’s Serena Campbell, I’m looking after Charlotte and Cameron until Ms Wolfe comes home.”

“Well I’m afraid you won’t be needed anymore, I’ll be taking the children...”

“No” Serena said firmly, dropping Cameron’s hand and putting her arm around his shoulder when she felt him step closer to her, “that’s where you’re wrong, unless Ms Wolfe says otherwise the children will be staying here with me” she rocked the buggy when she head Charlotte whimper her name, reassuring the toddler that she was okay.

“I’ve spoken to her, she said…”

“I’ll need to hear it from her personally I’m afraid” she saw Marcus take a step towards them, bending down in an obvious attempt to be closer to Charlotte but Serena wasn’t having it and she took a step backwards, moving Charlotte out of his reach.  

“I don’t think you know what you’re saying, you can’t keep my children from me!” Marcus growled as Serena rummaged in the changing bag for the house keys.

“Had you come over here and acted like a responsible father and a civil human being then yes, I probably would have let you see the children, but they are both terrified of you right now so yes, you’re right, I am going to keep them from you” Serena told him as she lifted Charlotte from the buggy and rocked her gently, the toddler nuzzling against Serena as she cried.

“I am their father” Marcus grew red in the face as he realised Serena wasn’t just going to give in, “if you don’t give me my children right now I will call the police and report you.”

“Then do that” Serena said simply as she ushered Cameron towards the door, making sure to keep the empty buggy between Marcus and the children.

Marcus changed his tactic, turning his attention to his son, “come on Cam, come and say hello to Daddy” he crouched down and held out his arms.

Cameron shook his head and Serena ran her fingers through his hair, “you don’t have to Darling” she took the changing bag from the handles of the buggy and handed it to him, “can you take this inside please?” she asked as she opened the door, keeping a firm hold on the handle and only opening it just wide enough for Cameron to step inside.

“I see you’ve changed the locks too, it’s my house, so I don’t know what right you think you had to do that, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with you…” Marcus began to pace angrily on the driveway giving Serena to opportunity to kiss Charlotte’s head and quietly tell her to go inside and play with Cameron.  “Where are my children?” Marcus asked as he turned to find Serena alone, one hand supporting Elinor’s back through the sling as she bent down to fold the buggy, not wanting to risk opening the door wide enough to push it inside like usual.

“Your children are inside the house, and that is where I’m now going, it’s obvious you’re not going to be reasonable so I’m not going to waste my time with you.  If you want to call the police then that’s your prerogative. I’ve got nothing to hide” she said, briefly opening the door so she could slip inside, slamming it closed and quickly turning the key in the lock as she saw Marcus charge towards her.

“‘Rena” Cameron came over to her almost as soon as she locked the door, “Charlie won’t stop crying, and she’s had a’accident” he told her, Charlotte only recently having stopped wearing her pull ups during the day.

“Okay sweetheart” Serena smiled at him, the fact he was so close to her showing her that he too was just as scared as his sister was, “why don’t you pick out a film? I’ll get Charlie cleaned up and then you can snuggle in Mummy’s bed and I’ll get you both a snack?”

“What about Daddy?” 

“You leave him to me Darling, I’m not going to let him hurt you or Charlotte.”

“Or Ellie?”

“I won’t let him hurt anyone” Serena promised.

Cameron walked into the living room with Serena who quickly closed the curtains to shield the children from the angry man outside, “I sowwy” Charlotte sobbed as she stood in the middle of the room, a damp patch on the rug by her feet, “I sowwy.”

“It’s okay Darling, you don’t need to be sorry, accidents happen sometimes, why don’t we go upstairs and get you cleaned up? Then you can watch a film with Cameron.”

“I gots Cinderelly Charlie” Cameron told her, “it’s your favourite.”

Serena smiled, “thank you Cam” she took the video he held out towards her, “why don’t you go and get changed while I sort Charlie out?”

“Okay” Cameron nodded, kissing his sister’s head, “Rena’ll look af’er you, she won’t let us get hurt” he promised before racing up the stairs to get changed.

Serena settled Elinor in the cot once they were upstairs before undressing Charlotte and giving her a quick bath before dressing her in some comfy clothes, “there we go” she held Charlotte close and rubbed her back, “you‘re okay darling, it’s okay.”  She smiled at Cameron as he came into the room and climbed onto the bed to wait patiently once he’d changed from his uniform, but continued to rock and reassure Charlotte until she was settled.  “There we go” she said once she’d started the film, Charlotte cuddled into her brother as she sucked her thumb, “I’ll go and get you both some juice and a snack, I’ll be back soon.”

She was cutting up a bowl of fruit when there was a knock at the front door and she opened it a crack to find a uniformed police officer holding out his ID, “I’m PC Medcalf, we’ve had reports from Mr Dunn that you’re keeping his children here without his permission” he told her.

Serena nodded, “if you come in I can explain everything, I don’t want him to come in though” she gestured to Marcus.  The police officer nodded and asked Marcus to wait outside before stepping into the house, “I’m their nanny, I was just making the children a snack, would you mind if I took it up to them?” she asked as she showed the officer into the living room.

“Of course not, are the children okay?”

“They’re watching a film upstairs, they’re both scared and shaken after how Marcus was when he saw them, but I’m sure they’ll both be fine eventually.”

The police officer nodded, “do you want to take them their snack and check they’re okay. Then you can give us your side of the story.” As far as he was concerned, Serena seemed to be calmer and more cooperative than Marcus so he had no reason to believe the children were in any immediate danger from her.

Serena took the children their fruit and juice before telling them she’d be right downstairs if she needed them, turning on the baby monitor before heading downstairs.  She collected the parent unit of the baby monitor from the kitchen before making her way back into the living room, taking a stack of paperwork from a drawer, “Ms Wolfe, the children’s mother, is deployed in Afghanistan, she employed me almost three months ago, I came to stay with the family five weeks before she left the country, a few days after Mr Dunn left, he hasn’t been in touch since he left until today” she said as she handed over both her contract, the legal document Bernie’s solicitor had drawn up and the contact details for the solicitor in case the officer wanted to get in touch with him to confirm anything.

“You were hired by the children’s mother?”

“Yes” Serena nodded, “she said she didn’t know where Marcus had gone when he moved out and he made no attempt to contact her or her children before she left the country.”

“And I assume you’re not happy for Mr Dunn to see his children?”

Serena shook her head, “as I explained to Mr Dunn, if he’d have come round and politely asked to see his children I’d probably have let him, but he’s scared the children and I’m quite sure that they wouldn’t want to see him.”

“Would you mind if I took these details and passed them on to Mr Dunn?” PC Medcalf asked, gesturing to the business card.

“I’ve got the details, you can give him the card.”

“Thank you” he handed the rest of the papers back, “could I check on the children myself, make sure everything’s okay?”

“Of course” Serena nodded, “they’re upstairs” she told him as she led the way.

“Rena” Cameron looked up when he saw her walk into the room, “Charlie falled to sleep.”

“That’s okay” she smiled, “are you okay cuddling her or would you like me to move her?”

“She’s okay” Cameron nodded before kissing her sister’s head.

“Mr Dunn only mentioned two children” the police officer frowned when he stepped into the room.

“The baby’s mine” Serena gestured to the cot, “Cameron and Charlotte are his” she gestured to the bed.

“Who are you?” Cameron asked.

“My name’s Robbie” the police officer smiled, wanting to put Cameron at ease, “I’m a police officer, I just wanted to check that you were okay.”

“We’re okay” Cameron nodded, “Charlie got scared and had a’accident but ‘Rena cuddled her until she was happy again, ‘Rena won’t let us get hurt.”

“Were you scared too?” the police officer asked.

“Well maybe a little bit” Cameron frowned, “but I am a big boy.”

“You are” the police officer nodded, “but even big boys are allowed to be scared sometimes” he smiled, “but now I know everyone’s okay I’ll let you finish watching your film.”

“It’s Charlie’s favourite but she’s gone to sleep now.”

“Well, once Serena’s made sure the door’s locked behind me, I’m sure she’d let you put something else on instead.”

“Will you?”

Serena smiled and nodded, “I’ll bring 101 dalmatians up for you.”

Cameron grinned, “thanks ‘Rena, you the best.”

“Thank you for your co-operation” Robbie shook Serena’s hand once they were back at the bottom of the stairs, “I’ll let Mr Dunn know that everything’s above board and that he’s to contact the solicitor if he has any more questions.”

“Thank you” Serena nodded.

“It’s okay, but could I suggest keeping the doors locked whilst you’re in the house, just to be on the safe side, and don’t hesitate to dial 999 if you have any more trouble.”

“I won’t, thank you.”

Serena heard Marcus yell at PC Medcalf almost as soon as he left the house, “where are my kids? I sent you in there to get them from that…” she didn’t hear any more as she clicked the door shut, wondering as she walked into the living room to get Cameron’s film, how had Marcus survived so long? Why hadn’t Bernie killed him years ago?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled with this chapter for some reason, so I hope it's okay!

Charlotte woke almost an hour after the police had left with Marcus and sat up instantly and looking around the room, thumb in mouth and bottom lip trembling, “it's okay” Serena gently ran her hand over Charlotte’s hair, “You're okay, nobody’s going to hurt you Darling, I’m here and Cam’s here too, you’re okay.” Charlotte nodded and silently shuffled onto Serena's lap, Serena only too happy to hold the toddler, thanking anyone who was listening that Elinor was no longer the clingy baby she had been when they’d first moved in, the baby content to be laying in the cot on her own babbling to herself as she tried to grab the toys hanging from the mobile over her head.

Serena took the children downstairs once Cameron had finished watching his film, Charlotte still clinging to Serena and Cameron staying close by, only leaving Serena’s side to cuddle up on the sofa with Elinor to give Serena a free hand to call for pizza, Charlotte still on her hip.

She’d let Cameron and Charlotte share Bernie’s bed with her that night after a quiet request from Cameron at the dinner table. She hadn't even needed a second to think about it, she knew Bernie wouldn't mind, Charlotte and Cameron were obviously scared and shaken by the earlier encounter with Marcus and Serena would do whatever it took to help comfort them.

Charlotte still clung to Serena the next morning, having to be coaxed into sitting in her own chair at the table to eat breakfast, but Cameron seemed to have perked up slightly, even so, Serena still mentioned Marcus’ ‘visit’ to Cameron’s teacher when she dropped him off, asking her to keep an eye on the boy. She also made sure to remind the receptionist that only she was to collect Cameron and, if he was to be picked up by anyone else, she would inform them in person and not over the phone or in writing. She didn't know how sneaky Marcus was willing to be and she didn't want to risk him trying anything.

Bernie’s next call came a few days later, luckily she’d already spoken to the children that week and so Serena was able to tell her what had happened before the children did. Bernie was over the moon when she first spoke to Serena, the first parcel she and the children sent over had just arrived and Bernie was overwhelmed by it. There’d been nothing out of the ordinary in it, things Bernie had seen sent to other soldiers hundreds of times before, hand cream, lip balm, puzzle books, socks, but the fact that Serena had gone to so much effort, even letting Cameron and Charlotte decorate the plain white box she used, had almost reduced the tough medic to tears.  Bernie knew she would treasure the letters Cameron and Serena had written her forever, Serena writing letters from both Charlotte and herself, Charlotte’s letter signed with a clumsy C written by the girl herself accompanied by several wonky kisses and Bernie could tell from the language used that Serena had written down word for word what Charlotte had said.  She’d almost sobbed when she’d reached the bottom of the box to find an unmarked envelope which she’d opened to find photographs of her children, some posed but most candid shots of them playing together, and with Elinor, photos of them being happy and enjoying themselves. Marcus had never done anything like that.

Serena had been reluctant to break Bernie’s happy bubble but she knew she had to, she couldn’t lie to Bernie, after everything Marcus had kept from her during deployments Serena knew there was only one thing she could do, “Marcus was here the other night” she told her once Bernie had finished thanking her for the parcel.

“What?” Bernie sounded understandably furious.

Serena explained everything, from what Cameron’s teacher had told her to her conversation with the police officer, “did I do the right thing?” Serena asked, “not letting him see them and telling him to contact your solicitor?”

“God yes” Bernie didn’t miss a beat, “are the kids okay? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, the kids, Charlotte especially, are still a bit shaken but I think they’ll be okay.”

“Thank you” Bernie said softly, “I know you’ve probably done all you can to reassure them that everything’s okay.”

"I think they just wanted cuddles, but I think the pizza I ordered that night helped cheer Cameron up” Serena smiled, not wanting Bernie to worry too much about her children.

“I’m sure it did” Bernie smiled before letting out a large sigh, Serena could almost see the blonde rubbing her temples, “can you do something for me?”

“Anything” Serena didn’t need to think about it.

“Can you call the solicitor for me? I’ll call him as soon as I can but can you call him in the morning? Let him know what happened and, God” she sighed again, “tell him about the police coming out and will you tell him that I’d rather wait and try and sort this all out when I’m back in the country but if Marcus finds a way to get visits before I’m home then I want them to be supervised.”

“Of course, I’ll call him as soon as I’m back from dropping Cameron at school in the morning.”

“Thank you, and will you just remind them at school that I don’t want anyone but you to pick him up unless you’ve personally given permission for someone else to pick him up.”

“I spoke to them the morning after it happened, and I told them that I’d let them know in person if anyone else was going to pick Cameron up, I didn't know if Marcus would try to…”

“Thank you” Bernie sighed, “I don't know what he’ll try either.”

“I know I’m probably asking the impossible” Serena told her, “but please try not to worry about Charlie and Cam, I won’t let anything happen to them” she told her, wishing, not for the first time that she could hold Bernie in her arms as she promised her that everything would be okay.

“I know” Bernie said softly, “and I do trust you with them, please don’t think I don’t, it’s just...I knew he’d wait until I was away to try something the spineless...

“Maybe it was a good thing that he waited until you were away” Serena interrupted, “save you getting arrested for assaulting him?”

"Hmm” Bernie hummed, “you might be right there.”

“I always am.”

Bernie laughed, “is that right?”

“Yep” Serena popped the p before telling Bernie, “I knew you’d like the things the kids picked out for you.”

“I did” even down the phone Serena could hear Bernie smile knew and her tactic of changing the subject had worked, “but you didn’t, you don’t have to, the letters are enough, more than enough really.”

“I think it helps the kids too” Serena said softly, “I think getting them to look for things you might like in the shops helped them realise that, no matter what happened with Marcus, they can still talk about you to me.”

“Thank you” Bernie sighed again, “I just can’t believe… he always seemed like such a doting father, I can’t believe he was like that with them.”

“That’s not your fault” Serena told her, “you’re a good Mum, you being in the army, being deployed did not cause Marcus to behave as he did, please don’t blame yourself for what he did.” 

Bernie smiled at Serena’s words, “what did I ever do without you?”

“I did wonder about that myself” Serena teased.

“Thank you” Bernie said sincerely, “I erm, I should get off, it’s getting late here and I should try and get some sleep before I’m needed again.”

“Okay” Serena understood, “sweet dreams.”

“You too” Bernie laughed.

Their call ended with their usual routine, Serena telling Bernie to stay safe and Bernie promising to do her best before she ended the call leaving Serena sat on the sofa, still clutching the phone and with a big smile on her face.

Serena placed the phone back in the hall a while later and picked up the baby monitor, placing it on the on the charging unit in the kitchen before checking everything was turned off and double checking the door was locked.  Only once she was sure the house was secure did she head upstairs, as always, checking in on Charlotte and Cameron before making her way to her own bedroom once she was sure both children were settled. She smiled when she saw her daughter too was fast asleep, sprawled out in the cot, Bernie had been right, Elinor did sleep better now she had room to stretch out.

She stood watching her daughter sleep for a while before opening one of the drawers Bernie had cleared for her things and taking out a calendar, crossing off another day, Bernie’s return creeping ever closer. She wouldn’t tell anyone else that she was counting down the days until Bernie was home, especially not the children, not until she was certain that Bernie’s deployment wouldn’t be extended.

One quick trip to the bathroom, and another few moments spent watching her daughter sleep, later, Serena climbed under the covers and switched off the lights, rolling onto her side to face the empty half of the bed, wondering if one day she’d get to wake up beside the blonde, maybe with a child or two sprawled between them like they had when they’d camped in the living room.  She smiled as she closed her eyes, she could only hope for the best. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the kids have been absent for ages even though they were in the last chapter! But they'll be back safe and sound in the next chapter (and the next chapter is one I've had written for a while and I'm quite excited about it!).

The weeks seemed to fly by and, almost before Serena knew it, they were half way through Bernie’s deployment and Serena really felt like she’d found her feet with the children, she knew they’d had a good relationship even before Bernie had left but, once she was on her own, it always took her a little while to get into the swing of things, to find out what worked for the children and for her. She hadn’t been sure if Bernie being completely absent would make her job harder or easier, usually the children in her care saw their parents at least once a day, and of course, she’d assumed having Elinor would make things more difficult this time round but she’d been pleasantly surprised.  


It was obvious to Serena that Charlie and Cam had grown to love Elinor just as much as they loved each other, both children had shared in Serena’s delight when Elinor had learnt to sit unaided and now Serena had lost count of the times she’d left the room, only to find Cameron, Charlotte and Elinor all sat together playing nicely when she returned and Elinor was only too happy to be able to sit with Cameron and Charlotte instead of having to be laid on her playmat or strapped into the bouncer chair.

Bernie’s weekly phone calls were the highlight of the week, both for Serena and the children and even Cameron’s teacher had commented on just how much his handwriting had improved since he’d been writing weekly letters to his mother, Serena patiently writing out everything Cameron wanted to say in large, printed letters so he could then copy it out himself, spelling the big words out loud as he went, trying to read the letter as well as write it.

They’d fallen into an easy routine, trips to the park after school, Saturday daytrips to ‘exciting’ places outside of Holby and the monthly trip to a nearby shopping centre to let Cameron and Charlotte pick out things to send to Bernie and they’d already spoken about making, what Cameron had named, a ‘super special secret box’ for Bernie’s return, Serena and the children planning to fill it with things that Bernie liked but would be impractical in a war zone, bubble bath, chocolate, wine, and Cameron had asked specifically if he could bake his Mummy a cake.

Serena was surprised at how quickly she’d taken to Charlie and Cam, she’d obviously cared for all the children she'd ever looked after, but the two little Wolfecubs seemed to have wormed their way right into her heart.  They were possibly two of the politest and most well behaved children she’d ever been the nanny too, and, as they got used to each other, their personalities really began to shine through, Cameron was energetic, he was funny and at times a quite boisterous but Charlotte was calmer, more thoughtful, she’d think quietly about any questions Serena asked her before answering whereas Cameron would jump straight in, doing his thinking out loud as he answered her and, whilst Serena would be glad to have Bernie home, to not have to live in fear of the phone call that would devastate Charlie and Cam's lives, she knew that both she and Elinor would miss being around Charlotte and Cameron 24/7.

She couldn’t remember when she’d first decided to take the kids out every weekend, they always went somewhere new and Serena found that the children were just as excited and grateful to be taken to a new adventure playground with a picnic lunch from home as they were to go to a hands-on museum or the theatre production of Cam’s favourite book that she’d managed to get tickets for. Serena hoped that, once Bernie was back, she’d continue the weekend days out with her children, and that she’d let her and Elinor join them occasionally.

Bernie too was overwhelmed by the relationship Serena seemed to have formed with her children, grateful that she got an insight into her children’s lives even though she was a million miles away.  She looked forward to her weekly letters from both Serena and her children and she couldn’t believe Serena was sending her monthly parcels, but, what she appreciated more than anything, were the photographs Serena included in every box.

She smiled as she flicked through the latest set of snaps, Serena was spoiling Cameron and Charlotte, there were pictures of all three children, only their faces visible, big smiles on their faces as they grinned up at the camera, mostly hidden by balls in a ball pool.  There were pictures of Cameron and Charlotte from behind, Cam holding Charlie’s hand as they paddled in the sea, the water barely reaching their ankles, another picture of them both asleep in their car seats, what Bernie assumed to be ice cream covering both their faces.  She couldn’t wait to get home, to be able to join Serena and the children on their, obviously enjoyable, days out.

As much as she loved Cameron and Charlie, Serena still classed Bernie’s phone calls were the highlight of her week, partially because hearing from the blonde reassured her that she was okay, partially just because she really enjoyed talking to her. And, if Bernie had been surprised at regular letters and gifts from home, Serena was equally surprised by the fact that Bernie still called regularly just to talk to her, she obviously asked about the children but she was equally happy to talk about all the things they’d be talking about if they were sat on the sofa with a bottle of wine at home.

“How are things?” Serena asked as she always did when she spoke to Bernie. 

“Things are… well, they’re the same as they always are...busy, are the kids okay?”

“Yeah, yeah they’re fine, Cam’s started going to football on a Thursday afternoon after school and Charlotte, Elinor and I erm, we’ve found lots of things to do…” she trailed off, not sure if Bernie would mind.

“That’s great, I bet Cam loves the football” Serena could hear the smile in Bernie’s voice, “what have you, Elinor and Charlotte been doing?”

“We’ve been to a story group at the library, and erm, a toddler gymnastics class and a music group. Is that okay?”

“It’s absolutely fine” Bernie smiled, “is Charlotte enjoying it?”

“She likes the story time and the music group, she’s not so sure about the gymnastics but we’ve only been once and when I asked if she wanted to go again she said yes so...”

“She probably just needs a little bit of time to get used to it.”

“I’ll see how she gets on, I wouldn’t force her to go if she didn’t like it.”

“I know you wouldn’t” Bernie told her, “I trust your judgement.”

“I took her to a playgroup too” Serena told Bernie, “but she wasn’t so keen, it was a bit too noisy for her I think, she just sat on my knee for the hour, clinging to me so we haven’t been back.”

“Maybe we could try it again when I get home” Bernie suggested, “it’ll be nice for you, for both of us to meet some more parents.”

“It won’t be long until you’re back” Serena told her, “you’re halfway through already.”

“No, I erm, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Oh, have you got to stay out there longer than planned?” Bernie could hear the disappointment in Serena’s voice and her shoulders sank.

“No, no, well, if I have, they haven’t told me yet.”

“Oh, well what is it then?” Serna asked.

“It doesn’t matter” Bernie wasn’t going to force Serena to stay if she didn’t want to.

“No, tell me, please.”

Bernie sighed, “I know I said the job was only for six months but I wondered how you’d feel staying for a little longer?”

“We agreed I’d stay for a few weeks once you were home” Serena reminded her, “to help you and the kids get settled again.”

“No, I, I meant after that” Bernie realised she probably should explain, “I had a phone interview yesterday, I’ve got a job for when I get back as a trauma surgeon at Holby City Hospital, they’re going to give me a month to spend with the kids once I’m home, but then I’m going to need someone to look after Charlie and I’ll probably have to do evenings, weekends and night shifts.  I understand completely if you’d rather spend some time alone with Elinor, but if, if you wanted to stay on, you wouldn’t have to live in if you wanted to get your own place, and obviously you’d get time off, but…”

“Bernie” Serena interrupted her, “Charlotte and Cameron are lovely kids, I’d love to help you out with them when you’re home, we can talk about all the details once you’re back.”

Bernie smiled, relieved that Serena wanted to stay around once she was home and they fell into an easy conversation, managing to talk about anything and everything for almost fifteen minutes before Bernie had to go, once again leaving Serena smiling to herself on the sofa, happy that she’d still be able to see Bernie and her children once Bernie was home without feeling like she was intruding on their happy family life.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually one of the first chapters that I wrote when I had the idea for this story and I'm quite excited to finally get to share it with you! I hope you all like it just as much as I do!

“Where are we going?” Cameron asked as he sat on Bernie’s bed, gently swinging his legs as Serena zipped up Charlotte's jacket.

“Well” Serena smiled, “it’s going to be a nice day, I thought we could go out for a drive and find something exciting to do.”

“I’m tired” Cam yawned, “it’s too early.” He was right, the sun was only just beginning to peek over the horizon but Serena couldn't help that, she had plans for today and as much as she'd have liked another few hours in bed too, her plans called for an early start.  


“I know” Serena ruffled his hair, “but you can sleep in the car, I thought if we drove for a long time we might find something new to do, go somewhere we’ve never been before.”

Cameron nodded, “okay, can I take a blanket to sleep in the car?”

“Of course” Serena nodded, “can you get one for Charlotte too?”

Cameron nodded again, “I get your favourite blankey” he promised his sister as he jumped off the bed.

“We go out?” Charlotte asked from where she sat on the bed, gently stroking Elinor’s stomach, the baby still sleeping peacefully.

“Yeah” Serena tucked a lock of Charlotte’s hair behind her ear, “you know, like we’ve been out before? We go somewhere different at the weekends?” she smiled slightly, proud of herself for setting this up weeks in advance, the kids wouldn’t suspect a thing.

Charlotte nodded, “is fun, no be scared.”

“That’s right” Serena nodded, “we’ll have lots of fun and you won’t be scared at all, I think you’ll like where we’re going today.”

Charlotte nodded and rubbed her eyes, “s’eepy” she said as she curled into Serena.

“I know” Serena rubbed Charlotte’s back, “Cam’s getting your favourite blanket so you can sleep in the car, we don’t want you being tired later do we?”

Charlotte shook her head, “I waked up later.”

“Okay Darling” Serena kissed her head, looking up as Cameron came back into the room with the two blankets he’d collected from their bedrooms, “thank you” she smiled before picking up Elinor, “come on then monkeys, let’s go and get in the car.”

Cameron took hold of Charlotte’s hand, the two following Serena out to the car, allowing Serena to grab the changing bag she kept by the door, the buggy already in the boot.  Serena smiled as she strapped Elinor into the car, Cameron holding tightly to Charlotte’s hand, something he did every time they went out, “all done?” Cameron looked up as Serena closed the car door.

“All done” Serena nodded, “thank you for waiting” she smiled as she walked them around the car, taking Charlotte’s hand so Cameron could get into his seat before she lifted Charlotte in.  She checked they were all safely fastened in and covered Charlotte and Cameron with their blankets, reclining Charlotte’s seat slightly, “you both get some sleep” she told them, “we’ve got a long drive so you can get plenty of rest.”

Serena smiled as she glanced into the rearview mirror, they’d barely made it off the estate but Cameron’s head was already drooping forwards, Charlotte’s eyes already closed, thumb firmly in her mouth, she’d taken the children to lots of exciting new places whilst they’d been in her care but Serena was almost certain that this one would be their favourite.

They stopped at a service station on the motorway for breakfast almost half way through their journey, Serena letting Charlotte, Cameron and even Elinor have half an hour in the indoor play area to run off some energy, Elinor shrieking happily as she sat in the ball pool with Charlotte.  Serena’s plan worked and all three children fell back to sleep within fifteen minutes of her pulling back onto the motorway.

“Where are we?” Cameron asked they stood on a path in a nondescript car park outside a brick building several hours after they’d left home.

“Wait and see” Serena told him.

“This isn’t really fun” Cameron told her as he stood beside her holding her hand.

“No” Serena rocked the buggy gently as Elinor began to whine, Charlotte sat on Serena’s hip, “but I promise you’ll like it” Serena told him, “it might be boring now but it’ll get exciting soon” she promised as she checked her watch.

“Who are they?” Cam asked when he saw a few people leave the building a few minutes later, his brow creasing as he realised some of the people were in army fatigues, “are they soldiers like my…” he trailed off, his face lighting up as he let go of Serena’s hand, racing down the path as Serena put Charlotte down so she could follow her brother, “Mummy!”

Serena pushed the buggy closer but hung back, watching the reunion, Bernie’s face was a picture, she’d heard Cameron shout her name, but it had taken her a moment to notice the children racing towards her, Charlotte’s tiny legs working as fast as they could as she tried to keep up with her brother. Bernie’s expression changed completely when she saw them, dropping her pack on the floor and falling to her knees, a broad smile on her face as she knelt down, wrapping her arms around her children and holding them close.  Bernie looked up as her children nuzzled into her, smiling when her eyes met Serena’s and she mouthed ‘thank you’.

She held her children for a while before slinging her pack back over her shoulder, walking over to Serena with a child on each hip, a smile still on her face, Marcus had never so much as suggested making the long journey to the army base to meet her after a deployment, and here was Serena, here was a woman that, in the grand scheme of things she hardly knew, with her children, waiting for her after she’d only been given the date of Bernie’s return and the time the train she planned to get would arrive in Holby.

“Are you back forever now?” Cameron asked as Bernie carried him over to where Serena was waiting, still rocking Ellie as she sat in Charlotte’s buggy gurgling to herself and trying to grab at her own feet.

“I am” Bernie promised.

“Does that mean ‘Rena’s gonna go away now?”

“Not at all” Bernie smiled, kissing Charlotte’s head as her daughter nuzzled into her, “I’ve got a few weeks at home but then I’m going to start a new job, I won’t be going away again but I will be working after school finishes and sometimes I’ll have to work at night time too so Serena will look after you then” she promised.

Cameron nodded, “I like Rena” he told her.

“Re’a nice” Charlotte agreed.

“She said we was going to like where we comed to, she didn’t tell me we were coming to get you” Cameron beamed.

“I didn’t know you were coming to get me either” she smiled, “so I think we all need to go and say thank you to Serena don’t we?”  She laughed as she took a step closer to Serena, Cameron and Charlotte reaching out to her, pulling her in for a hug as they continued clinging to their mother.  Bernie smiled and took the chance to kiss Serena’s cheek, “thank you” she whispered, “thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome” Serena reassured her, “it wasn’t a problem.”

“It must have taken you hours to get here.”

“We set off at 5 this morning” Serena admitted, “the kids slept for most of the journey.”

“Thank you” Bernie repeated, Charlotte and Cameron still clinging to her and Serena, “there erm, there’s a cafe in town where I usually get something to eat before getting on the train, we could get some food before driving back if you want?”

Serena nodded, “okay, that sounds good to me. I take it you’re okay to get these two limpets in the car?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded, bouncing them slightly, “come on you two, we’re going to go and get something to eat before we drive home.”

“Mumma come?” Charlotte asked.

Bernie nodded again, “of course Darling, Mummy’s coming home now.”

“Do you want me to drive?” Bernie offered once all the kids were settled in the car.

“Sure” Serena smiled as she handed over the keys, “but I’ll drive us home, you must be exhausted.

Bernie gently squeezed Serena’s knee before reversing out of the parking space and driving into the nearest town, “here we are” she smiled once she’d parked in a parent and child space in a multi storey car park, “it’s only about five minutes from here.”

“Okay” Serena smiled, “I’ve got Elinor’s sling so Charlotte can have the buggy.”

Bernie shook her head, “put Ellie in the buggy if you want, I’ll carry Charlie.”

Serena nodded, “she’s getting better at walking when we’re out, but I’m sure she wouldn’t turn down cuddles with you.”

“Oh, look at you” Bernie cooed as Serena lifted Elinor from the car, reaching out to gently tickle her stomach, “haven’t you grown?”

“She’s crawling now” Serena told her, “into everything, and when she feels like it she pulls herself up on the furniture.”

“Wow” Bernie smiled as Elinor babbled up at her, “you’re going to be running round with Charlotte and Cameron before your Mummy knows it aren’t you?” she cooed, handing the changing bag to Serena and taking her purse from her army pack, “will you push that in the changing bag?” she asked Serena, thanking her as she did so before lifting Charlotte to her hip and holding out her hand for Cameron, “now" she smiled once she saw Serena had got Elinor sorted, "let’s go and find some food!”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am genuinley overwhelmed by all the responses to the last chapter, I know you all enjoy reading this fic but the love I felt after the last chapter was immense, especially as I'd had Bernie's return written for so long and was desperately hoping you'd like it as much as I did!
> 
> Here's an extra long chapter to celebrate Bernie being home!

As Bernie promised, the cafe wasn’t far and they easily found a table in the corner of the small building, Charlotte sitting on her mother’s knee, Cameron moving his chair as close to Bernie’s as he possibly could, “Serena” Cameron suddenly looked up at her, “if Mummy's home now, then what about…”

Serena put her index finger on her lips, “shh, wait until we get home.”

Bernie looked between the pair of them as Cameron just nodded and sat back in his seat, “what’s going on?”

Serena put her finger on her lips a second time, “you wait until we get home too” she teased.

Bernie laughed and shook her head before looking at Elinor who babbled loudly as she sat in a high chair beside Serena and opposite Bernie, banging her little hands on the table “is no one paying you enough attention?” she asked as Serena passed her some toys from the changing bag, “are you getting hungry?”

Elinor babbled again, grinning up at Bernie and showing off the few teeth she had, “I erm, I tried what you suggested” Serena told Bernie, “it worked.”

“That’s good” Bernie smiled, knowing instantly what Serena meant, she remembered the phone call all too well, the night she called and could tell Serena had been crying, Serena admitting that Elinor should be moving onto solid foods but Serena couldn’t get her to eat any of the baby food she’d tried her with.  Bernie had calmed Serena down, reassured her that the world health association recommended breast milk was a baby’s main source of nutrition for at least the first 12 months but if she wanted to start weaning Ellie then she could try giving her finger foods she could eat herself, something she’d had to do with Cameron and then had done with Charlotte too because she’d found it easier to feed the baby from her own plate than to have to do something special for her.  

“It is” Serena nodded, “she seems to prefer it, she doesn’t always eat, she sometimes just plays with it but she’s a lot more interested in it than she was the baby food.”

“I don’t blame her” Bernie chuckled, “baby food does have a tendency to look like it’s already been eaten, and even if she is only playing with it, at least she’s getting used to it, she’ll eat when she’s ready.”

Conversation came easily between both adults and children as they ate, Charlotte refusing to leave Bernie’s knee and Cameron occasionally reaching out to touch his mother, unable to believe she was home, asking her on multiple occasions if she really was back forever. “We had to waked up really early” he told her with a yawn once he’d finished eating.

“I bet you did” Bernie ran her fingers through his hair as he leant into her, noting that he was getting ready for a haircut, “Serena’s driven you a long way.”

“She let me get blankets for me and Charlie so we could snuggle up and sleep in the car.”

Bernie smiled, “that as nice of her wasn’t it?”

“And we play” Charlotte added, “Baby too, af’er b’ekf’st”

“Wow, really? Aren’t you lucky?” Bernie asked.

Charlotte nodded as Cameron added, “Ellie liked the ball pool”

“We stopped at a service station for breakfast” Serena explained, “there was an indoor play area and I thought I’d let them burn off some energy before they were cooped up in the car again.”

“Did it work?” Bernie asked with a smile.

Serena nodded, “all three of them fast asleep 15 minutes later”.

Bernie laughed, “well done you, seems like I needn’t have bothered worrying about you with three children, it sounds like you’ve aced it.”

“Well” Serena blushed slightly, “I did my best.”

Bernie smiled softly and gently squeezed Serena’s hand, “and that was more than enough.”

A quick toilet stop later and they all made their way back to the car, “Mumma?” Charlotte whined slightly as she was strapped into her seat, Bernie knowing straight away that her daughter was tired.

“You’re okay” she kissed Charlotte’s head, thanking Cameron as he passed her Charlotte’s blanket, “you close your eyes and get some sleep, Mumma’s not going anywhere.”  

“Don’t be sad Charlie” Cameron took hold of his sister’s hand, “I look after you and Mummy come home now.”

“Thank you Cam” Bernie smiled at her son before kissing Charlotte a final time and closing the car door, “are you sure you’re okay to drive?” she asked Serena.

“Positive” Serena nodded, “now get in the car soldier and let’s get you home.”

Just as Serena predicted, Bernie and the children all fell asleep on the drive home, Bernie not even lasting as long as Elinor did.  She stopped at a service station when Cameron woke and told her he needed the toilet but she didn’t wake Bernie or the girls, she’d put a pull up on Charlotte, changed Elinor’s nappy before they’d left the cafe and obviously didn’t need to worry about Bernie.

Cameron didn’t fall back to sleep once they were in the car, and he was chatting quietly to Serena when Bernie began to stir, about an hour outside of Holby, “did you have a good nap Mummy?” he asked with a grin.

“I did thank you” she chuckled as she stretched the best she could in the confined space of the car, “have you had a sleep?”

“I had a little one but I waked up when I needed a wee.”

“We stopped at a service station but I didn’t wake you or the girls” Serena explained, glancing quickly over at Bernie and smiling softly when she noticed several stray blonde curls had fallen from her regulation bun whilst she’d been asleep, “I got you a bottle of water and there are some crisps and fruit and things in a bag by your feet.”

“Thanks” Bernie smiled, reaching for the bottle of water and taking a long drink.

“Can we have fish and chips tonight Mummy? Like we always do when you comes home?”

“Of course we can” Bernie nodded before looking to Serena, “if that’s okay with you?”

“That’s fine” Serena smiled, “I think Elinor might like to try some chips too.”

“She can share mine” Cameron nodded before glancing over at the baby to his left, “oh, she’s awake” he giggled, reaching over to gently tickle her stomach, “hello Ellie.”

Ellie giggled and batted at Cameron’s hand as she kicked her legs excitedly, “so they all get along then?” Bernie asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe” Serena nodded, “Elinor absolutely adores them both and I’m pretty certain that the feeling’s mutual.”

“I’m glad to hear it” Bernie smiled, as she relaxed back in her seat, wondering if Charlotte would, one day, get to be a big sister after all.

“Right” Serena helped Bernie get the kids’ shoes and coats off in the hall once they were home, “eyes closed soldier.”

Bernie raised one eyebrow, “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me” Serena smirked, “eyes closed.” Bernie did as Serena asked as Serena ushered the children into the living room, putting one finger on her lips as they tried to conceal their excitement, the super secret surprise box of presents was on the coffee table along with some cupcakes she and Charlotte had made the day before and the cake she’d helped Cameron make as a ‘practice’ sat proudly beside the cards the children had made, knowing their Mummy would be home ‘soon’.  The ‘Welcome Home Mummy’ banner that Serena had helped them make hung on the wall along with several shop bought banners and balloons, a helium balloon sat either side of the table and Elinor shrieked with excitement as she crawled after the balloons that had been left on the floor.  “Come on you” Serena put one hand on Bernie’s hip, the other on her shoulder, smiling slightly as she felt the blonde relax into her touch, “forwards, I’m not going to let you bump into anything, I promise.”  She carefully guided Bernie into the living room before taking a step back and whispering, “open”

Bernie gasped, tears pricking at her eyes as she covered her mouth with her hands, “oh my”. She couldn’t help thinking back to the last time she came home, so happy to see her children, a happiness that lasted just minutes before her heart was broken when she found her husband in bed with another woman, but then Serena, a woman she’d known for less than a year had gone to so much effort for her.

“Look Mummy” Cameron broke her from her thoughts, “I made this cake.”

“And me an’ Re’a do these” Charlotte pointed to the cupcakes.

“Okay?” Serena gently put her hand in the small of Bernie’s back, sensing she was feeling a little overwhelmed.

Bernie smiled as she looked at Serena, “yeah, thank you, thank you so much” she reached out to gently squeeze her hand before turning her attention to the kids, “they look really yummy” she told them both, “you must have been busy! Now, why don’t you two play with Elinor for a few minutes so I can have a really quick shower and get changed, and then we can all have a slice of cake or a bun?”

“Before dinner?” Cameron beamed, “and will you open your present?”

Bernie nodded, “just this once you can have cake before and after dinner” she told him with a smile, “and I promise that once I’ve showered and changed I’ll open my present” she nodded.

“Is there anything you want me to do?” Serena asked, loving seeing the excitement on the children’s faces from having their Mummy home.

“A good cuppa wouldn’t go amiss if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not” Serena smiled before leaning in to whisper, “and there’s a bottle of wine already chilling in the fridge for later”

Bernie smiled and leant in to peck Serena’s cheek, teasingly telling her, “I knew I hired you for a reason” and winking playfully before she left the room, heading upstairs to shower.

She returned less than 20 minutes later, damp hair curling at her shoulders and her khaki uniform swapped for a long grey vest top and a pair of plain black leggings, obviously wanting to wear something comfortable.  “Can we have cake now?” Cameron asked almost before Bernie had time to thank Serena for the steaming mug of tea that was placed in her hands the very second she’d sat on the sofa, Bernie couldn’t remember the last time Marcus had made her a cup of tea.

“I suppose we can” Bernie smiled when she saw Serena had already put four small plates on the table.

“My cake or Charlie’s cake?” Cameron asked.

Bernie decided to be diplomatic, “why don’t we all have one of Charlie’s little cupcakes now and then we can all have a slice of your cake for pudding? I’ll even let you leave a little bit of your dinner so you’ve got room for cake.”

Cameron thought for a moment before nodding, “okay Mummy.”

Unsurprisingly the children settled themselves between the adults on the sofa, Charlotte beside Bernie, Cameron beside Serena.  Elinor was happy chasing balloons across the floor but once she realised everyone else had something she didn’t, curiosity got the better of her and she crawled over to the sofa, using Bernie’s legs to pull herself to her feet, “hello you” she smiled, chuckling as she saw Elinor look inquisitively at her plate, “can she have some?” she asked Serena who nodded, surprised at how easily her daughter had approached the other woman.  She’d expected Bernie to break off a piece of her cupcake for Elinor but couldn’t help but smile when she watched Bernie swipe her index finger through the frosting before holding it out to Elinor just like she would have done.  Serena only hoped that Elinor and Bernie would one day get along as well as she did with Charlie and Cam.  She was brought out of her thoughts by Bernie talking to Elinor, the baby grinning excitedly as she sucked the frosting from her finger, “do you like that?”

“I think she does” Serena smiled as Bernie lifted Elinor onto her knee.

“Do you want to try a little bit of cake too?” she asked, breaking off a tiny piece and holding her plate under Elinor’s chin to catch any crumbs as she popped it into her mouth, “not too much though, I don’t want your Mummy making me stay up with you when you’re all hyper, I want an early night tonight.”

“She seems quite taken by you” Serena smiled as she watched Elinor clap her little hands together and reach for more cake from Bernie’s plate.

“I didn’t think she’d remember me” Bernie said honestly, “she was so young when I left.”

“She’s obviously got better memory than we give her credit for” Serena chuckled, “or she trusts Charlie and Cam’s judgement” she took the empty plates from the children, “you two go and play, Cam you can put a video on if you want, I’ll go and fetch our dinner in a bit, let Mummy have 5 minutes to drink her tea and then she’ll open her present.”

Bernie smiled as she put Elinor on the floor, letting her crawl off towards the others, “thank you” Bernie said softly once the children were busy, “for everything, for coming to the base, for this” she gestured around the room, “for making them go and play so I can drink this in peace” she chuckled as she picked up her tea, “I love them, don’t get me wrong, and I do miss them when I’m away but…”

“But it’s a bit different to what you’ve become used to and they’re quite full on?”

Bernie nodded, “yeah, the nap in the car was the first kip I’ve had in nearly 3 days, I don’t feel completely with it at the moment” she admitted.

“You sound like you need an early night” Serena told her, “the wine can wait until tomorrow if you…”

“No way” Bernie interrupted, “I don’t care if you need to pour it down my throat as I sleep, I’ve gone 6 months without a drink, once the kids are in bed I’m sure I can stay awake for one glass, and anyway, who says I haven’t missed our little evening chats?” she asked, cautiously reaching out her hand on the sofa until her fingers brushed against Serena’s.

Serena smiled and let her hand rest on top of Bernie’s as they sat at opposite ends of the sofa, “you’re not the only one.”

They sat in silence as the children watched the video Cameron had put on, their toys forgotten as Elinor made herself comfortable on Cameron’s lap, Charlotte tucked into her brother’s side. 

“Mummy” it was Cameron who broke the silence almost 20 minutes later, “will you open your present now? Please?”

Bernie nodded and smiled, “okay.”

Cameron grinned and bounded over to Bernie, Charlotte and Elinor both following, “we go shops” Charlotte told her as Bernie and Serena lifted the kids onto the sofa, Charlotte climbing instantly onto Bernie’s knee, Cam sitting between Bernie and Serena lifted Elinor onto her knee, bouncing her as she giggled happily.

“What have we got here?” Bernie asked as she began unwrapping the presents, each item nearly wrapped inside the gift box. She thanked Serena and the kids as she opened books, chocolate, bubble bath, and an IOU from Serena for ‘a bottle of wine and a film of your choice once the kids are asleep’ along with several other things she could only have dreamt about whilst she was away.

“You likes it Mummy?” Cameron asked.

“I do” Bernie smiled, “thank you” she kissed both her children before smiling softly at Serena, reaching out to squeeze her hand, “and thank you too.”

“You're more than welcome” Serena smiled “it's good to have you back.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another longer chapter for you all to enjoy the domestic fluff that is Berena and their little ones!
> 
> I'm going to Pride next Saturday which means that Sunday's update probably won't be up until later in the afternoon once I'm home, but there definitely will be an update (and hopefully that will be a long one too)!

Serena insisted on going out to collect their dinner that evening, and she came back to find Elinor sat in her highchair at the table playing happily with a couple of toys as Charlotte and Cameron helped set the table, “all ready for you” Bernie smiled, sending the children to sit down as she helped Serena share out the food.

After they’d eaten, Elinor tucking, not only into a handful of chips, but into several pieces of Bernie’s fish too, Serena bathed Elinor and got her ready for bed, allowing Bernie to put her own children to bed for the first time in months.

Just like they had so many times before her deployment, Bernie and Serena found themselves in the kitchen once all three children were asleep, “so…” Serena smiled as she took the bottle of wine from the fridge and held it out, two wine glasses already on the side, “see anything you like?” 

Bernie chuckled and nodded, “I certainly do” she winked playfully as she opened the cutlery drawer and took out the corkscrew, “do you want to do the honours?” she asked.

Serena nodded, “you go and choose a film.”

They curled up at opposite ends of the sofa as the film started, a blanket over their legs, a glass of wine each sat on the coffee table, “I’ve missed this” Bernie smiled as she stretched out slightly, playfully nudging Serena’s feet with her own.

“Me too” Serena smiled before telling Bernie, “I've moved my stuff back upstairs into the attic room, but I could do with a hand moving the cot if you wouldn't mind?”

“Of course not” Bernie smiled, “but would you mind if we did it tomorrow? You can sleep in my room and I'll crash in yours for tonight.”

“Okay” Serena nodded, “if you're sure.”

They didn't make it to the end of the film, Bernie fell asleep just half an hour after it had started. Serena couldn't bring herself to wake her, she looked so peaceful and relaxed so she simply tucked the blanket around her so she wouldn’t get cold, turned off the TV and headed upstairs to bed, making sure to leave the small lamp in the corner of the room on in case Bernie woke in the night.

Bernie slept for almost an hour before being woken by a niggle in her bladder.  She stretched slightly before frowning, her brain taking a minute to realise she was on the sofa, she was home. She sleepily made her way up the stairs and into her bedroom, eyes barely open as she used the toilet in the ensuite before climbing into her bed, “Bernie?” she jumped, suddenly wide awake as she realised Serena was sat in the bed beside her reading a book.

“Shit” Bernie went to get out of bed, “sorry, I completely forgot that…”

“It’s fine” Serena said honestly, “just go to sleep.”

“Here?” Bernie frowned.

“Here” Serena nodded, “we’re both adults and this is your bed after all.”

Bernie nodded, fatigue rolling over her as she settled down under the duvet, too tired to argue, “‘kay, night.”

Serena smiled as she watched Bernie doze off, “good night.”

Bernie woke a few hours later to a quiet noise by her bed and the feel of something tugging at the sheets.  She flicked on the small bedside light and smiled when she saw Charlotte trying to climb into the bed, “Mumma” she whispered, “I s’eep you?”

“Of course” Bernie lifted her into the bed, shaking her head when she realised Cameron had already made his way into the bed and was fast asleep between herself and Serena.

“And baby?” Charlotte yawned.

Bernie got out of the bed and walked over to the cot, not sure if Serena would mind her taking Elinor into bed, “oh” she smiled when, even in the faint light, she saw the baby’s big brown eyes staring up at her, Elinor pushing herself to sit up in the cot before holding out her arms to Bernie, “shouldn’t you be sleeping little one?” Bernie asked quietly as she lifted Elinor into her arms, rubbing her back as she felt the baby nuzzle into the crook of her neck.

“She should” Bernie jumped slightly as she heard Serena’s voice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t” Serena said as she sat up, “sharing a bed with Cam’s like sharing a bed with a worm.”

“I know” Bernie laughed, “I didn’t know he was in here.”

“He woke me, asked if it was okay, I hope you don’t mind?”

“No, not at all, they usually spend the night in with me when I get home, Charlotte woke me, she asked if Elinor could come in with us too, she erm, she was already awake.”

Serena smiled, “are you going to bring her in then or are you going to stand there with her all night.”  

Bernie carried Elinor over to the bed, smiling as she heard her yawn, “that’s a big yawn for such a little girl” she said softly, “are you going to have a cuddle with your Mummy?” she asked, kissing Elinor’s head out of habit as she handed her over to Serena before slipping back into bed herself, lifting Charlotte onto her stomach, “close your eyes Peanut” she kissed her daughter’s head, “get some sleep.”

Charlotte nodded against Bernie’s chest, her left thumb in her mouth, her right hand clutching Bernie’s top, “love you Mumma.”

“I love you too Darling.”

“Love Re’a” Charlotte mumbled, already drifting off to sleep.

“Sweet dreams” Serena reached over to stroke Charlotte’s back, “I love you too.”

“And baby?” Both Serena and Bernie knew Charlotte was barely awake.

“Elinor loves you too” Serena promised before looking up at Bernie, “are you sure this is okay? If you want me to take Elinor upstairs…”

Bernie shook her head, “if you do, we’ll both have to face the wrath of Charlie when she wakes up and wants to know why you’ve gone, “if you can put up with Cameron’s wriggling then you’re welcome to stay.”

“Okay” Serena smiled, “night then” 

Bernie flicked off the light, “Goodnight Serena.”

Cameron’s fidgeting disturbed Serena several times through the night, but she frowned when she woke properly the next morning, usually she woke to either Elinor’s gentle snores or her soft gurgles as she babbled happily to herself as she laid in her cot.  She panicked slightly when she remembered falling asleep with Elinor in her arms the previous night before remembering that Bernie was home, and, when she realised that the only other occupant of the bed was Cameron, sprawled out on the opposite side of the bed, the rational part of Serena’s brain reasoned that Elinor must be with Bernie and Charlotte.

She pulled on her dressing gown over her pyjamas and softly padded downstairs, she was right, she didn’t even need to walk into the kitchen to hear her daughter’s giggles, but when she did, the sight melted her heart. Bernie, Charlotte and Elinor were all sat round the table in their pyjamas, Charlotte eating a slice of toast, her fingers and mouth covered in sticky red jam and Elinor was in her highchair, a bib over her sleepsuit, her face and hands covered in, what Serena quickly identified as half a banana, the other half laid on the table beside Bernie’s coffee, Bernie’s attention focused on feeding Elinor something from the bowl she held in her hands. “Do you like that?” She cooed as Elinor opened her mouth for the small plastic spoon Bernie was using to feed her, her little fingers wrapped around Bernie's, “you’ve nearly eaten it all, it’s no wonder you’ve grown so big.”

Serena watched for a while as Elinor gazed up at Bernie with wide eyes before she made her presence known, “Good morning.”

“Morning” Bernie smiled shyly as Elinor babbled in excitement and Charlotte waved a sticky hand in Serena’s direction, “there’s coffee in the cafetiere if you want some.”

“Mmm, that would be lovely, thanks” Serena nodded as she went to get herself a mug, “you didn’t have to get up with her.”

“She woke not long after Charlotte” Bernie told her as she fed Elinor another spoonful from the bowl, Elinor’s fingers once again wrapping around Bernie’s hand as she guided the spoon into her mouth, “she was getting a bit noisy and Charlie was hungry, I thought that after 6 months you might like a lie in, I’m sorry if…”

“No” Serena interrupted, “you don’t need to apologise, I don’t mind, I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to” she said as she sat beside Bernie at the table with her coffee.

“I don’t mind at all, I was awake long before these two anyway” Bernie smiled, not admitting that she’d spent a while watching Serena sleep before the girls had woken.

“I got jammy toast” Charlotte told Serena.

“I can see” Serena smiled, “Is it yummy?” Charlotte nodded and took another bite as Serena asked Bernie, “what’s Ellie having? She seems to be enjoying it” she chuckled as the baby babbled loudly, mouth open, reaching out as she protested at the amount of time Bernie was taking to feed her.

“Weetabix” Bernie told her as she scraped what was left from the bowl, “that’s the last of it now, it’s all in your tummy” she told Elinor before turning her attention back to Serena, “she kept trying to reach for mine so I used one of her bottles from the fridge to make her her own, and she had half of a banana as we waited for it to soften a bit, but I don’t know how much of the banana she actually ate” Bernie chuckled as she gestured to the squashed banana covering the baby’s hands and face as well as the bib and the tray of the high chair, “she tried feeding herself the weetabix too but I don’t think she could manage it as fast as she wanted to so she let me help”.

“Food everywhere but in her mouth is pretty standard for Ellie” Serena laughed before nodding, “she likes banana, and she's quite fond of parsnip once it’s been boiled to make it softer obviously.”

“Well then, I planned on cooking us a roast dinner later, I’ll have to make sure to do plenty of parsnips won’t I?” she tickled Elinor’s stomach and passed her the spoon as she reached for it, breaking the rest of the banana into smaller pieces and putting it on the tray of the high chair for her, “what about you Peanut? What vegetables do you want?” 

“Carrots” Charlie whispered, “and peas p’ease.”

“I like broc’lili” Cameron yawned as he walked into the kitchen, “but not for breakfast”

“No” Bernie laughed as she gestured for Cam to sit down at the table, “we were talking about vegetables for dinner later” she told him, “but what would you like for breakfast?” she asked as she glanced over at Ellie who had a look of concentration on her face as she tried to squash the banana with her spoon.

Cameron looked thoughtful for a minute before he asked hopefully, “beans on toast?”

Bernie nodded, “sounds good to me” she turned to Serena as she stood, “what would you like?”

Serena looked surprised, “me? Don't worry about that, I’ll get something in a minute.”

“Don't be silly” Bernie told her, “I'm going to make breakfast for me and Cam, I can make you some toast or some cereal, but if you're expecting smoked salmon and poached eggs then you can do that yourself” she chuckled.

Serena smiled, “some toast would be nice if you wouldn't mind, thank you.”

Bernie nodded and smiled at Serena, “toast I can do, and I'm making dinner too, no arguments, after everything you've done for the past 6 months, this is the least I can do!”


	22. Chapter 22

Bernie, Serena and the children had a lazy morning, nobody bothering to change out of their pyjamas, and, after they’d all finished eating, they made their way into the living room where they played silly little games together until just after 11.

“I could do with going to the shop, getting a few things for dinner” Bernie announced, “who wants to get dressed and come for a walk with me? We might even stop off at the park on the way.”

Charlotte and Cameron both agreed, Elinor babbling excitedly too, not entirely sure what was happening but picking up on the excitement of the older children, “I take it they want to go to the park then” Serena chuckled, holding her arms out to Ellie, “are we going to get you dressed then Monkey, see if a trip to the park will burn off some of your energy?” she said before looking up at Bernie, "if you wouldn't mind the two of us tagging along that is" she added as Elinor crawled into her arms, giggling happily.  


"Of course I wouldn't" Bernie said instantly, "you've spent the past six months taking care of my children, I'm not going to stop you seeing them now I'm home."

"I didn't, I mean, I just thought that you might want some time alone with them and..."

"And have to put up with two annoyed kids when they find out I've made you and Elinor stay here? Never.  You and Ellie will always be welcome to come out with Cameron, Charlie and I if you want to" Bernie said decisively as Charlotte toddled over to her, "are you okay Peanut?"

Charlotte nodded before quietly asking Bernie, “you he’p me get d’essed?”

“Of course” Bernie kissed Charlotte’s head before looking up at Cameron, “do you need helo getting dressed or can you manage?”

Cameron shook his head, “I’m a big boy Mummy, I can do it on my own” he told her before asking, “can I pick my own clothes too?”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “of course you can, but make sure you put your pyjamas in the laundry basket okay?”

“Okay Mummy” Cameron grinned as he skipped off upstairs to get changed.

Serena took Elinor up to her attic room to get them both dressed as Bernie helped Charlotte get changed and left her playing in her bedroom as she got herself ready to go out, “ready?” Bernie asked as she came downstairs with Charlie to find Cameron sitting on the sofa with Serena, her son already wearing his jacket and shoes, Elinor wearing a jacket that Bernie remembered buying for Charlotte.

“We are” Serena nodded, smiling as she watched Bernie help Charlotte with her shoes.

“Let’s go then” Bernie slipped on her jacket before asking Charlotte, “do you you want to walk or go in the buggy?” she asked.

Charlotte thought for a moment before looking up at her Mumma, “I walk. You hold my hand?”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “of course” she looked to Serena, “if you want to put Ellie in the buggy then you’re welcome to.”

“Thanks” Serena returned the smile, “I’ll take her sling then if Charlie gets tired she can have the buggy back.”

“Okay” Bernie shouldered the changing bag and ran her hand over Charlie’s hair, “want me to take Ellie while you get the buggy from the car?” Serena nodded and thanked Bernie as she passed Elinor over, smiling as the baby gurgled happily before going out to the car, “right then” Bernie smiled, “Charlie, can you hold Cam’s hand, just until I’ve locked the door?” Charlotte nodded and Cameron smiled as he took hold of his sister’s hand, “let’s go then.”

“Come on Charlie” Cameron led his sister towards the door, “we’re going to the park, I help you on the slide” he promised.

They strolled leisurely towards the park, Charlotte walking silently beside her Mumma, her hand held firmly in Bernie’s, the toddler occasionally turning her head to look up at her Mumma as if she couldn’t believe she was there, Bernie smiling softly at her daughter each time she caught her eye, “are you okay Peanut?” she asked softly.

Charlie smiled shyly and nodded, “love Mumma.”

“I love you too Darling” Bernie smiled as they walked, Cameron a few steps in front of them chatting happily to Serena as she pushed Elinor, Cameron too glancing over his shoulder occasionally as if to check Bernie was still there, Bernie winking and poking her tongue out at her son when he looked back at her causing him to smile before he went back to his conversation with Serena.

Serena settled on a bench once they were at the playground, unable to stop smiling as she watched Bernie as she helped Cameron and Charlotte up onto the climbing frame, Bernie obviously enjoying being back with her children as much as they were enjoying having her home.  She rummaged in the changing bag for a minute, smiling as she found the camera she still had stashed away, she’d noticed that, whilst there were many pictures of the children and even a few with Marcus in too, she hadn’t seen any pictures of Bernie and her children in the house and Serena was determined to change that.

She managed to take a few snaps of the little family, including one where Bernie had Charlotte in her arms and Cameron clinging to her back, before Elinor got restless and began to shriek loudly, “okay Noisy” Serena chuckled, tickling Elinor’s stomach as she lifted her from the buggy, “I’ve not forgotten about you.”

“Is she okay?” Bernie asked as Serena held Ellie on her hip as she pushed the buggy over to where Bernie was already pushing Charlie and Cam on the swings.

“Scared she’s missing out” Serena laughed as she put Elinor in the swing beside Charlotte, laughing as she saw Cam kicking his legs in a vain attempt to make himself swing higher.

“‘Rena” Cam called her as she began to push Ellie, the baby giggling and shrieking in excitement, “when Ellie’s done swinging can I take her on the slide?”

“Of course” she smiled before looking at Bernie and seeing her raised eyebrow, “she sits on his knee when he goes down the slide, they both seem to enjoy it” she explained.

Bernie smiled, “I’m glad they all get along.”

Serena returned the smile as she nodded, “so am I.”

"Mumma” Charlie tipped her head back to look at Bernie, “you slide with me?”

Bernie laughed before nodding, “of course I will, do you want to go on the slide now?”

Charlotte nodded and held her arms up, “yes p’ease Mumma.”

“Are you ready to take Ellie on the slide?” Serena asked Cam, smiling as he nodded and jumped off his swing, Serena happy that she’d be able to get some pictures of Charlotte and Bernie whilst letting Bernie think she was only taking photos of Cameron and Elinor.

“Come on Darling” Bernie encouraged Charlotte as she lagged behind, “I know you’re tired but we’re nearly home, if I could carry you then I would but I’ve got my hands full” she tried to explain.  The planned fifteen minutes in the park on the way to the shops had turned into almost an hour and it was obvious that Charlotte was struggling with the walk home but Elinor was asleep in the buggy and Bernie was carrying the shopping that wouldn’t fit under the buggy meaning that Charlie had to walk.

“Give me a minute” Serena said softly as she rummaged in the changing bag that hung from the handles of the buggy for a moment before pulling out some black fabric that Bernie recognised as the wrap Serena had used so often when Elinor had been tiny.

Bernie watched as Serena took off her jacket, laying it on the hood of the buggy before wrapping herself in the black fabric, adjusting it expertly.  She’d been expecting Serena to take the sleeping baby from the buggy but had been surprised when Serena had held her arms out to Charlotte, settling the toddler on her hip, her body supported by the wrap giving Serena both hands free to push the buggy, “are you okay with her?” Bernie asked as Charlotte nuzzled into Serena and began to suck her thumb tiredly.

“We’re fine” Serena slipped her jacket back on and gently rubbed Charlotte’s back, “it’s not the first time her little legs have gotten tired whilst Ellie’s been napping in the buggy, it makes more sense to carry Charlie than it does to risk a grumpy Elinor if she wakes as I try and put her in the sling and won’t settle again.”

Bernie nodded, “I think a double buggy might be a good investment though” she chuckled, “even if we only use the second seat to carry the shopping”.

Neither adult was surprised when Charlotte fell asleep on the short walk back home, “do you want me to put her on the sofa or…” Serena asked as she gently stroked Charlotte’s back.

Bernie shrugged, “what would you do if I wasn’t here?” she asked.

“I erm, well, if the other two were settled I’d probably just leave her until she woke up” Serena admitted.

“Well Ellie’s still asleep in the buggy and Cameron’s gone to play upstairs so if you want to keep her in there then you can, but if you want to put her down then that’s fine too.”

“I don’t mind holding her” Serena nodded, “I just didn’t want you to think I was crossing a line or anything.”

“Serena” Bernie said softly as she put the shopping away, stopping and turning to face the other woman, “for the past six months you’ve practically been their mother, you potty trained Charlotte, I don’t think you comforting them when they need it is going to cross any lines.”

“I thought with you being home…”

Bernie walked over to Serena and gently squeezed her arm, “my children adore you, Charlotte wouldn’t let herself be physically so close to you, never mind fall asleep on you if she wasn’t comfortable around you, so let’s have a rule, if it’s something you’re comfortable doing and if it’s something you’d do to or for Ellie, then it’s okay with me. If they need something you’re not comfortable with for whatever reason, then tell me and I’ll sort it out, they know they can come to me but they’re used to you being the one that gives them cuddles and settles them down, it makes sense that they’ll still go to you even now I’m home.”

Serena nodded, “okay, and for the record, it’s not, I mean, you shouldn’t have to, but should you have the need to do anything for Elinor, then I’d be okay with that too.”

“There we are then” Bernie rubbed Serena’s arm, “now stop looking so worried and go and make the most of those sleepy cuddles, I’ll bring you a cuppa through when I’ve put the shopping away.”

“Are you sure?” 

Bernie nodded, “certain, and if you’re lucky, I might even bring you some cake with your cuppa”

Serena laughed as she absentmindedly stroked Charlotte’s back through the sling, the way she’d settled Elinor so many times before, “you’re too good to me” she chuckled.

Bernie winked cheekily as she went back to putting the shopping away, “nothing more than I think you deserve.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away next weekend, I'm hoping to upload Sunday's update from my phone, but in case that doesn't work I'll update once I'm home on Monday. Next week's chapter has something in it that I've been trying to make happen ever since Bernie came home (that I think you'll all like) but Berena seemed to have other ideas!

Serena was surprised at how taken Elinor seemed with Bernie, the infant sitting in her highchair between the adults at dinner, happily picking at the food Bernie had placed on the tray of her high chair, occasionally babbling up at Bernie and giggling.   
  
All the same, Serena was happy that her daughter had settled without any trouble that night and, after Bernie had tucked in and said goodnight to both Charlotte and Cameron she made her way back downstairs to where Serena was curled on the sofa, a bottle of wine already open on the coffee table, "I'll try not to fall asleep on you tonight" Bernie chuckled as she joined Serena on the sofa.   
  
Serena laughed, "I don't mind, if you need to sleep then you need to sleep, there'll be plenty of time for us when you're not feeling so jetlagged and exhausted" she smiled softly as she poured them both a glass of wine.   
  
They sat in silence once they had their wine, fingers entwined in the space between them, something both of them had noticed had become a frequent occurrence in the short time since Bernie had returned.    
  
Bernie sipped at her wine before quietly telling Serena, "I missed you."   
  
Serena gently squeezed Bernie's fingers, "I missed you too."   
  
"Do you erm, do you want to go out somewhere at the weekend? Take the kids out somewhere? From the photos it looks like they enjoyed your little trips out."   
  
Serena smiled, "that would be nice, is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go?"   
  
"Cameron always liked the zoo" Bernie suggested, "Charlie was about Elinor's age the last time I went with them though."   
  
"Then we'll go to the zoo" Serena nodded, "I think Elinor would like that."   
  
Bernie smiled, "she erm, she reminds me a lot of Cam at that age, he was cheeky and into everything. Whenever he was about to hit a milestone he'd just keep trying and trying until he did it, when he was going to walk he didn't mind about taking a couple of steps and falling over. Charlotte didn't hit her milestones until later but she waited until she was sure she could do it and once she started that was it, she was almost perfect and there was no stopping her."   
  
Serena's smile grew, finding she loved hearing about what Charlotte and Cameron were like as babies, wishing slightly that she'd have been around to see them. "I think I'd be very happy if Elinor grew up to be like Cameron" she told Bernie, "but obviously that's not to say I wouldn't be equally happy if she turned out like Charlotte."   
  
Bernie stroked the back of Serena's hand with her thumb, she'd never been this tactile with anyone but her children, she and Marcus had never been the type of couple that held hands or cuddled but it somehow seemed natural with Serena. "Really?"   
  
Serena nodded and took another sip of wine, "really, both your children are kind, caring and intelligent, Charlotte's thoughtful and Cameron's one of the wittiest children I've ever met."   
  
"I feel like I've missed out on so much" Bernie admitted.   
  
Serena squeezed Bernie's hand, "but you're home now, and, whilst I know it doesn't change anything, I've taken care of children with parents who live in the same house as them that are more absent than you've been. I think the kids reaction to having you home shows just how much they've missed you and love having you here with them."   
  
Bernie smiled and nodded, "thank you. I think it’s only now it’s starting to sink in that it;s not going to happen that I’m beginning to realise just how much I was looking forward to having another baby, for actually being around this time and getting to see all those little firsts when they actually happen, but..." she shrugged and finished her wine.   
  
"I understand" Serena offered Bernie the bottle, the blonde letting go of Serena’s hand briefly to refill her glass, linking their fingers again once she’d put the bottle back. "When I found out I was pregnant I had this whole future planned out in my head, a happy family, a husband, another baby or two, maybe a dog and a house in the country, I didn't expect my husband to tell me that I had to choose between an abortion or a divorce."   
  
Bernie squeezed Serena's hand, sharing their silent gesture of support, "well" she held up her wine glass, "here's to better times without any men ruining things for us."   
  
Serena tapped her glass against Bernie's, "girl power, I'll drink to that." She watched Bernie swirl the wine around her glass for a moment, obviously lost in her thoughts, "are you okay?" Serena asked after a few minutes.   
  
Bernie nodded and looked up at Serena from under her long fringe and Serena found herself wondering how I'm earth she'd kept it pulled back from her face during her deployment, "I erm, I was just wondering if you'd thought about what I said, about you and Elinor getting your own place? I can help you with a deposit for somewhere if you need me to."   
  
"Oh" Serena felt her heart sink, of course Bernie wanted her house back now she was going to be home permanently, "I haven't really looked but I erm, I'll have a look in the paper next week, ring some estate agents too and set up some viewings" she was surprised to feel tears building in her eyes at the thought of leaving the first place that has felt like 'home' in longer than she cared to remember.   
  
"Are you okay?" Bernie asked, trying to hide how disappointed she was that Serena seemed so eager to leave.   
  
"I'm fine" Serena nodded but the tears beginning to spill down her cheeks said otherwise.   
  
"You're crying Serena, you're not fine" Bernie reached for the tissues on the coffee table and handed them over, "please tell me what's wrong."   
  
"I'm just being silly" Serena thanked Bernie as she dabbed at her eyes before sighing at the look Bernie gave her and looking down at her lap as she twirled the tissue between her fingers, "I guess I'm just going to miss this, miss you when I find somewhere of my own."   
  
"Then don't find somewhere of your own" Bernie said softly, "you don't have to leave if you don't want to."   
  
"But I thought..."   
  
"Thought what?" Bernie prompted gently.   
  
"You'd want the house to yourself now you don't need me here all the time."   
  
Bernie sighed and took Serena's hand, "just because I don't need you here all the time doesn't mean I don't want you here. I just thought that you and Ellie might like your own space but if you want to stay here then stay here, I know I'd prefer that to the alternative."   
  
"What's the alternative?" Serena asked.   
  
"You move out and we both spend every evening sat on our own sofas once the kids are asleep wishing we were sat together putting the world to rights."   
  
Serena chuckled, "at least the landline calls would be free at this time of night."   
  
Bernie laughed, "that's true. And well..." she dipped her head, feeling Serena's thumb ghosting over the back of her hand in silent encouragement to continue, "if we're doing whatever this is, and you move out, chances are that there'll come a time where I'd ask you to move in again so you'd just be saving yourself the hassle of moving twice" she said with a smile.   
  
Serena laughed, "that is a pretty convincing argument".   
  
Bernie smiled shyly, "but if you ever do feel like you need to have some space of your own, more than your room then you don't have to stay here."   
  
"I know" Serena smiled softly, "but right now, Elinor and I are both very happy to be here but the same goes for you, if you want me to go then..."   
  
"I think if I asked you to leave, Charlie and Cam would probably leave with you" Bernie rolled her eyes, "let's just agree that we're all happy for now and we can talk about it again if either of us stop feeling so comfortable with us all living together."   
  
Serena nodded and squeezed Bernie's hand, "that sounds like a good idea to me."

Bernie smiled and squeezed Serena’s hand as she sipped at her wine, “so, tell me about the groups you’ve been taking Charlie and Ellie to.”

They shared a second bottle of wine on the sofa as Serena told Bernie about the things she’d been doing with Charlotte and Cameron whilst she’d been away, even though Bernie already knew most of the things that they’d done thanks to the letters from Serena and the children, “she’s really coming along in the gymnastics class” Serena told her, “and she seems to be getting more confidence too, I’m sure she’ll love to show you what she’s learnt.”

“I’m looking forward to watching her” Bernie smiled, “and Cam’s football too, he was telling me all about it earlier, thank you for letting him go, and for taking Charlotte to the things you’ve taken her to, I know it’s more than you…”

“It was nothing I wouldn’t do for Elinor” Serena thought back to their conversation earlier, “you don’t need to thank me.”

Bernie let her head fall onto Serena’s shoulder and let out a yawn, not entirely sure when they’d closed the gap between them, “I do” she yawned again, “you’ve done so much more for the kids, and for me, than I ever expected and I’ll never be able to thank you for that.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit later than I planned but I've only just had chance to sit down and proof read it. I hope it was worth waiting for, and I'm sorry if I've missed any typos or errors!

“Charlie wasn’t happy this morning” Bernie told Serena as she washed the dishes from lunch, Cameron was at school and Elinor and Charlotte were both having an afternoon nap on one of the sofas in the living room, giving the adults some time to themselves.

“Why?” Serena frowned as she put away the dishes she’d already dried, “is everything okay?”

“She came in for cuddles when she woke up and she was upset that you and Elinor weren’t there like yesterday.”

Serena chuckled, “I did wonder why she gave me such a big hug when you came downstairs.”

“She thought you’d gone” Bernie told her, “I told her you were upstairs in your own room and she told me she missed you.”

“Oh bless her” Serena smiled, “I know she’s happy to have you back but it must be a big change for her to get used to having you around again.”

Bernie nodded and passed Serena the plate she’d just washed, “I know, they were the same with Marcus, it was like it took them both a while to remember that they could ask me for things as well as him.” 

“It’s bound to take a while for everyone to adjust to you being home” Serena told her softly as she dried and put away the plate, “especially as this time nobody’s counting down the days until you leave again.”

“The kids are happy” Bernie smiled, “that’s the most important thing.”

“It is” Serena agreed, leaning against the side, passing over the tea towel for Bernie to dry her hands once everything was clean and put away, “what about you? Are you happy?”

Bernie hung the damp teatowel over the radiator and nodded, “I am, are you?”

“Happier than I’ve been in a long time” Serena admitted.

“Good” Bernie smiled, flicking on the kettle and holding up Serena’s mug, dropping a tea bag in it when she got a nod in response.

“Is there erm, is there anything you want to do now you’re back?” Serena asked, “anything you usually do once you’re home?”

Bernie thought for a minute before she spoke, “there is one thing, it’s something I've wanted to do since I left” she said quietly, “since before I left actually but it’s not something that I usually do.”

“Yeah” Serena tipped her head to one side as she looked over at Bernie, “what's that then?”

Bernie stood from where she’d been leaning against the sideboard by the kettle and nervously took the few steps around the kitchen table to stand in front of Serena, “this” she whispered, gently laying her hand on Serena's cheek before ducking her head and placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Serena smiled when their lips finally parted, reaching up to put her hand on Bernie’s, “I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been looking forward to you doing that too” she whispered.

Bernie smiled, her thumb ghosting over Serena’s cheek, “I’m quite glad I’m not going on another tour.”

Serena leaned in to steal another kiss as the kettle finally boiled, “me too” she whispered, “me too.”

They were curled up on the sofa together under a blanket when Charlotte woke almost an hour later, Bernie dozing against Serena’s side as an old film played quietly on the tv, “Re’a” Charlie yawned, “Mumma naptime now?”

Serena glanced at Bernie and smiled, obviously she knew Bernie had curled into her but hadn’t noticed that she’d fallen asleep, “I think so.”

Charlotte sat up for a minute before kissing Ellie’s forehead and shuffling off the sofa, “I snuggle you and Mumma?”

“Of course” Serena nodded, gesturing to the bookcase in the corner of the room, “why don't you grab some books and I'll read with you until Mumma wakes up?”

Charlotte nodded and toddled over to the bookcase, choosing a selection of her favourite books from the bottom shelves. “Mumma’s awake” Bernie murmured quietly without opening her eyes once Charlotte was preoccupied picking out books.

Serena smiled and chanced a kiss to Bernie’s temple, “well Mumma obviously needs her rest, I'll wake you when it’s time to go get Cam?”

Bernie nodded, eyes still tightly closed, “thanks.”

Serena gave Bernie some time alone with her children that evening, keeping Elinor entertained in the living room once they’d collected Cameron from school, allowing Charlotte and Cameron made dinner with Bernie, both children eager to share the pizzas they’d made with Serena, Elinor shrieking with excitement when Serena strapped her into the high chair, little slices of pizza already on the tray along with several other pieces of food she could pick at.

“Well, doesn’t this look lovely” Serena smiled, “you’ve done a great job!” she praised the excited children.

“We made this too” Cameron pointed to a plate of garlic bread, “Charlie helped Mummy stir the magic butter and I helped spread it.”

Serena nodded and helped herself to a slice, “and I bet it tastes lovely” she told them as Cameron continued talking her through how they’d made the meal.

“...And we didn’t put pineapple on yours because Mummy says you don’t like pineapple on pizza, she says that’s silly.”

“Did she now?” Serena smirked as she looked at Bernie, “I see Elinor’s got some ham and pineapple pizza, trying to corrupt my daughter are we?” she joked as she raised one eyebrow.  

Bernie smirked and bit her lip, the simple action making Serena wish she could just lean over and kiss her again, “it’s good for her to try a range of foods so she can develop her own tastes.”

“Hmm” Serena rolled her eyes, “I thought you might have a convincing argument about why Ellie needed pineapple on her pizza.”

“She’s enjoying it” Bernie smiled, watching as Elinor happily picked the toppings off her pizza with clumsy fingers, inspecting each item for a few moments before putting it in her mouth.

“You’ve brainwashed her” Serena joked before passing Charlotte some garlic bread when she saw her try and reach for some.

“There’s a difference between brainwashing and teaching her about the best pizza toppings” Bernie laughed.

“Hmm, if you say so” Serena rolled her eyes.

“‘Rena” Charlotte interrupted the quiet conversation between the adults, “you read me at bedtime?”

“Of course I will darling if that’s what you want?”

Charlotte nodded, “Mumma too?”

Bernie nodded and looked at Cameron before glancing over at Serena, “why don’t we all snuggle up in the big bed and read some stories together before you go to bed?”

Charlotte’s face lit up and she nodded happily, “yeah, p’ease Mumma.”

“Is that okay?” she asked Serena quietly.

Serena smiled and nodded, “of course it is, but you’ll have to do the voices, you’re far better at them then I am.”

Bernie chuckled, “you’ve got yourself a deal.”

As he had done a few times lately, Cameron asked if he could have a shower before bed instead of a bath, Bernie agreed and, with the instruction to leave the door open and shout if he needed help, he made his way happily into the ensuite to shower. “Do you erm, I used to bath the girls together sometimes to save time and make things a bit easier” Serena told Bernie, “we could… if you don’t mind, I mean, we’d have them ready for bed sooner.”

Bernie nodded and smiled, “that’s a good idea” she picked Charlotte up, “would you like to have a bath with Ellie darling?”

Charlie nodded and smiled up at Bernie, “baby like splash” she told her mother

“Ah” Serena nodded as she finished wiping tomato sauce from Elinor’s hands and mouth with a baby wipe before lifting her to her hip, “she hasn’t quite got the hang of keeping the water in the bath tub.”

“Cameron was exactly the same” Bernie laughed as she made her way upstairs with Charlotte, Serena close behind, “do you want to start running the bath, I’ll just grab some pyjamas for Cam and leave them on the bed for him.”

“Of course” Serena held out her free arm for Charlotte, Bernie passing the toddler over without hesitation, “see you in a minute.”

Bernie could hear the shower running as she made her way into her bedroom with Cameron’s pyjamas, “are you okay Cam?” she called through the door which had been left open as promised.

“I’m fine Mummy, I’m washing my hair.”

“Good boy” she smiled, her son growing up faster than she’d ever imagined, “did you remember to get a towel?”

“Yep, I got a really big one.”

“Okay” she chuckled, “I’ve left you some pyjamas on my bed, when you’re dry, put them on and come and clean your teeth, then you can pick out some stories for Serena and I to read to you.”

“Okay Mummy, can we read the one about the elephants?”

“If that’s what you want Darling, you and Charlie can pick two stories each when you’re both in your pyjamas.  I’m going to help Serena give Charlotte and Ellie a bath but shout me if you need me.”

“Okay Mummy, see you soon” Cameron told her before she left the room with a smile on her face.

The five of them cuddled up on Bernie’s bed once the children were sorted, Bernie and Serena too finding time to change into their own pyjamas.  “Are we ready?” Bernie asked as Charlotte curled up on her lap, clutching her bear and sucking her thumb, “no more wriggles to get out?”  

Cameron giggled as he shuffled about on the bed, sat happily between Serena and Bernie, Elinor feeding at Serena’s breast, “nope, all my wriggles have gone” he grinned up at his mother.

“That’s good” Bernie smiled, as she opened one of the books her children had chosen, “Once upon a time…”

They’d read three of the four stories when Cameron spoke, Charlotte and Elinor both asleep already, “Mummy, do you think I’m too big for cuddles?”

“Of course not” Bernie ran a hand over his hair, “why do you ask?”

Cameron shrugged, “Joe at school said only babies had cuddles.”

“That’s not true Darling, it’s not true at all, even me and Serena like cuddles and we’re much bigger than you.”

Cameron turned to look at Serena, “do you?”

She nodded, “I do.”

“Do you have cuddles with Mummy?”

Serena glanced up at Bernie and she nodded, giving her permission for Serena to be honest with Cameron, “I do sometimes, when you, Charlie and Ellie are all asleep.”

Cameron beamed, “Mummy gives the best cuddles” he told her before turning his attention back to Bernie, “is ‘Rena your bestest friend Mummy?”

Bernie smiled and lifted her gaze to meet Serena’s as she nodded, “yeah, she is.”


	25. Chapter 25

As Bernie’s return to work drew closer she and Serena began trying to explain the upcoming change to the children.  Cameron seemed to understand but Charlotte seemed to equate her Mummy going to ‘work’ with her Mummy going away for a long time and Serena and Bernie were doing their best to explain that, yes, Bernie would still be going to work but she’d still be living at home.

“I’ve never, I’ve always been in the army” Bernie told Serena over a cuppa once the children were in bed one night, “I’ve either been here constantly, doing everything with them or I’ve been away, not seeing them at all for months on end, they’ve never known that middle ground.”

Serena nodded, “she’ll get used to it, we could make a planner every time you get your shifts so they know who’s going to be here when” she suggested, “so she’ll know that today you’ll be here for breakfast and bedtime and I'll be doing lunch and dinner but that later in the week you’ll be doing breakfast and lunch and I'll be doing dinner and bedtime.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “that would be nice, we could get the kids to help us make something.”

“Sounds like a brilliant idea, although you know Charlotte will want there to be glitter everywhere.”

“I do” Bernie laughed, “I honestly don't know how I managed to make such a little Princess.”

There were a few tears from Charlotte when Bernie left for her first day at work but Bernie didn't worry, she knew Charlotte would be safe with Serena, that Serena would do her best to reassure and comfort the toddler

She spent most of her morning filling in paperwork with HR and her afternoon in theatre trying to patch together a motorcyclist who had been hit by a van, the lead on her ward joking about throwing her in at the deep end but Bernie didn't mind, she loved being in theatre.

She was tired by the time she get home but buzzing from the adrenaline rush she got from saving lives, “I'm home” she called into the house as she kicked off her shoes and hung up her jacket, not at all surprised when she heard two sets of feet racing through the house, bending down to hug both her children.

"Mumma” Charlotte beamed, “Mumma back.”

“I told you I’d be home for dinner didn't I?” she asked, kissing Charlotte’s head before looking to Cam, “did you have a good day at school?” He nodded and grinned, Bernie returning his smile, “let me go and get changed them and you can tell me all about it over dinner.”

“Okay” Cam nodded and kissed Bernie’s cheek, “I’m gonna go see if I can help ‘Rena with dinner” he told her before bounding off towards the kitchen.

“Are you going to help Serena too or are you coming with me?” Bernie asked, not at all surprised when Charlotte wrapped her arms around her neck and nuzzled into her. “Come on then Peanut”. She stood with Charlotte on her hip before smiling when she saw Elinor crawl into the hallway, “hello you”. Elinor clapped her hands and babbled nonsense at Bernie before reaching out to her. “It sounds like you have had an exciting day” Bernie agreed with the baby as she opened the stair gate before carrying both girls upstairs, lifting Charlotte over the second stair gate at the top of the stairs to give herself a free hand to open it so she could get through it herself.

She chatted to both girls as she changed from her smart trousers and shirt, Elinor giggling and babbling as Charlotte shyly answered the questions her Mumma asked.

“Hello you” Serena smiled as Bernie walked into the kitchen a while later, not seeming at all surprised by the fact that she was holding Charlotte’s hand and had Elinor settled on her hip, “good day?”

“Yeah” Bernie nodded as she strapped Ellie into her high chair and helped Charlotte into her booster seat at the table, “well, it was once I got all the admin stuff out of the way and managed to treat some patients” she nodded, thanking Cameron as he bought over a plate, “was everything okay here?”

“Yeah” Serena nodded, putting a plate in front of Charlotte and a handful of food on the tray of Elinor’s high chair, “Charlotte was a bit upset after you left but we had lots of cuddles and Ellie wanted to play with you too and give you lots of cuddles didn't she?” Serena asked the toddler softly.

Charlotte nodded, “I play baby and ‘Re'a read me stories.”

“That's good” Bernie smiled, “Mummy has to go to work Darling but I'm not going to be going away for a long time, not anymore, you’ll still get to see me every day” she promised.

“But sometimes you might only see us at breakfast and sometimes you might only see us at bedtime” Cam piped up.

“That's right” Bernie nodded, “but sometimes I'll have all day at home with you both. I promise you I won't be leaving you again.”

Charlotte was a bit clingier than usual at bedtime, but settled eventually after a long cuddle with her Mummy and a promise that, should she wake, she could have as many cuddles as she wanted with her Mummy who would be there because she wasn't going anywhere.

“Come on then” Serena looked at Bernie once they were sat on the sofa, glass of wine in hand, her legs curled underneath her body, “spit it out.”

Bernie glanced at the floor as she sat at the other end of the sofa, “what do you mean?”

“Well something’s been on your mind since you got home” Serena raised an eyebrow, “are you going to tell me what it is or do I have to drag it out of you?”

Bernie smiled, she’d forgotten that Serena could read her just as easily as she could read the children, “I erm, I had to fill in a lot of paperwork earlier, I'm sure you can imagine the sort of thing. They asked me for details of my next of kin, I gave them your name.”

“Okay” Serena nodded, not minding at all, “but now tell me what’s really bothering you” Serena reached for Bernie’s hand.

Bernie linked her fingers with Serena’s and sipped at her wine before finally asking, “do erm, do you and Elinor have passports?”

Serena frowned, “I have but Elinor doesn’t, can I ask why?”

“I probably should have said something first” Bernie bit her lip, “but I erm, at lunch time I booked a holiday, for the five of us in a couple of months, I didn’t want to go on holiday too soon after starting my new job but the CEO seems quite understanding about how long I’ve spent away from my children over the past few years so...”

“You...Bernie” Serena gasped, “you shouldn’t have, how much was it? I’ll pay you for…”

“No” Bernie shook her head, “I don’t want paying, and I’m not taking you as the nanny either, you’ve been so good to me, to Charlie and Cam that you deserve a holiday too. I’ve booked a family room with two double beds and a cot for Elinor, I’m happy to share with Charlie and Cam but if you want your own room then…”

It was Serena’s turn to interrupt, “that’s fine Bernie, of course it is, and if you want me to have one of the children in with me then…”

“Then you’d rather have Charlotte because Cameron runs marathons in his sleep?” Bernie laughed.

Serena smiled and nodded, “exactly.”

“I know I should have asked you first” Bernie said honestly, “but I saw a good deal and…”

“Bernie” Serena squeezed her hand, “it's fine honestly, you really shouldn't have paid for me and Elinor but I do appreciate it and I'm sure we’ll all have a brilliant time” she smiled before asking, “am I allowed to ask where we’re going?”

“Tenerife” Bernie told her, “it's a quiet resort but it's only 15 minutes on the bus to a bigger resort if we want a bit more excitement or if the kids want to go to the beach.”

“It sounds lovely” Serena smiled, “I take it there’s a pool for Elinor to splash in?”

Bernie nodded and smiled, “there's a big pool with a swim up bar and then a separate shallow kids pool with fountains and things.”

“They'll love it” Serena smiled, “thank you. Are you sure you don't want me to give you the money to…”

“No” Bernie interrupted, “I don't want you to give me anything. Let’s be honest Serena, you had my kids 24/7 while I was deployed, as well as looking after your own young baby.  If you don't deserve a holiday then no one does.”

“I just don't want you to think I'm taking advantage.”

“You're not. I'd never think that. You didn't ask, you didn't expect me to take you on holiday. It was my decision, I want to pay, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done, not just for Charlie and Cameron but for me too.”

Serena stroked her thumb over the back of Bernie’s hand, “I should be the one thanking you. I thought once I had Elinor that I’d never get to be a nanny again. I was over the moon when you told me you wouldn't mind if I bought her along with me. I thought this was just going to be another job, I didn't, I never expected that you’d open your home to Elinor and I, that you’d be so welcoming. And I never imagined that I’d find myself putting the world to rights every night with my best friend whilst my daughter sleeps upstairs, worn out after a day of being doted on by two children who adore her. You might think I’ve done a lot for you Bernie but honestly, you’ve done so much more for Elinor and I. We’re so lucky to have you.”

Bernie leant forward and briefly brushed her lips against Serena’s, “I'm so glad you agreed to come and meet the children when I called you” she admitted.

Serena smiled and curled into Bernie, still holding her hand, “so am I.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you really all think I'd have Bernie and Serena sleeping in seperate beds all holiday? I'm obviously not as predictable as I thought I was!

They settled into an easy routine as the next few weeks passed, Charlotte slowly learning that, although Bernie was going out to work, she wasn’t going to be gone for months on end, she would always come home, the weekly planner stuck to the fridge reminding the toddler which mealtime her Mummy would next be home for.

The weeks passed quickly and, almost before Bernie and Serena could blink, they were dressing the children at the crack of dawn to go on holiday, “I haven't had to wake up this early since you comed home Mummy”

“I know” Bernie smiled as she pulled Cameron’s t-shirt over his head, “but you can sleep in the car on the way to the airport” she promised, earning a nod and a large yawn from her son as she sent him off to clean his teeth.

Check in went surprisingly well, both women expecting some stress from going through security with three young children but Elinor slept through the process, Cameron followed Serena through the metal detector and Charlotte, who was tired and overwhelmed by the new environment, clung tightly to Bernie, sucking her thumb as she was carried through to the departure lounge.

They didn't have long. A quick browse in the shops and a drink in the cafe was all they had time for and, by the time their row was called to board, Cameron was almost bouncing with excitement.

They settled in their seats, Bernie sat between her children, Cameron by the window after negotiations that Charlotte could have the window seat on the way home, and Serena in the seat across the aisle with Elinor on her knee.  Takeoff went smoothly but not long after the seatbelt sign was turned off, Elinor began to grizzle, the baby only getting more agitated as the flight went on.

“Charlie” Bernie gently kissed her head, “can you swap seats with me?” she asked, “sit between me and Cam?”  Charlotte nodded and Bernie swapped places with her daughter, the toddler kneeling in the middle seat as she coloured carefully in the colouring book Serena had bought her in the airport, allowing Bernie to settle herself in the aisle seat, they’d been on the plane for almost an hour and Bernie had been surprised at how well behaved Charlotte and Cam had been, both asking questions about the flight but neither of them making a fuss or being overly loud. 

“I’m so sorry” Serena said from her seat across the aisle as she did her best to rock Elinor despite the confined space, “I don’t know why she’s being so grumpy and…”

“Give her here” Bernie said softly, holding out her arms.

“But...I….”

“You’re on holiday too, let me take her for a bit, you read your book or something.” She saw Serena about to protest again and gestured to her own children, Cam playing on his new gameboy, Charlotte colouring in Cinderella’s dress, “I’ve done it before, crying babies don’t bother me in the slightest.”

Serena nodded and handed Elinor over, “thank you.”

“It’s okay” Bernie smiled before standing Elinor up on her knee, “now then Missy” she gently bounced her knees, “what’s all this noise for? We all know you’re here” Elinor whined before squirming slightly in Bernie’s hold, “I know, you’re full of energy and we’re asking you to sit still for a very long time aren’t we? Shall we go for a little walk?” Bernie turned her attention to her own children, “I’m going to take Ellie for a little walk down the plane” she told them, “I’ll be back soon and Serena’s right there, she won’t be going anywhere.”

She got a response of ‘okay’ from both her children before she stood with Elinor on her hip, glancing down when she felt a hand on her arm, finding Serena looking up at her, “thank you.”

“It’s no problem” Bernie smiled, glancing down the length of the plane and finding the aisle relatively empty, she stood Ellie on the floor, taking hold of her hands, the baby gripping tightly to her middle and index fingers as she took off, toddling unsteadily down the aisle, her whines now changed to happy chatter.  “That’s right” Bernie pretended to understand what Elinor was telling her, “we’re going to walk down here, then we’ll walk back to our seats and then you can colour with Charlotte.”

“Lala” Elinor babbled.

“That’s right clever girl, shall we go and see Lala?”

“Lala” Elinor giggled as they reached the front of the plane and Bernie encouraged her to turn round and toddle back to their seats.

“There we are” Bernie lifted Elinor to sit beside Charlotte, smiling as the baby wrapped her arms around the toddler, “that’s a nice cuddle” she smiled, running her hand over Elinor’s head.

“Ellie want colour me?” Charlotte asked after kissing Elinor’s head.

“That’d be nice” Bernie nodded, “but I’ll get her out her own colouring book so she doesn’t ruin your picture” Bernie smiled, reaching into her rucksack and pulling out another colouring book and a second set of crayons, “what’s this Ellie?” she asked, the baby shrieking with excitement as Bernie handed her a crayon and she began to scribble happily on the page.

Serena didn’t realise she’d fallen asleep until the jolt of the plane touching down on the runway woke her.  She panicked for a moment when she realised Elinor wasn’t on her lap before feeling a hand on her arm, glancing sideways to Bernie, “it’s okay” she said softly, “I’ve got her.”  

Serena glanced at Bernie’s lap, smiling slightly as she saw Bernie was right, Elinor was fast asleep on her lap, “thank you” she smiled, gently reaching out a hand to stroke Elinor’s arm, “has she been asleep long?”

“About half an hour, Charlie’s gone too” she smiled, “Cam’s still holding out though.”

“Because I’m a big boy” he leaned forwards in his seat so he could see Serena, “and I don’t need a nap.”

“You are a big boy” Serena smiled, failing to notice that she’d linked her fingers with Bernie’s, their hands joined over the aisle that separated them, “but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a nap if you get tired, we had an early start.”

“I’m okay” Cam nodded, “I’ll sleep at bedtime” he promised.

Serena smiled, “good boy.”

“Cam” Bernie said softly once they’d collected all their luggage, “can you walk with Serena and hold onto the buggy please? So I can get all our luggage?” she asked as she piled the two suitcases and her own large rucksack onto the luggage trolley, Serena already having Charlotte and Elinor strapped into the double buggy, hers, Cameron’s and Charlotte’s hand luggage bags hanging from the handles, Bernie’s rucksack still on her back.

“Yep” Cameron nodded, “I do that all the time when we go to school” he smiled, moving over to Serena and holding onto the handle on the side of the buggy, it’s purpose usually to carry the buggy when folded but it was placed at a convenient height for Cameron to hold onto in busy places.

“Thank you” Bernie ruffled Cameron’s hair before telling Serena, “I got us a private transfer, they said they’d have car seats for the kids, it’s in my name” she told her.

“Okay” Serena nodded, “are you ready?” Bernie nodded and Serena smiled briefly at her before heading out of the baggage reclaim area to the part of the airport where several people were waiting with name boards.  Without anyone having to say a word, Serena reached into a bag, pulling out Charlotte’s favourite stuffed toy, leaning over the buggy to pass it to her, knowing the noise and the crowds would be making the shy toddler uncomfortable. 

Bernie smiled as she watched, Serena seemed to know her kids as well as she did, she was in no doubt that she’d made the right choice to hire Serena, to ask her to stay even now she was home, “Mummy, Rena” Cameron piped up, “that man’s got Mummy’s last name on a piece of paper.”

“He has, well done” Serena was quick to praise him as Bernie watched on before walking over to the man and introducing herself, thanking him as he insisted on taking the luggage trolley and leading them out to the waiting vehicle.  It didn’t take long for them to reach the hotel, Cameron holding Charlotte’s hand tightly as they stood on the kerb outside the hotel, waiting for Bernie to unfold the buggy, Serena juggling Elinor and her own handbag, “do you need me to get anything?” Serena asked once the girls were settled, Cameron helpfully hanging the two small backpacks he and his sister had taken on the plane from the handles of the buggy like he’d seen Serena do earlier.

“No, I think I’m good thanks” Bernie smiled, lifting her own bag onto her back and taking a suitcase in each hand, her smaller rucksack hanging from the larger of the two cases, “Cam, do you think you’re big enough and strong enough to hold open the door for Serena and I?” she asked as she headed up the ramp towards the hotel reception.

I can try Mummy” Cam grinned, running ahead, his smile growing as he managed to hold the door open easily to allow the two women inside, both of them thanking him as they passed.  They checked in with little hassle and Bernie gave Cam the map of the hotel, letting him guide them along the corridor to their second floor room.  

“Wow” Bernie raised her eyebrows as she stepped through the door, they’d told her at check in that they’d upgraded her booking but she didn’t expect this, instead of the simple hotel room she’d expected, she was stood in the open plan living area of a small apartment, a full kitchen to her left, a living room and dining area in front of her and another door a few paces away.

“What?” Serena asked, handing Elinor to Bernie without even thinking as Charlotte nudged past her mother’s legs, the buggy too wide to fit through the doorway.

“We erm, we certainly have been upgraded” she said as she stepped out of the doorway to let Serena into the room, the other woman putting the buggy down by the cases.

“Wow” Serena gasped as she looked round, “we certainly have” her gaze was drawn to the large patio doors at the opposite end of the room too, “and a sea view.”

“Mummy, you hasta see this” It was only Cameron’s excited shout that told Bernie he’d gone exploring, she went through the open door and found herself in a small hallway housing three more doors, one open door revealing the bathroom, the second a bedroom with a large bed in the middle, a cot at the bottom of the bed and another sea view, but Bernie found both her children in the third room, “we gots bunk beds Mummy, can I have the top one, can I please? Charlie’s only little and she might fall out if she wants to come for cuddles with you in the night time.”

Bernie nodded, “You can have the top bunk” she told him before turning to Serena, “if you don’t mind sharing with Charlie then I’ll…” she gestured to the bottom bunk, “or I’ll sleep on the sofa or something.”

“Nonsense”  it was only as Elinor babbled loudly that Bernie realised she was still holding the infant and she smiled at her before passing her back to Serena, “you paid for this holiday, Elinor and I can sleep in the lounge or…”

“Or?” Bernie frowned.

“We’re both adults, we can share the bed, it wouldn't be the first time and it’s not really a big deal is it?”

Bernie smiled, “no, I suppose not, so erm…”

“Why don’t we let the kids play for half an hour so we can unpack and then we can go for a walk, try and get our bearings a little.”

“Can we go swimming?” Cameron asked from where he sat excitedly on the top bunk.

Bernie looked at Serena before nodding, “once we’ve unpacked we’ll go for a walk, see if we can find a supermarket for some snacks and things to keep in the room and then we can go swimming” she promised.


	27. Chapter 27

They spent almost 40 minutes walking around the resort, adults and children all changed into shorts and tshirts and lathered up with suncream, a sunshade pulled low over the double buggy as Bernie and Serena let Cameron choose the route of their walk, allowing him to decide which road they took each time they reached a junction.  Only when he began to complain that he was hot did they head back, stopping at a supermarket they’d passed early on in their journey to stock up on supplies before heading back to the hotel.

“Can you get the kids changed and I’ll get all this in the fridge?” Bernie suggested, dropping the bags on the kitchen side before going to help Serena get the girls out of the buggy.

“Of course” Serena nodded, checking Cameron was okay getting changed on his own before getting Charlotte her all in one UV swimsuit from the chest of drawers in their room and taking her into the main bedroom with Elinor to get them ready. Bernie knocked on the door once she’d put the food away, waiting until Serena told her to enter before stepping inside, finding Serena in a simple black tankini, Charlotte and Elinor sat on the bed in almost matching swimsuits, brightly covered fabric covering the girls from their elbows to their knees. “You don’t have to knock” Serena told her as she got out towels for herself and Elinor, pushing them into an oversized beach bag.

“I didn’t want to just walk in if you were getting changed” Bernie told her as she took out her own swimsuit, a sporty black bikini with electric blue edging and straps.

“Do I erm, do I look okay?” Serena tugged at the bottom of her vest top, trying to cover the exposed strip of skin between the top and the bottoms, “I know I’ve still got a bit of extra weight from having Elinor and my stretch marks are…”

“Are you kidding Serena?” Bernie interrupted her, “you’re gorgeous and you’ve got a figure to die for, you don’t have anything at all to worry about” she said, blushing and covering her mouth when she realised what she’d said, “I erm…”

Serena sensed how uncomfortable Bernie had made herself and reached out to squeeze her hand, “thank you” she said softly, “that means a lot.”

“I erm, I’ve got something for Elinor” Bernie swiftly changed the subject.

“You didn’t have to get her anything” Serena protested.

“I did” Bernie opened a drawer, pulling out three neatly folded piles of soft, fluffy fabric, “I got one for Charlotte and Cam, it’s only fair Elinor has one too” Bernie said, placing the red and pink items down on top of the chest of drawers and unfolding the cream one to show Serena the towelling dressing gown in Elinor’s size, flipping it up to show Serena the cute bunny ears on the hood, “I thought it would be handy for when we come back up from the pool.”

“Oh Bernie” Serena smiled, reaching out to stroke the fabric, “it’s beautiful, what do you say Ellie, can you say thank you to Bernie?”

Elinor looked up at Bernie and held out her arms, “ta Beba”

Bernie smiled as she did every time she heard Elinor try to say her name, “you’re welcome Princess” she said, picking the baby up and bouncing her gently, looking up when she heard the door open, smiling at her son who was wearing brand new Spiderman swim shorts, his deflated Batman armbands already on his arms.

“Mummy” he frowned, “you’re not ready to swim.”

Bernie laughed and handed Elinor to Serena, “I’ll be two minutes. can you go and get me clean pants for you and Charlie? By the time you get back I’ll be done” she promised, heading into the small ensuite shower room she and Serena had found not long after they’d arrived at the hotel.

She wasn’t wrong, by the time Cameron came back, Bernie and Serena were in the bedroom, checking they had everything they needed in the beach bag, Serena thanking Cameron and pushing the underwear he passed her into the bag before pulling a loose sundress on over her tankini, Bernie already having her shorts and tshirt on.

“Can we go now?”he asked.

Bernie nodded and picked up the other two dressing gowns, unfolding the red, Spiderman one first “I got you this to wear when we come back from the pool” she showed him, “do you want to wear it now or do you want me to put it in the bag?” she asked, smiling when Cameron took the dressing gown from her and slipped it on thanking her as he did so.  She showed Charlotte the pink Disney Princess dressing gown that was pushed into the beach bag when the toddler said she was hot before turning to her son,  “what are you waiting for?” Bernie grinned at Cameron, “go get your shoes on.”

They dumped their things on two sunloungers once they were down at the pool, Serena and Bernie undressing quickly so the children didn’t have to wait a moment longer to get in the pool.  “Mummy” Cameron pointed excitedly to his armbands.

“Hang on” Bernie stepped into the children’s pool with Charlotte on her hip, surprised that there was no one else already in it, she smiled when she found the water barely reached halfway up her calf, “you can leave your armbands off in here as long as Serena or I are in with you” she told him, “it’s not very deep.”

“Really?” Cameron asked, grinning when Bernie nodded and bounding into the water, heading straight over for the fountain in the furthest corner of the small pool, Bernie glad to see that, although the water deepened, it never came higher than waist height on the boy. 

“Mumma?” Charlotte looked up at Bernie as she slowly lowered herself into the water, sitting down with her daughter on her lap.

“You’re okay Darling” Bernie rubbed her back, “it’s not deep and Mummy won’t let you go” she said, encouraging the toddler to stand up in the water, “see” she smiled when Charlotte realised the water barely covered her legs, “it’s just like being in the bath.”  Bernie looked up when she saw Serena step into the water and, without thinking, held out one arm for Elinor, sitting the baby on her lap with Charlotte to allow Serena to sit down beside her.

“This is nice” Serena sighed before laughing and taking Charlotte from Bernie when an over excited Elinor began to splash, completely soaking Bernie.

“Why do you get the nice calm one? Especially when this crazy one is yours?” Bernie laughed as she bounced Elinor in the water.

Serena shrugged, holding onto Charlotte as the toddler stood beside her, gently dragging her hands through the water, “I’m having a holiday from the crazy baby” she suggested, “now if only I had a cocktail in my hand” she chuckled.

“Mmm” Bernie smiled and nodded as she leant back against the edge of the pool, one hand on Elinor’s waist as she sat on Bernie’s lap splashing excitedly, “a nice pina colada.”

“Oh no” Serena smirked, leaning in so Charlotte didn’t hear her whisper, “I much prefer sex on the beach.”

Bernie almost choked on air for a second before she composed herself again, “yeah? Well, we might just have to go to the beach tomorrow Ms Campbell” she smirked.

Serena blushed slightly but didn’t have chance to respond before Cameron shouted, “Mummy, will you come and play with me?”

Bernie nodded and winked cheekily at Serena, unsure where this newfound confidence had come from as she made her way over to her son, Elinor still on her hip, she wasn’t sure when it became natural for her to take care of Elinor whilst Serena had Charlotte but she no longer felt like she needed to ask before she picked up the baby, before she fed her a spoonful of her dinner, she didn’t really ask before changing her any more, just a ‘give her here’ as she picked up the changing bag and it just seemed like the natural thing to do that, on her days off, she’d take Elinor downstairs when she went to get Charlotte up and give the baby her breakfast too to let Serena sleep in. In fact, as Bernie sat in the water, Cameron and Elinor splashing happily together, it occurred to her that she probably did as much for Elinor as Serena did for Charlie and Cam and she didn’t mind that at all.

“Can we go under there?” Cameron pointed to the large mushroom shaped water fountain, breaking his mother from her thoughts.

“Of course” Bernie smiled, putting a hand on the back of Elinor’s head, encouraging the baby to hide her face in the crook of her neck so the water didn’t get in her eyes as she quickly stepped through the fountain to the space underneath, Elinor shrieking as the water hit her back, Cameron giggling in excitement as he too raced under the water to stand beside his mother.

“Rena” he grinned excitedly, “look where we are.”

“Wow” Serena waded closer with Charlotte, “look at you.”

“Ellie comed in too” he pointed to the baby as Bernie shifted her hold on the infant as she reached out to try and grab at the water falling in front of her, babbling and shrieking as the water slipped through her fingers.

“I can see” Serena smiled, “if your Mummy can come out for a minute to hold Charlotte, I’ve got some of your boats in the bag that I can get for you.”

Cam nodded excitedly and pushed at Bernie’s thigh, “Mummy, go hold Charlotte.”

Bernie saluted to Cam with her free hand, once again shielding Elinor’s face from the water as she stepped over to take Charlotte from Serena, “shall we get you your little floating seat so you can play with Cam and his boats?” she asked.

Charlotte nodded, “Baby too?”

Bernie nodded, “Ellie can play too” she nodded, before turning to ask Serena to bring the inflatable seats she’d bought for both girls along with Cam’s bath toys, a smile crossing her face as she thought about how well the kids all got along, how, to anyone who didn't know, they already looked like the perfect family.  



	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise for those of you that read my other fics, real life has become so crazy that I just don't have time to write at the moment :( I'm trying to write as and when I can but it might be a while before I manage to get an update of any decent length together, so, whilst I can't say when, there will be updates at some point!
> 
> Luckily, the Berena family holiday was one of the very first things I wrote (along with Bernie's return) so I've still got updates for this ready to go. I think you'll all like this chapter!

They spent several hours in the pool, all five of them playing happily with the floating toys that Bernie and Serena had packed, and, to let Serena have a break, it was Bernie who chased Elinor around the pool when the baby realised that, if she kicked her legs whilst she was sat in the inflatable seat, she could move herself through the water.  The realisation that she could move was met by excited shrieks and giggles from the infant who only seemed to get happier when she realised Bernie was chasing her, her smile growing when, after letting her ‘escape’ for a while, Bernie gently grabbed Elinor’s hands and pulled the baby through the water towards her.

All three children protested when they were told it was time to go back to their room, but relented once Bernie and Serena reassured them that they would be there for two weeks and there would be plenty of time for them to splash in the pool.

“Is it bedtime?” Cam asked as Bernie told him it was bathtime once they were back in their hotel room, Serena out on the balcony, helpfully hanging their damp towels out to dry.

“No Darling” Bernie ran her hand through Cameron’s damp hair as she explained, “but it’s nearly time for dinner and you need to have a bath to wash all the suncream and pool water off you, like how you have a shower after we’ve been swimming at home.”

“Will I have to have a bath at bedtime too” Cameron asked as he let his dressing gown slip to the floor, picking it up and laying it on the closed toilet lid when he saw the look Bernie was giving him, “sorry Mummy.”

“It’s okay” Bernie smiled as she checked the temperature of the bath and gestured for Cameron to jump in, “and you won’t need another bath at bedtime no, we’re going to get something to eat and then there’s a show downstairs, I think it’s a magician tonight, and ten, when we come back up here, you can just get straight into your pyjamas and get into bed.”

“On the top bunk?”

Bernie chuckled and nodded as she wet Cam’s hair to wash it, “on the top bunk.”

Bernie and Serena bathed the girls together as they left Cameron to dress himself, Serena offering to get them both ready so Bernie could shower, she smiled as she came back into the living room area of the flat to find Cameron had dressed himself in dark denim, knee length shorts and a pale blue polo shirt, and the girls were both wearing matching summer dresses.  Bernie remembered Serena bringing the dresses home, less than a week after she’d been told about the holiday, “Charlotte said she liked it, and I remember you saying she’d need some new holiday clothes” she’d explained before reaching back into the bag and pulling out the same dress but several sizes smaller, “but she asked if Elinor could have one too, I hope you don’t mind?”

Of course Bernie hadn’t minded at all, and she had to admit, the girls did look adorable in their matching outfits, and Charlotte seemed so happy, “look Mumma” she grinned as she stood and twirled for Bernie, “me and baby same.”

“You are aren’t you” Bernie smiled, nodding as Serena quietly told her that she was going to get ready, “you’re both looking like beautiful little princesses” she told them before looking over at Cam, sat on the sofa playing on his game boy, “and you’re looking very smart too Monkey.” She shook her head and chuckled to herself when her son didn’t even look up from his game, simply giving his mum the thumbs up as he tried to complete the level he was on.

"You look nice" Bernie smiled nervously when Serena came back into the room a short while later wearing a floral maxi dress.

"Thank you" Serena dipped her head shyly, her cheeks reddening at the complement, "so do you."

"Thanks" Bernie smiled as she glanced down at herself, she didn't think she'd made much of an effort, grey linen trousers and a plain white tshirt, but she didn't want to argue with Serena, "are you ready to go and eat?"

Serena nodded, "I'm going to take the buggy" she told Bernie, "I think the excitement of being somewhere new will keep Ellie awake but if she or Charlie get tired then we can just let them sleep in the buggy until we're ready to come up if you want?"

Bernie smiled and nodded, "sounds good to me, I'll push Charlie's blanket and bear in the changing bag in case she wants them" she said, asking Cam to put his shoes on as she went to get everything they'd need for the evening

Elinor was in her element over dinner, the buffet selection meant there were a lot of things for her to try, a selection of finger foods were spread over the tray of the highchair as she performed her usual routine of picking up each item to look at it before putting it back down and picking up something else, neither Bernie or Serena minding her playing with her food and letting her choose what she ate and what she didn’t.

Cameron loved the fact that there were three flavours of ice cream to choose from for desert, and, with Bernie’s permission, had one scoop of each flavour, and, despite her shyness, Charlotte couldn’t stop smiling as all the staff told her and Elinor how pretty their dresses were.

They made their way out to the terrace where the evening entertainment took place once they’d eaten, Serena sitting at a table in the front row with the kids whilst Bernie went to the bar, “we’ll save the cocktails for another night” Bernie winked playfully as she handed Serena a glass of wine.

The pair were left alone at the table after a while when one of the staff from the children’s club asked if Charlotte and Cameron wanted to play some games with the other children, and even offered to take Elinor with them, allowing Bernie and Serena to relax for a while whilst their children played happily with others just a few feet away from them, Bernie relieved to see that, whilst she spent the first few minutes clinging to Cameron’s hand, even Charlotte eventually relaxed enough to join in.

“I’ve been thinking” Serena said softly as she sipped her wine, her free hand already linked with Bernie’s.

“Yeah?” Bernie smiled, “what about?”

“The cot in our room for Elinor” Serena looked up at Bernie, “do you think we’d be able to move it into the kids room?”

Bernie met Serena’s eye and smiled, “I’m sure we could if that’s what you wanted to do.”

Serena nodded, “I bought the baby monitors with us so…”

Bernie smiled and gently squeezed Serena’s hand, “we can move it when we go back up.”

It was way past the children’s bedtime by the time they made it back to their hotel room, but despite the games they’d played, the fact they’d all taken part in the mini disco, and the excitement of seeing the magician, only Charlotte had given in and fallen asleep, Cameron and Elinor both fighting it.

“I can move the cot if you can get these two changed?” Bernie gestured to the girls, Cameron happy to get changed himself.

Serena nodded, “sounds like a plan to me.”

Both Cameron and Elinor fell asleep within seconds of being tucked in, Charlotte not waking as she was changed and put into bed and it wasn’t much longer before Bernie and Serena were in bed too, chatting for a while before flicking off the light, the early start and the late night meaning neither of them wanted to waste the opportunity to sleep, but sleep wasn’t something that came easily that night.

They laid silently in the darkness for a while, side by side under the thin sheet of the bed, neither one of them asleep, it was Serena who made the first move, stretching out her hand from where it had been tucked into her side, carefully moving it closer to Bernie.

Bernie felt the movement and rolled onto her side to face Serena before reaching out to take her hand, “this shouldn’t be this awkward” she chuckled quietly.

“No” Serena gently squeezed Bernie’s hand, “it shouldn’t.”

Silence fell again, Bernie gently stroking the back of Serena’s hand with her thumb before she asked, “can I kiss you.”

Serena smiled into the darkness, “you don’t have to ask” she whispered, shuffling further towards the middle of the bed, feeling Bernie do the same.

Bernie let go of Serena’s hand and reached out, gently stroking Serena’s cheek with her thumb before leaning in and kissing her softly.  Serena sighed quietly as she returned the kiss, parting her lips when she felt Bernie’s tongue flick against them, allowing Bernie to deepen the kiss as Serena felt the hand on her cheek slip backwards, fingers tangling in her hair as Serena’s hand came to rest on Bernie’s waist.

“Hi” Bernie whispered, letting her forehead rest against Serena’s once the need for breath became too much and their lips finally parted.

Serena couldn’t help but smile, her fingers having slipped under Bernie’s top to rest on the bare skin or her hip, “hi yourself” she replied, still slightly breathless.

“Okay?” Bernie asked, still playing with the hair at the nape of Serena’s neck.

“Perfect” she nodded, “and please, don’t ever feel like you have to ask if you want to do that again.”

Bernie chuckled, “noted” she whispered, her breath warm on Serena’s cheek

They shared several more kisses before Serena sighed, “as lovely as this is, we should probably get some sleep before the kids wake up again.”

Bernie nodded and stole a final kiss before laying back on her own side of the bed, “I suppose you’re right.”

“Aren't I always?” Serena teased.

Bernie chuckled quietly as she made herself comfortable, settling on her back, before holding her arms out to Serena, “come here.”

Serena smiled and shuffled closer to Bernie laying on her side, tucked right against the other woman, her head on Bernie’s chest, her arm draped over her stomach, “is this okay?”

Bernie hummed with contentment, already well on her way to sleep as she mumbled, “perfect.”


	29. Chapter 29

Bernie frowned as she woke the next morning, a heavy weight on her chest and something not quite so heavy on her shoulder.  She forced her eyes open and couldn’t help but smile as her eyes fluttered closed again when she realised there was nothing to worry about.  Charlotte had joined them in the night and Bernie had somehow slept through her daughter climbing onto her chest, but her daughter was now sleeping against her and Serena was still curled into her side, her head on Bernie’s shoulder, her arm across Charlotte’s back as she too slept peacefully.

Bernie dozed for a while longer before slipping out of bed, smiling to herself when she managed to extract herself without waking Serena and Charlotte, watching as Charlotte instantly cuddled into Serena, Serena not stirring as the toddler curled into her.

“Good Morning” Bernie said softly as she walked into the children’s room, not at all surprised to find Cameron still sprawled out in the bed fast asleep, but Elinor just beginning to stir.  Ellie sat up when she heard Bernie’s voice, yawning as she sleepily held out her arms, “hello” Bernie lifted Elinor from the cot and kissed her forehead as she rocked her gently, the baby nuzzling into her, still half asleep, “I was going to make you some breakfast but you’re still sleepy aren’t you?”  Ellie babbled nonsense against Bernie’s neck before yawning again, “I know, all the splashing and excitement yesterday must have worn you out, shall we go and have cuddles with Mamma and Lala instead?”  Elinor nodded and Bernie could tell that the baby was well on her way back to sleep, “come on then Darling, let’s get you back to bed.”

When Bernie next woke it was to Cameron trying to get in the bed and she shuffled closer to Serena and Charlotte with Elinor in her arms to make room for her son, “is it time to get up yet?” he whispered.

Bernie ran her hand through Cameron’s hair as she felt Elinor begin to stir again, “five more minutes” she told him as he cuddled into her, “Ellie’s starting to wake up, once she’s woken a little bit more, we’ll get up and I’ll let you have a little snack before breakfast and see if we can find some cartoons on the TV for you to watch.”

“And Ellie too?”

“Of course” Bernie smiled as she kissed her son’s forehead, “and then we’ll go and get breakfast when Serena and Charlie wake up.”

“They’re really sleepy” Cameron whispered.

“They are” Bernie ran her hand over Elinor’s head as the baby sat up and looked around sleepily before smiling when she saw Cameron and Bernie, “we had a long day yesterday but I’m sure they’ll be awake soon.”

It was another hour before Serena walked into the living room, Charlotte still half asleep as she sat on Serena’s hip, “Mama” Ellie grinned, crawling over from where she’d been playing happily with Cameron, Serena handing Charlotte to Bernie so she could pick up her own daughter.

“Hello you” Serena tickled her stomach gently, “have you been good for Cameron and Bernie?”

Elinor babbled loudly, “she’s had some fruit with Cam while we waited for you two sleepyheads to wake” she smiled as she gently bounced Charlotte on her lap, trying to wake her up slightly.

“You should have woken us, well, me” Serena protested, kissing Elinor’s head when she began to squirm and putting her down, letting her crawl back over to Cam.

“It’s fine, you obviously needed your sleep” Bernie smiled as she nodded over to the kitchen area, “there’s coffee in the pot if you want a cup as we get these three ready to go.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “thanks.”

“Are we going for breakfast now?” Cameron asked as Serena moved to pour herself a mug of coffee.

“Once Serena’s had a coffee, Charlotte’s a little bit more awake and we’re all dressed, then we’ll be going for breakfast” Bernie nodded.

“And then to the pool?” he asked hopefully.

“Not this morning, maybe later on” Cameron pouted and whined in disappointment, missing the look Bernie shot Serena, “I thought we might go to the beach this morning” 

Serena choked on her mouthful of coffee, “be careful ‘Rena” Cameron warned before looking at Bernie, “will you build a sandcastle with me? And paddle in the sea?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded, “and then, if you want, after lunch, we can go in the pool again.”

He nodded enthusiastically, “yes please Mummy, shall I go and get dressed now?”

“That would be very helpful” Bernie smiled, “you can just put your swim shorts and a tshirt on, nobody will mind at breakfast.”

“Okay Mummy” Cameron gave Elinor one of her favourite toys before racing off to get changed.

“You have 10 minutes to wake up and drink your coffee” Bernie told Serena as she came to sit down beside her, “I’ll get the girls sorted.”

“Are you sure?” Serena asked, briefly letting her head rest on Bernie’s shoulder.

Bernie smiled and nodded, stealing a kiss from Serena as she stood and picked up Elinor, balancing the infant on the opposite hip to Charlotte, “absolutely positive”

Elinor was sat on the bed surrounded by toys when Serena walked into the bedroom, getting a nod and a smile from Bernie as she gestured to the ensuite, grabbing her clothes and heading into the bathroom as Bernie helped Charlotte get dressed, Bernie already in long shorts and a tshirt.

Bernie sent Charlotte off to play with Cameron once she was ready before turning her attention to Elinor, “come on then trouble, let’s get you ready to go.” Elinor giggled and gurgled at Bernie as Bernie stripped the baby of her pyjamas and expertly changed her nappy before covering her in sun cream, but it didn’t take long for the baby to get bored, rolling onto her stomach and crawling up the bed as Bernie reached for her clothes, “and where do you think you’re going Missy?” Bernie asked, gently grabbing Elinor’s ankles and pulling her carefully down the bed towards her, rolling her over onto her back, “I've not finished with you yet” she told her, tapping her nose before pulling a pair of yellow shorts on over the baby’s nappy and tickling her stomach, smiling as Ellie giggled and batted at her hands as she wriggled on the bed, “come on” Bernie laughed, “let's get this on and then you can go and play” she said as she picked up a tshirt, pulling it over Ellie’s head without much protest.

Serena came out of the ensuite, failing to hold back a smile at the sight before her, Bernie was knelt over Elinor on the bed, tickling her and blowing raspberries against the side of her neck, the room filled with Ellie’s happy shrieks and giggles as she tried to escape Bernie’s assaults, “no” she giggled, using one of her new favourite words, “no Mumma.”

Bernie stopped instantly, her head snapping round to Serena, “I… I didn’t.”

“I know” Serena said softly as she walked over to the bed.

“Look” Bernie cooed, “Mumma’s here now, she must have heard you shouting her.”

Elinor grinned “Mumma” she babbled as she rolled onto her tummy and began crawling across the bed.

Serena caught Ellie before she crawled off the edge of the bed, “what are you doing hmm?” she asked as she bounced her on her hip.

Elinor reached out to Bernie, “Mumma” she giggled happily.

“She thinks you’re her Mumma” Serena whispered as she handed Elinor over and sat on the edge of the bed, hating the sinking feeling she felt in her chest.

“Hey” Bernie sat beside Serena with Ellie on her lap, “she’s probably just picking up on what she’s heard Charlotte and Cam calling me, it doesn’t mean anything, she’s been calling you Mumma for weeks.”

“I know, I know” Serena was surprised to feel tears pooling in her eyes, “it’s just, she’s the only biological child I’m ever likely to have, I didn’t, I never thought about her calling someone else Mummy, not that I don’t like it, I think Ellie would be a very lucky girl if you were her Mummy too, it was just a bit of a surprise.”

“I understand” Bernie kissed Serena’s temple, “and I don’t mind if Ellie wants to call me Mummy, but if it bothers you, then I won’t be offended at all if you’d rather she kept calling me Beba.”

Serena looked up at Bernie, Bernie instantly wiping away the tears from Serena’s eyes, “you, you’d be her Mummy if that’s what she wanted?” she whispered.

Bernie nodded, “if it was what you both wanted, let’s face it, you’re just as much as a Mummy to Charlie and Cam as I am and if they wanted to call you Mummy then I’d have no problems with that either okay?”

Serena smiled softly and nodded as she reached out to tickle Ellie’s tummy, “who’s this baby?” she asked as she gestured to Bernie.

“Mumma” Ellie giggled before babbling nonsense up at the two adults.

Bernie laughed, “and who’s this?” she asked. Elinor looked at Bernie like she was crazy before reaching out to Serena, nuzzling into her once she was passed over, “who is it?” Bernie asked again.

Elinor looked up at Serena and smiled before nuzzling into her again and whispering “Mama.”

“There we are then” Bernie smiled, “she’s obviously picked up on Cameron and Charlotte calling me Mummy, she knows you’re her Mama.”

Serena smiled and kissed Elinor’s head, “you’re right, I’m just being silly”

“It’s fine” Bernie reassured her, taking the opportunity to steal a kiss, “are you ready to go and get some breakfast?”

Serena leant in to kiss Bernie again, “maybe in a minute” she murmured against Bernie’s lips, “I’m a bit busy right now.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to London next weekend to see Duet for One (without Jemma *sob*) so next weeks update probably won't be up until Sunday evening once I'm back home again :)

They eventually made it down to breakfast, the beach bag slung over Bernie’s shoulder so they could go straight to the beach, just a few minutes walk from the hotel, once they’d eaten.  Elinor was overjoyed that, having decided not to take the buggy, Serena allowed her to toddle unsteadily to the hotel’s restaurant holding onto both her mother’s hand and Cameron’s to help her keep her balance.

Bernie had to tell Cameron to slow down several times over the breakfast table, the boy so excited about going to the beach that he was shoveling food into his mouth as quickly as he could, so quickly that Bernie was worried he’d make himself sick.

Serena didn’t think she’d ever forget the sound of Elinor’s excited giggles once she’d slipped off her sandals before taking her hand again, allowing her daughter to feel sand between her toes for the first time, “Mamma” she giggled as she wriggled her toes in the warm sand.

She smiled and adjusted the hat on Elinor’s head, “do you like that?” she chuckled as she set their things down on the sand, laying out towels and a large, plastic backed, picnic blanket that Bernie had helpfully packed, Serena tasked with watching the kids for five minutes as Bernie popped into a nearby shop, planning to surprise the children with new buckets and spades for their time on the beach.

Bernie returned, producing the buckets and spades from behind her back, getting a series of hugs and excited ‘thank you’s from Charlotte and Cameron and happy shrieks from Elinor, who didn’t know what was going on but was excited simply because she knew Charlie and Cam were happy too.

They spent the morning digging happily in the sand, Bernie and Serena alternating between helping Charlotte and Cameron build the ‘biggest sandcastle ever, ever, ever, in the whole, entire world’ and stopping Elinor from eating handfuls of sand before the baby finally gave up and settled down, content with trying to cover her own feet with handfuls of sand.

“Is this going to be the bestest sandcastle ever?” Cameron asked Bernie as he tipped his full bucket upside down onto the pile of sand they’d already built.

Bernie smiled and glanced over at Elinor who was still happily throwing sand at her feet, “I think it might be” Bernie agreed, helping Cameron pat the top of his bucket before he lifted it off, cheering when it didn’t collapse, “you’re getting the hang of it now” she praised him, her gaze drawn a little further down the beach where Charlotte was walking hand in hand with Serena her bucket in Serena’s hand, the pair of them looking for shells and ‘pretty things’ to decorate the sand castle.

“Is Ellie going to help us?” Cameron asked when the baby finally got bored and crawled the short distance between herself and Bernie, putting her hands on Bernie’s leg and babbling at her.

“I think she wants to help” Bernie nodded, lifting Elinor onto her lap and reaching for the third bucket and spade she’d bought.  “Come on then” she smiled, passing Elinor the spade and wrapping her hand around the baby’s, helping her fill the bucket with sand before patting the top.

“She likes it” Cameron grinned as Ellie giggled happily, Bernie turning the bucket upside down beside the sandcastle and helping Elinor tap the bottom of the bucket with the spade before counting to three and lifting the bucket away, “you did it Ellie!” Cameron cheered as the bucket came away, leaving a neat pile of sand, which Ellie instantly reached for, smashing her hand against it and crushing her creation, “oh” Cameron laughed, “oops.”

Bernie laughed too as Elinor let out a familiar shriek of excitement, “maybe I’ll keep her away from your sandcastle until Serena comes back” she chuckled, earning herself a thanks from her son.

It was almost 10 minutes later when Serena and Charlotte returned, Cameron still working hard on his sandcastle as Bernie entertained Elinor to stop her destroying Cam’s efforts, “Cammy” Charlotte grinned as she put down the bucket she was carrying beside her brother, “look I got.”

Cameron peered into the bucket, smiling when he saw it was fill of little pebbles, shells and even some seaweed, “wow, thanks Charlie, this sandcastle is going to be the best.”

Charlotte smiled as she sat down beside Cameron and loudly whispered to him, “I know a secret.”

Cam’s face lit up, “tell me?”

Charlotte looked up at Serena who was stood beside her, a plastic tray in her hands and she nodded, giving permission for Charlotte to tell her brother the secret, “‘Rena get us ice cream” she beamed.

Cam’s head snapped up to look at Serena, “really?”

“Really” she smiled, carefully passing Bernie the tray so she could join her family on the sand, “drinks and ice creams all round.”

“Am I allowed to eat it?” Cameron asked Bernie as he was passed a small tub of chocolate ice cream.

She smiled and nodded, “thank you for asking me, but of course you are, Serena wouldn’t have got it for you if you weren’t allowed it.”

Cam nodded, pausing briefly to thank Serena before digging in, Charlotte too already eating her ice cream.  Elinor looked inquisitively at Bernie, using first Bernie’s knee, and then her shoulder to pull herself to her feet, “Mumma?” she frowned as she stood beside her.

Bernie glanced quickly at Charlotte and Cameron, but they either hadn’t heard Ellie call her Mumma or they didn’t care, “no need to guess what you want is there trouble?” she chuckled, offering Elinor a small spoonful of her own ice cream, Ellie’s face lighting up at the taste.

“Are you okay with her?” Serena asked, “if you want me to take her then just say.”

“She’s okay” Bernie smiled, giving Ellie some more ice scream before taking a bite herself, “but if you want her then…”

“No, no” Serena interrupted, “I don’t...she’ll come to me when she’s bored with you” she teased.

“You weren’t calling me boring last night” Bernie raised one eyebrow as she gave Elinor some more ice cream.

“No” Serena chuckled as she took a sip of her cocktail, “that’s true.”

Bernie smiled, “do I even need to ask what that is?” she gestured towards Serena’s drink, watching as she passed cups of juice to Charlotte and Cameron once they’d finished their ice cream.

Serena winked cheekily at Bernie and passed her a cup, “I think you know what it is” she smirked, before leaning in to whisper, “however, at this time of day it’s a virgin” she teased, referring to the fact there was no alcohol in the cocktail, “as is yours.”

“That’s probably for the best” Bernie chuckled, allowing Elinor to try some of her drink once she knew it was just fruit juices, “but maybe we could try the real thing later?”  Serena raised one eyebrow and Bernie laughed, “get your mind out of the gutter Campbell, I meant the cocktails.”

Serena bit her lip and smirked at Bernie as she took another sip of her drink, “shame.”

They let the children finish their sandcastle once they’d finished their drinks, Serena keeping Elinor entertained so she didn’t demolish it as Bernie helped Cameron and Charlotte before taking several pictures of the children with their sandcastle, “can I jump on it now?” Cameron asked once they’d finished taking the pictures.

“You want to knock it down?” Bernie asked and both Cameron and Charlotte nodded excitedly, “go on then” Bernie smiled as Cam took his sister’s hand, “one...two...three.” On her count they ran towards the sandcastle before jumping on top of it, sending sand everywhere, Elinor shrieking in excitement as she crawled over to join in.

Once they were finished, all three children were covered in sand, not to mention ice cream, “who wants to go in the sea?” Bernie asked them, knowing it would wash most of the sand off them.

Three excited shrieks lead to Bernie and Serena grabbing all the inflatables and taking the children down to the shore, Cameron and Charlotte happy to paddle in the shallow waters, jumping over the gentle waves as Elinor sat in the sand, frowning at the change in texture, handfuls of wet sand feeling completely different to the dry sand she’d been playing in just minutes earlier, but her confusion was forgotten the second a wave brushed over her toes and she giggled excitedly, excitement that only grew when Serena took hold of her daughter’s hands, allowing her to stand in the water, moving slightly deeper so the waves now brushed Ellie’s chubby little knees.

“I think you’ve got a little water baby there” Bernie chuckled as she helped Cam get his armbands on so they could wade deeper into the water.

“I think we have too” Serena smiled, carefully splashing water onto Elinor’s tummy.

Bernie smiled, “are you ready to go in a bit deeper?” she asked as she passed over Elinor’s inflatable swim seat.

Serena nodded, “yeah, we’ll have to keep an eye on this one though, make sure she doesn’t take off once she’s in here” she chuckled as she lifted Elinor into the seat, gently pulling her deeper into the water, Bernie following with Charlotte on her hip, Cameron wading beside them, swimming a clumsy doggy paddle once his feet didn’t touch the floor any more.

They didn’t go in far, both Bernie and Serena still able to touch the floor, and, after a little coaxing from Cameron, and reassurances from Bernie and Serena, Charlotte relaxed enough to stop clinging to Bernie, trusting her armbands to keep her afloat as she splashed in the calm waters with Ellie and Cam.

“So” Bernie smiled, her fingers linking with Serena’s under the water, “are you okay?”

Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand and returned the smile, “I am, are you.”

Bernie nodded, the smile still on her face as she took a chance and gave Serena a quick kiss on the cheek, “happier than I’ve been in a long time.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably going to be a mammoth note, so I won't be offended if you skip straight to the update!
> 
> I've seen a little bit of hype about this fic on twitter (which made me very, very smiley!) so I've made a twitter and a tumblr, both with the username MajorWolfeAO3, if you'd like to follow me, I'll do my very best to keep you up to date with what I'm writing, and maybe even share little sneaky teasers at updates and new fics I might be working on (there might already be a little something there for you!)
> 
> I was a little (a lot) underwhelmed by Duet for One and couldn't help thinking that Jemma would have played Stephanie a lot better than Belinda Lang, however, on the upside, it did spark off ideas for the beginnings of another AU fic, so it wasn't all bad! And I met some lovely Berena fans too which was a bonus!!
> 
> And, (last 'note' before the update, promise!) I found the start of a Bramwell fic on my laptop a few days ago, it's not finished, and it probably won't be, but there are about 5,000 words and I've left it at a place where there are no cliff hangers etc, would anybody be interested in reading it if I tidied it up and posted it?

They were almost half-way through their holiday when the hotel celebrated the anniversary of it’s opening. The children loved the daytime entertainers, clowns and flamenco dancers, and the hotel had even found space to put up a bouncy castle that even Elinor had tried out.

The children were overjoyed by the evening cocktail party too, given little glasses of brightly coloured fruit juices by the waiters as Bernie and Serena enjoyed a cocktail of their own. And, after an exquisite dinner, Serena, Bernie and the children headed down to the beach, Elinor in the sling against Serena’s chest as she fought sleep, sleepy Charlotte on Bernie’s hip and excited Cameron skipping between the adults as they waited, along with the other hotel guests, for the firework display to start. 

Serena noticed Bernie flinch slightly as the first firework was let off but her attention was distracted somewhat by Elinor as she began to cry at the sudden noise, “you're okay baby” she cooed, “it won't hurt you” she smiled as she lifted Elinor out of the sling, moving her from her new favourite position of being carried outwards, to face her instead, the baby clutching at her mother’s top, nuzzling against her as she whined quietly.

She reached out a hand when she saw Bernie jump again, taking hold of Bernie’s hand as she used her other to stroke Ellie’s back, she’d read stories of soldiers struggling with ptsd and she could could only imagine what memories the sound of the fireworks were bringing back.

“Bernie” she said softly when a particularly loud firework caused Elinor to scream at the same time Bernie jumped and moved closer to her, glancing around with fear in her eyes as she tried to ground herself, to remind herself that she was safe, that she was on a beach in Spain with her family and not in a war zone.

“Sorry” Bernie mumbled, “I…”

“Here” Serena took Elinor from the sling and held her out to Bernie as she cried, “give me Charlie.”

“What… I…” Bernie was confused but did as Serena asked, bouncing Elinor, rubbing her back and kissing her head, trying to settle her as she watched Serena adjust the sling and settle Charlotte into the fabric, the toddler half asleep but desperate to stay awake.

“Take Ellie back to the room” Serena let her hand rest in the small of Bernie’s back, “neither of you are happy out here, go up to the room and watch some late night Spanish TV and I'll bring Charlotte and Cam up later.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course” Serena nodded, turning to kiss Bernie’s cheek, “go on, you two go back up, we’ll be up when the fireworks have done.”

Bernie nodded as she felt Ellie nuzzle into her as another rocket exploded in the sky, “thank you “

It was almost an hour later when Serena finally managed to drag Cameron away from the party on the beach, the fireworks long since finished, Charlotte fast asleep in the sling, her head resting on Serena’s shoulder as she snored quietly, Cameron only agreeing to leave the beach when he could barely keep his own eyes open, “where's Mummy?” he yawned as they waited for the lift.

“She's in the room already, Ellie didn't like the fireworks so Mummy took her back to the room so she wouldn't be scared.”

Cam nodded, “that was nice, I don't want Ellie to be scared, I bet Mummy gave her lots of cuddles.”

“Me too” Serena smiled as she opened the door to their apartment. She wasn't sure what she’d been expecting when she walked in, part of her was expecting Ellie to be asleep in her cot and Bernie to be waiting for her to get back with Cameron and Charlotte but she’d not expected this, a Spanish quiz show was playing to itself on the TV, Bernie curled up in the armchair, legs folded underneath her body and Elinor tucked into her side, Bernie’s left arm wrapped around the baby. What really made Serena smile however was the packet of custard creams on the table beside an empty mug, Elinor’s, thankfully, non spill cup on it’s side on Bernie’s lap where it had been dropped and a half chewed biscuit still in Elinor’s hand giving away the fact that the baby hadn’t been the first of the pair to fall asleep.

“Mummy’s asleep” Cameron smiled as he too saw Bernie.

“She is” Serena smiled, “go and get your pyjamas on” she told him softly, I‘ll come in in a minute to tuck you in and then I'll wake Mummy.”

“So she can go to bed?”

Serena nodded, “so she can go to bed.”

Cameron nodded and yawned loudly, “I don't think I want a story tonight” he told her, “will you just tuck me in?”

“Of course I will” Serena ran her hand through his hair, “I'll get Charlie changed and tucked in while you're cleaning your teeth and then I'll be all ready to tuck you in.” 

“Okay” Cameron smiled as he sleepily made his way into his bedroom, I‘ll be super quick.”

Serena changed Charlotte and tucked her into bed whilst Cameron was getting himself ready and she put her hand on his back as he climbed the ladder to the top bunk, not wanting him to fall because he was tired, “comfy?” she asked once he’d shuffled around for a bit.  Cameron nodded, eyelids already closing, “okay” she ran her hand over his hair before kissing his head, “sweet dreams Darling, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Mummy too?”

“Mummy too, I’ll get her to come and say goodnight before she goes to bed.”

Cameron nodded and yawned as he closed his eyes, “night ‘Rena.”

Serena smiled, “Goodnight Cam.”  She kissed both Cameron and Charlotte goodnight before making her way back into the living room, pausing for a moment before getting out the camera and taking a picture of Bernie sleeping in the chair with Elinor, there had been a point where she thought she’d be living in her grotty little flat for the rest of her life, sharing a bed with her daughter, she couldn’t believe how close she’d come to turning Bernie down when she’d made the first phonecall. She’d never expected to be able to call Bernie her friend, never mind her partner and she felt so lucky to have been given the opportunity to become part of such a loving family, for Elinor to grow up with people who adored her.  She put the camera away before sitting on the arm of the chair and brushing Bernie’s fringe from her eyes, “Bernie” she whispered softly, not wanting to startle her, “Bernie.”

“Mmm… ‘Rena?” Bernie frowned as she stirred, instinctively pulling Elinor closer when she realised the baby was still on her lap.

“It’s time to go to bed, you fell asleep in the armchair.”

“Wha’ time is it?” Bernie mumbled as her eyelids fluttered open, briefly reminding Serena of Charlotte when she was half asleep.

“Gone 11, you fell asleep with Ellie, Charlie and Cam are asleep in bed but I told Cam you’d go and say goodnight.”

“Okay” Bernie yawned as her eyes slowly closed again.

“Come on soldier” Serena pecked Bernie’s cheek, “I’ll get Elinor sorted, you go and say goodnight to the kids and get in bed.”

“Okay” Bernie mumbled, standing when she felt Serena lift Elinor from her grasp, sleepily wandering off in the direction of the bedrooms but pausing in the doorway and turning to face Serena, a tired smile on her face, “thank you, for putting the kids to bed.”

“It was no bother, now go and say goodnight and then I’ll tuck you in too.”

“And kiss me goodnight?”

Serena laughed, “try and stop me.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that's followed me on twitter & tumblr (majorwolfeao3) over the past week, I hope you like the little snippets I've been posting for you! Feel free to pop up and say hi, or let me know if you have any ideas or anything you'd like to see in any of my fics!
> 
> I think this might be the last chapter of Berena & the kids' first holiday together, but don't worry, I've got plenty of ideas in mind for once they're back at home :D
> 
> And for those that asked (that haven't already seen it), I've posted the first chunk of Bramwell fic, it's called 'The Secrets we Keep.'

“Are you okay?” Serena asked once they were settled in bed, limbs entwined beneath the covers as they laid in the darkness, she tentatively reached out to stroke Bernie’s cheek with the back of her hand before she spoke again, “after earlier I mean, I know the fireworks made you jumpy but I was too preoccupied with Ellie to do anything, I’m sorry.”

Bernie reached up to link her fingers with Serena’s, “you don’t have to apologise for putting Ellie, for putting any of the kids before me Serena, I can take care of myself.”

Serena smiled, their joined hands still resting on Bernie’s cheek, “I know” she said softly, “but you know what I mean, when you’re struggling with something, you should be able to rely on me to help you.”

“And you did” Bernie reassured her, “you gave me an opportunity to leave, to go somewhere quieter and you gave me Ellie to give my mind something else to focus on, you did the best you could given the circumstances and I’m grateful for that Serena, I really am.”

“Do you, do you want to talk about it?” Serena asked gently before quickly adding, “but you don’t have to, I’ll understand if you’d rather not.”

Bernie smiled and lifted their joined hands from her cheek so she could kiss Serena’s knuckles, “it’s probably some form of PTSD” she admitted, “but it’s only mild, it doesn’t affect my day to day life so I’ve never seen anyone, never bothered to get a formal diagnosis, but I guess it just boils down to the fact that I don’t like sudden, loud noises.”

“I’m sure that’s understandable after what you must have gone through” Serena reached out, noticing, even in the darkness, that Bernie’s fringe had fallen over her eyes, she wanted Bernie to know she could talk about anything with her, but not wanting her to feel forced into opening up about things she’d rather keep to herself.

“Sometimes it makes you forget where you are” Bernie admitted, “I’ve never really liked fireworks but it wasn’t ever a problem in the past. They used to scare Charlie too, so, if I was home for bonfire night, Marcus always used to take Cameron to a display and I’d stay at home with Charlotte, and on New Year’s Eve, she and I would hide away somewhere in the house, playing music or watching a film to drown out the sounds. I remember Marcus insisted on taking her with him last year, I think he thought it might make me ‘snap out of it’ and go with them on a family night out but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house. Charlie was sobbing when they came home, Cam had been crying too and Marcus sulked off upstairs while the kids came to me for a cuddle, Cameron told me Charlotte had been crying since the first firework had gone off and Cam had begged him to take Charlotte home because she was scared but he insisted on staying until the end, telling Cam that Charlie would get used to it.”

“Oh the poor thing” Serena said softly, “I’m surprised she did so well tonight!”

“Me too if I’m honest” Bernie admitted, “but I did talk to her this morning, and I told her that if she didn’t like the fireworks then she could just tell me and I’d bring her inside.”

Serena nodded and reached for Bernie’s hand, squeezing gently, “she seemed fine, she wasn’t jumpy and she didn’t cry, she even told me what colour some of them were, she was particularly good at pointing out the red ones.”

Bernie chuckled, “I trust you” she whispered, “I know you wouldn’t have made her stay out if she didn’t like them, I think if she’d have been scared, we’d have known straight away and I’d have brought her in with Ellie.”

Serena smiled and nodded, gently stroking Bernie’s hand with her fingers, “if there's anything I can do in future, if there's ever anything that makes you feel jumpy or scared, no matter what it is, will you tell me?” she asked softly, “and if there's anything I can do to make you feel…” Serena pause as she thought of the right word, “if I can make you feel safer or happier or, if you just need a hug or if you need an excuse to leave a situation, will you let me know?”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “yeah, I erm, I will, and if there's ever a situation where you need that from me…” 

“I promise I'll tell you” Serena smiled, leaning in to kiss Bernie softly.  They fell into a comfortable silence, both holding each other close and both happy to keep sharing occasional kisses in the darkness until Serena spoke again, “I don’t mind” she whispered, “I mean, about earlier, I erm, I don’t mind if Elinor wants to call you Mumma, I think it was just a bit of a shock, to hear it come out of nowhere like it did, I mean, she’s been fine calling you Bernie, I didn’t, I wasn’t expecting it.”

Bernie gently kissed Serena to silence her, “you don’t need to explain Serena” she whispered, “I think I’d probably feel the same if Charlotte had called you Mummy out of the blue, I wouldn’t mind, but it would still come as a bit of a shock to me.” As if on cue their bedroom door creaked open, the light left on in the hallway spilling into the room as Charlotte padded sleepily inside, one hand rubbing her eyes, the other clutching her bear, “are you okay Peanut?” Bernie asked her.

Charlotte yawned before nodding, “I not have kisses Mumma” she whispered.

Bernie smiled and lifted Charlotte into the bed, settling her between herself and Serena, failing to hold back a smile as she saw how naturally Serena wrapped her arm around the toddler as Charlotte made herself comfortable in the bed, “I came in and gave you and Cameron kisses and tucked you both in but you were already asleep Darling.”

Charlotte yawned again, “I s’eep here?”

“Of course” Bernie kissed her forehead, “you close your eyes and go to sleep Sweetheart, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Charlotte nodded, “n’night Mumma, n’night ‘Re’a.”

Both women said goodnight to Charlotte, waiting until she settled before sharing a chaste kiss, both deciding that, if Charlotte was in their bed, it was probably best for them to try and sleep too and Bernie snuggled into Serena and Charlotte, smiling happily as she felt Serena reach over Charlotte to let her hand rest on Bernie’s hip as they both drifted off to sleep.

Serena woke a few hours later, her full bladder forcing her out of bed more often than she’d have liked since her pregnancy.  She smiled as she pulled herself to her feet, finding that Cam had also joined them in the few hours since they’d fallen asleep and was laid on the edge of the bed, tucked into Bernie’s side. She stood for a while, watching as the family she’d found herself a part of, all slept happily in her bed, but she knew there was a very important part of their family missing from the picture.  Serena eventually made her way into the main bathroom, not wanting to risk waking anyone else if she used the ensuite, before walking into the children’s room, finding Elinor exactly how she’d expected, sprawled out, fast asleep in her cot, arms and legs splayed out at all angles.

She lifted her daughter into her arms, rocking her gently and kissing her forehead when she stirred slightly before carrying her back through to the master bedroom so she wouldn’t wake alone.  She stood by the bed, spending another moment watching Bernie, Charlotte and Cameron sleeping before she made her mind up and leant over Charlotte, carefully laying Elinor down on Bernie’s stomach, trying not to wake either of them. She smiled as she stepped back, watching as her daughter snuggled into the woman she’d claimed as her Mumma, Bernie’s free arm instinctively moving to hold Elinor closely, feeling her heart swell with love and pride, she knew that she and Elinor were lucky, that they’d somehow been blessed to find themselves a very welcome part of the Wolfe household.

It was only when she saw Charlotte reach out in her sleep, beginning to wake when her hands met empty sheets, that Serena slipped back into bed, “I’m here” she whispered, stroking Charlotte’s hair, “I’ve got you Darling.”

“Mumma” Charlotte mumbled sleepily.

“Mumma’s right behind you” Serena told her, “she’s asleep Darling, she’s not gone anywhere.”

Charlotte mumbled something incoherent and rolled over, snuggling into Bernie’s side, leaving Serena wishing she’d not given her own daughter to Bernie, but Charlotte stirred again a moment later, mumbling something that sounded a lot like Serena’s name as she clumsily raised her hand.  Serena took hold of Charlotte’s hand, smiling slightly and shuffling closer to the toddler as Charlotte wrapped Serena’s hand around her own stomach, pulling her closer. 

Serena kissed the top of Charlotte’s head as the toddler drifted back off to sleep, Charlotte still grasping at her hand, “sweet dreams Darling” she whispered, kissing her hair again before allowing her own eyes to close again as she began to slowly fall back to sleep, a smile on her face at the realisation that she was happy and Elinor was too, they were both happy, they were safe and there was no doubt that they were both loved, she certainly had a lot to thank Bernie for.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little treat for those of you that like longer chapters! I hope you're not disappointed after my excitement over this chapter earlier in the week!

“I've been thinking” Serena said softly as she stood beside Bernie in the kitchen dishing up the fish and chips they’d collected on their way home from the airport, “Elinor slept well on holiday didn't she?” 

Bernie nodded as she put chips onto each plate, “very well.” 

“I erm, I wondered if your offer to put her in with Charlotte still stands?” 

Bernie nodded, “of course, we can move her cot after we’ve eaten if you want?” 

Serena nodded and smiled, “yeah, I, I'd like that.” 

They told Charlotte about the move over dinner to her excitement, the toddler looking forward to sharing with Elinor. Bernie took a second to check in with Cameron, to make sure he was okay with the girls sharing. Cameron nodded, “I don't mind, Elinor snores sometimes and I like sleeping when it's quiet” he told the adults as he ate his chips, “but I don't mind her having cuddles sometimes in the big bed with us all because cuddles are nice and I think Ellie would be sad without them.”

“I think she would be too” Bernie nodded, “and you know you can come for cuddles whenever you want.” 

Despite the tears when they’d left the hotel, the children seemed happy to be home, all racing off to play in the living room after dinner to allow Bernie and Serena to move Elinor’s cot into Charlotte’s bedroom, Elinor crawling almost as fast as Charlotte and Cameron walked, desperate not to miss out on anything.

Bernie could easily have moved the cot on her own, but she let Serena help her maneuver it down the stairs from the attic room, leaving it in the middle of Charlotte’s bedroom as Bernie moved Charlotte’s drawers closer to the window to make space for the cor in the corner by the door, “I hope she's not too excited to sleep” Serena chuckled as she straightened the covers in the cot, Bernie rearranging Charlotte’s clothes to make room in the drawers for some of Ellie’s things. 

“I'm sure she won't be” Bernie chuckled as she cleared out two of the drawers, “she didn't sleep for long on the plane, so once she's had her bath and her story, I'm sure she'll be out like a light.” 

“I hope so” Serena smiled. 

“Have faith, she was fine on holiday, so she should be fine at home” she tried to change the subject to stop Serena worrying, “I've cleared her the top two drawers for her and we can go to Ikea at the weekend and get Ellie her own wardrobe, and maybe her own set of drawers” Bernie mused as she eyed up the space, “or just one taller set for them to share”. 

“You don't need to do that.” Serena protested, sitting in the the edge of Charlotte’s bed and gently running her fingers through Bernie’s hair as Bernie sat on the floor in front of her. 

“I know” Bernie sat back, leaning against Serena’s legs, feeling her fingers begin to massage her scalp, “but I want to, we've got girls who've got more clothes than we have, and there's plenty of room, they can have a wardrobe each, it's not a problem.” 

“You're too good to us” Serena could feel Bernie relaxing back against her as she continued to massage her scalp. 

Bernie smiled and tipped her head up so she could see Serena, momentarily disturbing Serena’s massage, “I could say the same about you, I don't think there are many women out there who would take on someone else's two children just weeks after having one of their own, who’d be happy for their mother to up and leave you to raise those children, who’d love those children like they were her own. You did an amazing thing for me Serena,  me taking care of you, me buying Elinor a wardrobe, it's nothing compared to what you did for me.”

Serena leant down to brush her lips against Bernie’s, “you let me live in your home when I had nothing, and you're Ellie’s Mumma, so I'm not the only one that's cared for and loved someone else's children like her own am I?” 

Bernie chuckled quietly, “I suppose not.”

Serena kissed Bernie again, “so how about we agree that we’re both brilliant and we make a great team, and we go back downstairs and make sure that the kids aren't getting up to no good in our absence?” 

Bernie laughed again and turned to face Serena, kneeling up on the floor as she told her, “there's something I want to do first.” 

“Yeah?” Serena tucked a lock of Bernie’s hair behind her ear, “what's that?” Bernie said nothing but reached up, gently laying her hand on Serena’s cheek to bring her in for a long kiss, “yes” Serena smiled once they parted for breath, “that was definitely a good idea.” 

“Come on” Bernie pushed herself to her feet and held out her hand for Serena, “let's go and have half an hour with the kids before they go to bed.” 

Before their holiday Bernie and Serena had been allowing Cameron to stay up longer than the girls, but, when they announced they were putting Charlotte and Elinor to bed, worn out from their early start, Cameron asked if he could go to sleep too. 

Bernie and Serena bathed the girls whilst Cam showered himself before putting them to bed, Bernie reading to Cameron and tucking him in, Serena allowing Charlotte and Elinor to cuddle in Charlotte’s bed, only separating them to tuck Elinor into her cot once she’d read their stories and both girls were almost asleep. She kissed them both and wished them good night before stepping out onto the landing, smiling as she slipped past Bernie to say goodnight to Cameron, Bernie making her way into Charlotte's room to say goodnight to the girls. 

Once they were sure the kids were settled, they made their way downstairs together, Bernie flicking on the kettle as Serena got out the mugs, the pair working in sync, wordless moving around each other to make two cups of tea, each picking up a mug and making their way into the living room, as always curling up side by side on the sofa. 

“We’re finally alone” Serena chuckled, they'd spent a few nights sat on the balcony with a bottle of wine once the children were in bed but it wasn't the same, they were usually so exhausted from the day that they didn't manage to stay out for long before they needed their bed too, and despite sharing the same room, the same bed, they were wary of one of the children coming in to join them. No matter how much they’d enjoyed their first holiday together, Bernie and Serena were most definitely happy to be back home. 

However, like the children, both adults were tired from the long journey home and mutually agreed that it was time for bed not long after they'd finished their tea, “I guess this is where I say goodnight” Serena said quietly as they stood on the landing outside Bernie’s bedroom, fingers entwined. 

“You erm, you don't have to” Bernie said softly, neither woman wanting to wake the kids. 

Serena frowned, “Bernie?” 

Bernie looked towards her own bedroom door, “Elinor’s down here, and if you wanted to…” she gestured towards her door, “I wouldn't say no.” 

“What about the kids?” Serena whispered. 

“What about them? They're all fast asleep in their own beds.” 

“But if they wake up and come in to you and I'm there…” 

“They didn't mind on holiday” Bernie shrugged. 

“But that was different, there was only one bed, they didn't…” 

Bernie gently squeezed Serena’s hand, “I'm sure they won't mind, but if you want to wait and talk to them about it tomorrow then…”

“Do you really think they wouldn't mind?” 

Bernie squeezed Serena’s hand again, “I don't think Cameron would care, and I think Charlie would be over the moon if she got to snuggle you as well as me.” 

Serena thought for a moment before she nodded, “okay.” 

“Okay?” Bernie smiled, “you’ll…” 

Serena gave another nod, “I'll need to go and get changed but then I'll come back down.”

“Okay” Bernie grinned, “if you wanted to bring some things down to make it easier for you in the morning, or erm, if you wanted to make it a more permanent thing…” 

“Bernie?” 

She shrugged, “I'm just saying, the wardrobes and drawers you used when I went away are still empty if you want to use them.” 

Serena smiled and reached up to gently stroke Bernie’s cheeks before brushing her lips against the blonde’s, “I'll bring down some things for the morning” she said, watching Bernie’s face light up as she continued, “and move the rest of my things down tomorrow.” 

“Okay” Bernie stole another kiss, “I'll go and get changed then, just come down when you're ready.” 

Bernie changed into her pyjamas before cleaning her teeth and making room for Serena’s things in her ensuite, she almost felt like this wasn't real, like she was dreaming. She couldn't believe that she was going to get to wake up next to Serena every morning. 

She was sat up in bed, the sheets pooled in her lap when there was a gentle tap on the half open door, “you don't have to knock” she said softly. 

“Sorry, I erm, I didn't want to walk in if you were changing or anything.” Serena said softly as she dropped the things she’d brought down onto the bed. 

Bernie smiled, “feel free to put them wherever” she told her, “and I made some room for your things in the ensuite.” 

Serena smiled, quickly dropping her clothes for the next morning into one of the empty drawers before gathering up her toiletries, “thank you.”

“You're welcome” Bernie smiled, watching as Serena disappeared into the ensuite, pyjamas thrown over her shoulder, a mass of bottles in her hands. 

It was the thought of simple things that made Bernie smile, the thought of Serena’s dirty clothes in the laundry basket with her own, of Serena no longer doing separate loads of washing for herself and Elinor. It was the thought of there being a second toothbrush in the mug on the shelf in the ensuite, of Serena’s makeup mingling on top of the chest of drawers with her own. The normality that signalled they were no longer two separate families living in the same house. 

It didn't take Serena long to change for bed and she seemed slightly nervous as she slipped beneath the covers to where Bernie was waiting for her. “I think we’ve already had this conversation” Bernie bit her lip slightly once Serena was settled. 

“What conversation?” Serena had no idea why she was so nervous, she'd just spent a fortnight sharing the same bed as Bernie, spent a fortnight cuddled into her, kissing her goodnight and good morning, this shouldn't feel any different, but it did. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage, her throat dry and her palms sweaty. 

“I know the kids like to get in with us sometimes” Bernie explained, “but there's enough room for a double decker bus between us” she cautiously held out her arms, “if you're not comfortable with this, if you want to stay in your own room then I won't mind Serena, I won't mind at all.” 

“Sorry” Serena shuffled into Bernie’s arms, instantly relaxing as her head fell onto Bernie’s shoulder, “I didn't… I mean, I suppose this is just a big step. On holiday we didn't really get much choice but consciously choosing to share a bed it's, it's a big thing.”

“It is” Bernie agreed, dropping a kiss to the top of Serena’s hair, “and if you want to go back to your own room then…” 

“No” Serena interrupted her, “I mean, not unless you want me to. I like sharing with you, I like being with you. I guess I'm just worried about the kids, Cameron especially, what they'll think and…” 

“I'm sure Cameron will be just fine” Bernie tried to reassure her, “but I can talk to him in the morning if you want? He already knows that we like to cuddle once they're all asleep so, if he says anything, we just tell him that we liked being able to cuddle in bed on holiday so we’ve decided to do it at home?” 

Serena nodded, “you don't have to. Talk to Cameron about us I mean. Maybe it's better if we just wait for him to come to us if he asks anything?” 

“Okay. But if he does ask anything then I'm going to be honest with him.” Bernie said softly, “I've never lied to the kids and I don't want to start now.” 

“Okay” Serena understood, “what do you want me to say if he comes to me?” 

“Just be honest" Bernie said softly as she kissed Serena’s cheek, “I'll tell him that we're together, that we care about each other very much, and that we're sharing the same bed because we like being with each other.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “we’re together are we?” she smirked. Bernie blushed and dipped her head, causing Serena to frown slightly, “Bernie” she gently lifted the blonde’s chin, “I was only joking, after the past fortnight, I think I'd have been quite disappointed to hear you planned on telling Cameron that we were only friends.”

“I erm, I probably should have said something sooner” Bernie began fiddling with the duvet, “but when I started my new job, I put you down as my next of kin.” 

“I know” Serena shifted so she was now holding Bernie, “you said.” 

“No, I erm, the forms, they asked what relationship you were to me. I erm, I couldn't put that you were my children’s nanny, not when you already felt like so much more than that, so I, I put that you were my partner.” 

“Oh Bernie” Serena sighed in relief, having started to worry something was wrong. “That's fine, I don't mind that at all.” 

“You, you don't?” 

“Not at all” Serena kissed her softly, letting their foreheads rest together once their lips parted, “in fact I quite like the sound of that.” 

“My partner” Bernie whispered before brushing her lips to Serena’s. 

Serena smiled into the kiss before brushing Bernie’s hair from her face and watching her yawn, “I think it might be bedtime Partner”. 

“Me too” Bernie nodded, thanking Serena as she flicked off the light before settling down in bed, holding Serena close. 

“Oh, Bernie” Serena broke the silence a few moments later, waiting for Bernie’s hum of acknowledgement before continuing, “sleep well. You're going to need all the energy you can get to help me move all my things in here in the morning.” 


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might want to get comfortable, I think this might be the longest chapter yet!

Bernie woke the next morning to Serena curled into her side, her face nuzzled into the crook of Bernie’s neck, one arm thrown loosely over Bernie’s stomach as she slept soundly.  She kissed her hair, watching her sleep for a minute before looking up when she heard the bedroom door creak open, rightly guessing that it would be Charlotte, “Morning Peanut” Bernie smiled softly as the toddler padded over to the bed, teddy bear in hand.

“Mumma” she smiled sleepily, climbing into bed as Bernie held out her free arm to help her daughter into bed, “‘Re’a s’eep your bed.”

“She is” Bernie kissed Charlotte’s hair, deciding not to make a big deal about the situation.

Charlotte nodded and snuggled into Bernie’s side as she began to suck her thumb, “she snuggle me?”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “I’m sure, as soon as she wakes up, she’ll give you as many snuggles as you want.”

“You’d better budge over a bit then” Serena mumbled against Bernie’s neck, “put her between us so she can snuggle.” 

Bernie chuckled quietly, “you’re the one taking up half the bed” she teased as she lifted Charlotte onto her stomach before shuffling over, making room for Charlotte to lay between the adults, her love for Serena growing as she instantly wrapped her arm around Charlie’s middle, her eyes still firmly closed, “do you want me to go and get Ellie?” she asked, laughing again when both Serena and Charlotte nodded without saying a word.

“And Cammy Mumma?” Charlotte asked, already beginning to drift back off to sleep in Serena’s safe embrace.

“If he’s awake I’ll bring him in, but I’d wake him if I tried to carry him in, he can come in as soon as he wakes up though” Bernie promised, earning her a nod from her daughter as she pushed herself out of bed and went to fetch Elinor.

As Bernie expected, Cameron was still fast asleep when she checked on him, duvet kicked off to the bottom of the bed, flat out on his stomach with arms and legs splayed out across the mattress, Bernie surprised at how her son managed to stay balanced on the single bed.  She kissed her fingers and gently laid them on his cheek before making her way into Charlotte’s room, chuckling to herself as she saw Elinor sprawled out in a similar position to Cameron only the baby had somehow managed to turn round in the night so she was now upside down in her cot.

She carefully lifted the baby into her arms, rocking her gently and kissing her forehead before taking her back into the bedroom, unable to stop her smile as she saw Serena and Charlotte had already fallen back to sleep cuddled into each other, “looks like you’re stuck with me then Trouble” Bernie smiled, kissing Elinor’s head again as she settled herself back in the bed, Elinor curling up on her chest, the baby’s head on her shoulder as she dozed peacefully.

Unlike Charlotte and Serena, Bernie didn’t go back to sleep, and she gently stroked Ellie’s back as she began to wake just half an hour later, “hello sleepyhead” she whispered, not wanting to wake Serena or Charlotte.

“Mumma” Ellie smiled sleepily as she sat up on Bernie’s stomach, looking around the room.

Bernie gave Ellie a few minutes to wake up before standing from the bed, Ellie on her hip, “let’s get you some breakfast before you get too noisy and wake Mama and Charlie.”  She popped her head into Cameron’s room, checking that her son was still asleep before she carried Ellie downstairs, changing her nappy and grabbing some toys so she could settle her down in her high chair to keep her out of trouble as she made breakfast.

Cameron woke next, padding downstairs in just his pyjama bottoms, he grinned at Ellie as he jumped up to sit beside her, thanking his mother when she placed a plate of pancakes and fruit in front of him, Ellie happily still chewing away on the pancakes and fruit Bernie had already given her.

Cam and Ellie were playing in the living room, all cleaned up after breakfast, entertaining themselves with a set of farm animals as cartoons played on the tv, when Serena walked into the living room, Charlotte sat on her hip, “good Morning” she smiled, glad she hadn’t got herself or Charlotte dressed when she saw everyone else were still in their pyjamas for their, usual, lazy, Sunday morning.

After Serena and Charlotte had eaten the pancakes Bernie had saved for them, the adults spent a while playing with the children, and the farm animals, before Bernie caught Serena’s eye, “do you want to…”

“Yeah” she nodded, “what about…” she gestured to the kids.

Bernie looked at the three of them, “Serena and I need to do something upstairs” she told them, “do you want to take your animals upstairs and watch a film in our bed?”

The children nodded, Elinor just shrieking in excitement because Cameron and Charlotte seemed happy, “what are you doing upstairs?” Cameron asked as he collected up as many of the farm animals as his little hands could carry.

“We’re going to move Elinor’s clothes into Charlie’s bedroom and we’re going to move Serena’s things into my room” she said softly, not sure how Cameron would react.

Cameron thought for a moment, “is Rena going to sleep in your room now like Ellie sleeps in Charlie’s room?”

Bernie nodded, “she is.”

“‘Rea snuggle me” Charlotte told her brother, adding to the conversation.

“She did” Bernie smiled at Charlotte before she turned her attention back to Cameron, “but if you want to come in, you can, just like you did on holiday, just because Serena’s sleeping in my bed, it doesn’t mean you can’t sleep in my bed too if you want to.”

“Okay” Cameron nodded, looking deep in thought for a moment.

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked her son.

He nodded, “if ‘Rena’s gonna sleep in your bed, and Ellie’s gonna sleep in Charlie’s room, can I have bunk beds?”

Bernie laughed, Cameron had loved the bunk beds in the hotel room, so she wasn’t at all surprised by his request, “we’re going out to get Ellie her own wardrobe next weekend, so we can see what they’ve got” she nodded.”

Cameron’s face lit up and he dropped the animals he was holding to hug Bernie tightly, “thank you Mummy, thank you thank you thank you.”

The kids played happily on Bernie and Serena’s bed as a film played on the TV, none of them making a fuss as Bernie and Serena moved everything downstairs, the attic bedroom once again becoming an empty ‘spare’ room.

By the time everything was put away, it was almost lunchtime, so, after sharing nothing more than a smile, Bernie and Serena took the kids downstairs for lunch, an abrupt downpour ruining their plans for an after lunch walk in the park, so Bernie laid out a large blanket on the floor before making her way into the kitchen to help Serena make a picnic lunch for them all.

The rain didn’t seem to bother the kids and, after they were fed, they happily went off to play together, a stack of disney films piled up beside the TV as the three of them played some silly little game that neither Bernie or Serena understood, but that kept them entertained and happy.

Although the kids were happily playing together, Bernie was worried about Serena, all morning she’d seemed to be distancing herself from Bernie, to the point where she’d barely said two words to her since they’d come back downstairs, but she was wary of pushing her, partly because she didn’t want Serena to feel forced into talking to her, and partly because she was worried she wouldn’t like what Serena had to say.

As if she knew Bernie was thinking about her, Serena seemed to snap back to reality, “Do you want a cuppa?” she asked as she stood from the sofa, not making eye contact with Bernie.

Bernie nodded, “yeah, okay” she smiled softly, an action that went unnoticed by Serena as she turned and walked into the kitchen without another word.

“Where Re’a go?” Charlotte asked as she turned to see Bernie alone on the sofa.

“She’s gone to make a drink” Bernie smiled, not wanting her daughter to pick up on her worries.

“Me too?” Charlotte asked, holding out her empty cup.

“Of course” Bernie nodded, taking the cup from her daughter and heading into the kitchen, 

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked Serena as she came in with both Charlotte and Elinor’s empty cups, Cameron having told her that he didn’t want another drink yet.

Serena looked up from where she was aimlessly stirring one of the mugs of tea, “sorry, what?”

Bernie frowned, “are you okay?” she repeated.

Serena nodded and dropped the spoon into the sink, “yeah, I mean, no, well I am but…” she sighed, “can we talk? Tonight? When the kids are in bed?”

Bernie felt her heart sink as she filled up the two cups with juice, “yeah of course” she nodded wondering if she’d gone too far, if asking Serena to share her bed had been too much, if she should have waited a little longer, “are we erm, are we okay?” she asked nervously, not sure she really wanted to know the answer.

Serena looked up when she heard the shake in Bernie’s voice, her heart breaking when she saw the worry and concern on the other woman’s face, “oh Bernie” she quickly crossed the kitchen to wrap her arms around the blonde, “of course we are, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you Darling, it’s nothing bad, please don’t worry.”

“I have to say I’m relieved to hear it” Bernie sighed, “I erm…”

“It’s nothing to be worried about” Serena nuzzled into Bernie, desperately trying to calm her down, “it’s just something that I’d like to talk to you about without being interrupted” she said before kissing Bernie softly, “please don’t be worried.”

“I’ll do my best” Bernie whispered as she leant in for another kiss, one hand on Serena’s hip as she held her close.

“Erm, Mummy” they jumped apart when they heard Cameron, both woman shooting worried glances at each other, “I think I would like another drink” he held out his cup and Bernie nodded, silently taking it from him to refill it.  There was an awkward silence in the kitchen until Cameron spoke again, “Mummy, do you love ‘Rena?”

Bernie bit her lip and glanced at Serena before nodding, “yeah, I do.”

“Is that why she sleeps in your bed now? So you can kiss her?” 

Both Bernie and Serena laughed as Bernie nodded again, “it is, yeah, is that okay with you?”

Cameron nodded, “as long as I can still come and cuddle you sometimes.”

“Of course you can” Bernie nodded, “and if I’m at work you can have cuddles with Serena, she won’t mind.”

“Of course I won’t” Serena smiled, “you know I don’t mind.”

“I didn’t know girls could kiss girls” Cameron mused, “I thought girls only kissed boys.”

Bernie held her arms out for Cameron, lifting him to sit on the work top, “some girls like to kiss boys” she told him, “but some girls like to kiss other girls…”

“Like you?” Cameron asked.

“Like me” Bernie nodded, “some boys like to kiss other boys, and some people like to kiss boys and girls. But it doesn’t matter who you want to kiss, as long as they want to kiss you too, then you can kiss whoever you want to.”

Cameron thought for a minute, his head tilted to one side as he thought about what his mother had just told him, “I don’t think I want to kiss anybody Mummy, except sometimes you and ‘Rena and Charlie and Ellie.”

Bernie laughed and kissed his hair, “then that’s absolutely fine too Darling, and if you ever want to ask me any questions, or if there’s anything you don’t understand, you can always come to me.”

“Okay Mummy” Cam nodded, “I have got one question.”

“Go on.”

Cam smirked cheekily, “can I have a biscuit with my juice?”

Bernie laughed as she lifted Cameron down from the side and passed him his cup, “go on, Serena and I will bring the biscuits through in a minute.”

They watched him go off happily back into the living room before Serena slipped her hand into Bernie’s, “I think you handled that really well” she said softly.

“Really?”

Serena nodded, stroking the back of Bernie’s hand with her thumb, “yeah, you didn’t overwhelm him with information, but you made it clear that he could come back to you if he wanted to know more, him knowing he can come to you, that this isn’t a taboo subject is a great thing.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “yeah, I suppose it is, I’ve always tried to be honest with the kids but I suppose this is probably the biggest thing I’ve ever had to tell them about, and Cam, well he’s old enough to know that this is something ‘different’ if you know what I mean?”

“I do” Serena nodded, “but he’s a clever boy, if he didn’t understand, or if there was anything else he wanted to know, he’d have asked, and I’m sure that if he wasn’t happy he’d have said something.”

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “I suppose you’re right.”

“Always am” Serena teased, “now, let’s get Cameron his biscuits before he dies of hunger”.

Bernie laughed as she took a packet of biscuits from the cupboard and picked up the girls’ cups, “and before Ellie gets up to no good.”

“Definitely” Serena laughed as she picked up the mugs, watching as Bernie took a few steps towards the door before calling her name gently, waiting until she turned around before grinning, “I love you too.”

Both women noticed Elinor starting to flag as the afternoon went on, although she desperately tried to fight the urge to sleep, wanting to keep playing with Charlotte and Cameron, “take her upstairs if you want” Bernie gently squeezed Serena’s arm as she tried to rock Elinor to sleep, “she might settle better if there’s nothing else going on around her.”

“Yeah, I think I might have to or she’ll be grumpy all afternoon, I erm, I might take her into our room and lay with her for a bit if you wouldn’t mind?”

Bernie shook her head and kissed Serena’s cheek, “it’s our room Serena, of course I don’t mind, and you don’t need to ask my permission.”

“Okay” Serena leaned over to kiss Bernie’s cheek too, “I’ll see you soon.”

Serena didn’t see Bernie soon, in fact, when she still hadn’t come back downstairs almost an hour later, Bernie went up to see if she was okay, only to find mother and daughter curled together on the bed, Serena’s top clutched in Elinor’s fist as they both slept soundly together.  Bernie smiled, she knew how easy it was, she’d fallen asleep with her kids so many times when they were younger, so she kissed them both gently, covered them with a blanket and headed back downstairs, leaving Serena and Elinor to nap in peace.

Bernie was sat on the floor, playing with Charlotte and Cameron when Serena walked downstairs with Elinor, “sorry” she said as she put Elinor down to play and sat beside Bernie, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep with her.”

“It’s okay” Bernie reassured her, “you obviously needed the rest, “I don’t mind” she told her, smiling softly as their fingers entwined in the small gap between them as they sat watching their children playing together.

Luckily the kids settled down easily as bedtime came round and, as Serena changed into her pyjamas, Bernie, who’d already changed, headed downstairs to make them both a mug of tea, the fridge empty of wine, and most other things, until Serena went shopping after taking Cameron to school in the morning.

They sat in silence, sipping at their tea once they’d settled on the sofa, and it was Bernie that spoke first, “so what did you want to talk about?” she asked softly.

“I erm, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while” Serena kept her eyes on her tea, “I want you to stop paying me.”

“You…”

“If you’re going to be my partner, if we, if we’re doing this, then I, I don’t want to be your nanny, I mean…” Serena took a moment to get her thoughts in order, “I want to look after Charlotte and Cameron, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t… I want to do it because we’re a family and, well… I love the kids and I am more than happy for us to raise them together, if that’s what you want” she added quickly, “but I want to do it as, well, as sort of a parental figure and not as someone you pay to look after them.”

“I understand” Bernie took a long sip of her tea as she thought about her response, “and I’d love you to be a parental figure to the kids…”

“I sense a but coming.”

Bernie nodded, “but I’m reluctant about not paying you” she admitted, “I erm, I don’t want you to feel trapped, I want you to have your own money.  I want you to be able to buy things if you want to without asking me for the money, I want you to be able to take the kids out if you want to. If Cameron comes home from school and needs new shoes, I want you to be able to take him out and getting some without me having to give you money, and, well” Bernie took a deep breath, “if things don’t work out between us, if there ever comes a time when you want to leave, I want you to be able to leave, I don’t want you to be financially dependent on me.”

Serena sighed, “I know what you mean.”

“There must be thousands of families that have one working parent and one parent raising their children” Bernie told Serena, “I’m sure we’ll work something out.”  She thought for a moment, “what if I keep putting money into your bank account every month, but, instead of a salary, you just think of it as your half of my wages?” she suggested.

“You, you’d give me half your wages?” Serena asked.

“Of course, I might be the one going out to work every day and getting a salary every month, but you’re working just as hard raising our family and taking care of our home, I don’t take that, don’t take you for granted, you deserve my wages just as much as I do.  And I’ve been thinking anyway.,,”

“What about?”

“Charlie’s going to be going to school in a year or two, so you’ll just have Ellie at home, I wondered what you’d think about looking into registering as a childminder? I remember you saying how much you loved being a nanny but you thought you’d struggle with Ellie in tow so I thought that would be the best of both worlds, you still get to look after Ellie, and Charlie and Cam too, but you get to look after other people’s children too.”   
  
Serena looked shocked, “you, you’d let me do that?”

“There’s no ‘let’ about it” Bernie told her, “this is as much your home as it is mine, if it’s something you want to look into once Charlie’s at school, or before then, then I’ll support you and do whatever I can to help.”

Serena nodded and smiled, “I erm, I think I’d like that a lot.”

“Okay” Bernie grinned, “we can start looking into it now if you like, so you know what you need to do when you want to start.”

Serena nodded again, her heart swelling as she realised Bernie had thought about their future together, “yeah, okay then.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday!
> 
> This week, the awesome @itsamehannah followed me on twitter, she's drawn an AMAZING picture of Bernie and Ellie that she's allowed me to share with you all, it's the cutest thing ever, and it's right [here](https://twitter.com/itsamehannah/status/912598046575349760)!

A few months passed, Bernie, Serena and their children falling back into their easy routine after their holiday. They celebrated Elinor’s first birthday with a trip to a local petting zoo, and then, a few weeks later, Bernie, Cameron and Charlotte celebrated the first anniversary of Serena and Elinor coming to live with them. The kids baked a cake and Bernie filled the living room with streamers, banners and balloons, there were hugs and kisses from Serena to Charlotte and Cameron and Elinor thanked Bernie with an excited babble and a long cuddle, Serena thanked her with a chaste kiss on the lips.

To both Bernie and Serena’s relief, Cameron hadn't been bothered by the change in their relationship and Charlotte seemed over the moon that she got to cuddle with both Bernie and Serena on the mornings when she woke before everyone else. No longer concerned about how Charlie and Cam would react, Bernie and Serena became less worried about trying to hide their relationship at home, they didn't hide the fact they held hands, and they even gave each other occasional kisses for no other reason than that they could do so without having to worry about being seen.

Serena and Bernie’s relationship only seemed to be getting stronger as the weeks passed, after their talk about their finances Serena had opened up a savings account so she could put some money away every month for a ‘rainy day.’ They'd opened a joint account too, an account that they both put any ‘leftover’ money into at the end of each month, money they'd both decided would be used to pay for their next family holiday.

That said, Serena was taken completely by surprise when, just two weeks after their conversation about their finances, Bernie took Serena and the kids out one weekend to a used car dealership where, with a huge smile on her face, she showed Serena the seven seater people carrier that she’d already bought for her, explaining that, not only was Elinor getting close to growing out of her infant car seat and they’d struggle to fit a third, larger car seat into the car they had, but it would make sense for them to have two cars, so that Bernie didn’t have to leave Serena without a car on the days her shifts started and ended at inconvenient times.

Serena had been so grateful, thanking Bernie over and over, protesting when she insisted on buying Elinor’s ‘big girl’ car seat too but Bernie didn't give in, and neither would she take any of Serena’s savings towards the cost of the car, telling Serena that, just because they were ‘sharing’ her wages now, it didn’t mean she couldn’t still by things for their family on her own.

Since she'd started working in the NHS, Bernie had found that her boss had been understanding of the fact she'd spent an awful lot of time away from her family whilst she was in the army and so, tried to avoid putting her on the rota for weekend shifts whenever possible. This meant that most weekends consisted of an ‘exciting’ Saturday and a ‘lazy’ Sunday, nobody getting dressed until lunch the and doing nothing more strenuous than an afternoon walk in the park, weather permitting.

“Can we watch a film together?” Cameron asked one Sunday, Charlotte and Elinor both fast asleep in the buggy after wearing themselves out racing around the adventure playground with Cam during their walk in the park.

“Of course” Bernie smiled as she helped Serena get the buggy into the house.

“Why don't you and Mummy get settled and pick a film and I'll make us all some hot chocolate?” Serena suggested, planning on leaving the girls to sleep in the buggy until they woke.

Cameron’s face lit up, “yes please, with marshmallows?”

Serena hung up all their coats, “of course.”

Bernie knew her son was tired just from looking at him so she wasn't at all surprised when he cuddled into her side almost as soon as they were sat together on the sofa.

“Mummy” Cameron said softly, looking up at her from where he was tucked into her side.

“Yes Monkey?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Bernie kissed his hair, “of course you can, you can ask me anything.”

Cameron frowned slightly as he thought about what he wanted to say, “you know how Charlie is my little sister right?”

Bernie nodded, “right.”

“And Ellie camed to live with us and now she’s sort of like my little sister too?” Bernie nodded again, smiling at the thought of Cam seeing Elinor as his sister too, “so that means Ellie’s Charlie's sister too?” Bernie nodded for a third time as Cameron looked up at Bernie, neither of them seeing Serena walk in with the mugs, “so can I get a brother please?”

Bernie’s eyes widened, “I erm, I…” she stumbled over her words.

“What your Mummy is trying to say” Serena said softly as she sat at the other side of Cameron and put the mugs on the coffee table, “is that babies are a lot of hard work, do you remember when Ellie and I first came to live here? And Ellie didn’t do much, she just slept a lot and cried?” Cameron nodded and Serena ran her fingers through his curls, “that’s what babies are like, they sleep and cry and sometimes they smell bad, it would be a long time until a baby could play properly with you.”

Bernie had managed to compose herself as she listened to Serena talk to Cameron, “and even if we did get another baby” she told him, “there’s no guarantee it would be a brother, you might end up with another sister” she told him.

Cameron sighed, “but will you think about it Mummy? Please?”

Bernie nodded and kissed Cameron’s head, “of course I will, but don’t be sad if I still say no.”

“I won’t be” he grinned, “can we watch the Jungle Book til Charlie and Ellie wake up?”

Serena smiled and gently brushed her hand over Bernie’s, just to let her know she was there, “I’ll go and put it on.”

It was no surprise to either adult that, just 20 minutes into the film he’d chosen, Cameron fell asleep, tucked into Bernie’s side, his head on her chest his arms wrapped around her, and she smiled, kissing his head as she allowed her mind to wander.  She couldn’t help but think about what Cameron had asked, wondering what Serena thought to his question.  Would Serena want another child? Would she want another child with Bernie? Was it too soon in their relationship to even be thinking about it? She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Serena, skin glowing and stomach swollen as she carried their child, a child she’d get to see every day, a child she wouldn’t have to leave behind a few months after their birth, a child that Bernie was sure, would be loved more than could ever be imagined.

Serena hadn’t been surprised when Cameron had nodded off, but she was taken by surprise when she felt Bernie’s head loling against her shoulder, Serena’s own eyes beginning to feel heavy as she too, thought about how nice it would be to raise a child with Bernie. She loved Elinor, of course she did, but she couldn’t help but think how nice it would be to raise another child with someone she loved, to have someone to share the sleepless nights, to share the joy of raising a baby, someone to share the frustrations, to ease her worries, to reassure her that she wasn’t failing her baby, the way Bernie had from the moment she'd moved in.

As her own eyes fluttered shut again, Serena forced them open and carefully tried to stand from the sofa, but she didn’t quite manage it, Bernie slowly opening her eyes as she felt the shoulder she'd been using as a pillow move, “Serena?” she mumbled.

“Shh” Serena brushed her lips over Bernie’s forehead, “I’m just going to bring the girls in here, I keep nodding off too and I don’t want them to get upset if they wake and we don’t hear them.  

Bernie nodded, “do you want me to…?”

Serena shook her head, “I can manage, I don’t want to wake Cam.”

“Kay” Bernie mumbled as she dozed off again, “love you.”

Serena smiled and kissed Bernie’s head again, “I love you too.”

The next time Bernie woke she had Charlotte curled up on her lap, Charlotte clutching at her top with one hand and sucking the thumb on her other hand, Cameron was tucked right into her side and she had her head on Serena’s shoulder, Elinor still sleeping in her Mama’s arms and she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to add a newborn baby into the mix, for them all to be curled up together with a tiny baby tucked up with them too.  She didn’t need to worry about Cameron and Charlotte, they adored Elinor, had done since the day they’d met her, so she had no worries that they wouldn’t love another baby just the same.

“Mummy” Cameron frowned slightly as he began to stir, “did I fall asleep?”

“You did” she ran her fingers through his hair, “but it’s okay, me and Serena fell asleep too.”

Cam nodded, still snuggled into Bernie’s side, “Charlie and Ellie are really sleepy.”

“They are” Bernie chuckled, “but that’s okay, just like it’s okay if you want to have a nap, no one minds you having a little sleep, as long as you still go to sleep at bedtime.”

“And I can’t be too big for nap time if you and ‘Rena have nap times too”.

“That’s right” Bernie smiled, she knew Cameron worried about being a ‘big boy’ like all his friends and wanted to reassure him that he was okay to still nap, to still have cuddles if he wanted to.

Cameron smiled and nodded as he nuzzled closer to Bernie and let out a big yawn, “I still feel sleepy” he admitted.

“You can go back to sleep if you want to” Bernie told him, “I don’t mind Darling.”

Cameron shook his head, “I like talking to you Mummy.”

“I like talking to you too” Bernie smiled, “you’re a very clever boy.”

“As clever as you?” he asked.

Bernie chuckled, “almost, but you still need to go to school for a bit longer so you can be as clever as me.”

“Am I clever enough to be a Doctor when I’m big, but not in the Army, I don’t want to have to go away.”

“That’s okay” Bernie told him, “there are lots of different types of doctors, and an army doctor is just one of those, most doctors don’t have to go away.” She told him before explaining, “there are some doctors know just a little bit about every part of the body and if you get poorly they know how to find out which part needs fixing and know which doctors can help if they can’t fix it themselves, but other doctors know lots and lots about just one part of the body, so some doctors are really good at fixing brains, other doctors are really good at fixing bones, others know a lot about fixing hearts, if you work hard enough at school then I think you’ll make a brilliant doctor when you’re older.”

“What do you fix Mummy?” he asked her, “do you still fix soldiers that get hurt?”

“Sometimes, if they come to the hospital I will, but I fix people who have been in car accidents and things like that, sometimes they’re bleeding inside their tummies and I fix that, and I can fix broken bones too.”

“What do you do if you can’t fix someone?” Cameron asked with a frown.

“Then I ask for help from someone who can” Bernie told him, “there are lots and lots of doctors in the hospital, and sometimes lots of us all have to work together to fix someone, we each fix the part we know a lot about to help the person get better.”

“I think I’d like fixing people” Cameron nodded decisively, “but I don’t know what bit I’d like to fix most, brains are cool, but then your heart is really important because that’s where all your love is isn’t it Mummy.”

“It is” Bernie smiled softly, “but it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what sort of doctor you want to be, when you’re learning how to be a doctor you can try out lots of different things so you can decide what you like fixing most.”

Cam nodded, “I’m going to be really good at school so I can be really clever” he told her.

“Good” Bernie smiled, “but you already are really clever.”

Cam grinned, “can you listen to me reading my book from school? I can’t be a doctor if I can’t read.”

Bernie laughed and ruffled Cam’s hair, “go and get it Monkey, of course I’ll help you read your book.”

Serena was next to wake, not wanting to disturb Bernie and Cam she chose to keep her eyes closed as she listened to Cameron reading his book, Bernie quietly encouraging him, helping him break down the words he didn't know into sounds that he did, praising him when he managed to read the difficult words without help.

She knew Bernie had her doubts about her parenting skills, knew she felt guilty about how much she’d missed whilst she’d been deployed, but Serena was in no doubt, she'd worked with enough families to know that Bernie was far from a ‘poor’ mother, she was completely devoted to her children and that her entire world revolved around Cameron, Charlotte and now Elinor.

Serena smiled softly, letting her eyes flutter open when she felt Bernie brush a barely there kiss to her temple, “hi” she whispered, nuzzling into the crook of Bernie’s neck.

Bernie kissed Serena's hair, not having time to reply before Cam spoke, “I'm reading my book to Mummy so I can get clever and be a doctor when I'm big” he explained, “will you listen to my reading too?”

Serena smiled and nodded as she settled herself against Bernie, “of course I will Darling” she smiled as she felt Elinor stir, “and I'm sure Elinor will love listening to you too.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've noticed that most chapters recently have ended with Bernie and Serena talking about something fairly important to them once the kids were in bed. Is that something you like or would you rather I dropped it for a bit?
> 
> Anyway, a couple of people mentioned in their reviews for the last chapter that they'd like to see a bit more romance and intimacy between Bernie and Serena, so I did my best!

When Bernie finally walked through the door, almost two hours later than planned, she wasn’t at all surprised at all to find Serena had already put the kids to bed, in fact, she’d expected as much and had managed to wish them goodnight and tell them she loved them during her brief phone call home, wanting to let Serena know that she was about to go into theatre with an emergency patient and that she’d be home as soon as she could.  So, whilst she wasn’t surprised that the house was almost silent, she was surprised to find Serena stood by the front door waiting for her, “hello?” she smiled, slightly bemused by her partner’s actions.

“Hello” Serena smiled, helping Bernie slip off her jacket and hanging it up as Bernie kicked off her shoes.

“Everything okay?” Bernie asked, usually Serena was in the living room waiting for her when she came home after the kids were in bed and she couldn’t understand why, tonight, Serena was like her second shadow.

“Yeah” Serena smiled and wrapped her arms around Bernie, kissing her lips gently, linking their fingers together before telling her, “there’s a bath waiting upstairs for you, so why don’t you go and say goodnight to the kids and have a soak while I sort out dinner, there’s no rush, and I’ve left you some pyjamas on the bed.”

Bernie smiled and gently swiped her thumb over Serena’s cheek as she gazed at her for a moment, “you’re too good for me.”

“I’m not” Serena told her, “now, stop arguing and get yourself upstairs before your bath gets cold.”

Bernie chuckled and saluted playfully, “yes Ma’am” she grinned before turning to walk up the stairs, the stresses of her day already forgotten after spending just a few minutes in Serena’s company.  She kissed and tucked in all three children, whispering that she loved them before making her way into the bathroom, gasping at the sight of the bath, full of warm water and sweet scented bubbles, the windowsill and the side of the sink lined with flickering candles. She quickly undressed, letting out a sigh, feeling her tense muscles begin to relax as she sank deeper into the water that was the perfect temperature.

She relaxed in the water for a while, washing away all the stresses of the day before the need to see Serena became too much, and she lifted herself from the cooling water, wrapping herself in the towels Serena had left on the radiator and the dressing gown hanging on the back of the door before draining the bath and blowing out the candles.

Her smile grew as she padded into her bedroom, seeing Serena had left her a pair of old, worn, grey tracksuit bottoms and a faded green tshirt that she’d had for years, they were some of the oldest clothes Bernie had, but they were comfortable and, after the day she’d had, she couldn’t think of anything better than pulling on her old comfy clothes and curling up with Serena.

Serena however, had other plans, and, when Bernie made her way into the kitchen, much like the bathroom, she found the room was lit by a seemingly endless supply of candles, there was soft music playing from the radio on the windowsill and  a bottle of wine waiting on the pristinely laid table, from the smell as Bernie entered the room,she could tell that there was something amazing cooking in the oven and she found herself falling even more in love with Serena than she ever thought possible. 

“Serena” she whispered, causing the woman, already dressed in her own pyjamas, to turn to face her.

“Hello” Serena smiled, “how are you feeling?”

Bernie pulled Serena into her arms, holding her closely as she kissed her lips, “better now I’m here with you.”

“I made lasagne” she said as she ran her fingers through Bernie’s damp curls, “do you want to do the honours?” she gestured to the wine, “and I’ll dish up.”

“Of course” Bernie smiled, stealing a final kiss before moving to uncork the wine and pour them both a glass, sitting down just as Serena carried two plates of lasagne over.

They ate in silence for a while before Bernie spoke again, “is there a reason for all of this?” she finally asked, wondering if she’d missed Serena’s birthday, or even forgotten her own.

“It’s a year today since Elinor got ill” Serena told her with a shy smile, “a year since we first kissed and, well, I know we don’t really have the opportunity to go on dates what with having the kids, so I thought that maybe we could have a sort of date night here.”

“That’s a lovely idea” Bernie smiled, “and definitely something we should try and do more often” she nodded as she raised her glass, “so erm, Happy Anniversary I guess.”

Serena chuckled as she tapped her glass against Bernie’s, “Happy anniversary.”

“I’m sorry” Bernie said softly after taking a sip of her wine, “that I didn’t remember.”

“Don’t worry about it” Serena reached over to link her fingers with Bernie’s, their legs already tangled together under the table, “after all, we did agree to keep things professional until you came back from your deployment.”

Bernie laughed slightly, stabbing another piece of lasagne with the fork held in her free hand, “we didn’t quite manage that though did we?”

Serena smiled and shook her head, “it was quite difficult once I’d already kissed you” she admitted, “I just wanted to keep doing it.”

“And I wasn’t complaining at that.”

“You certainly weren’t” Serena smiled, “but how about we just call this a little celebration? We can have our real anniversary on the day you came home? We can do something exciting with the kids in the daytime to celebrate you coming home for good, and then in the evening, you and I can just…” she gestured around the room, indicating what she meant.

Bernie smiled and nodded, “I’d like that.”

“Good” Serena smiled, “now eat up, there’s tiramisu for dessert.”

They finished their meal in a content silence, keeping their fingers entwined on the table between them, only breaking their contact as Serena stood to get their pudding, Bernie helpfully clearing the dirty crockery and cutlery from the table, rinsing them in the sink before leaving them on the side to wash properly later. Neither woman felt the need to speak as they both relaxed, occasionally making eye contact, saying more with a smile or a simple look than any words could ever express.  Once they’d finished eating, Serena insisted Bernie stayed where she was, that she relaxed as Serena washed the dishes and stacked them on the draining board to dry.

Bernie stood from her chair, feeling like she’d been apart from Serena for far too long as she held out her arms, Serena stepping instantly into her embrace, both holding each other close as they slowly began to sway to the music that was still playing, “I love you” Bernie murmured against Serena’s neck as she let her head rest on Serena’s shoulder, happy to be home, happy to be back with Serena after an exhausting shift.

“I know” Serena kissed Bernie’s temple, “I love you too.”  As they stood together, gently swaying in time to the music, Bernie couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the handful of dates Marcus had taken her on, times when she was exhausted after a long tour, or tired from a sleepless night with their children and she found herself feeling almost forced into dressing up, into covering the bags under her eyes so Marcus could ‘show her off’ at some function or another, or so they could spend the evening making small talk at some overpriced restaurant.  She much prefered this, much prefered to be at home, eating dinner in her pyjamas with the woman she loved as her children slept peacefully upstairs.

The song came to an end and Serena kissed Bernie’s temple again, “why don’t you go and get comfy on the sofa?” she asked Bernie, “I’ll blow these candles out and make us both a cuppa?”

Bernie nodded and smiled before taking the opportunity to kiss Serena’s lips, “thank you.”

Serena gently ran her fingers through Bernie’s hair as she returned the kiss, “you’ve got nothing to thank me for.”

Deciding not to argue, Bernie just smiled and gave Serena’s hand a gently squeeze before making her way into the living room and settling herself on the sofa, turning so her back was against the arm, letting her cheek rest against the back of the sofa, her eyes closing briefly before she looked up with a smile as she heard Serena come into the room. She watched as Serena mirrored her position on the sofa, waiting for her to put the mugs down on the coffee table and get settled before lifting the brunette’s legs into her lap and beginning to massage her feet as she nervously asked, “have you given any thought to what Cameron asked the other day?”

Serena relaxed back against the sofa as Bernie massaged her feet, “about him wanting a brother?” Bernie nodded and Serena frowned slightly, “ I erm…”

“Whatever decision we make will affect us all” Bernie said softly, “if Cameron gets his brother then I'd like to think it would be ‘our’ son, your opinion is important to me, I wouldn't expect to make a decision this big on my own”. 

Serena smiled softly, “I know you wanted to have another baby with Marcus” she said gently, “and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't love seeing you with Elinor, now and when she was younger.”

Bernie returned the smile, “I remember you mentioning that you'd have liked to have had another baby too.”

“I did” Serena smiled, “I didn't want Elinor to be an only child, but she's got Charlie and Cam now so that's not such a problem.”

Bernie nodded, still massaging Serena’s feet, “if we did have another child, it's more than likely that you’d be the one that’s looking after it, I'd take some leave from work obviously, but, do you think you'd cope okay with a fourth child in the long run?” 

“I've looked after four children at a time before” she nodded, Cam would be at school and Charlotte and Ellie aren't really babies anymore, as much as I hate to admit it” she chuckled, “I'm sure between us we could make something work if we decided to do it.”

“We, well, we haven't been together that long though” Bernie said quietly, “you erm, you don't think it's too soon?” 

Serena moved her legs from Bernie's lap so she could sit closer to her, gently taking her hand, “let's be honest” she said softly, “we were ‘together’ long before we admitted it weren't we?” she asked, not waiting for Bernie to answer as she continued, “and we’ve been raising a family together for over a year now” she ran her thumb over the back of Bernie’s hand, “not only was I looking after Charlie and Cam, you were looking after Ellie long before you went away. We might not have acknowledged it as such, but I think we’ve been a couple, a family for a lot longer than we realise. I know deciding whether or not to have another baby is a huge decision, but it wouldn't be our first child, we know we can raise a baby together because we’re already doing that with Ellie.” Serena took a deep breath,” I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you, and I love raising our family with you. If we ended up raising a slightly bigger family then that would be an amazing thing, but I won't be unhappy or disappointed if you decide that three children in the house is enough.”

“We” Bernie whispered. 

“I'm sorry?” Serena was confused. 

“If we decide” Bernie corrected her, I don't, I want this to be something we decide together. “

Serena nodded and curled her knees up to her chest, tucking herself into Bernie’s side, “if we” she emphasised the word, “decide this is what we want to do, have you thought about how? I mean, are you thinking IVF or adoption or…?” 

Bernie bit her lip and bowed her head, “I erm, I keep thinking about how beautiful you'd look carrying our child” she admitted. 

Serena smiled, “if it's anything like my pregnancy with Elinor, I'm sure the thoughts are much nicer than the reality" she chuckled, “I didn't stop being sick until I was about 30 weeks, I ended up in hospital a couple of times…” Serena thought for a moment, “I'm not saying that I won't do it, because it makes sense for it to be me, and I know thing might be different second time around, but I think we might need to be prepared to make other childcare arrangements for Charlie and Ellie if I was to carry our child and things were the same as when I was expecting Elinor.”

“You don’t have to” Bernie said softly, one arm around Serena’s shoulder, the other coming to rest on her stomach, gently trailing patterns over the soft fabric of her pyjamas, “I mean, both my pregnancies were pretty textbook, and I’d be able to take leave from work, unpaid if needs be. Don’t feel like you have to carry our baby if you’d rather not” she said softly.

“But you…”

“This is about us” Bernie said softly, her fingertips still dancing over Serena’s stomach, “I just thought it would be nice to have another little you in the house, but if you’re worried about a second pregnancy, if you…” Bernie took a moment to get her thoughts in order, “I’ve never looked into IVF before, I assume it will be quite a lengthy process, if the thought of that would worry you, if you’d be, maybe dread isn’t the right word, but if it’s something that you don’t think you’d enjoy or just something that you’d rather not do, then that’s okay Serena, honestly. And, well, if you decided that you did want to be the one to carry our child, and you were ill, or you needed help with the childcare, you needed help with anything, then we, we can do that, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

Serena nodded, linking her fingers with Bernie’s over her stomach, “can I think about it?” she asked softly.

“Of course” Bernie kissed Serena’s temple, “take as long as you need Serena, there’s no need to rush this, I want to be sure we’re both happy with our decision before we decide to do anything.”

Serena nodded, letting her head fall onto Bernie’s shoulder, “I erm, whatever decision we make, I don’t think I’d like to leave it too long, there’s a similar age gap between Charlie and Cam and Charlie and Ellie and that, well, it seems to work well, they all get along, so, if things work in our favour, I’d like to try and keep a similar sort of gap between Elinor and the baby.”

“Okay” Bernie nodded, agreeing that it would be nice to have the same age gap between all their children, “we could start looking for an IVF clinic if you like? We don’t have to commit to anything just yet, but talking to someone in the know about our options and being able to ask questions might help us decide what we want to do? There’s no rush though, so if you’d rather wait then…”

“No, no” Serena shook her head, “I think talking to someone who knows exactly what we’d be going through is probably a good idea, maybe in a couple of weeks though? So we’ve got some time to think about things ourselves and think about what it is we’d want to ask.”

Bernie nodded and kissed Serena’s hair, “okay” she said before failing to hold back a yawn.

“Come on” Serena sat up, pushing herself to her feet and holding her hands out to Bernie, “you’ve had a long day, let’s get you to bed. Do you want me to make us another cuppa?” she asked as she noticed their mugs, untouched on the coffee table.

Bernie nodded as she took Serena’s hand to help her to her feet, “I’ll make them, you go up.”

“Are you sure?”

Bernie nodded and pecked Serena’s lips, “I’m sure.”

It didn’t take Bernie long to make two fresh mugs of tea, and just a few minutes later, she and Serena were sat side by side in bed, feet already tangled together beneath the duvet, Serena’s foot resting on the bare skin of Bernie’s calf underneath the fabric of her pyjamas.  It was something they’d both noticed, something neither of them had ever done with previous partners, but something that seemed so natural to them, to have some form of contact whenever possible, whether it was their fingers linked together, a head resting on a shoulder or simply a hand in the small of a back, they felt almost constantly drawn together, finding a way to be physically connected as often as possible.

They sat in a comfortable silence as they sipped their tea, neither of them feeling the need to fill the air with words, both just happy to relax in the other’s company at the end of a long day, both thinking about their future together, both imagining what it would be like to be curled up together with their newborn, a baby that was just theirs. “Okay?” Bernie asked once she’d finished her tea.

Serena nodded and placed her hand on Bernie’s linking their fingers, “yeah, are you?”

Bernie nodded before yawning and laughing slightly, “tired.”

Serena chuckled and leant over to brush her lips against Bernie’s temple, “let’s go to sleep then.” She put her mug down on the bedside table and flicked off her bedside light.

Bernie yawned again as she did the same, “good idea” even in the darkness she felt Serena shuffle closer, as always, she curled into Bernie, tucking herself into the blonde’s side, her head on Bernie’s chest, calmed, as always, by the reassuring sound of Bernie’s heartbeat.  Bernie kissed Serena’s hair, “I love you” she whispered.

Serena smiled sleepily, already drifting off to sleep as she mumbled, “I love you too.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday!

“Where are we going?” Cameron asked as Bernie strapped him into his car seat one Saturday morning, Serena doing the same to Elinor, Charlotte already in the car.

“We’re going to the farm to see all the animals" she told him, smiling as she saw Elinor’s face light up. 

“Moo?” Ellie beamed. 

Bernie nodded, “we’ll find you some cows Darling”. Elinor loved playing with the plastic farm animals they had at home, giggled for hours at Bernie, Serena, Cam or Charlie making the animal noises for her, but, if she was ever asked what noise an animal made, her answer was always moo, no matter what animal she was shown. 

“Moo” Ellie grinned, clapping her hands together and looking up at Serena, “Mama, moo.” 

“I know Darling” Serena smiled as she gently tickled Elinor’s stomach once she was strapped in, “we’ll have to see if we can find all the animals in your farm set. 

The farm wasn't far, which meant that Bernie and Serena weren't quite sick of hearing the kids singing ‘Old MacDonald had a farm’ by the time they pulled up in the car park, Serena tasked with getting the children out of the car as Bernie unfolded the double buggy and got their bags from the boot. 

Now Ellie was getting more confident on her feet, she loved being allowed the freedom of being able to walk, but, as she was still a little wobbly, there was never any trouble with her not wanting to hold someone's hand, a responsibility that today, fell to Cameron, a proud smile on his face as he led Elinor over to the first animals he saw as they walked out of the entrance building into the farm. “Moo?” Elinor looked up at him.

Cameron shook his head, “No, these are sheep Ellie, they go baa.” 

“No Moo?” 

“Baa, not moo.” 

Elinor frowned for a moment before giggling, “baa”. 

“That's right” Cam nodded, both giggling as they baa’d at the sheep. Ellie gasping and laughing when the sheep baa’d back. 

Serena smiled as she watched them for a minute before turning her attention to Charlotte who’d asked to sit in the buggy, “would you like to get out and see the animals?”

Charlie shook her head, “no like” she mumbled as she clutched her bear. 

Serena smiled softly, “what if I carried you so you can see them? We don't have to get too close if you don't want to” 

Charlotte thought for a moment before nodding and holding her arms out to Serena, “okay.” 

“Good girl” Serena smiled, kissing Charlotte's hair as she lifted her to her hip and walking closer to the sheep. 

“Everything okay?” Bernie asked, looking up from where she was crouched beside Ellie and Cameron, talking to them about the sheep. 

“We’re okay aren't we?” Serena gently bounced Charlie on her hip. 

Charlie nodded, “‘Re’a hold me so I see.” 

“That's good” Bernie smiled before telling Serena, “let me know if you want to take her.” 

“I will” Serena smiled, blushing slightly as Bernie winked at her before turning her attention back to Elinor and Cameron. 

They moved on to see some more animals, Bernie pushing the empty buggy with one hand, holding Ellie’s free hand with her other as Serena carried Charlotte, Cameron still firmly holding Elinor’s hand too. “Moo?” Elinor asked Cameron as they walked over to another fence. 

Cameron laughed, “no, these are piggys, they go oink oink.”

“No moo, oi’k” Elinor mumbled to herself with a nod as Cameron looked up at Bernie. 

“I think Ellie wants to see some cows” he told her. 

“I know” Bernie chuckled, “and I'm sure she'll see some soon” she reassured him as she stood beside them, Elinor babbling happily at the pigs, occasionally throwing in the words ‘moo’ and ‘oi’k’ 

“Can you remember the story about the pigs?” Serena asked Charlotte as she stood a little bit away from the animals. 

Charlotte nodded, “I huff and puff and b’ow the house down.” 

“That’s right, clever girl” Serena kissed her hair, “shall we read that story at bedtime?” 

Charlotte nodded, “yes pwease.” 

Serena nodded when Bernie turned to ask if they were ready to move on, Serena’s smile growing as she watched Elinor shout her Mumma, looking up with a frown as she held out her free hand, demanding Bernie held it, a request Bernie was only too happy to comply with, taking Elinor’s outstretched hand as they walked over to the next animals. 

“Look what it is Ellie” Bernie grinned. 

Ellie tipped her head back and looked up at Bernie, “Mumma?” 

Bernie picked Ellie up, ruffling Cam's hair as she settled Ellie on her hip “what is it?” 

Elinor looked up at Bernie, “Moo?” 

“That's right” Bernie smiled. Elinor gasping and screeching in excitement as she babbled nonsense and clapped her little hands together. 

“I think she's happy” Cam grinned, watching as one cow walked towards them. 

“Mumma” Elinor reached out towards the cow. 

“Are you saying hello?” Bernie asked, chuckling when Ellie nodded and waved to the cow, “hello” Bernie reached out to gently stroke the cow, “you're a nosey thing aren't you?” 

“Mumma?” Elinor reached out, Bernie gently holding Elinor’s wrist to help her stroke the cow. 

“Mummy, can I stroke it too?” Cam asked as he watched Bernie and Elinor. 

Bernie nodded, “but be gentle, and if she tries to walk away then let her go okay?” 

Cam nodded as he reached through the fence to gently stroke the cow’s side, “I'll be careful Mummy.”

“Do you want to stroke the cow too?” Serena asked as they stood a little way back from the fence, pointing out the colours of the different cows. Charlotte looked unsure, “it won't hurt you look. Mumma, Ellie and Cameron are stroking it too.”

Charlie nodded, “you hold me?” 

“Of course” Serena kissed Charlotte’s hair as she carried her over. 

“Hello Peanut” Bernie's smile grew as she saw her daughter, “have you come to say hello to the cow?” 

Charlie nodded and Ellie turned to her, grinning excitedly, “Lala, moo!” 

Charlotte smiled shyly as, with Serena’s reassurance, she stroked the cow, “nice moo” she nodded. 

They spent a while stroking the cow before the cow wandered back off to the rest of the herd and the family moved on, Cameron getting excited when they found the farmer with a small herd of goats, letting children hand feed them. Cameron giggled as the goat licked the food from his hand, Elinor too wanted to have a go, Bernie holding her hand steady as she squirmed and laughed at the strange sensation. Serena put Charlotte down beside Bernie who was crouched down to Elinor’s height to help her stroke the goat, “would you like to feed the goat?” she asked, wrapping her free arm around Charlie’s waist. 

Charlotte shook her head and nuzzled into Bernie, “I stroke it?” 

“Of course” Bernie smiled as Charlotte cautiously reached out to stroke the goat, “it's soft isn't it?” 

Charlotte nodded, getting slightly more confident, “is nice.” 

They walked over to the stables next, the horses excited to get the attention of all three children as even Charlotte was happy to, with Serena's help, stroke the horses noses, “look” Charlie smiled when two cats, one tabby and one black, appeared from one of the empty stables and walked towards them, “cats.” 

“Oh wow” Serena smiled, “do you think they're friends with the horses?”

Charlotte thought for a moment before she nodded decisively, “horsey like cats.” 

They spent a while stroking the horses, and the cats, before Elinor began to get restless, wanting to be on the move again, and, after feeding some chickens, they found themselves in the farm’s cafe, making the most of the good weather by sitting on one of the tables overlooking the duck pond to eat their lunch once all their hands had been washed thoroughly. 

However it quickly became apparent that that had been a bad idea, usually Elinor loved food, but instead of eating, she was more distracted by the ducks, quacking at them once Cameron had told her that they didn't go ‘moo’ and pointing excitedly at them. 

“Come on Trouble” Bernie broke off a piece of the toastie she’d offered to share with the baby, a handful of Serena’s chips already on the chair of her high chair, “you need to eat up so we can go and feed the ducks.”

Elinor looked up at Bernie, “Mumma?” 

“Ellie” Bernie smiled, holding out a bite size piece of her toastie, “come on, eat up” Ellie giggled cheekily and took the toastie from Bernie, picking it apart to eat it bit by bit, “good girl” Bernie smiled, putting a few more pieces of food on the tray of Ellie’s high chair before going back to eating her own dinner. 

Serena watched on with a smile, unable to believe that the toddler who terrorised Bernie at every opportunity, the toddler that was cheeky and mischievous and completely devoted to her Mumma was the same baby who, little more than a year ago, screamed if Serena so much as attempted to put her down so she could go to the toilet. She couldn't help but wonder if Elinor would be so energetic, so independent, so confident in herself, she couldn't help but wonder if both she and her daughter would be so happy had she not answered Bernie’s call. 

“Sorry, what?” it was only a hand on her arm that broke her from her thoughts and she realised Cameron had tapped her arm. 

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked as she dropped the baby wipe she’d been using to clean Ellie’s hands onto her plate, kissing her fingers before lifting her from the high chair. 

“Yeah” Serena smiled, “are you?” 

“We’re all finished” Cameron told Serena, “Mummy said we can go and feed the ducks when you're done.” 

Serena picked up the last bite of her sandwich and popped it in her mouth, washing it down with the last of her water. “I'm done” 

Bernie let Cameron and Elinor walk a few steps ahead of them as she pushed the empty buggy along the path towards be the pond, Serena still happy to carry Charlotte. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly. 

Serena smiled and nodded, leaning over to kiss Bernie’s cheek, “I was just thinking about how lucky Elinor and I are to have you, how close I came to not answering your call. “

“But you did” Bernie told her with a gentle squeeze of her arm, “you answered the call and now, you and Ellie are stuck with us, with all of us, you don't need to think about the what ifs, as long as you and Ellie are both happy then the decisions you made were the right ones and that's the only thing that matters.” 

Serena smiled and briefly let her head fall onto Bernie's shoulder as they walked, “we are happy” she gestured to Elinor who was giggling happily as she walked with Cameron, “she never seems to stop smiling, and I'm happier than I've ever been.” 

Bernie kissed Serena’s temple, “I'm glad to hear it.” 

They walked slowly around the duck pond, Charlotte moving from Serena's arms to Bernie's shoulders as Serena helped Cameron and Elinor feed the ducks with the feed they’d bought in the cafe. “Are you okay up there?” Bernie asked Charlie. 

Charlotte nodded, “like it.” 

“Good” she smiled, “do you want to go and feed the ducks with Serena, Cam and Ellie?” 

Charlotte shook her head, “no” she watched the ducks getting closer to Ellie and Cam, “I stay here?” 

“Okay Darling, tell me if you want to get down though.” 

Charlotte nodded again, “Okay Mumma.” 

She stayed on Bernie's shoulders for the remainder of their walk, only being lifted down to her Mumma’s hip as they reached the building that housed the smaller animals, Bernie putting Charlie down and taking her hand when she asked to see the rabbits. 

They spent a while there, Charlie loving the rabbits and guinea pigs and Cameron over the moon that he got to hold a snake, Elinor copying him and allowing one of the reptile keepers to lay a small snake around her shoulders, announcing confidently that it was “no moo.” 

Eventually however, Bernie and Serena reluctantly told the children it was time to go, Serena lifting Charlotte into her arms as Elinor reached out to take both Cameron and Bernie’s hands. 

Serena was surprised that Elinor wasn't flagging yet, and was still walking happily between Bernie and Cameron as they walked into the gift shop, Charlotte still sat on Serena’s hip. “Look” Charlotte pointed to a black labrador by the counter, “a doggy.” 

“That's right” Serena smiled, “would you like me to ask the man if you can stroke the doggy?” Charlotte nodded and Serena carried her over, asking the man stood behind the counter if Charlotte could stroke the dog. 

“Of course” he smiled as he looked at Charlotte, “it was good of you to ask. He's a soft old thing, he does like to lick people though so just watch out for that.” 

Serena put Charlie on the floor and smiled as she crouched down, gently stroking the dog’s head, “nice Doggy.” 

“He is” the man smiled, “his name’s Benji, he used to work on the farm but he's getting old now so he keeps me company in the shop instead.”

Charlie giggled as Benji flicked out his tongue, trying to lick her hand, his tail thumping happily against the ground at the attention he was getting, “he soft.” 

It wasn't long before Cameron and Elinor came over too to give Benji some attention, Benji’s owner giving the children some treats to feed the excited dog. 

They left the gift shop a while later, Elinor, holding tightly to Bernie’s hand. Her other clutching tightly to a small stuffed cow, a happy smile on her face as Cameron walked beside them with a toy dog, Charlotte in the buggy with a soft rabbit on her knee, the tired girl twisting one of its ears around her fingers as she sucked her thumb. 

“You've spoilt them” Serena told Bernie as she emptied the second side of the buggy into the boot of the car, a second stuffed cow, almost as big as Elinor herself, a life sized cat teddy and a large toy tractor amongst the many things Bernie had brought in the shop whilst the children had been distracted by Benji, even Charlotte happy to feed him treats. 

“They're worth every penny” Bernie smiled, “but let's just hope Elinor doesn't change her mind next week and decide she likes pigs instead.”

Serena laughed as she got in the car, “I'm sure she'll still love her cow anyway”

Neither adult was surprised when the girls both fell asleep in the car on the way home, Cameron deciding he wanted to play in his bedroom whilst the girls had a quick nap before dinner leading Bernie to think that he’d probably fall asleep too. 

They laid the girls at opposite ends of the sofa and covered them with a blanket, Elinor still clutching her cow, Charlotte’s rabbit tucked in beside her as she laid her cheek on her well loved bear. 

"She's very attached to that bear isn't she?" Serena smiled as she saw Charlotte shift slightly, nuzzling into the bear’s soft brown fur.    
  
"Yeah" Bernie nodded, "it erm, it was the first thing I bought when I found out I was expecting Cam."   
  
"Cam?"   
  
Bernie nodded again, "he wasn't much older than Charlotte is now when she was born. Marcus bought him into the hospital to meet her and he walked straight over to her crib and laid his bear beside her, telling us that she needed it. She's barely let it out of her sight since, but when she came home, she 'bought' him the stuffed dinosaur that he keeps on the bottom of his bed."   
  
"Oh" Serena smiled, "that's adorable."   
  
"I think so too" Bernie laughed, "but I blamed my hormones and lack of sleep when Cam asked why I was crying."   
  
"So my big macho army medic is really a big softy hey?" Serena teased as she cuddled into Bernie.

Bernie laughed and kissed Serena's hair, “tell anyone and I'll have to kill you" she joked as Serena mimed zipping her lips shut. 

They sat for a while before Bernie went to make them both a drink, coming back a few minutes later to find Serena deep in thought, but Bernie didn't say anything, trusted Serena to talk to her I'm her own time and just sat beside her, gently resting her hand on Serena’s knee, letting her know she was there.  It was a plan that worked, “I erm, I’ve been thinking, about us having another baby” she said softly. 

“Yeah?” Bernie wrapped her arm around Serena, waiting for her to get her thoughts in order.

“I know it probably sounds selfish” she said quietly, not making eye contact with Bernie “but I, I don’t think I could carry another baby, not at the same time as looking after three other children.”

“That doesn’t sound selfish at all” Bernie told her, “we said that we’d do whatever felt right for us, and forcing you to carry a baby wouldn’t be the right thing for us.”

“I don’t want to miss out on days like today, don’t want the kids to miss out on days like today because I’m ill, and I don’t think it’d be fair, for you to be working a fulltime job and then coming home and potentially having to take care of me and the kids too, not to mention single handedly supporting our family and having to pay for childcare or whatever you need to do if I wasn’t able to look after Charlie and Ellie.”

“Serena” Bernie said gently but firmly, “you don’t need to explain yourself, just the fact that you don’t want to do it is enough, but you don’t need to worry about the money or me, or anything like that okay.  We’ll find a way to make this work for us, but I’ve been thinking too.” Bernie took a moment to organise her thoughts into coherent sentences before taking Serena’s hand, “I know you liked the idea of us both having two biological children, so, what if I carried the baby, but we used your eggs?” she suggested, “I suppose that would make it a bit more ‘ours’ too.”

Serena looked up, finally meeting Bernie’s eyes, “you, you’d do that?”

Bernie nodded, “of course, if it’s something you’d be happy to do too?”

“But your job…” 

“I'll take maternity leave” Bernie told her, “just like I would if I'd have had another baby with Marcus, that's not a problem.”

“Are you sure?”

Bernie squeezed Serena’s hand, “of course I am, we said that if we had another baby we’d find a way that worked for us, if I didn’t want to carry another baby then I wouldn’t have offered to do it, if me carrying a baby made with your egg is something that you’re comfortable with, then that’s what we’ll do.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “I think I’d like that, can we erm, can we look into it? Make that appointment with a clinic?”

“Of course” Bernie smiled, “we can look for somewhere tonight if you want, give them a call on Monday?”

Serena nodded again, “yeah, I’d like that.”

Bernie smiled and kissed Serena gently, “do you fancy fish and chips for tea once the kids are awake?”

“Yeah” Serena nodded, “I’ll go if you want?”

Bernie shook her head, “my treat” she whispered, “but we don’t need to worry about that now, we’ll let the kids sleep for a bit first.”

“Does that mean I’ve got you all to myself for now?” Serena smirked cheekily, her hands moving to Bernie’s hips as she tugged her closer.

“Mmm” Bernie kissed at Serena’s lips as she wrapped her arms around her and kissed her again , “it looks like you have.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one so you might want to make a brew and get comfy! I'm not entirely sure why it's so long, I could sum it up in about 15 words, yet it took me over 5,000 words to write it 'properly'! I hope you like it :)

“I'm sorry Mummy” Cameron sobbed as he sat in the bath, tears in his eyes as Bernie carefully washed his hair. 

“You don't need to be sorry Darling” Bernie tipped his head back to rinse his hair with the shower head, “you can't help being ill” she reassured him. 

It had been three days since Cameron had brought a letter home from school to tell parents about a sickness bug that was doing the rounds, 8 hours since Cameron had told Serena he didn't feel well and just ten minutes since he'd woken Bernie and Serena at 3am in tears because he’d been sick in his bed. 

“Everything okay in here?” Serena asked as she appeared in the bathroom doorway, despite Bernie's protests, Serena had insisted on helping out, stripping Cameron’s bed and putting his pyjamas and sheets in the wash as Bernie cleaned Cameron up. 

Bernie nodded as she lifted Cameron from the bath and wrapped him in a soft towel as she kissed his head, “yeah, thanks.” 

“I've bought the calpol up” Serena told Bernie, “I'll get him some clean pyjamas out and take them into our room.” She hadn't put clean sheets on Cam’s bed, knew Bernie would want him in with them and didn't mind that at all. 

“Thank you” Bernie smiled, pulling the plug from the bath before lifting Cam into her arms and carrying him through to their bedroom, Cameron’s fingers beginning to play with the hair at the nape of Bernie's neck, a familiar action that he’d done almost every time he’d had sleepy cuddles with his Mumma when he’d been younger.  “Come on” Bernie gently sat here on the edge of the bed and began to rub him with the towel, “let's get you dried and into bed, you'll probably feel better when you've had some sleep.” 

Cam quickly settled in the middle of the bed between Bernie and Serena, falling asleep almost as soon as he laid down, snuggled between the two women.

“Thank you” Bernie said softly, “for stripping his bed and…”

Serena reached over Cam to gently stroke Bernie’s cheek, “you don’t need to thank me, you’d have done the same if it was Ellie that wasn’t well. I don’t mind.”

Bernie smiled and kissed Serena’s fingers, “I love you.”

Serena smiled, “I love you too, now, get some sleep, you’ve got work in the morning.”

“Are you sure you don't want me to take some time off work?” Bernie asked softly as she ran her hand over Cameron’s forehead, noting that he still felt warm despite a dose of calpol before he fell asleep. 

“Positive” Serena nodded, “I'll be absolutely fine, don't you worry about us.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, not for the first time thinking about how lucky she was to have Serena, she didn't think Marcus would have been happy to get up in the middle of the night to help out if one of the kids were ill when she was home. “Thank you” 

Serena smiled, “you're welcome, now, close your eyes and get some sleep.” 

Bernie smiled and saluted sleepily as she settled down to sleep, “yes Ma’am.”

Cameron’s symptoms eased over the next few days much to Bernie and Serena’s relief, however, it was relief that didn’t last long, when, almost unsurprisingly, a few days after Cameron first started feeling ill, Charlotte started feeling ill too, and just a few hours later, Elinor was suddenly the clingy, whiny baby she’d been when she was first born, leading Serena to assume that she too wasn’t feeling well.

This time, Bernie insisted taking time off work, not wanting to leave Serena with three unwell children, especially not when Elinor wanted to be almost constantly held.  If she was honest, Serena was relieved that Bernie would be taking a couple of days leave, relieved that she wouldn’t have to take a sniffling baby into the toilet with her, that she wouldn’t need to try and keep a hold of Elinor whilst she cleaned up after Charlotte.  She was even relieved that she wouldn’t be the only target for the girls to be sick on any more.

Cameron was well enough to sleep in his own bed now, but the girls were both restless, so, for the first time since their holiday, Bernie and Serena found themselves sleeping in separate beds, Elinor sprawled out in the master bed with Serena, Bernie and Charlotte cuddled up in Charlotte’s single bed so the girls didn't keep each other awake. 

“Mumma” Elinor whined as she kicked at the duvet, her dark hair sticking up at all angles from tossing and turning. 

“Come on Ellie” Serena tried to get her daughter to lie down, to try and get the rest she needed, “it's time to sleep now baby.” 

Ellie sniffled sadly, “Mumma.” 

“Mumma’s looking after Lala sweetheart” Serena kissed Elinor’s head as she held her closely, “you’ll see her in the morning.

“Mumma” Ellie sobbed again, clumsily rubbing at her tired eyes with clenched fists, “Mumma.”

“Okay Darling” Serena kissed her head and got out of bed, lifting Ellie onto her hip and making her way down the hall to the girls’ bedroom, standing in the doorway as she listened to Bernie speaking softly to Charlotte as she repetitively stroked her daughter’s hair, sitting up when she heard Elinor cry out for her again. “Hi” she smiled, “are you two okay?” 

“Ellie won't settle” Serena told Bernie, “she keeps crying for you.” 

“Mumma” Ellie sobbed, struggling in Serena's hold as she reached out to Bernie. 

Bernie kissed Charlotte’s hair, “can you cuddle Serena so I can take Ellie?”

Charlie nodded sleepily, “love snuggle ‘Re’a.” 

“I know” Bernie kissed her daughters warm head before getting out of bed and taking Ellie from Serena, the baby instantly nuzzling against the crook of Bernie's neck as she let out a tired sob. “Okay?” Bernie asked as she kissed Serena’s cheek. 

Serena nodded, “it looks like you've got the magic touch, she's drifting off already.” 

Bernie smiled and kissed Elinor’s head, Serena was right, Elinor had one hand tangled in Bernie's hair, her head on her shoulder as she struggled to keep her eyes open. “Charlie’s almost gone too. And she'll probably sleep through the night” she chuckled, “so I think Elinor’s done you a favour.” 

“I hope so” Serena chuckled, before asking Bernie, “are you okay?” It had been just a few weeks since their first appointment at the IVF clinic where, without needing to talk about it, they’d both decided to go ahead, leaving a second appointment just a few days later with the medication they’d need to sync their menstrual cycles in preparation for the IVF.  Since then, both women had felt an almost constant need to check in with the other, to make sure their partner was doing okay.

“I’m fine” she smiled, kissing Serena’s cheek, “come and get me if you need anything.”

“I will” Serena promised, kissing Bernie a final time before slipping past her to get into bed with Charlotte, blushing slightly as she saw Bernie watching them, a smile on her face, “are you going to say goodnight to Mummy?” Serena asked as Charlotte cuddled into her almost instantly, the way Elinor had with Bernie.

Charlotte waved wearily, “n’night Mumma.” 

Bernie blew Charlotte a kiss that the toddler pretended to catch, “good night Peanut, I love you.”

“Love you too Mumma” Charlotte yawned.

Bernie chuckled, “I’ll see you both in the morning” she said, blowing a kiss to Serena before making her way back into the master bedroom with Ellie dozing against her shoulder.

“Mumma” Ellie whimpered again, waking as Bernie laid her down in the bed.

“I’m here” Bernie stroked Elinor’s stomach, “just give me a minute.” It wasn’t enough for Elinor who began to sob at the loss of her Mumma, pushing herself to sit up as she cried out for Bernie. “Hey” Bernie wiped at Elinor’s tears as she lifted her back into her arms, “I was only getting into bed Darling, you don’t need to be upset.”

“Mumma” Elinor nuzzled into Bernie’s chest, and clutched at her top, and it was then Bernie had a brainwave, remembering the last time that Ellie was ill, she sat Ellie on her lap as she pulled off her tshirt, laying her out across her legs so she could strip the baby down to her nappy, Elinor letting out another tired cry as she settled against Bernie’s bare chest, the heat of her flushed skin radiating across Bernie’s body.

“You’re okay Darling” Bernie gently stroked Elinor’s back, covering them both with just a thin sheet, “Mumma’s got you, you’re okay. Now...” she kissed Elinor’s head as she started to settle, where’s your cow? I don’t think Mama would have forgotten that would she?” Bernie quickly found the cow underneath the sheets and gave it to Elinor, kissing her forehead as she clutched it to her face nuzzling against it as she let out a tired whine, finally beginning to settle against Bernie’s chest.

Both women had a restless night, with Elinor frequently waking and crying out for Bernie, even if she woke in her Mumma’s arms, and Charlotte’s fever meaning she was constantly alternating between shaking with cold or feeling like she was on fire.  But it was Bernie that woke first to Elinor’s frustrated whines, Charlotte settling at about 4am, allowing Serena to get the sleep she so desperatley needed.

“I know” Bernie cooed as she carried Elinor downstairs, not bothering to put her pyjama top back on, just wrapping her dressing gown around herself and the baby, “I know you’re not feeling well, let’s go and warm you some milk up and get you some medicine shall we? See if we can make you feel a bit better.”

Cameron came downstairs whilst Bernie was giving Elinor a bottle, and he sat patiently beside her on the sofa, gently stroking Elinor’s leg, “did I make Ellie and Charlie sick?” Cameron asked.

“No” Bernie told him softly, “they’ve probably got the same bug that you had, but it’s not your fault that they’re poorly, and you know that you felt better after a couple of days, so Elinor and Charlotte will be feeling better soon.” She ruffled his hair and kissed his head as Elinor finished guzzling her milk, trying to work out how she could get Cameron his breakfast without having to put Elinor down, knowing that she only seemed settled with skin contact at the moment.  

It took her a minute but she soon had a brainwave, telling Cam she’d be back in a minute, she took Elinor into the hall, holding her with one arm as she rummaged in the changing bag for the sling.  “Mumma” Elinor frowned, reaching out to her when Bernie sat her on the floor, but Bernie didn’t pick her up, simply talking softly to her to try and keep her calm as she wrapped the fabric around herself.

“There we go” she said softly, dropping a kiss to her head as she settled Elinor in the sling, giving Elinor the skin contact she craved whilst she was ill, but giving Bernie her hands free to make breakfast for herself and Cameron, “shall we go and make Cam his breakfast now you’re happy?” Bernie asked Elinor as she slipped her dressing gown back on and walked back into the living room.

Serena’s heart skipped a beat when she walked into the kitchen a while later, despite Elinor now insisting on facing outwards whenever she was in the sling, here she was tucked up in her sling, chest to chest with her Mumma, curled right into her, head nuzzled against Bernie’s neck as Bernie gently stroked Elinor’s back, quietly mumbling reassurances to her as Elinor whined and babbled uncomfortably.

“Hello” Bernie smiled when she looked up to see Serena stood in the doorway with Charlotte, both with damp hair and both wearing clean pyjamas, “are you two okay?”

“I think so” Serena smiled as she walked over with Charlotte, “we’ve had a bath” she told her, “and I’ve stripped all the sweaty bedding from her bed, but she thinks she wants something to eat.”

“Okay” Bernie kissed Charlotte’s head and Serena’s lips, “do you want to try some toast?” she asked Charlie, running her fingers through her daughter’s damp hair.

Charlie nodded, “and Jam?”

Bernie smiled, Charlotte seemed a lot perkier than she had done the night before, “of course, do you want some too?” she asked Serena.

"Please” Serena nodded, sitting Charlotte on the sideboard so she could get her some juice, “hows Ellie?”

"Grumpy” Bernie chuckled, “she wasn’t that bad in the night, she just wanted a lot of cuddles, she had a bottle when she woke up this morning but she just wants to be held.”  As if she understood, Elinor let out an unhappy whine from inside the sling, clutching at the strap of Bernie’s sports bra as she nuzzled against her, “I know Darling, I know” Bernie gently rubbed her back, “I might see if a bath settles her when we’ve had breakfast, she’s already had some more calpol.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “okay, I’m sure we can find some cartoons or something to watch can’t we?” she asked Charlie and Cam who both nodded in agreement.

They ate breakfast together, Charlotte and Cameron going, hand in hand, into the living room to pick out a film once they’d finished eating, giving Bernie and Serena a moment together, “did you get much sleep?” Bernie asked as Serena stroked Ellie’s back through the sling and kissed her head.

“Charlotte was up and down for a bit, too hot then too cold, but she slept through from about four, so she wasn’t too bad, how was Madam?” she asked as she slipped her arms into Bernie’s dressing gown and around her waist, frowning slightly as her fingertips brushed bare skin, “are you…”

“Yeah” Bernie laughed, “I remembered from last time she was ill that skin contact seemed to settle her, she woke a few times in the night, but usually when she’d rolled away from me in her sleep and got upset that I wasn’t close enough, we erm, we’ve been like this more or less since I took her in with me last night.”

Serena smiled, her thumb stroking circles on Bernie’s back, “lucky Elinor” she winked.

“Jealous?” Bernie teased.

“Mmm” Serena kissed Bernie’s lips, “most definitely.”

Bernie laughed, pulling away from the kiss when she heard Elinor begin to grumble unhappily, “oh Darling” she kissed her head and looked at Serena, “will you be okay with Charlie and Cam if I take her for a bath?”

“Of course” Serena nodded, “Cam seems fine now” she reached out to tap the work top, “and touch wood, Charlie seems a lot better than yesterday. You and Ellie take as long as you need.”

Bernie nodded and kissed Serena’s lips again, “thanks, shout me if you need me.”

“I will” she smiled, “enjoy your bath” she kissed Elinor’s head, “you too Trouble.”

Elinor whined in response, and Bernie kissed her head, “come on Darling, let’s see if you feel happier after a nice soak in the bath.”

Bernie got two large towels out as the bath filled, leaving them on the radiator as she got undressed and took off Ellie’s nappy, checking the temperature of the water before getting in, laying the restless baby against her stomach as she relaxed in the water.

Despite telling Bernie to take as long as she needed, Serena found herself making her way upstairs over an hour later, just to check that Bernie and Ellie were okay.  She could see that the bathroom was empty as she came upstairs, so made her way into the bedroom, “oh” Serena couldn’t help but smile at the sight, both Bernie and Elinor were fast asleep, Bernie wearing nothing but her dressing gown, Elinor tucked inside the white towelling fabric with her, curled up safely on her Mumma’s chest as she snored quietly, her head resting in the crook of Bernie’s neck.  Serena couldn’t help herself, she walked over to the bed and kissed first Elinor, then Bernie’s forehead, “sweet dreams” she whispered as she covered them with the thin bedsheet and headed back downstairs to Charlie and Cam.

Elinor was obviously feeling better when she woke as she allowed Bernie to dress her in a clean sleepsuit, Bernie pulling on clean pyjamas before tucking Ellie back into the sling, despite her being happy to not have skin to skin contact, she still wanted to be held close to her Mumma, “Mumma” she looked inquisitively up at Bernie, her head tilted to one side.

“Yeah?” Bernie gently stroked her back, “are you okay?”  Ellie reached up, putting her hand on Bernie’s cheek but said nothing, so Bernie kissed her fingers, “shall we go and get you something to eat hey?”

Ellie nodded and nuzzled into Bernie, “yeah.”

Bernie carried Elinor downstairs, smiling softly when she glanced into the living room and saw that Serena, Charlotte and Cameron were asleep too, Charlotte on Serena’s lap, Cameron tucked right into her side, but she left them to sleep and took Elinor straight into the kitchen, “what would you like to eat hmm?” she asked Elinor as she opened the fridge to find something that would hopefully tempt Elinor to eat. Elinor babbled something and then looked up at Bernie as if she expected her to understand, “yeah?” Bernie kissed Elinor’s head as she babbled again, lifting her from the sling and sitting her on her hip, “what do you want?”  she asked, Elinor reaching out towards the yoghurts on the middle shelf, “you want a yoghurt?” 

Elinor nodded again and nuzzled into Bernie as she whimpered, “yeah.”

“Okay” Bernie took a small pot of strawberry fromage frais from the fridge before retrieving a small plastic spoon from the cutlery drawer and taking Ellie over to the table, she knew Ellie wouldn’t want to sit in her highchair so she sat down and set Ellie the edge of the table in front of her, Ellie’s feet on her thighs as she slowly spooned the yoghurt into Elinor’s mouth, smiling when she got a sleepy smile from Ellie, the girl obviously feeling better, “is that nice?” Bernie asked, getting a nod in response as Ellie opened her mouth for more yoghurt.  “It’s all gone” Bernie smiled once Elinor ate the final spoonful of yoghurt, “do you want a banana?”

Ellie nodded, “nana” she mumbled.

When Serena woke, she managed to extract herself from the children without waking them, Charlotte cuddling into her big brother as Serena stretched her back before making her way into the kitchen to get a glass of water, “hello” she smiled when she saw Bernie and Ellie in the kitchen, “someone’s looking better.”

“Mama” Ellie beamed, turning to smile at Serena, a chunk of banana in her hand, a lot of banana and yoghurt around her mouth.

“Hello baby” Serena poured drinks for the three of them, “have you had a nice time with Mumma?”

Elinor grinned and nodded, holding out a half chewed piece of banana, “nana”.

“I can see that.”

“She seems to be feeling better” Bernie smiled, “she’s had a yoghurt too.”

“That's great” Serena smiled as she placed a none spill cup of water on the table beside Elinor, “she certainly looks a lot better, a bath and a nap with Mumma must have done her the world of good.”

“Mumma” Elinor smiled as Bernie broke another chunk off the banana she was holding and passed it to Elinor.

“Let's just hope she settles tonight” Bernie smiled before looking up when she heard tiny feet padding into the kitchen, “hello Peanut” she smiled when she saw Charlotte rubbing her eyes sleepily, “are you okay?” 

Charlotte nodded as she walked over to Serena, climbing onto her lap and nuzzling into her, “I thirs’y” she mumbled as she sucked her thumb. 

“We’d better get you a drink then hadn't we?” Serena asked as she stood with Charlotte, “do you want milk, water or juice?” 

“Mi’k pwease” Charlotte yawned, nodding when Serena asked if she wanted it warming up. 

“Is that okay?” Serena asked as she sat back down at the table, Charlotte still in her arms. 

Charlie nodded and sipped at her milk, “Nice, ta ‘Re’a” 

“Are you hungry?” Bernie asked, having just been feeding the children as and when they were hungry whilst they'd been ill, offering them snacks and small meals whenever they woke, letting them eat whatever they felt they could manage. 

Charlotte thought for a moment before nodding, “I have nana? Like Ellie?” 

“Of course” Bernie smiled, Serena shaking her head when Bernie went to stand up, sitting Charlotte in an empty chair as she went to get the requested banana. 

“Is Cam still asleep?” Bernie asked Charlotte, getting a nod in response, Cameron seemed to have been the one hit hardest by the bug, and despite now being over the worst of the symptoms, he still seemed to need a lot more sleep than usual, Bernie and Serena agreeing not to send him back to school until he could last a full day without a nap. 

All the children were feeling well enough to eat a simple pasta dish for dinner, although Elinor insisted sitting on Bernie's knee and being fed from her Mumma’s plate, despite usually being independent and hating being fed, much preferring to feed herself. 

Cameron asked to go to bed almost straight after dinner and, as she was getting clingy and tired again, Bernie tucked Elinor back into the sling, leaving Serena clearing up the dishes and Charlotte snuggled up on the sofa with a blanket, Cinderella playing on the TV as Bernie bathed Cameron, read him a story and tucked him into bed, Elinor settled against her chest.

Once Cameron was asleep, the others didn’t last long, Charlotte and Elinor beginning to doze, Bernie and Serena tired after a restless night with the girls, so it wasn’t long before they too were heading to bed, once again deciding to take separate beds in case the girls didn’t sleep well.

They decided that tonight Charlotte and Serena would share the master bed, and, despite there being a perfectly good double bed in the, now spare, attic bedroom that was once Serena’s, Bernie choose instead to share Charlotte’s single bed with Elinor, not wanting to be too far from Serena, and wanting to be sure that she’d wake if Cameron or Charlotte were too restless in the night.  It didn’t take long for both adults and children to be changed for bed, Bernie forgoing a pyjama top for a simple sports bra, and not bothering to put anything other than a clean nappy on Elinor, hoping the skin contact would help to keep her settled in the night.

“Goodnight Darling” Bernie smiled softly as she kissed Charlie’s hair, Serena saying goodnight to Elinor, “are you okay snuggling Serena again tonight?”

Charlie nodded, “I like snuggle ‘Re’a” she mumbled sleepily, “you snuggle Ellie.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled as she kissed Charlotte again, “sweet dreams, I love you”

“Love you” Charlotte nodded as she curled herself up with her bear, waiting for Serena to join her in the bed.

“Are you sure you’re okay with her?” Serena asked as she passed Elinor over once she’d kissed her and wished her goodnight.

“We’ll be fine” Bernie nodded as she took hold of Ellie, “I promise.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “you’re okay too right?”

“I'll be better when I get to cuddle up with you again” she chuckled as she kissed Serena’s cheek, “are you okay? You’re not starting to feel ill or…?” 

Serena knew Bernie wasn’t just asking if she thought she was coming down with the same bug that the children had, she knew Bernie was checking in with her, making sure she wasn’t experiencing any of the side effects they’d been warned about from the drugs she was taking to prepare her body for the IVF. “I’ve got a bit of a headache, but nothing that a good night’s sleep won’t fix” she smiled.

Bernie shifted her hold on Ellie to stroke Serena’s cheek, Serena reaching up to link her fingers with Bernie’s, “do you want to sleep in Charlie’s bed? I’ll have both girls in here?”

Serena shook her head, “thank you for the offer but I’ll be okay, Charlie seems to be a bit better so hopefully I’ll have a more settled night.”

“I’ll keep my fingers crossed” Bernie gently bounced Ellie as she whined tiredly, “I’d better get this one to bed” she kissed Serena’s lips gently, “I love you.”

Serena tucked Bernie’s hair behind her ears and returned the kiss, “I love you too Darling, Goodnight.”

Bernie stole another kiss, “Goodnight.”

Luckily, by the next night Serena and Bernie both agreed that the girls were ‘well’ enough that they wouldn’t disturb each other and so Bernie and Serena got to sleep in the same bed once again, even if they did have both girls curled between them, for once Ellie happy to snuggle into Serena as Charlotte slept against Bernie.

There were another two nights of falling asleep with the girls between them before Bernie and Serena tucked the girls into their own beds once again, giving the adults some time alone together in the evening for the first time in over a week.

Bernie had noticed Serena hadn’t seemed herself, she’d only been home a few hours, but Serena definitely seemed ‘off’, Bernie hadn’t wanted to mention it in front of the children, but once they were all settled she sent Serena to relax on the sofa, “I’ll make us a cuppa” she told her, “you put your feet up for a bit.”

Serena forced a smile and pecked Bernie’s cheek as she headed into the living room, “thank you.”

Bernie carried the mugs into the living room a few minutes later, finding Serena curled up on the sofa, “are you okay?” Bernie asked, as she put the mugs down, frowning when she got a quiet groan in response, “Serena?” Bernie ran her fingers through Serena’s hair, her concern growing when she felt how warm Serena was, the brunette’s eyes fluttering open as she let out a whimper of discomfort, “I think it’s time you were in bed” Bernie gently kissed her temple and helped her to her feet, noticing that she seemed to be supporting most of the brunette’s weight. “Oh Darling” Bernie more or less had to carry Serena up the stairs, her partner’s body lolling against her, “why didn’t you tell me you felt this ill? You could have gone to bed once I was home, God, you should have called me and asked me to come home early!”

"Sorry” Serena whispered as they finally reached the bedroom and Bernie carefully laid her on the bed, “I thought I was just getting a headache”.

“You don’t need to apologise, you can’t help being ill” Bernie told her as she helped Serena undress and change into her pyjamas, “you get settled, I’ll bring you some water and some painkillers, see if we can bring your temperature down and make you more comfortable.”

Serena shook her head, “I'll be okay” she mumbled as she pulled the duvet around her body, her teeth chattering as she shivered, “you sleep upstairs, I don't want you getting ill too.” 

Bernie kissed Serena’s forehead, “I won't, years of working in medicine have given me an immune system like a steel bubble. You've looked after the kids whilst they've been ill and now I'm going to look after you” she kissed Serena again, “don't worry about me, I won't be long.” 

Serena nodded and closed her eyes as she pulled the duvet up to her chin, too tired to even try and argue, she understood now why Elinor had been so clingy and why Cameron and Charlotte had just wanted to sleep, she felt awful, she'd been gradually feeling worse all day but hadn't wanted to worry Bernie, had hoped that a good night’s sleep would make her feel better. She shuffled over onto Bernie’s side of the bed and nuzzled into her pillow, feeling as if she somehow understood why Elinor was so attached to her Mumma. There was something about her, she bought an air of safety, a warmth, a feeling of ‘home’, Serena felt like Bernie was the missing piece of herself, a piece she hadn't even realised was missing until she found it. 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the bedroom door click shut, didn't realise Bernie was back until she felt a hand on her arm, “can you sit up for a minute?” it took Serena’s bleary eyes a minute to focus on Bernie’s face but she nodded, an action she quickly regretted when it felt like her brain bounced off her skull, “here we go” Bernie wrapped one arm around Serena’s shoulders to help her stay upright, using the other to raise a glass of water to her lips, helping her drink before passing Serena two paracetamol tablets, waiting for her to put them in her mouth before she held the glass to her lips again, “they should help bring your temperature down” Bernie said softly as she laid Serena back down in bed. 

Serena groaned quietly as she sank into the mattress, “you're too good to me.”

“No I'm not” Bernie told Serena as she slipped into bed beside her, “you'd do the same for me if I wasn't well.” 

It took a moment for Serena to make her aching limbs cooperate with her fuzzy brain but she shuffled even closer to Bernie, draping her body over her partner’s, her head falling against the crook of Bernie's neck, “love you” she mumbled, unable to form a coherent response to Bernie’s words. 

Bernie kissed Serena’s head, gently moving her arm until she too was comfortable, “I love you too, but there's no denying where Ellie gets her love of cuddles from is there?” she asked, Elinor spending a lot of time whilst she was ill in a very similar position to the one her Mama was now in.”

Serena hummed quietly, “if I didn't feel quite so ill I'd be demanding skin contact too, but I don't think I can move” she admitted. 

Bernie smiled and kissed Serena's hair again, adjusting her tshirt before gently moving Serena’s hand under the thin fabric, Serena's fingers splaying out over the pale skin of Bernie’s stomach as Bernie slipped her hand under Serena's top to rest in the small of her back, “better?” Bernie asked. 

“Yeah” Serena mumbled as she dropped a lazy kiss to Bernie’s shoulder, “it'll do.” 

“Get some sleep” Bernie kissed Serena’s head a third time, “I'm not going anywhere.”

Serena gently stroked Bernie's stomach with her thumb, “promise.” 

Bernie smiled and nodded as she held Serena close, watching her eyes flutter closed, “I promise.” 


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a request on tumblr for 'a little scene of Bernie singing ‘love me do’ by The Beatles to Ellie' so I've done my best, although I'm not sure that song fits in the situation so I didn't name the song to let you all imagine a song of your choosing. When I was writing it I had Bob Dylan's [Forever Young](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frj2CLGldC4) in mind, although probably more in the style of [Heather Peace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjSnL_TQ0VU)!
> 
> This chapter is a little bit 'jumpy' in that it covers the space of several weeks so I hope it reads okay, I didn't plan on including it all this chapter but it seemed like a nice way to end the year! Oh, and I know nothing about IVF other than what I read on google as I was writing this chapter, so let's all ignore any huge errors I might have made in the logistics of it all!

It seemed like years had dragged on, but at the same time, it felt like the past few weeks had flown by. Several appointments at the IVF clinic had passed, several weeks of trying and failing to sync their bodies ready to try for another baby, but finally it had happened and the day had come, both women simultaneously nervous and excited as they made their way back to the clinic. 

They'd sat, hand in hand as, once again, the egg retrieval process was explained we to them, a quick scan of Serena's abdomen showing the doctor that the drugs she’d been taking had worked, that she had a number of eggs ready and waiting. The doctor gave them an opportunity to ask any questions but they didn't have any, they'd done their research, asked everything they wanted to know in their previous appointments and so Serena signed the relevant consent forms without a second thought. She wanted this, knew Bernie wanted it too, they'd spent long enough talking about it, talking through all their options and making sure they were both happy with the choices they made. 

Once the paperwork was all in order, they were shown to a small room, Bernie and Serena walking hand in hand down the corridor behind the friendly nurse who gestured to the gown on the bed once she'd pointed out the bathroom and other features in the room, asking Serena to change into it before telling her that someone would be with her in about half an hour to start preparing her for the procedure. 

“You look nervous” Serena told Bernie as she settled on the bed and pulled the blanket over her bare legs to keep them warm. 

“I am.” Bernie admitted, “don't get me wrong, I want to do this, but it just suddenly all seems real doesn't it?” 

Serena nodded, “I suppose it does rather” she said as she shuffled over in the bed and gestured for Bernie to sit beside her, wrapping her arms around the blonde when she complied, “but it's what we both want, you haven't forced me into anything, I want to do this as much as you do, so please, try not to worry.”

“I know” Bernie smiled as Serena nuzzled into her, kissing her hair and wrapping her arms around her. “And I want us to do it too, it's just a big thing for you to be doing and I, well I worry about you, no matter how many times you ask me not to. ”

“I know you do” Serena said softly, “but this, what I'm doing, is nothing compared to you carrying our baby” as it did most times they spoke about the potential pregnancy, Serena’s hand came to rest on Bernie's toned stomach, “and I know that I'll worry about you when you're pregnant, so I can't complain about you worrying about me now" she chuckled. 

They were still sat together on the bed when the nurse came in to get Serena ready, Serena curled into Bernie’s side, her head on her partner’s shoulder as they sat in silence, Serena gently stroking circles on Bernie’s stomach, Bernie gently playing with Serena’s hair.  Bernie moved into the chair when the nurse came in, holding Serena’s right hand as a cannula was inserted into the back of her left hand to administer the sedative and any other medication she might need. 

She looked up, seeing the worry in Bernie's eyes and reached out, Bernie carefully cradling Serena's left hand in her own as Serena reached out, laying her right hand on Bernie's cheek, gently stroking soft skin with her thumb, “I'm okay Darling” she told her, “honestly.” 

Bernie nodded and squeezed Serena’s hand, "I love you" she told her, kissing her gently as the nurse came back into the room to tell Serena that they were ready for her. Serena nodded and reassured Bernie that she loved her too and that everything would be okay before giving her hand a final squeeze and walking from the room, following the nurse down the corridor towards the treatment room, Bernie and Serena knowing that the next time they saw each other, Serena's eggs would be being inseminated with the donor sperm that they'd chosen and they'd be one step closer to having their baby.   
  
Serena had opted against a general anaesthetic and instead chosen to take a mild sedative alongside a local anaesthetic to hopefully minimise the amount of time she'd have to stay in before going home. She wasn't gone long, less than half an hour, but to Bernie it felt like days, and, due to the drugs she was given, to Serena it felt like it had passed in the blink of an eye, and almost as soon as she'd said goodbye to Bernie she was opening her eyes to find Bernie sat by her bed, "how are you feeling?" Bernie asked as she stroked Serena's cheek.   
  
"Okay" she gave Bernie a dopey smile, the drugs not quite worn off yet.   
  
"Good" Bernie kissed her temple, "you were quite out of it when you came back so the doctor said he'd give you an hour to sleep off the drugs and then come and talk us through everything, he shouldn't be long now."   
  
Serena nodded, "was I gone long? I felt like I blinked once I laid down on the table and by the time I opened my eyes I was here."   
  
"Sounds like they gave you the good drugs" Bernie smiled, "you were in there for about 15 or 20 minutes, the doctor seemed pleased with how it went but he said he'd wait until you were ready to give us all the details together."

The doctor came in a few minutes later, a smile on his face as he told them both that the procedure had gone well, telling them how many eggs they'd managed to retrieve and again, going through the next steps with them, letting them know when they'd be informed of the process and booking in a rough time for Bernie to come in later in the week, a time that would be confirmed once the clinic was certain that there was reason for her to come back in. He asked Serena how she was feeling and checked her over, reminding her and Bernie of the ‘normal’ side effect from the procedure and from the sedative, and what wasn't normal and would need Serena to seek medical help before telling her with a smile that she was free to go home. 

Bernie picked up both their bags and kept her arm around Serena's waist as they walked out to the car park, Bernie even opening the car door and helping Serena into the passenger seat, “how are you feeling?” she asked as she drove back towards the hospital. Bernie had been surprised at how supporting both the CEO and her clinical lead had been when she’d asked about getting time off to go to appointments at the IVF clinic, the CEO not only promising to make sure Bernie had time off for both IVF, and, when the time came, antenatal appointments, but he’d arranged for the hospital creche to take both Charlotte and Elinor whenever necessary to make it easier for Bernie and Serena to get to their appointments.

“Okay” Serena smiled, “a little bit crampy but they said that was normal.”

Bernie turned to Serena and smiled as she stopped at a traffic light, “you can go up to bed or have a soak in the bath or something if you want when we’re home, I’ll be fine with the girls.”

“I’ll wait until after lunch” Serena told her, “the girls might come up for a nap too, and if you…”

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “I don’t mind having a nap with all my girls.”

Serena smiled as she heard Bernie refer to them all as her girls, she remembered how it felt like someone had kicked her in the chest the first time she’d heard Elinor call Bernie Mumma, but now, it was the most natural thing, she didn’t even mind that Elinor sometimes seemed to prefer Bernie’s company to hers, it only seemed to make her love Bernie even more when she saw the bond she’d developed with Elinor, and, Bernie didn’t even seem to mind that, in a similar way, Charlotte often chose to cuddle up with Serena, to ask her for whatever she needed, even if Bernie was there too.  Serena wasn’t sure when their two families had merged into one, but she was incredibly glad that they had.

Bernie left Serena in the car as she went to collect the girls, both girls racing over when they saw her. “Where ‘Re’a?” Charlotte asked as Bernie headed back to the car park, Ellie on her hip and Charlotte’s hand held firmly in her own. 

“She's in the car Darling” Bernie said softly, “she's a bit sleepy so we’re all going to have a nap when we've had lunch.”

“In you bed?” Charlie asked as she gazed up at Bernie. 

Bernie nodded, “in my bed.”    


They drove home to the sound of Ellie’s happy babbles in the car, Bernie as always, chatting back as if she understood everything Elinor was telling her about her morning. She sent Serena to put her feet up once they were home, and, after making a light lunch for the four of them, couldn’t hold back a smile as she saw Serena curled up on the sofa, telling the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears to the girls.

Charlotte had reached an age where she no longer needed a nap every day, but would happily have an hour or so after lunch if she'd had a busy morning, so, when the four of them trailed upstairs after they’d eaten, Serena excused herself to use the bathroom and Charlotte almost instantly settled down on Serena's side of the bed with her bear.    
  
Ellie on the other hand was a different matter, she'd recently decided that she didn't need an afternoon nap anymore and would do all she could to fight it even if it meant that she was cranky and grumpy later in the day.    
  
Bernie and Serena had agreed that, even if Charlotte didn't want a nap, a little bit of 'quiet time' each afternoon wouldn't hurt, so, on the days she didn't need to sleep, she was happy to spend Ellie's nap time doing something calm and quiet to help recharge her batteries ready for the afternoon, be that reading stories or cuddling up to watch a film laid out on the sofa with her head in Serena's lap.    
  
That was what Bernie planned to do with Ellie if she wouldn't settle, she'd lay with her for a while to see if she would fall asleep but if not she'd take Ellie into her own room and read to her in Charlotte's bed to stop her disturbing Charlie and Serena.    
  
"Come on now Trouble" Bernie laid down beside Ellie, "it's time for a nap."    
  
"Mumma" Ellie giggled as she sat up, using Bernie to pull herself to her feet.    
  
"Ellie" Bernie laid her back down, "are you going to lay down with Lala for a little bit?"    
  
Ellie looked over at Charlie who was already drifting off to sleep, "Lala" she grinned.    
  
"Don't wake her up" Bernie warned as she curled herself around Ellie, hoping to keep her laying down, "it's time to go to sleep now."   
  
Serena leant against the door free as she came out of the ensuite, happy to put off her nap for a few minutes so she could watch Bernie with Ellie. Ellie was laid on her back in the middle of the bed, waving her stuffed cow in the air above her head, Bernie laid on her side, her body curled protectively around Ellie's as she gently rubbed circles on her stomach, singing softly to her to try and settle her to sleep.

Serena didn't go over, knew Bernie would stop singing if she knew Serena was listening so she stayed in the doorway, leaning against the door frame as Bernie continued to sing, Elinor babbling back at Bernie as if she was trying to sing along too. 

Bernie kissed Elinor’s head, “it’s time to go to sleep now Baby” she whispered, smiling up at Serena as she walked over, Charlotte curling happily into her, already well on her way to sleep.

“No Mumma” Elinor frowned, but Bernie wasn’t put off as she shifted slightly, lifting Elinor to lay on her chest, kissing her hair and rubbing her back.

“That’s better” she cooed as Ellie let out a yawn, slowly beginning to relax into Bernie, allowing Bernie to turn her attention back to Serena, “okay?”

Serena nodded, “there’s a bit of bleeding but nothing serious” she reached out to put her hand on Bernie’s cheek, knowing it relaxed her and not wanting her to worry.

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “but you need to get some rest, I’ve set the alarm but don’t worry, I’ll take the girls to fetch Cam if you still need to sleep.”

Serena nodded again and yawned as she stroked Bernie’s cheek with her thumb, “thank you Darling” 

Bernie kissed at Serena’s fingers, “get some sleep, you don’t need to thank me.”

“Okay” Serena hummed quietly as her eyes fluttered closed, “love you.”

Bernie smiled as she pulled the duvet up over them all, being careful not to disturb Ellie, “I love you too.”

Both woman had been surprised at their first appointment to be told that, should Serena's eggs be fertilised successfully, they would be transferred into Bernie just five days later, but it felt like no time at all before they were once again dropping Charlie and Ellie at the hospital’s creche, this time Serena the one driving them towards the IVF clinic. “It'll be okay” she said softly, sensing Bernie's nerves and reaching out to gently squeeze her knee. The doctors at the clinic had kept them informed, calling them to let them know how many eggs had been of the successfully fertilised, and the quality of the developing embryos so they knew that they were going into this with the best chance possible. 

“What if it doesn't work?” Bernie asked softly, Serena's body had done its job perfectly, the clinic had told them that they had several embryos to choose from, all of good quality. As always, she and Serena had discussed their options and decided that only one egg would be transferred to minimise the risk of a multiple pregnancy, but they planned to freeze the rest in case they needed a second, or third, or fourth attempt, but even though they’d planned for multiple cycles of IVF, Bernie was still worried that her body would let her down, that she wouldn't get pregnant. 

Serena pulled into the car park at the clinic and turned slightly in her seat, taking Bernie's hands in her own, “if it doesn't work then we try again” Serena said softly, “and we keep trying. Either until you get pregnant or until you don't want to try anymore. And, if that day comes, when you've had enough of being poked and prodded then I'll try. And if I don't get pregnant either, well, we’ve already got three beautiful children, we're a lot luckier than some people who come here.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, gently squeezing Serena's hands, “you're right…”

“Always am” Serena chucked, reaching out to stroke Bernie's cheek.

“A fourth child would be amazing” Bernie nodded, “but you're right, we've already got a family, we're already lucky.”

Serena gently brushed her lips to Bernie's, “well I certainly am, I've got you after all.” 

Bernie smiled and returned the kiss, “that feeling is entirely mutual my Darling.” 

Serena smiled and rubbed her nose against Bernie's, “are you ready to go in?”

Bernie kissed Serena again and nodded, “yeah, let's go and try for a baby.”

Bernie’s procedure didn't take long at all, and almost before they both knew it they were back at home, waiting. Two weeks they'd been told, two weeks before Bernie could take a pregnancy test and find out if the IVF had been successful. The clinic had booked Bernie in for a blood test, but she and Serena had talked about her doing a test at home too, a decision she was going to leave to Bernie. 

It had been just eleven days since their second visit to the clinic, but to Bernie and Serena it felt like years had passed as they counted down the days until they found out if they were going to be adding another baby to their family. They were trying to keep things normal for the children, not wanting them to guess that there was anything unusual going on, Bernie and Serena already agreeing that they wouldn't tell the kids about the baby until after her 12 week scan, until they were sure that the IVF had successfully given them a healthy baby. 

“Are you okay?” Serena asked as she watched Bernie get herself a glass of water to swallow a couple of painkillers as Serena made tea now the children were asleep.

Bernie nodded, “I erm, I’m feeling a bit crampy” she gestured to her stomach, “I think we might have to try again.”

“That’s okay” Serena smiled, taking Bernie’s hands as she sat on the table, pulling Bernie to stand between her legs as she began rubbing gentle circles on Bernie’s aching stomach, “it would have been nice if you were pregnant already, but it’s not a big deal if you aren’t, the doctors told us there was no reason why we shouldn’t have a baby, and if it doesn’t happen, well, we won’t be the first parents that don’t get pregnant the first month they try.”

“I suppose you’re right” Bernie nodded, “and worrying about it won’t help.”

“No it won’t” Serena kissed Bernie’s lips, “it will happen, neither of us had any problem getting pregnant in the past and they said the embryos were good quality so we just need to be patient.”

Bernie smiled, relaxing slightly as Serena continued to massage her stomach, “how do you always know the right thing to say?”

“Skill” Serena winked before kissing her cheek, “come on, let's go through to the living room, you’ll be more comfortable on the sofa.”

Another week passed, a week where Bernie didn't mention anything, either about the potential pregnancy or her period, so Serena assumed that the IVF hadn't been successful, that Bernie would have wanted to do a pregnancy test if she wasn't already fairly certain that she wasn't pregnant. 

Serena didn't mention it though, she knew Bernie would talk to her if and when she was ready, knew she probably wanted time to process things in her own mind and knew she'd open up when she was ready. She knew Bernie would let her know if and when she was ready to try a second round of IVF. 

"Serena" Bernie said nervously as she walked into the kitchen, a few minutes after Serena had come down, telling Serena she wanted to change into her pyjamas after saying goodnight to the kids.   
  
"Yeah?" Serena heard the nerves in Bernie's voice and quickly turned to face her, frowning slightly when she saw, not only Bernie's tense stance, but the paper bag she held in her hands, eyes cast down at the floor, "what's wrong?" she asked, forgetting the drinks she was making and crossing the kitchen to envelop Bernie in her arms.   
  
Bernie nuzzled into Serena for a moment, "do you remember a couple of days ago when I told you that I was having period pains?" Serena nodded, "well I didn't really...I mean I had a little spotting but my actual period never came so I erm, I went to boots on my break and I, I thought you'd want to be there, be here when I did it."   
  
It was then that Serena realised the bag Bernie was holding housed a pregnancy test and she couldn't help but smile, "of course" she nodded, "whenever you're ready I'll..."   
  
"I want to do it now" Bernie interrupted, "I mean, if that's okay?"   
  
"Of course" Serena nodded, "you go and do it while I finish making our tea and then we can find out together?" she suggested.   
  
Bernie nodded, "Okay."   
  
She let Serena kiss her softly before heading into the downstairs bathroom, returning a few minutes later and putting the pregnancy test, wrapped in toilet paper, on the coffee table as she picked up her mug and curled into Serena's side.    
  
"I want us to find out together" she explained the reason behind all the toilet paper, "with Charlotte I'd barely turned on the tap to wash my hands when the second line appeared."    
  
"Ah" Serena understood, "I was one of those women that had to do half a dozen tests before I got a line dark enough to be certain I wasn't imagining it."   
  
"Can you look?" Bernie asked, "I don't think I can."   
  
Serena nodded and peeled back the toilet paper, "oh" she gasped, feeling her eyes fill with tears.   
  
"Serena?" Bernie felt her heart break slightly, she'd tried not to get her hopes up, but when she'd missed her period, she'd begun to think that the IVF had been successful, she'd always been regular, could only remember two occasions when she'd missed periods in the past, Charlie and Cam.   
  
Bernie blamed the hormones she'd been taking when she felt tears stinging her own eyes, reasoned that the hormones were the reason for her menstrual cycle being out of whack too. She was jolted from her thoughts when she felt a hand on her thigh and forced herself to look up at Serena, her partners cheeks damp with tears, "did you hear what I said?" Serena asked, Bernie's blank face answering for her and Serena smiled, kissing Bernie's lips before telling her, "it's positive Darling. You're pregnant."


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts right where the last one finished, but then it does jump forward a couple of times, I hope it's not too confusing for you!

It wasn’t long before Bernie and Serena decided to go up to bed, climbing the stairs hand in hand, breaking apart to use the bathroom but quickly finding each other once they were tucked under the duvet, two bodies curling up together, Bernie tucked into Serena's side as Serena held her closely, slipping one hand underneath the top of Bernie’s pyjamas to rest against her flat stomach. "I know we've had weeks of hormone injections and scans, and we've both had several visits to the clinic, but it doesn't feel real" she said softly, “I can't believe there's a baby in here.”    
  
"I know what you mean" Bernie smiled, placing her own hand on top of Serena's, "I'm sure it will sink in soon though" she told her, "when you start being woken up as I race into the bathroom to be sick."   
  
Serena kissed Bernie's hair, "and I'll be there, holding your hair back and getting you glasses of water, whatever you need I'll be there."   
  
"I know you will" Bernie nuzzled into Serena, their hands still resting on her stomach, Bernie smiling slightly as she felt Serena stroke circles on her bare skin with her thumb, "I erm, I started showing at about 12 weeks with Charlotte, a lot sooner than I did with Cam" she told Serena, "so erm..."   
  
"So this little one might be making themselves known sooner rather than later."   
  
Bernie nodded, "we might have to start making room for my maternity clothes in the wardrobe soon."   
  
“I suppose that’s the only bad thing about IVF” Serena mused, “ that we find out so early, it seems like ages until we’ll get to meet our little one.” 

Bernie smiled softly, hearing Serena refer to the baby as theirs, only increasing the smile on her face, “how far along were you when you found out about Elinor?” she asked. 

“Eight weeks, I know three or four weeks doesn't seem like that long, but I was already almost a month closer to meeting her when I found out she existed than we are now.”

Bernie chuckled, “it doesn't seem so bad to me, “I was about 8 with Cam but only about 6 weeks when I found out about Charlie. I suppose given my situation though, at the time it was better to find out early.”

“What did you do?” Serena asked,” if you don't mind me asking? I mean, I assume you weren't in Iraq at 35 weeks?”

“No” Bernie laughed, “I erm, I told my superiors straight away and both times I was home a couple of weeks later, I was stationed at a base over here, giving basic training to the new recruits before their first deployment.” 

“That sounds a lot safer” Serena smiled.

“And it meant I was at the other end of the country to Marcus, it wasn’t quite as far as I was used to, but it was far enough.”

Serena frowned slightly, “were things always…” she thought for a while, trying to phrase her question, still stroking circles on Bernie’s stomach with her thumb, “between you and Marcus, did you…”

“I erm, I think deep down, I always knew, that I prefered women” Bernie understood what Serena was trying to ask, “I knew Marcus through some friends, we went out for dinner a few times when I was home from wherever I was stationed, and when he proposed it just seemed the easiest thing to do, I thought that I’d get used to him, that we could be happy together, but I was happiest when I was deployed” she told her. “We didn’t really plan to have Cameron, but when I found out I was pregnant, nothing else crossed my mind, I knew I was keeping him, Marcus was excited too, especially when he found out it was a boy, but I think he’d have been too overprotective if I’d have been with him, he’d have wanted to wrap me up in cotton wool and have me put my feet up for nine months, and, well, that’s not me.”

“I know” Serena chuckled, “and I promise to try and not be too overbearing, and if you think I’m being too much, then tell me please.”

Bernie kissed Serena’s lips, “I know you won’t, and even if you do, it’ll be because you care for me, for both of us and not because you think I’m pregnant and shouldn’t be doing anything more exciting than watching daytime TV.” 

“I trust you to know your limits” Serena assured her, “but you know I’ll never judge you, if you’re feeling sick, or tired, or if later on you’re feeling uncomfortable or you just can’t be bothered, if you need to take a step back, if you need an afternoon in bed while I entertain the kids, you know I’d never judge you for that.”

“I know” Bernie smiled softly, “it’s one of the many reasons why I love you” she yawned.

Serena chuckled, “one day I’ll get you to tell me the rest, but for now, get some sleep Darling, I love you.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, shuffling closer to Serena as her eyes closed and she whispered, “we love you too.”

Bernie and Serena found that keeping their news to themselves was harder than they'd imagined, Bernie had told both the clinic lead on her ward and the CEO at the hospital about her pregnancy for health and safety reasons, Bernie knowing there were certain conditions she shouldn't treat during her pregnancy so felt like she had no choice but to tell them. 

Nausea had hit Bernie a week or two after her positive pregnancy test, a constant churning in her stomach, worse in the morning making breakfast times hard, Bernie trying to eat a slice or two of dry toast before work, Serena sending her off with a selection of cereal bars and fruit in the days when she couldn't even manage that. Luckily her nausea seemed to wear off as the day went on, meaning that as long as she stuck to ‘plain’ flavours and didn't eat too quickly, lunch and dinner were much easier for her. 

She didn't mind though, never complained, not even when the nausea progressed into occasional bouts of vomiting. She knew it would be worth it, she knew that a few months if discomfort would all be forgotten once their baby was in her arms. 

"Are you okay?" Serena asked, watching Bernie wince as she shifted her hold on Elinor, the two adults curled together on the sofa one Sunday afternoon, Cameron and Charlotte doing a jigsaw together in the floor Elinor having fallen asleep just half an hour ago, Bernie just as stubborn as the baby. Despite Elinor's protests Bernie had rocked her, hummed to her and rubbed her back until Elinor had given in and dozed off against her Mumma's chest.    
  
Bernie nodded and shifted again, biting her lip before looking up at Serena, "actually, can you take her please?"    
  
"Of course" Serena took Elinor from her without question, "are you okay?" she asked again as she laid the sleeping baby against her own chest, mirroring the position Bernie had held her in, gently running her hand down Elinor's back, she knew Bernie wouldn't give up cuddles with any of their children without good reason.    
  
Bernie nodded, "my chest feels a bit tender and her laying on me was starting to get uncomfortable” she admitted.    
  
Serena smiled, relieved there was nothing wrong with Bernie, "growing pains?" she teased playfully.    
  
Bernie laughed and nodded, "most probably. When I was pregnant was the only time Marcus ever seemed happy with them, he seemed quite disappointed that the change wasn't permanent when I stopped feeding Cam."    
  
Serena rolled her eyes, "well Marcus is an idiot, you're perfect however you are, pregnant or not. He should have been thanking his lucky stars that he got to  see your body, that you were willing to carry his children, not judging you on how your body looked."    
  
Bernie smiled softly and let her head fall on Serena's shoulder, "have I ever told you how much I love you?"    
  
Serena kissed Bernie's forehead, "you might have mentioned it once or twice" she smiled, watching as Bernie nuzzled into her, curling herself up as she made herself comfortable, "why don't you go and have a lie down upstairs? I can bring Ellie up if you want, and Charlie might go for a nap too if she knows you're going up."   
  
Bernie looked up from under her long fringe, "can I just stay here?"    
  
"Of course" Serena kissed her head again, "I just thought you might be more comfortable in bed, especially if you fall asleep." She knew Bernie had been feeling more tired than usual, but she couldn't blame her, remembered how exhausted she'd been in the early days of her own pregnancy.    
  
"I'm comfortable here" Bernie smiled, leaning up to peck Serena's lips, "but tell me if you want me to move."    
  
Serena shook her head, gently tugging a folded blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapping it around Bernie, somehow managing to do so without disturbing Elinor, "if you're comfy then I'm fine" she said softly, "you just get some rest."    
  
As Serena expected, it didn't take long at all for Bernie to fall asleep, but what she didn't expect was Cameron to walk over a few minutes later with a worried look on his face, "what's wrong Darling?" she asked, gesturing for him to climb onto the arm of the sofa beside her.    
  
"Is Mummy poorly?" he asked quietly.    
  
Serena frowned, "what makes you ask that?" she asked, putting her free arm around him.    
  
"She's always sleepy now" he told Serena, “and yes'day I heared her be sick" he frowned.    
  
"Mummy's just tired because of work" Serena tried to put his mind at rest, "and she's had a bit of a poorly tummy but she'll be okay" she told him, grateful that, whilst Bernie had felt almost constantly nauseous for the past few weeks, she'd only actually vomited a handful of times.    
  
"She'll get better?" Cam asked.    
  
"Of course" Serena nodded, "and you know she sometimes has a nap with Ellie when she's not at work, just like you do when you're not at school." 

“But she’s not poorly?”

Serena shook her head as she squeezed Cameron in a side hug, “there’s nothing for you to worry about Darling, Mummy’s fine.”

“Promise?”

Serena nodded, “I promise you, Mummy’s okay.”

Cameron seemed satisfied by Serena’s response, “okay” he nodded as he slipped off the arm of the sofa, “because I don’t want her to be poorly”

“She’s okay” Serena promised, “you don’t need to worry about her.”

Cameron seemed happy with that, and went back to play with his sister, the two of them having been asked to play quietly whilst Ellie was asleep, meaning the two of them were both laid out on their stomachs, quietly putting together jigsaws.

Elinor woke with a grumpy mumble about half an hour after Bernie had fallen asleep, “Mumma” she whimpered as she began to stir in Serena’s arms.

Serena kissed Elinor’s hair, “Mumma’s sleeping Darling” she said softly, “do you want to play with Charlie and Cam?”  Elinor shook her head and nuzzled into Serena, still not completely awake, “okay Darling, we can snuggle until you’re ready to go and play if you want?”

Elinor nodded against Serena’s neck, “gu’girl” she murmured.

Serena laughed and kissed her daughter again, “thank you, I think you’re a good girl too.”

It wasn’t long until Elinor woke enough to want to play, quickly kissing Serena’s cheek before racing off to play with Charlotte and Cameron, Cam packing away the jigsaws as Charlie got the set of plastic farm animals out of the toy box for them to play with, “my Moo” Ellie grinned, easily picking the cow out of the pile of animals.

Satisfied that the kids were happy, Serena turned her attention to Bernie, smiling softly as she shifted her hold slightly, moving Bernie into, what she assumed, would be a more comfortable position now she didn’t have Elinor in her arms.  She found herself watching Bernie sleep, gently brushing blonde curls back from her face as she held Bernie close.

Bernie shifted in her sleep, and, when she woke a while later, she was laid out on the sofa, her head on Serena’s lap as Serena gently played with her hair, fingertips dancing over her scalp, “tha’s nice” Bernie smiled sleepily as she woke.

“I’m glad” Serena smiled as she continued, letting Bernie wake up in her own time.

“Have I been asleep long?” Bernie asked.

Serena glanced at her watch, “nearly two hours.”

“Sorry.” Bernie moved to sit up, letting her head fall onto Serena’s shoulder and moving the blanket so it covered them both.

“Don’t be, the kids have been fine playing together, you’ve got nothing to apologise for.”

Elinor’s head snapped round when she heard Bernie’s voice, and she lept from where she’d been sat on her floor with her back to the sofa, racing across the room and climbing onto the sofa, “Mumma” she beamed, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek and cuddling her tightly.

“Someone’s feeling affectionate today!” Bernie chuckled as she hugged Elinor back “that's a lovely cuddle Ellie.” Ellie giggled, kissing Bernie's cheek for a second time before wriggling down from the sofa and going back to play with Charlie and Cam.

“She was snuggly with me when she woke from her nap” Serena smiled, “she asked for you but when I told her you were asleep she seemed happy to put up with me until she’d woken enough to play.”

“Bless her, and she wouldn’t be putting up with you, she loved you Serena.”

“I know she does” Serena kissed Bernie’s cheek, “she just loves you more.”

Bernie laughed, “and Charlotte loves you most too so we’re even.”

“I suppose so” Serena laughed, Bernie knowing she was only teasing, “I just hope she, hope they all know, they can come to us for cuddles whenever they want.”

“I’m sure they will” Bernie smiled, “as long as they want cuddles then I'll be happy to cuddle them, whether they're two or sixty two.”

“We could have great-grandchildren by then” Serena chuckled. 

Bernie laughed and rolled her eyes, “can we just concentrate on having children for now” she chuckled and gestured to her stomach, “and worry about future generations, well, in the future?” 

Serena chucked and nodded as she moved her hand, slipping it under Bernie's t-shirt to rest on her flat stomach as she had done so many times since they'd found out she was pregnant, the blanket hiding her actions from the kids. It had been strange for Bernie at first, to be the one being held instead of the one doing the holding but she had to admit, she quite liked tucking herself into Serena's side as the other woman held her closely. “You know, our delightful daughter told me I was a good girl earlier” Serena chuckled. 

“Ellie?” Bernie didn't need to ask, as her vocabulary improved, they'd been teaching her to say ‘ta’ in thanks when she was given something, praising her by telling her she was a good girl when she said it without prompting, a phrase Elinor had obviously picked up on. 

Serena nodded, the fact Bernie had to ask which of ‘their’ daughters it was making her smile, she'd thought as Elinor as theirs for a long time, ever since Ellie had declared Bernie to be her Mumma. But knowing Bernie felt the same way about Charlie always put a smile on her face, “who else?” 

“She's right” Bernie smiled, “you're very good, to all of us, were lucky to have you.” 

“Oh Darling” Serena kissed Bernie softly and nuzzled noses with her, “I'm the lucky one.” 

The next few weeks passed both quicker and slower than Bernie and Serena expected, Bernie had her first appointment with her midwife and they were now just two weeks away from seeing their baby for the first time at her 12 week scan. Two weeks away from being able to tell the world that they were having another baby. 

"Serena" Bernie called as she got ready for work, "can you come up for a second?"   
  
Serena didn't hesitate, just told the kids to shout if they needed her and left them eating breakfast, "everything okay?" she asked when she found Bernie stood in their bedroom with her back to the door.   
  
"Yeah, I just wanted you to see this" Bernie turned so she was side on to Serena, the gentle curve of her once flat stomach now obvious as she stood in just her bra and a pair of black leggings that were rolled down to her hips.    
  
Serena smiled and walked over to Bernie, "is that...?"   
  
Bernie nodded, "I've noticed it for the past couple of days but I've been waking up fine and then looking a bit bloated by the end of the day, but today it's just well, it's there" Bernie chuckled.   
  
Serena smiled as she placed her warm hands on Bernie's bare stomach, feeling a definite hardness beneath her fingers, "it certainly is" she smiled before bending down, gently kissing the smooth skin of Bernie’s abdomen, “hello Little One” she said softly, “I hope you’re behaving yourself for your Mumma.”

“Serena” Bernie whispered, as she ran her hand through Serena’s hair, surprised to find her eyes filling with tears.

“Bernie” Serena frowned, standing when she saw the tears in Bernie’s eyes, “what’s wrong Darling, I’m sorry, I should have asked before I…” she gestured to Bernie’s stomach, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t” Bernie was quick to reassure Serena, closing her eyes for a moment when she felt Serena’s palm cup her cheek, “this is as much your baby as it is mine, I want you to kiss it, talk to it, touch it, whenever you want.  I think I’m just feeling a little bit emotional today.” It was something she’d never have admitted to Marcus. Pregnant or not he’d have laughed, made a joke about how she was supposed to be tough, that she shouldn’t be getting teary over simple things like this, but not Serena, Serena kissed her lips softly before resting their foreheads together and swiping at Bernie’s tears with her thumbs.

“Do I need to have words with our little one?” Serena asked after a moment of silence.

Bernie smiled and shook her head, “not yet, if he or she is still making me blub in a couple of months, then they can face the wrath of their Mama.”

Serena smiled and nodded, pecking Bernie’s lips as she reached for the waistband of Bernie’s leggings and pulled them up over her stomach, “sounds like a deal to me” she smiled before stroking Bernie’s tiny little bump, “okay?” she asked, looking up at Bernie and adding, “both of you?” not wanting Bernie to think she was only asking about the baby.

Bernie nodded as she placed her hand beside Serena’s, their fingertips gently brushing together, “yeah, we’re okay” she smiled, “you’d better get back down to the kids, Ellie’s probably wearing more breakfast than she’s eaten.”

“You’re right” Serena chuckled as she stole a final kiss from Bernie, “see you in a minute?”

“Yeah” Bernie turned to grab her shirt from the bed, “I won’t be long” 

“Want me to make you some toast?”

Bernie thought for a minute before nodding, “please, and I think I can probably stomach a bit of jam this morning too if that’s okay?”

“Of course” Serena smiled, “I’ll have it ready and waiting for you” she promised, blowing Bernie a kiss before going back down to the kids, leaving Bernie to finish getting ready for work.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those of you who follow me on twitter will know what's coming. Those of you that don't... well, I'm sure you were all getting bored of the fluff. You were weren't you??

Serena didn’t know why she turned on the radio as she made lunch for the girls, she didn’t normally do it, but today she found herself flicking on the radio that stood on the kitchen windowsill, Elinor’s plastic plate falling from her hands and clattering against the sideboard as she caught the end of the lunchtime news, “and we’ll have more on the breaking news story, that Holby City hospital is on lockdown after reports of staff hearing gunfire within the building, as and when we get it.”

She felt sick, clutching at the worktop as her legs turned to jelly beneath her, this couldn’t be happening.  She quickly made her way over to the sink, spluttering out the bile that had risen from her stomach, she knew Bernie had worked in war zones, that she wasn’t unfamiliar to gunfire, but at least in battle she was prepared, she had protective equipment, she wasn’t pregnant. In a warzone Bernie knew the risks, but she wasn’t in a war zone anymore, she worked for the NHS, she was meant to be safe.

Serena’s hands shook as she sat down at the table, forcing herself to take deep breaths, forcing herself to think of the girls, of Cameron, they needed her, they needed the normality and stability that only she could provide, had to pretend everything was okay, that Bernie would be home as usual, at least until she had a reason to believe otherwise.

It was another few minutes before Serena composed herself enough to finish making dinner for the girls, putting their plates on the table before calling them over and lifting them to sit at the table, sitting with them as they ate despite the fact her stomach was twisted so tightly she’d forgone her own dinner, knowing she’d only vomit it back up later, and, as Charlie and Elinor chatted away, she tried her best to join in, to not let the girls know anything was wrong.

She wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or disappointed when both girls settled down for a nap once they’d finished dinner, she half wanted the distraction, was half glad that she was able to sit in the kitchen listening for updates on the radio, updates that only served to worsen the knot in her stomach and the ache in her heart. By the time Charlotte woke, all she knew was that the gunman was still on the loose in the hospital, armed police were in the building looking for him and more shots had been reported.

Serena hadn’t heard Charlotte wake, so she was surprised when she heard a quiet, “Re’a?” as Charlotte climbed onto her lap, she hadn't noticed her come into the kitchen. Charlotte knelt up on Serena's lap and reached up to wipe at tears Serena hadn’t felt fall, “why you sad?”

Serena only just managed to hold back a sob as she cuddled Charlotte closely and kissed her hair, “I’m okay Darling” she bit her lip as Charlotte hugged her as tightly as she could.

“Love you” Charlotte mumbled against Serena’s neck.

“I love you too” Serena replied, hating herself for wondering if she’d ever get to say those words to Bernie again, if she’d ever get to hold Bernie like she was currently holding the girl who looked so much like her.

Charlotte lifted her head and wiped at Serena’s cheeks again, “why you cwy?”

Serena forced a smile, “I’m just being silly Darling” she kissed Charlotte’s hair again, “I’m okay, now what do you want to do until Ellie wakes up?”

Charlotte thought for a minute before asking, “we draw picture for Mumma?”

Serena tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she nodded, “of course we can”, shall we go and find your crayons?”

“Okay” Charlotte nodded, hugging Serena again and kissing her cheek before sliding from her lap and walking back into the living room.

Serena flicked off the radio and took a deep breath to try and get herself together, wanting to hold herself together, Charlotte had already seen her crying once, and that was more than enough. 

When she made her way into the living room Charlotte was sat on the floor by the coffee table, paper spread out and the plastic box that housed all her crayons on the corner of the table, her bear sat on her lap, “Re’a” she held out her bear when she saw her walk into the room, “he make you no sad.”

Serena sat beside Charlotte and took the bear, “thank you Darling, that’s very kind of you, but I think having cuddles with you has made me not sad too.”

Charlotte nodded and crawled onto Serena’s lap, “I cuddle you lots” she told her.

Serena smiled and kissed Charlotte’s hair, “then I’ll never be sad.”

“I draw you” Charlotte looked at Serena before picking up a green crayon to match the top she was wearing, “and I draw Mumma and Cammy and Ellie.”

“That sounds lovely” Serena forced a smile, “and I’m sure Mummy will love that, but I think you’ve forgotten someone.”

“Who?” Charlie frowned as she turned to look up at Serena.

“You” Serena smiled as she gently tapped Charlotte’s nose with her index finger.

Charlotte giggled and nodded, “I draw me too”.

They sat in silence as Charlotte coloured her picture, multi coloured scribbles of various colours and sizes on her paper as Serena sat stroking her back and running her fingers through blonde curls that Charlie had definitely inherited from her mother.  Charlotte began humming quietly as she coloured, Serena losing herself in her thoughts, she wanted to go to the hospital, to try and find out if Bernie was safe, to find out whatever she could, but she didn’t want to worry the girls and she needed to pick Cameron up from school soon, she only hoped that Bernie would ring her, that Bernie would know how worried she was and let Serena know she was safe.  If she was safe that is.

She didn’t dare drive to school that afternoon, her mind was all over the place, her hands shaking slightly when she thought about what was happening at the hospital, about what could happen, what could have already happened to Bernie. So, after spending the remainder of the afternoon drawing with both Charlotte, and Elinor once she’d woken from her nap, she tucked them both into the buggy, hoping the fresh air would help clear her mind, knowing Cameron was much more perceptive than Charlotte and Elinor.

Luckily Cameron was happy to chat about his day on the walk home, meaning Serena didn’t have to try and pretend, she could just focus on Cameron’s words, on the odd input from Charlie and Elinor’s babbles and shrieks when she felt like she was left out of the conversation, and once they were home, she could concentrate on their usual routine, sending Cameron upstairs to get changed as she made a small snack for all three children. Today she grabbed two apples from the fruit bowl, sharing the chunks she cut between three bowls before adding a handful of grapes.

Cameron of course was the first to finish, Serena sitting beside him to help him do his homework, the simple sheet of maths problems he’d brought home just enough to stop her mind thinking of anything else and, once his homework was finished, she sent the three of them off to play whilst she busied herself with making dinner.

\-----

Bernie closed her eyes, biting her lip as she heard another gunshot, this one much closer than before, possibly even on her ward . Her whole body shook as she desperately tried to get her breathing under control, tried to imagine she was anywhere but here, that she was at home curled up with Serena, she tried to imagine the weight of Elinor laid on her chest, the feeling of Serena’s arm around her shoulders, of Cameron snuggled into her side, but it was no use, she felt like there was a lead weight on her chest stopping her lungs filling with air, she was suffocating, she needed to get out, needed to breathe, but even if she could get out, she wasn’t sure her legs would support the weight of her body.

She’d frozen at the sound of the first gunshot, her mind instantly taking her away from Holby.  The clinical lead of her ward had been on the ball, as soon as he’d got the message about the hospital being on lockdown he’d ordered Bernie from the ward, with a quick glance at her stomach he’d pointed her in the direction of his own office, telling her to lock the door and keep herself hidden. 

He’d noticed that Bernie didn’t quite seem herself that day, that she seemed somewhat more vulnerable than usual, like she was constantly fighting off tears, but he had a wife and two children, he knew not to make too big a deal about it, had learnt the hard way not to mention her hormones or her emotions, so he’d simply asked her if she was okay, Bernie had nodded and he’d reminded her that he was there if there was anything he could do, and then he let the matter drop, but now, now his only instinct was to get Bernie, and the rest of his staff to safety.  Bernie had been open with him about her IVF, and he knew that, whilst she’d been lucky enough to get pregnant on their first try, it had taken several months for her and Serena to get to a stage where they were ready to attempt the IVF, he’d never forgive himself if anything happened to her or her baby.

Bernie’s first thought had been to her patients, to their safety, and she tried to protest, until a second thought, a thought of her family, of Serena and her children had raced through her mind, so, when her clinical lead repeated for her to “go” she hadn’t needed to be told a third time. She’d taken his keys, locked the door, turned out the light and hidden herself under the desk, praying to anyone that was listening that she’d get out of here alive, her hand drifted to her abdomen, that they’d both get out of here alive. The irony wasn't lost on her, she'd spent the early days of her previous pregnancies in war zones feeling nothing but safe, and now, she was on lockdown in a hospital in the UK, wondering if she'd make it home to her family. 

It was the thought of the baby, the firmness of her abdomen, the soft curve of her stomach beneath her hand that finally made her come to her senses, allowing her to slow her breathing down to a more normal rate. “We’ll be okay” she mumbled quietly to her stomach, “we’ll be okay, and tonight we’ll go home to your Mama and your brother and your sisters…” she felt tears fill her eyes as she thought about her children, unable to remember if she’d told them that she loved them that morning, despite it being something she did every time she left for work.

She wanted to call Serena, wanted to hear her voice, wanted tell her that she loved her, that she loved their children, needed her to know, just in case she didn’t make it home, but she couldn’t, not only were all the phone lines down, but any movement, any noise would put her more at risk than if she stayed put in the darkened office and she was determined to do everything she could to ensure that both she and the child she was carrying made it out safely.

Bernie froze as she heard footsteps nearing the door, heard someone try to force open the locked door, and she bit her lip, closing her eyes, silently begging any deity that was out there to keep her safe, to keep her baby safe. She didn't dare breathe again until she heard the footsteps retreating, heaving into a waste paper basket as, just a few seconds later, the silence was pierced by the sound of another gunshot and a blood curdling scream. 

She kept her eyes closed, tried to keep her breathing calm, one hand on the gentle swell of her stomach to keep her grounded as she repeated a silent mantra, they were safe, they were going to be okay. She was going to get out of the office, she was going to get home and she was going to spend the night curled up with her partner and children. 

Bernie took a shaky breath as she tried to keep herself calm, tried to think of all the things she had to look forward to, starting with her first scan, seeing Serena's face as she saw their child for the first time. She thought about telling their kids, about watching her stomach swell, getting to feel her baby moving beneath her skin and found herself wishing that she was further along in her pregnancy, that she could feel the movement of her child now, that her baby could reassure her that it was alright. 

She slipped a hand under the top of her scrubs to rest on her stomach, silently singing nursery rhymes and lullabies in her head. She tried to keep focused on the tune, of the words to songs she hadn't sang since Charlotte was tiny, Ellie settling better if she was hummed to, focusing on the circles her thumb was rubbing on the bare skin if her stomach, allowing the feeling to ground her, focusing on the repetitive motion rather than the panic attack she could feel looming over her. 

She hoped if the worst happened, Serena would get custody of Charlie and Cam, that they'd get to stay with the woman who loved them like her own, with the girl they thought of as their sister. She hoped Serena would fight for them, that they wouldn't be shipped off to live with a man they hadn't seen in almost 2 years. She made a vow, promised herself, that if she made it out alive she’d look into doing something legally, something to make sure that, should anything happen to her in future, the children would be allowed to stay with Serena. 

Bernie tried to keep her breathing steady, tried not to hyperventilate as she tried to ignore the thoughts racing through her head, thoughts of the years she’s spent in the army, years she'd spent in war zones, but it could be a mundane job in an NHS hospital that stopped her going home to her family. She’d always felt relatively safe in the camp hospitals, far away from the front line, but this was something else, she’d been in the army, but she'd been a medic, she'd been non combative, she’d never been armed, hadn’t...this was something new to her, she’d not fought, she’d just been there to pick up the pieces, to patch up the people brave enough to fight, and now, now there was a gunman loose just feet away from her and all she could focus on was the feeling if her heart pounding against her ribcage.  

She flinched when she heard a loud bang, her brain quickly identifying it as the doors to the ward being thrown open against the wall but she quickly let out a sigh of relief, tears pricking her eyes as she heard the shout, “armed police, drop your weapon.” 

She heard a scuffle in the corridor, something that sounded suspiciously like an instrument tray being knocked over, muffled voices and the the unmistakable sound of yet another gunshot, however this time Bernie heard the splintering of the glass as the bullet flew through the window just a few inches away from her, the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears the last thing she remembered before her head thudded back against the cold wood of the desk and the world went black. 

\-----

Somehow Serena managed to keep herself together until the children were asleep in bed. She hadn't managed to eat, her stomach still in knots. When Cam had asked she'd told him she'd eat with Bernie when she was home, something that she often did when a Bernie was working late. She couldn't bare to think of there being any option. Bernie had to come home, she'd kissed the children goodnight, told them that Bernie loved them as she did every time Bernie missed bedtime, promised them Mummy would come in and kiss them goodnight when she got home. Tears spilling down Serena's cheeks as she thought about the alternative, when she realised there was a chance she might have to wake the children in the morning and try and explain that Mummy wasn't coming back. 

She turned on the local news, trying to reassure herself when a reporter outside the hospital announced that most of the staff and patients had been evacuated from the hospital. Serena tried to tell herself that was why Bernie hadn't called, that she's been evacuated from the hospital, she wasn't near a phone but she was safe. She had to be safe. But as much as she hoped Bernie had made it to safety, her mind kept focusing on the news reporters next sentence, of the reports that there had been several people injured during the incident with unconfirmed reports of at least one fatality. 

She hadn't been to church since she was a child, but she still found herself praying, begging that someone was listening, begging them to keep Bernie safe, that she'd made it out of the hospital, that she wasn't that fatality. She was broken from her thoughts by the ringing of the landline in the hall and quickly wiped at her eyes before going to answer it, praying with every inch of her body that it would be Bernie on the other end. 

She felt a stab of disappointment in her chest when she was greeted by an unfamiliar male voice who asked if he was speaking to Serena Campbell, speaking again once she'd confirmed he was, “my name’s Henrik Hanssen, I'm the CEO at Holby City Hospital, I'm ringing you with regards to Ms Wolfe…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember, if you kill me, you'll never get to find out what happens next...!


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for not killing me after you read the last chapter!

Serena's heart stopped and she had to sit down on the bottom stair, worried that her legs would give way if she didn't. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to work out how she was going to tell Charlotte and Cameron, how she was going to make Elinor understand that Mumma wasn't coming back, because in Serena’s mind, there was only one reason that the CEO would ring instead of Bernie herself and it wasn't a good one. 

“Ms Campbell, are you alright?” Hanssen had heard the change in Serena's breathing and knew she'd assumed the worst. “There's nothing to worry about Ms Campbell, I'm sure you've seen the news, but please don't panic, physically Ms Wolfe is fine.”

Serena was grateful that she was already sat down as she let out a sob of relief, taking a second to compose herself before speaking again, “physically?” 

“Ah, yes, as I said, Ms Wolfe is physically unharmed but I believe she has had several panic attacks over the course of the day. I know it's quite late and that you have a young family but I wondered if you’d be able to come and collect her, I don't think it would be wise for her to drive herself home, especially given her current condition, otherwise, if you’d prefer I can order her a taxi, at the hospital’s expense of course.”

“No, no, I erm, I'll be there” Serena told him as she reached for her shoes, “can you erm, will you tell her that I love her and that I'm on my way, that I'll be there as soon as I can?” 

“Of course, but please, take care Ms Campbell, drive safely, Ms Wolfe’s clinical lead is sat with her now, she’ll be safe until you get here.”

“Yes, yes, thank you.” 

“It's no trouble, have a safe journey Ms Campbell.” 

Serena said her goodbyes before taking a minute to compose herself, grabbing Cameron’s jacket and shoes and trying to work out how she was going to do this. She’d definitely have to wake Cameron, but she could probably get the girls into the car without too much trouble. 

She quickly formed a plan and carried first Charlotte, then Elinor downstairs, laying them both on the sofa and making sure they each had their stuffed toy and a blanket to keep them warm in the car. Next it was Cameron and she gently but firmly ran her hand through his hair, “Cam Darling, you need to wake up.” 

Cameron yawned and stretched, “is it morning?” he mumbled as he rubbed at his eyes. 

“No Darling, you've not been asleep long but we need to go and fetch Mummy from the hospital.”

Cam nodded as he let Serena lift him from the bed, thankfully not asking any questions apart from, “have I gots to get dressed?” 

“No” Serena kissed his hair as she carried him downstairs, “you can go out in your pyjamas, we'll just put you your shoes and hoodie on.” 

“‘Kay” he nodded as Serena sat him in the armchair. 

Serena left Cam in the living room as she took the buggy out to the car, leaving it unlocked as she went back inside and carefully lifted Elinor into her arms, “can you go and jump in the car?” she asked Cameron, the boy still half asleep but forcing himself to his feet with a nod. Once Cameron and Elinor were strapped in, Serena went back for Charlotte, juggling the sleeping toddler and her keys so she could lock the house before putting Charlie in the car, “you're okay Darling” she said softly when she stirred as she was laid in her car seat, “go back to sleep.”

“Re’a” Charlotte mumbled quietly as she clutched at the blanket that had been tucked around her. 

“I'm here Darling, you get some sleep.” 

\-----

As Serena got the kids into the car, Hanssen stood in the stairwell, taking a moment of calm to compose himself before going back to sorting out the chaos his hospital had been left in. 

He felt relieved that the call he’d just had to make hadn't been with worse news. The clinical lead on AAU had raced past him earlier in the day, heading towards theatre to try and save the life of another doctor who’d been shot. He'd not said much but he had informed Hanssen to Bernie's whereabouts, in the hope that this would all be over soon and someone would need to let her know. 

He’d been there when the armed police had made their way onto the ward, had witnessed the struggle before the gunman had been dragged away kicking and screaming. 

He felt his stomach jolt when he turned towards the office door, realising that the last bullet fired by the gunman, a man intent on revenge as he blamed the hospital for the death of his mother, had shattered the glass that divided the office from the corridor outside. 

Fumbling in his pocket he pulled out his keys, quickly locating the master key on the ring and slipping it into the lock, “Ms Wolfe? Bernie?”

His heart stopped when he found her lifeless body slumped under the desk, quickly grabbing at her wrist, as he tried to locate her pulse, heaving a sigh of relief when, not only did he find it almost instantly, he found it to be reassuringly strong.  He frowned, something wasn't right here. There was no blood and her pulse was far too strong for her to be bleeding internally. He glanced at the bullet hole in the shattered glass, his eyes scanning the room, closing his eyes and saying a silent prayer when he saw the bullet embedded in the wall and, no longer worried about life threatening injuries, he carefully lifted Bernie from under the desk, laying her in the recovery position on the office floor as she began to mumble as she regained consciousness. 

She mumbled something that vaguely sounded like Serena's name, “I can call her for you” he told her.

Bernie frowned as she came round, “what…” 

“You passed out in the office” he explained, “but you're okay, it's all over”. Bernie nodded and tried to sit up, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Slowly” Hanssen put his hands on her shoulders to help her sit up, leaning her back against the desk. “Don't try and stand up just yet” he told her, “take a minute and then we’ll go find you somewhere a bit more private” he said as he gestured to the police milling around outside the office. “And I believe British tradition suggests a cup of tea might be needed?” 

Bernie managed a small smile, “if only it could be something stronger” she said dryly. 

“Quite.” Hanssen noticed Bernie had one hand on her stomach, her bump hidden by the loose fabric of her scrubs, “would you like me to ask if someone from obs is available to check you over?” 

Bernie shook her head, “no, thank you but I, we’ll be okay.” 

He nodded, not wanting to push her, “okay, do you think you'll be able to get up now? I believe the Nurse’s office should be free.”

Bernie nodded, and, with Hanssen’s help, pulled herself to her feet and making her way out of the office. She felt her heart stop when she saw the blood on the floor just a few metres from the office door and wanted to vomit, “who?” She managed to choke out. 

The CEO solemnly named one of the registrars that Bernie worked with on a daily basis, a young man with a wife and two young daughters, similar in age to Charlotte and Ellie, they'd been talking about arranging a playdate just that morning. She was broken from her thoughts by Hanssen telling her that he’d been taken straight to theatre and that he was in good hands with the clinical lead who was still operating on him.

“I should scrub in” Bernie told him, “try and help…” 

“I think you need to let us take care of you for a while Ms Wolfe. I don't think it would be wise for you to operate right now.”

Bernie looked down at her hands, could see them trembling, knew the CEO could probably see it too. “You're probably right” she nodded. 

“Yes now, let's get you that tea.” Hanssen began leading Bernie down the corridor towards the nurse’s office but they didn't get far before they were stopped by a police officer telling him they needed to talk to him but Hanssen simply informed him that the wellbeing of his staff was his first priority, and that he’d find someone once he'd ensured all his staff were safe. 

He left Bernie in the empty nurse’s office as he went to make her a cup of tea, but as soon as she was alone, the reality of what could have happened hit her and she felt her chest tighten, tears pricking at her eyes as she fought for breath, she felt like the walls were closing in on her, she needed to get out, needed to run but she knew that, if she tried, her legs wouldn't be able to support her body.

Luckily the clinical lead happened to glance into the office on his way back from theatre, having been informed as he was closing up that the gunman had been arrested, and he was by Bernie's side in seconds, encouraging her to sit up straight, to slow her breathing, reassuring her that it was over, she was safe. He kept his voice calm as he reassured Bernie over and over, telling her she was safe and that it was all over, so, by the time Hanssen returned with a steaming mug of sweet tea, Bernie’s breathing was almost back to normal, and, reassured that Bernie was in safe hands, Hanssen excused himself to first, call Serena on Bernie’s behalf, and then speak to the police.

\-----

Despite the almost empty roads, Serena felt like the drive to the hospital took forever, every traffic light seemed to be on red and every other driver on the road seemed to be crawling along at 5 miles an hour. Serena just wanted to be with Bernie, wanted to hold her in her arms and see for herself that her partner was safe. 

It felt like hours later when she finally arrived, parking the car and quickly ushering Cameron inside, Charlotte and Elinor still asleep in the buggy, both thankfully oblivious to what was happening. 

Luckily Hanssen had told Serena what floor she needed and, without any trouble, she made her way to the right ward as quickly as Cameron’s sleepy legs would carry him, “I’m looking for Bernie Wolfe” she told the first person she saw. 

“She's in the nurse’s office, just down there on the left” a nurse pointed her in the right direction, getting a thanks from Serena as she checked Cameron was still following and walked down the ward in search of her Bernie. 

She tapped gently on the door, seeing the relief wash over Bernie when they made eye contact through the glass of the door, “Serena” she whispered more tears rolling down her cheeks as she all but threw herself at her partner. 

“Shh” Serena kissed her temple, one hand coming to rest on Bernie’s cheek, an action she knew always calmed the other woman, “I've got you, you're okay my Love.” She almost had to carry Bernie back into the office, thanking the man that had been sat with Bernie when he helpfully pushed the buggy into the office before telling Bernie and Serena he’d give them some time. 

“Mummy?” Cameron whispered, his own eyes filling with tears at the sight of Bernie so upset. 

“Oh Darling” Bernie pulled away from Serena's embrace to lift Cameron onto her knee and hug him tightly, “it's okay, don't cry.” 

“But you're crying Mummy, what's wrong?” 

“I'm just tired” Bernie told him, “I've had a really long day and I'm just happy to see you all.” 

Cameron nuzzled into Bernie, “Rena waked me up so we could come and fetch you.”

“I can tell” Bernie smiled as she held her son close, “we should get you home and back to bed.” 

“He’ll be okay for another five minutes” Serena said softly as she rubbed circles on Bernie’s back, “do you want to have a cuddle with your girls too before we go back to the car?” 

Bernie bit her lip for a minute, hated feeling so weak and vulnerable, but she trusted Serena, knew she wouldn't judge her as she nodded slightly, “yes please.” 

Serena smiled and lifted Cameron onto her own knee, watching as Bernie stood and took Charlotte from the buggy, kissing her head and telling her she loved her, rocking her gently as she stirred slightly. She stood with Charlie for a few minutes before tucking her back into the buggy with her bear and lifting Elinor into her arms, “you're getting too big” she whispered to the sleeping baby as she kissed her hair, closing her eyes and burying her face in the crook of Ellie neck, more tears threatening to fall as she realised she’d been just a few metres, a few inches away from not seeing her children grow up. She stroked Ellie’s back through the thin fabric of her sleepsuit, turquoise with white polkadots, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes again letting the repetitive sound of Ellie’s gentle breaths calm her. “We’d better get you back to bed hadn't we Trouble?” She looked up at Serena as she laid Ellie back in the buggy, “can we…” 

She didn't finish, didn't need to, Serena knew exactly what she was going to ask, “of course we can.” 

Bernie nodded as she straightened up, “I erm, I just need to get my things from my locker, I'm not going to get changed.”

“Okay” Serena nodded, “that's fine” she took a look at Bernie, seeing her in her scrubs for the first time, “blue suits you.” 

Bernie smiled genuinely for the first time since she’d left home that morning, “thanks” she rolled her eyes, “I'm just going to get my things, I won't be long.”

Serena nodded and Cameron looked up at Bernie, “can I come with you Mummy?” 

Bernie nodded and held out her hand, “come on then Monkey.” 

They walked across the ward hand in hand, Bernie letting Cameron swipe her security pass against the pad outside the locker room to open the door. “Everything okay?” Bernie's clinical lead was stood by his locker, gathering his things together. 

“We’re going home now” Cameron told him, “because Mummy’s tired” he let out a loud yawn, “and so am I.” 

“I'm not surprised” he smiled as Bernie walked over to her own locker, “it is very late, even for spiderman to still be awake.” 

Cam giggled, looking down at his spiderman pyjamas, “I'm not spiderman, I'm just Cam.”

“Your Mummy tells me you want to be a doctor when you're bigger?” 

Cameron nodded, “I do, but I don't know if I want to fix hearts or brains the mostest.” 

“Well” Bernie's clinical lead smiled down at Cameron, “if I give you something to help you be a really good doctor, can you do something for me?” Cameron nodded again, eyes wide in excitement as the man took a stethoscope from his locker and hung it around Cam’s neck, “I'm sure if you ask your Mummy nicely, she'll help you find your heartbeat, but don't ask her until you've all had some sleep okay?” 

Cameron nodded, “is this a real steth-y scope?” 

“It is” the man nodded, “and you can keep it, as long as you do one thing for me.” 

“What?” Cameron looked up at him as he ran his fingers over the red stethoscope around his neck. 

“I need you to make sure your Mummy gets lots of cuddles, she's had a very long and busy day today, and as a future doctor, I need you to make sure she gets all the cuddles she needs to make her better” he told Cameron, Bernie having sobbed to him during her panic attack that she ‘needed’ her babies 

Cameron nodded, “I can do that” he said, walking over to Bernie and wrapping his arms tightly around her legs. 

Bernie chuckled and gently ruffled his hair, “we’d better get you home then hadn't we, so you can give me those cuddles, what do you say Cam?” 

Cameron looked up at the man and smiled, “thank you.” 

“You're welcome” he smiled, nodding in thanks when Bernie thanked him too, “I've spoken to Hanssen” he told her on her way out, “neither of us are expecting you in tomorrow, and you've got the weekend off, so I'll see you on Monday.”

Bernie nodded, didn't argue, couldn't think of anything better than the thought of curling up with her family and not moving for the next three days. “Thank you.” 

“It's not a problem” he smiled, “and if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me or Hanssen.” Both men had offered to get someone from obs and gynae to come and check her over but she'd refused, insisting that she felt fine and there was nothing wrong, but they'd both told her to call them if she changed her mind and wanted them to make her an appointment. 

“Look what I got ‘Rena” Cam proudly showed her the stethoscope when they reached the office, “so I can be a real doctor. But I've got to give Mummy lots of cuddles to make her happy again.”

“Wow” Serena smiled, “isn't that good, we’d better get home then hadn't we? So you can give Mummy all the cuddles she needs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene with Bernie and Ellie in the office was inspired by [this picture](https://twitter.com/itsamehannah/status/912598046575349760) drawn by Hannah, I've been trying to fit in a scene where Bernie in scrubs snuggles sleepy Ellie since I first saw it because it looked so adorable!


	43. Chapter 43

Bernie carried Charlotte inside once they were home, laying her in the middle of the bed as Serena did the same with Elinor, before taking her pyjamas into the bathroom to change. She was feeling a bit teary again and wanted to get herself together before going back out to the kids, she needed to hold herself together at least until Cameron fell asleep and then she could fall apart in Serena’s arms if she needed to. 

“Why are we sleeping in your bed?” Cameron asked as he made himself comfortable. 

Serena thought for a minute, remembering Bernie telling her that she never lied to her children, so she decided to be honest with him, “Mummy got a bit scared at work today, and I think that getting cuddles from you, Charlie and Ellie will stop her being scared.”

“Okay” Cam nodded, “but you need to cuddle her too, she likes your cuddles the mostest.” 

“I think she likes all our cuddles” Serena told him with a smile. 

Bernie had a quick shower whilst she was in the bathroom, letting her hand rest on her stomach for a moment as she let the water wash away her tears, “we’re okay” she whispered, “we made it, we’re home, we're okay.”

She dried off and pulled on her pyjamas before making her way back to the bedroom. Serena could tell straight away that Bernie had been crying but didn't say anything, not in front of Cameron, “Okay?” she asked. 

Bernie forced a smile and nodded as she slipped under the duvet, “yeah.” 

Almost as soon as she was settled Cameron cuddled into her, “is this a good cuddle?” he asked. 

Bernie smiled and nodded, wrapping an arm around her son, “it's the best.” 

Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long for Cameron to fall asleep, leaving just Bernie and Serena awake. Serena reached out, laying her hand on Bernie’s cheek, tears forming in her eyes as she looked at Bernie, “I thought I was going to lose you” she whispered. 

Bernie put her hand on Serena’s, “I was so scared” she admitted as she squeezed Serena's fingers, “I wanted to call you, it's stupid but I couldn't remember if I told you, told the kids this morning that I love you, I, I wanted you to know”. 

Serena wiped at the tears that Bernie,had let fall, “you did” she said softly, “I was in the kitchen finishing Cam's lunch, you came up behind me, wrapped your arms around me and told me you loved me” she told Bernie, linking their fingers together, “and when I came out of the kitchen, you had Ellie on your hip, you were tickling her and she was laughing and trying to get down, you told her you had to go to work, you kissed her head, told her to be good and that you loved her” Serena looked Bernie in the eye, “she stopped squirming and gave you a cuddle, and once you put her down you kissed both Charlotte and Cam, you told them you loved them and you'd see them later.” Serena made eye contact with Bernie again, “but even if you don't tell us, you don't need to, we already know Bernie, you show us every day that you love us, whether you tell us or not, we know Darling, please don't ever worry about that.”

“I was in the office, at one point he was right outside” Bernie said softly, “he tried to get in and I…” she shook her head, “I thought I was done for.” 

“But you weren't” Serena said softly, “you're safe, you're back home where you belong and you're safe.” 

Bernie nodded, moving their linked hands to her stomach, “we’re both safe.” 

“And that's all that matters Bernie, you're both safe, anything else we can deal with. “

“I erm, the hospital said there'd be support, counselling for anyone that needed it, I know I'm not always great at talking about my feelings but I think I'm going to make an appointment.”

Serena nodded, stroking circles on Bernie's stomach with her thumb as the girls slept between them, “I think that's a good idea.” 

Bernie bit her lip, “I erm, I might ask to be referred to someone on a more long term basis too, I know I said before that my PTSD didn't affect my everyday life, but this won't help matters and I…” Bernie took a shaky breath, “I want to try and get a hold on it before this little one’s born” she placed her hand beside Serena's. 

Serena nodded and brushed her lips against Bernie's, “I'm proud of you” she said softly, “and I imagine it won't be easy, but I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, whatever you need, I'm here, you, the kids, this little one, you've all got me.” 

“I know” Bernie said softly, “and I appreciate that.” 

“I know you do, and I know if the roles were reversed that you'd do exactly the same for me, in fact you did, when we first moved in, when I was struggling with Ellie, you did all you could to help me.” 

“Do you think it was fate?” Bernie asked quietly, “us meeting, you and Ellie coming to live here, or am I being stupid?”

“Oh Darling, you're not being stupid at all. I've wondered the same thing, I came so close to not answering the phone when you called, Ellie was just getting ready for a feed and… a few minutes later and I probably wouldn't have answered.”

“I’m persistent” Bernie whispered, wiping at the tears that had suddenly formed in her eyes, “I'd have called back. 

Serena smiled for a moment but then she saw the tears in Bernie’s eyes and suddenly the gap between them was far too wide, “do you think you can get out of bed without waking Cameron?” she asked softly. 

Bernie nodded, “yeah, why?” 

Serena didn't answer, just stood from the bed and held her hand out to Bernie, waiting for her to untangle herself from her son and take her hand before leading her into the girl’s bedroom, flicking on the nightlight by the door, allowing it to cast a pale glow into the room, Bernie frowning slightly as she watched Serena pull back Charlotte’s Cinderella duvet and slip into the bed, turning onto her side and shuffling over until her back was against the wall, “come on” Serena gestured to the space left in the bed. 

Bernie didn't need to be told twice. She climbed into the bed, Serena instantly wrapping her arms around Bernie and holding her closely, murmuring reassurances and reminders of her love as Bernie let her final walls crumble and began to sob in Serena’s arms. 

Serena rubbed circles on Bernie’s back and kissed her hair as a few tears of her own fell, “that's it” she whispered, “you’re okay, I've got you, you're okay.”

Bernie clutched at Serena’s top like one of the children as she cried until she had nothing left, “I'm sorry” she whispered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She couldn't imagine ever being so open, letting herself look so vulnerable in front of Marcus, couldn't imagine her husband holding her, loving her, supporting her the way that Serena had. 

“No” Serena said softly, “you never have to apologise for how you're feeling, not to me. If you need to cry then you cry, I don't care if you're scared, you're angry, upset, I don't care if you're tired or you just feel like you need to cry, you don't have to hide that, not from me Love, never from me.”

“I love you” Bernie whispered. 

“I love you too” Serena wiped at Bernie's tears before letting one of her hands slip between them to rest on Bernie's stomach, “both of you.” 

“I think this was the only thing that stopped me completely losing it” Bernie admitted as she let one of her hands rest on Serena, “knowing I had a little part of you with me.

Serena smiled softly, “you'll always have a little part of me with you, pregnant or not” Serena moved her hand slightly higher to rest over Bernie’s heart, “right here…” she remembered what Cameron had said, “where all your love is, I'm right there.”

They stayed, curled together, in Charlotte’s bed for a while, Serena calming and reassuring Bernie until until the blonde could barely keep her eyes open a moment longer and they'd agreed to go back to their own bed for when the kids woke. 

Bernie fell almost straight to sleep once she was back in her own bed, surrounded by her children, but it didn’t last long, she woke with a jump just a few short hours later, her breath catching in her throat. Her panic only grew as she felt a weight across her stomach, something brushing against her leg, she was trapped, someone was holding her down and she flinched when she felt something on her hand, something that was quickly removed when she tensed, “you're okay Bernie, you're at home, you're safe.” 

“Serena” Bernie reached out blindly in the darkness and Serena took her hand, Bernie realising that was what she'd felt before. 

“You're okay” Serena repeated quietly as she held Bernie's hand in both her own and kissed at her knuckles, “there's nobody here but us and the kids.”

“The, the kids?”

“Yeah, Cameron's beside you, Ellie's in the middle and Charlotte’s over here with me.” 

Bernie closed her eyes, unable to believe she'd panicked at the feel of her son cuddled into her. “I, I need to get up” Bernie whispered, “I…” 

Serena heard Bernie's breath hitch again and quickly but carefully moved Cameron so Bernie could get out of bed. “Is there anything I can do?” she asked softly as Bernie began to pace the room, nervously running her hand through her hair. 

“I don't, I…” 

Serena held out her arms and Bernie practically dived into her embrace, “shh, you're okay” she whispered, “I've got you, you're safe now.” Serena could feel that Bernie's pyjama top was damp and as she placed a kiss to her temple she could feel the sweat on her brow, “why don't I run you a bath?” she suggested, “and then we can go back to bed or we can go downstairs and put a film on or something if you can't settle?”

“Will you stay with me?” Bernie asked. 

Serena kissed Bernie’s temple again, “of course, if that's what you want.” She led Bernie down the hall to the bathroom and sat her on the closed toilet lid as she began running the bath, pouring in plenty of bubble bath. “I'm going to go and get you some towels and clean pyjamas while you get in” she told Bernie, “I won't be long.” 

Bernie nodded as she stood up, “could you erm, I mean, could I have a glass of water? Please?”

“Of course you can” Serena nodded, “I'll go and get you one now.” 

Serena returned just a few minutes later with towels, clean pyjamas and a glass of water, to find Bernie laid in the bath, only her head visible above the bubbles, her eyes closed as she forced herself to take steady breaths, she was exhausted, wasn't sure she'd ever rid herself of the feeling that she was on the edge of another panic attack. She looked up when she heard the door swing open and forced a smile, “thank you” she said softly as she took the glass from Serena, sipping slowly at it before handing it back to Serena who’d settled herself on the floor by the bath to be close to Bernie. 

“How are you feeling?” Serena asked gently. 

Bernie took a deep breath, “tired” she admitted, “anxious, nauseous. I wish I could turn my brain off for a bit.”

“I bet you do.” Serena whispered before asking, “is there anything I can do?” Bernie shook her head but at the same time held out her hand, Serena not hesitating at all as she reached out to hold it. She'd expected Bernie to link their fingers together, so she was surprised when Bernie submerged her hand in the bath water, moving it to lay against her stomach. “Are you okay with this?” she asked as she gently stroked her thumb over Bernie’s smooth skin. 

Bernie nodded, “I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't she whispered,” but if you're not…”

“No” Serena interrupted, “of course I am. Do you want me to call your midwife in the morning? Ask her to check you over?”

Bernie shook her head, feeling more relaxed just by Serena's simple touch, “I've not had any cramping or bleeding” she said as she closed her eyes, “so unless that changes I think we’ll be okay until my scan” 

Serena nodded, even though Bernie wouldn't see her with her eyes closed, “tell me if you change your mind.” 

“I will” Bernie promised with a nod. Serena continued stroking her thumb over Bernie's tiny bump as silence fell over the room. Serena was just beginning to wonder if Bernie had fallen back to sleep when she spoke again, “one of my colleagues got shot” she told Serena. Serena said nothing, she knew knew how much Bernie struggled to open up, struggled to talk about her feelings due to years of having them dismissed by Marcus, and, after years of being made to think that her feelings somehow weren't valid, Serena knew how lucky she was that Bernie was opening up to her. “He's just got married got two young girls similar ages to ours, he was going to ask his wife about setting up a playdate” Bernie's voice shook as she told Serena, “He was only a few metres from where I was, it could so easily have been me” she whispered. 

“Oh Darling” Serena said softly, “did he, how is he?” 

“He was stable the last I heard, in intensive care but doing well. But I just keep thinking about how close it came to being me. My boss sent me into his office and I'm sure he only did it because I'm pregnant, if I hadn't, if we'd not… it could have been me Serena.”

Serena shifted onto her knees and used her free hand to brush Bernie's hair back from her face before kissing her forehead gently, “you can't think like that” she told her, “what happened to your colleague, your friend was awful and I hope he has a quick recovery, but you can't think like that Darling.” Serena took a moment to pull herself together, not wanting to fall apart in front of Bernie. “Pregnant or not, anything could have happened, you could have been in theatre when it happened, you could have been on a consult on another ward or just at the other end of your own ward, there are so many things that could have happened Darling but they didn't. You came home safely to us and that's all that matters okay?” She gently cupped Bernie's cheek with her free hand, “you might be a bit battered and bruised mentally but that's okay, we can get you help with that if you feel that's what you need, but the most important thing is that I got to bring you home in one piece, the kids have still got their Mumma and I've still got my partner, right now that is the only thing that matters.”

Bernie opened her eyes, some of the tears she'd tried to hold back escaping and slowly rolling down her cheeks, Marcus would never have taken her mental health into consideration, as far as he was concerned, if she didn't have physical injuries she was fine. Hearing Serena take her mental well being into account was almost too much, “I love you” she whispered. 

“I love you too” Serena pressed a soft kiss to her lips, “so much.” She pulled away from the kiss and wiped at Bernie's tears, “the water’s getting cold, why don't I go and make us both a nice hot chocolate while you get dried and dressed? We can set up camp on the sofa until you're ready to go back to bed.” 

Bernie nodded, “okay.” 

Serena kissed Bernie's temple. “take as long as you need, I'll be downstairs when you're ready.” 

Bernie nodded again and Serena left the room, giving Bernie privacy to get out of the bath and change into the clean pyjamas Serena had left. She listened to Serena pottering around upstairs for a few minutes before heading downstairs and, as she dried and dressed quickly, couldn't help but wonder what on earth she'd done to deserve Serena. 

She wanted to sob when she made her way into the living room a few minutes later. It was obvious that Serena wanted her to relax, a small side lamp lit the room slightly, soft music was playing from the CD player on the book shelves and Serena had moved the baby monitor into their bedroom, the reassuring breaths of the three children sleeping in the master bed playing from the unit on the coffee table, but what surprised Bernie the most was the sofa, Serena had bought the duvet and all the pillows down from the spare bedroom, setting them up on the sofa so Bernie would be comfortable. 

“Here” Serena handed Bernie a mug as she came back into the room, finding the blonde looking a little bit lost, “let's sit down shall we?” she gestured to the sofa and Bernie nodded, following Serena's lead as she pulled back the duvet on the sofa and made herself comfortable. 

They drank in silence, Serena making sure to always keep some part of herself in contact with Bernie, her touch grounding the blonde, reminding her that she was home she was safe. 

Once they'd both finished their drinks, Serena put the empty mug on the coffee table and moved one of the pillows to make herself comfortable before placing a second on her lap, “lay down” she said softly. 

Bernie frowned up at her, “what?” 

“Lay down” Serena gestured to the pillow on her lap, “I know you might struggle to fall back to sleep, but I’d like it if you could at least try and rest a little before the kids wake up.” 

Bernie nodded, “will you be able to sleep too?” 

“Yeah” Serena smiled as Bernie shuffled down to lay with her head on the pillow on Serena's lap, "I'll be fine.”

Once Bernie seemed settled Serena began to play with her hair, gently massaging Bernie's scalp in an attempt to get her to settle, and as Bernie let out a long sigh, Serena knew her plan was working. She began to hum quietly, the way Bernie did as she settled Elinor, and it worked, Serena felt the change in Bernie’s body, felt her beginning to relax, to sink into the cushions as she slowly but surely drifted back to sleep.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that don't follow me on twitter, this is going to be the last chapter for a while (you can read why [here](https://twitter.com/MajorWolfeAO3/status/957627948420489216). I've tried to fit in things you all like, fluff, cute moments with the kids, a little, intimate, Berena moment that someone requested a while ago, Bernie talking to her bump, it's all in here, so hopefully you'll all like it!

Serena managed to doze for a few hours, waking every time Bernie stirred, but, despite being a little restless, Bernie didn't wake again. Serena however woke when she heard a quiet whimper over the baby monitor, letting her know that Charlotte had too had woken and was probably confused about why she was in her Mumma’s bed without Serena or Bernie, “Bernie” she whispered, “I need to get up”

“Wha…” Bernie slowly began to stir. 

“I think Charlie's waking, I need to go upstairs, you can go back to sleep darling, I just need you to lift your head for a second.” 

Bernie nodded, too exhausted to argue and briefly lifted her head from Serena's lap, waiting for Serena to adjust the pillows so she was still comfortable before she laid back down, “love you” she murmured. 

Serena smiled, pausing before she left the room, “I love you too.”

“‘Re’a” Charlotte whimpered tiredly, holding out her arms when she saw Serena walk into the room, “where you go?” 

“I was just downstairs Darling” Serena scooped Charlotte into her arms and kissed her hair, Charlotte snuggling close. 

“And Mumma?” 

“Mumma’s asleep on the sofa” Serena rubbed Charlotte’s back. 

“Me see her?” 

“Of course, you can even lay down with her for a little bit if you want?” Serena suggested, knowing Charlotte was sometimes still a bit clingy with Bernie if she hadn’t seen her before bed, almost like she wanted to make sure Bernie hadn’t gone away again.

Charlotte nodded sleepily, “‘kay.” 

“Come on then” Serena carried Charlie from the room, “let's go and find Mummy.” Serena knelt down beside the sofa once they were downstairs and gently kissed Bernie’s forehead, not wanting to startle her by just laying Charlotte with her “Bernie” she whispered, “Charlie wants to have her morning snuggles with you today.”

Serena felt a smile form on her own face when she saw the corners of Bernie's mouth lift, and, without saying anything she pulled back the duvet, allowing Serena to lay Charlotte down with her, Bernie moving Charlotte to lay against the back of the sofa, Charlotte’s head against her shoulder. “I'm going to go and have a shower before Cameron and Ellie wake” she told Bernie as she tucked the duvet back around them both, getting a nod and sleepy murmur of acknowledgement from Bernie before she kissed them both and headed upstairs for a shower. 

Bernie dozed on the sofa holding Charlotte closely, knowing she sometimes fell back to sleep if someone laid quietly with her. She kissed her daughter’s hair softly when she felt Charlotte stretch out slightly, “Mumma” Charlotte mumbled. 

“Morning Peanut” Bernie smiled as Charlotte nuzzled sleepily against her, “have you had a nice sleep?” 

“Yeah” Charlotte mumbled, “and nice snuggles”. 

“You give nice snuggles too” Bernie gently stroked Charlotte’s back, failing to hold back a smile as Charlotte snuggled into her, struggling to keep her eyes open as she finally made herself comfortable and settled down with her Mumma.  

Serena meanwhile had checked on Cameron, and Ellie, covering them with the duvet that Cameron had kicked off since Charlotte had woken. She wasn't at all surprised to find Elinor had cuddled into Cameron now they were the only two left in the bed. Despite preferring to sprawl out when he was in his own bed, Cameron was fiercely protective of both Charlotte and Elinor so if they wanted to cuddle him then he'd be waiting with open arms. She kissed them both before whispering that she loved them, grabbing some comfy clothes and making her way into the family bathroom to shower, not wanting to wake the kids by showering in the ensuite. 

She turned on the water to warm as she took off her pyjamas, managing to hold herself together just long enough to step into the glass cubicle, her legs buckling beneath her, breaking down as the warm water rained down on her.  Her whole body shook as she began to sob, the fact that she came so close to losing Bernie, that she could have been inches away from her whole family being torn apart, hit her like a freight train.

She cried, tears of fear for what she’d almost lost, tears of relief for the things she still had, relief that Bernie was safe, she was sleeping downstairs, she was home, and, as far as they knew, their baby was still safe inside her. She curled her knees to her chest, her breaths coming in short gasps as she let out everything she'd been holding in since she'd first heard about the shooting. All the frustration the worry, letting the water wash away her tears, letting herself break down now so she could build herself back up, so that, once she left the bathroom she'd be able to go back to being strong, for Bernie and for the children. 

Only once she had no tears left to cry did Serena pull herself to her feet, turning her face into the spray, letting the warm water rain down on her face as she pulled herself together, as she silently repeated to herself that Bernie was safe. She was home and she was safe. 

Once she was washed, dried and dressed, Serena checked on Cameron and Ellie again, smiling when she saw Ellie sat up in bed, sleepily rubbing her eyes. 

“Mammy” Ellie babbled as Serena lifted her into her arms. 

“I know” Serena kissed Ellie’s head, “Cammy was giving you a nice cuddle wasn't he?” 

Ellie nodded and yawned as she nuzzled into Serena, “gu'Mammy”. 

“He is” Serena smiled, “he loves you very much.” Charlotte's had been the first name Elinor had learnt to say, ‘Lala’ rolling clumsily off her tongue, Cameron’s had been a bit harder, but it hadn't taken her long to pick up on Charlotte's nickname of ‘Cammy’ for her brother. She had however stumbled over the C sound, and instead, called him Mammy. Bernie and Serena had thought it might be confusing at first, but no matter whether Ellie shouted Mumma, Mama or Mammy, the right person was always quick to respond. 

Elinor let her head rest on Serena's shoulder as she was carried into the living room, “Mumma, Lala” Ellie mumbled with a giggle when she saw them. 

“I know” Serena kissed Elinor's hair, “Mumma and Charlotte are still sleeping aren't they?” 

Elinor looked up at Serena and pointed to Charlotte and Bernie, “me?” 

“You want to go back to sleep too?” she asked, getting a nod from her daughter so she gently kissed Bernie again, “Ellie wants to join you” she whispered as Bernie simply held out an arm for Elinor, Serena surprised when Elinor settled down almost instantly, it was as if the girls both knew Bernie needed their love. 

Serena knew that, as tired she was, she wouldn't sleep again, so, once Bernie and Ellie had fallen back to sleep, she made her way into the kitchen, flicking in the kettle and, after checking the clock picked up the phone. She made herself a strong coffee as she called Cameron’s school, explaining what had happened, that Cameron had had a late night and that she thought Bernie would want him home today. As always the school was understanding and told Serena it wasn't a problem, sending their best wishes to Bernie before Serena ended the call. 

Bernie began to wake again as Serena was in the kitchen and smiled slightly, this familiar weight on her chest calming and reassuring, a million miles away from the suffocating weight of the anxiety that had been sat on her chest for almost 24 hours.  She kissed Ellie’s forehead, the girl sleeping soundly against her chest, her snuffly little breaths warm against Bernie’s neck as she dozed, the neckline of Bernie’s pyjama top clutched in her fist. It took her another moment before she realised why she was awake, Charlotte was tucked between her Mumma’s side and the back of the sofa and it was her wriggles that had woken Bernie, “are you okay Peanut?” she asked softly. 

“Ellie s’eepy” Charlotte whispered. 

“She is” Bernie nodded. 

“Need weewee” suddenly Bernie understood, her daughter had been trying to get up to go to the toilet without waking her or Elinor. 

“Okay” Bernie wasn't sure how to get Charlie out without waking Ellie either, and she wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep, wasn't sure how long it had been since Serena left Ellie with her, she only hoped Serena was still downstairs as she softly called her name. 

Serena almost dropped her mug, racing through to the living room when she heard Bernie shout. “Is everything okay?”

“We’re fine” Bernie was quick to try and reassure her worried partner, “Charlie needs a wee though and I don't want to wake Ellie, can you…” 

Serena relaxed instantly once she knew there wasn't a problem, “of course I can” she lifted Charlotte from the sofa and stood her in the floor, “off you go Darling” she smiled as Charlie raced off to the toilet. 

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked softly, moving Ellie slightly so she could reach out her free hand to Serena.

Serena nodded and took Bernie’s hand as she sat on the edge of the coffee table, “I erm, I guess I just panicked a bit when you shouted me.”

Bernie squeezed Serena’s hand, “I’m okay” she told her, “I promise. I mean I still feel a bit, a bit anxious, a bit overwhelmed, but not as bad as last night, getting some sleep definitely helped.”

“I’m glad” Serena smiled, “I called Cam’s school when you were asleep, told them he wouldn’t be in today.”

Bernie nodded, “thank you” she frowned slightly, “what time is it?”

Serena glanced behind her at the clock on the wall, “almost 8.”

“Charlie slept well then” Bernie was surprised, usually her daughter was up for the day by 6, sometimes dozing for another half an hour or so, but it was unusual for her to sleep this late.

“She did” Serena smiled, “it must be Mumma’s magic snuggles, Ellie doesn’t usually fall back to sleep either” she chuckled.

Bernie smiled sleepily, “I’m not going to complain about cuddles with our girls.”

“Neither am I” Serena leant over to kiss Bernie’s temple, “not when they make you so happy.”

“They make you happy too” Bernie smiled as Charlotte came back into the room and climbed onto Serena's knee. 

“Mumma” Charlotte frowned slightly as Serena wrapped her free arm around the toddler, “Re’a cwy.”

Bernie frowned and looked up at Serena, “yesterday” Serena said by way of explanation, “but Charlotte gave me lots of cuddles didn't you darling?” 

Charlie nodded, “I gived her my bear” she told Bernie, “he make her not sad.” 

Bernie smiled up at her daughter, “that was a lovely thing to do Peanut, and Serena's all happy now.”. 

“But I still snuggle her?” 

“Of course, you can always come to either of us for cuddles” Bernie told Charlie. 

“I like snuggles” Charlie smiled, happy just being held by Serena.

They were in the same position when Cam padded downstairs a while later, Bernie laid on the sofa with Elinor sleeping on her chest, Serena sat on the edge of the coffee table, holding Bernie’s hand as Charlotte sat on her knee, “no one waked me up” Cameron yawned as he walked over to the sofa, stethoscope already around his neck, Bernie shifting slightly to make room for Cameron as he pulled back the duvet by Bernie’s feet and climbed underneath, not questioning why Bernie was sleeping on the sofa, “haven’t I gots to go to school today?”

“You had a late night last night didn’t you” Serena told him, “so I rang the school this morning and told them you wouldn’t be in today because you were tired.”

Cam grinned, “can we stay here and watch films?” his face lighting up at the thought of an unexpected day off school, “and eat popcorn?”

Bernie laughed, “I think we might have to go to the shop if you want popcorn, but we’ve got plenty of biscuits if you don’t want to get dressed and go to the shop.”

Cam nodded, “I want to stay in my jamas, and Mummy, after breakfast, will you help me hear my heart beating?”

“Of course” Bernie smiled, “what do you want for breakfast?”

“Can I have anything?” Cam asked, an excited smile on his face.

“Try and be a little bit sensible, no biscuits, cake or ice cream for breakfast.”

Cameron thought for a minute, “can I have Scooby Doo s’ghetti on toast?”

Serena stood with Charlotte, “I’ll go and see if we’ve got any, you might have to have Thomas the Tank Engine shapes though.”

“That’s okay” Cameron nodded, following Serena into the kitchen so he could help, “I don’t mind.”

Bernie gently woke Elinor as Serena took Charlotte into the kitchen, the baby mumbling unhappily and nuzzling into Bernie as she woke, “Mumma” she frowned.

“It’s time to wake up Darling” Bernie carefully moved to sit up, Elinor still against her chest.

“No Mumma” she pouted.

“Yes Ellie” Bernie chuckled as she kissed her head, “Mamma’s making breakfast, shall we go and see what we’ve got?”

Ellie nodded, no matter how sleepy she was, she loved her food, like Charlotte and Cameron, she’d eat anything that was put in front of her, and, after insisting on sitting on Bernie’s knee, she munched her way through a slice of toast, a yoghurt and most of a banana.

After breakfast they all moved back to the sofa, Bernie easily finding Cameron’s heartbeat with the stethoscope he’d kept around his neck all morning, his face lighting up as he listened to the rhythmic beating of his heart, she then let him listen to her own heartbeat, Serena’s heartbeat and Charlotte’s, Cameron even allowing his sister to hear her own heartbeat. He was so excited that Bernie felt like she couldn’t wait until she was further along in her pregnancy, until she’d be able to use the stethoscope to let Cameron hear the baby’s heartbeat too.

They had a lazy day, without saying a word, all three children seemed to know that Bernie needed them, Elinor barely left her alone, keeping herself settled on Bernie’s lap, even having her afternoon nap in her Mumma’s arms. Cameron stayed tucked into one side of Bernie and Charlotte the other, between Bernie and Serena as they watched films and read stories together, Bernie not even having a spare minute to think about the previous day as all she focused on was her children and the woman she loved, the woman always there to give her a reassuring smile, a squeeze of the hand or a peck on the cheek whenever she needed a reminder that she was okay.

Bernie and Serena fed and bathed the children together, deciding that they’d eat once all the children were asleep, tonight in their own beds.  They cuddled up on the master bed to read stories together, Serena taking Cameron to tuck him in whilst Bernie settled the girls.

Serena kissed Cameron’s hair as she pulled the covers up around him, “Goodnight Darling” she said softly.

“Rena” Cam reached for her hand, “is Mummy not scared now?”

Serena smiled and ran her fingers through Cam’s damp curls, “I think she’s probably feeling a lot better now, you, Charlotte and Elinor have given her lots and lots of cuddles today and they’ll have helped.”

“Good” Cam nodded, “I’ll give her cuddles tomorrow too” he yawned, “but I’m going to sleep now.”

“Okay” Serena chuckled, “I’ll see you in the morning, sweet dreams.”

One final goodnight and Serena left the room, switching on Cam’s nightlight on her way out. She found Bernie exactly where she expected, in the girls’ room, sat on Charlotte’s bed, stroking her hair gently as she watched her sleep.

Serena stood in the doorway for a while before slowly walking into the room, not wanting to scare Bernie "come on" she said softly as she held out her hand, gently pulling the blonde to her feet.

"What...?" Bernie seemed confused as Serena led her into the bathroom, gesturing for her to sit on the closed toilet seat.

"Yesterday was rough for both of us" Serena said softly as she set the bath running and grabbed a bottle of bubble bath, pouring a generous amount into the water, reminding Bernie of the previous night, "but more so for you than me, so I want you to try and relax, have a soak in the bath while I make dinner and come down when you're ready" she kissed Bernie's lips, "your dressing gown is on the back of the door and I'll leave you some pyjamas on the bed." 

Bernie nodded and relaxed into Serena, she didn't know what it was about the other woman but there was something immensely calming about her, Bernie's mood seeming to settle almost as soon as Serena walked into the same room.

"Okay?" Serena asked softly as she held Bernie closely, slipping her hand under Bernie's top to stroke circles on the bare skin of her lower back. 

Bernie nodded and gently brushed her lips against Serena's, "I love you."

"I love you too" Serena smiled, "your bath's almost ready." 

Bernie sank into the warm bubbles once Serena had left the room, letting her head fall back against the edge of the bath, eyes closed, trying to relax. It wasn’t to be though, and before long, she started feeling on edge again, feeling like she needed to be closer to Serena, she needed the other woman’s presence to calm her, so she washed quickly and pulled herself from the bath, wrapping herself in the towels Serena had left and making her way into their bedroom.

She dried and quickly pulled on the pyjamas Serena had left her, smiling slightly as she saw the top stretch slightly over her stomach, “come on” she whispered, her left hand coming to rest on her stomach “let’s go and find Mama”.

“Okay?” Serena asked as Bernie walked into the kitchen.

Bernie nodded, “yeah, I just…” she shrugged, “relaxing in the bath isn’t the same when you’re not there to talk to.”

Serena chuckled, “well, dinner’s nearly ready, it's still nice out" she said, "I thought we could eat outside? The baby monitor's on so we'll hear the girls if they wake."

Bernie nodded, "that would be nice." 

"Go and make yourself comfortable then" Serena said softly, "I'll bring the food out in a minute". 

"Do you want me to take anything?" 

"Can you take the water and the glasses?" Serena gestured to the jug and two glasses on the side, "I'll bring the rest." 

Bernie nodded, not bothering with shoes as she walked out onto the decking, smiling softly as she saw the table already set for two, a candle in a glass jar burning in the middle of the table, and she put down the glasses, filling them both with water before she made herself comfortable on one of the wooden chairs to wait for Serena.

“I made carbonara” Serena smiled as she came out a few minutes later with a plate in each hand, “is that okay?”

“It looks lovely” Bernie smiled as a plate was put in front of her, blushing slightly as her stomach rumbled, “sorry” she blushed.

“Don’t be” Serena chuckled, “tuck in.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate, ankles and bare feet brushing under the table being all Bernie needed, just simple contact to ground her, to remind her that she was safe, she was home.

“That was lovely, thank you” Bernie smiled as she put her cutlery down on her empty plate.

“You’re welcome” Serena returned the smile, “do you want dessert or…?”

“Not yet” Bernie reached for Serena’s hand, linking their fingers together.

“Okay” Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand, “are you okay?”

Bernie nodded, “I am, thank you for all this.”

“Anytime” Serena said sincerely, “I mean it, whatever you need, whenever you need it, you only have to ask.”

“I know” Bernie nodded, “thank you.”

Silence fell between them again, Serena softly stroking her thumb over the back of Bernie’s hand as they sat opposite each other, both lost in their thoughts as they finally began to relax.  They sat for a while before Bernie said she was going to refill the water jug, Serena following her inside with the dirty plates.

Bernie took the jug outside, along with the chocolate mousse Serena had made for desert as Serena rinsed off the dishes to wash later.  She opened the kitchen window before she went back outside, turning on the radio, allowing the quiet hum of music to drift out into the garden.

Once again, silence fell between them as they ate, both content to simply enjoy the other’s company. Once they'd finished their dessert, Serena left the plates on the table and moved her chair to sit beside Bernie, “okay?” she asked as she took her hand, Bernie letting her head fall onto Serena’s shoulder.

Bernie nodded and smiled. “Yeah, are you?” 

Serena nodded and smiled, “I've got you, the kids are fast asleep upstairs, what more could I want?” 

Bernie smiled softly and lifted her head, gently brushing her lips to Serena’s, “I love you.”

“I love you too” Serena smiled, running her fingers through Bernie's hair as the blonde's head came to rest on her shoulder once again. 

The quiet sound of the radio filled the air around them as they relaxed, both feeling the tension and the stress of the previous day beginning to lift. Serena was the first to speak, “I love this song” she beamed, standing to her feet as the radio began to play a slow love song, "dance with me?" she stood in front of Bernie and held out her hands. 

"What?" Bernie frowned. 

"Dance with me?" 

Bernie chuckled and shook her head but took Serena's outstretched hands anyway and let herself be pulled to her feet and into Serena's arms, letting herself be led onto the lawn as Serena held her close, kissing her lips softly as they began to sway in time to the music.

“For better or worse, till death do us part, I'll love you with every beat of my heart” Serena began to sing softly, Bernie’s heart skipping a beat as she wished, not for the first time that she could marry Serena, “I'll give you everything I can, I'll build your dreams with these two hands, we'll hang some memories on the walls.” Bernie dipped her forehead, letting it rest against Serena’s as she let her fingers slip under the hem of Serena’s top to rest on the bare skin of her waist, tears filling her eyes as her heart swelled with love, “And when just the two of us are there, you won't have to ask if I still care” Serena continued to sing quietly as she wiped at Bernie’s tears with her thumb.

They didn’t part when the song ended, another slow song taking its place as Bernie and Serena continued to sway together on the lawn, “I love you” Bernie whispered, “so, so much.”

“I know” Serena whispered back, almost as if they were scared that talking in their normal voices would ruin their moment. “And I love you just as much Bernie” she reassured her, letting her hand gently rest on Bernie's neck, fingertips brushing her hairline, thumb grazing her ear as she kissed her softly. 

Bernie sighed quietly as she returned the kiss, only breaking away when she struggled to hold in a yawn, “sorry.”

Serena chuckled before pecking Bernie’s lips, “go to bed” she said as she tucked a lock of Bernie’s hair behind her ear.

“But…” Bernie gestured to the table.

“I’ll sort it” Serena promised, “I’ll bring everything in, wash up and then come and join you, but you need to get some rest.”

Bernie nodded, “if you’re sure…”

“I am” Serena kissed her again before walking her over to the door, “go on, I won’t be long.”

Bernie nodded, stealing a final kiss before heading inside, grabbing the baby wipes that they kept on the side to clean the kids up after mealtimes and, using one hand on the sideboard to keep her balance, wiped at the soles of her feet, not wanting to get dirt or grass in her bed.  She threw the wipes into the bin once she’d done before slowly padding upstairs, checking on all the kids and kissing them goodnight before making her way into her own bedroom, using the bathroom before finally climbing into bed, letting her head fall onto Serena’s pillow, inhaling the familiar scent of the woman she loved.

Serena meanwhile took all the plates inside and rinsed them off, deciding to wash them in the morning.  She turned off the radio and locked the back door before noticing the packet of the baby wipes and, just like Bernie, using them to clean her feet before checking everything was turned off and all the doors and windows were locked and following Bernie’s path up the stairs to bed.  

She wasn’t at all surprised to find Bernie already dozing on her side of the bed, Serena knew Bernie was already tireder than usual due to the pregnancy before adding in a restless night, she only hoped that the nightmares that plagued her sleep last night, wouldn’t bother her tonight.  She stood watching Bernie for a moment before letting out a yawn of her own and making her way into the ensuite, cleaning her teeth and taking off her make up before changing into her pyjamas and slipping into Bernie’s side of the bed.

“Sorry” Bernie mumbled, “want me to move?”

Serena shook her head, “not if you’re comfortable, just go to sleep.”

“‘Kay” Bernie yawned, already drifting back to sleep, “love you.”

Serena smiled and kissed her temple, “I love you too.”


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and understanding over the past few weeks, and for all your lovely tweets & DMs!
> 
> I hope this was worth the wait!

After a long weekend full of snuggles and love from Serena and her children, Bernie was ready to go back to work on Monday morning. She'd had a phone call from her clinical lead late on Sunday afternoon, the man checking in on her, making sure she was ready to return to work, but she was. She knew the longer she put it off, the harder it would be. She had to get back on the horse and she had to do it soon. 

She was eating breakfast with the kids on Monday morning when the phone rang, Serena getting up to answer it as Bernie helped Ellie eat the cereal she'd chosen for breakfast. 

Bernie frowned slightly as Serena handed her the phone, telling her it was Hanssen and he wanted to speak to her, so she kissed Ellie's head, handed Serena the spoon and made her way into the kitchen where it was quieter to take the call. 

“Everything okay?” Serena asked when Bernie came back a few minutes later. 

“Yeah, a patient came in last night that the night staff think has mumps. He called to let me know that he wants me to swap with a doctor on another ward, either until they confirm it isn't mumps or the patient’s moved to a different ward” she explained, Serena grateful that the CEO of the hospital seemed to have Bernie’s best interests in mind.

Bernie's shift that day meant she was able to drop Cameron off at school before heading to the hospital, so, after breakfast, she kissed all three of her girls goodbye, straightened the collar of Cameron's polo shirt and helped him into his coat before heading out to the car with her son.

“Mummy” Cam spoke as she began to drive, “can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course you can” Bernie met his eye in the rearview mirror, what is it?”

“That man at the ‘hopsical’ said I had to give you lots of cuddles to make you feel better. Did it work?”

Bernie smiled, “it did, you and your sisters gave me the best cuddles and I feel really happy now.”

“Did ‘Rena give you cuddles after we'd gone to bed?” 

“She did” Bernie nodded, “you were all really good at cuddles. 

“Good, because I don't like you being sad and scared Mummy, I like it when you're happy. “. 

“I know Darling” Bernie said, turning to face Cameron as she pulled up outside his school, “and I like you being happy, but it's okay to feel sad or scared or even angry sometimes, but if you're ever not happy then, it doesn't matter how old you are, come to me or Serena and we'll do whatever we can to make you happy again okay?”

Cameron nodded as he undid his seat belt, “Okay Mummy” he grinned. 

Unusually, Cam took Bernie's hand as they walked the short distance from the car to the school, Cameron carrying his book bag, Bernie his lunch box, and, after she'd helped him hang his coat up on his peg and put his book bag in his drawer, he gave her an extra tight hug before kissing her cheek, telling her he loved her and racing off to join his friends in his classroom. 

It didn't take long for Bernie to drive the short distance to the hospital, making her way up another two floors once she arrived, throwing her things into a spare locker and changing into unfamiliar burgundy scrubs, failing to stop the smile on her face, noticing how the fabric clung to her middle slightly more than usual, “we want to keep you hidden for a little bit longer if you don't mind” she mumbled quietly, briefly letting her hand rest on her stomach before she pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail and headed out onto the ward.

“Hello stranger” Dom, a young junior doctor that Bernie had quickly become friends with, greeted her as she came out of the locker room, “what are you doing up here? When Mr Levy said he was covering down on AAU, I assumed it was because you were short staffed after, well… But if you're okay to be working, why are you working up here and not on AAU?”

“Would you believe me if I said I wanted a change of scenery?” Bernie asked, walking with him towards the nurses station where she sat on the edge of the desk and picked up a patient file. 

“No” Dom’s face fell, “but if it's because of what happened then God, I…” he began to worry that he'd put his foot in it, that Bernie was too traumatised after the shooting to go back to her own ward. 

“No, it's not that, not at all, I was all for getting back on the horse so to speak but…” 

“But…?” 

Bernie bit her lip, “I know what you're like, but I wanted to keep this quiet, at least for a little bit longer.”

Dom frowned but saluted with two fingers to his temple, “Scout's honour.”

Bernie laughed, “I can't imagine you as a scout, but anyway, someone will probably work it out soon enough. There's a patient in AAU that the night staff thought might have mumps.” Dom said nothing, his face blank, “and that's why I'm up here and Mr Levy was asked to go down to AAU, because he wouldn't have any reason not to treat a patient that might have mumps whereas I have” she glanced down at her stomach and Dom’s face lit up. 

“You're not?” he grinned. 

Bernie smiled and nodded, “I am.” 

“Oh my God” he pulled her in for a tight hug, “that's great news!” 

“What's great news?” one of the nurses asked as she came over with a patient file. 

Dom looked like a kid at Christmas as he looked up at Bernie, pleading with his eyes for her to allow him to share the news. She knew rumours about why she couldn’t work on AAU would be around the hospital in no time so she nodded softly, Dom's smile growing as he told the nurse, “there's a suspected case of mumps on AAU, that's why Ms Wolfe is with us today.”

“Because someone has mumps?” she frowned, her expression changing as Dom glanced at Bernie’s stomach and she slowly put two and two together, “oh that is great news” she smiled, “congratulations!” Bernie smiled and thanked the nurse who then asked, “how long?” 

“Almost 11 weeks, so if it's all the same I'd like to try and keep it quiet, at least until I've had my first scan.” 

“Of course” they both promised as Bernie gave them ‘the’ look and they each picked up a patient file and made their way across the ward to do some work.

Just after lunch, Sacha appeared on Keller, happily telling Bernie that the patient with mumps had been moved to another ward, and that she was free to go back to her trauma unit if she wanted, or he was happy to stay on AAU if she wanted to finish her shift on Keller.

Bernie agreed to head back to her own ward, and after a brief rundown of the patients they’d both been treating, Bernie grabbed her things and made her way back down to AAU. She went straight to the locker room to put her bag and her clothes in her locker and change into her familiar blue scrubs. She’d barely stepped out of the door when she was greeted by a man she didn’t recognise, dressed in grey scrubs, “I don’t think we’ve met” the man smirked, holding his hand out to Bernie, “I’m Eddie, I’m your locum anaesthetist”

Bernie nodded, and firmly shook the offered hand, she knew that their usual anaesthetist had been injured in the shooting, that he’d be off work for a while whilst he recovered, “Bernie Wolfe, trauma surgeon.”

“I must say, it is quite refreshing to see a woman focussing on her career and not on single handedly trying to repopulate the planet” Eddie smirked.

Bernie raised an eyebrow, “I’ve got three children” she told him, “and my partner and I are planning for a fourth very soon” she said, not wanting to announce her pregnancy just yet.

Eddie looked shocked, “and your, your partner, he’s okay with that?”

“More than, my partner’s the one at home looking after the kids, now…” Bernie forced a smile, “if you don’t mind…” she gestured around the ward, “lives to save and all that” she said, not giving Eddie chance to respond before she walked away towards the clinical lead’s office to catch up on the morning’s events and find out which patients he wanted her to take on. 

She was lucky, managed to avoid Eddie for most of the day and only ended up in theatre with him once, shutting down any of his attempts to flirt with her, telling him she needed to focus on what she was doing, even though it was a procedure she'd done so many times she knew she could probably do it with her eyes closed. 

She left Edward in recovery with the patient and luckily was too busy with ward rounds to have to interact with him when he was back on the ward, and once she was finished with her rounds, a nurse informed her that the Clinical Lead wanted to see her in his office when she had a minute. 

She knocked on the office door, noticing that the window had already been replaced, and when she made her way into the office, she noticed the hole in the wall had been patched up and painted too.

The clinical lead noticed Bernie's gaze drawn to where the bullet had embedded in the wall, and, after gesturing for her to sit in one of the chairs to the side of his desk, asked how she was coping with being back. 

She was honest, told him that she was doing okay, that she'd rather be at work keeping busy than sitting at home brooding over what happened, but she'd like to speak to someone about what happened, the clinical lead nodding in understanding and promising he'd arrange an appointment for her before moving onto the real reason he'd wanted to speak to her. 

“What do you think to Doctor Campbell?” 

Bernie frowned slightly, “Doctor…” 

“Eddie, the locum anaesthetist?”

“Oh, erm, I think I'd probably have a higher opinion of him if he wasn't trying to flirt with every female member of staff at every opportunity. I've just been in theatre with him and I couldn't fault him as a medic, but…”

He nodded, “I knew you'd been in theatre with him, that's why I asked. I’ve had a couple of the younger nurses mention that he's making them feel a bit uncomfortable.” 

“I can understand that. Years in the army mean I'm an expert in telling men to back off, I had to do it to him in theatre.”

“Okay, I think I might have to speak to him about it, but if he does anything else to make you uncomfortable, let me know please.” 

Bernie nodded in agreement before leaving the office, almost straight away finding Eddie leaning against the nurses station, Bernie, unfortunately catching the end of the story he was telling to whoever was listening. “...Yeah, and I told her, it was the kid or me… I haven’t seen her since, it’s her loss though, God knows what she’ll be doing without me” he laughed.

Suddenly it all clicked into place, Eddie, Doctor Campbell, Edward Campbell, she was sharing her ward with Serena’s ex husband and she found herself fighting the urge to approach the man and strangle him with his bare hands. Instead she made her way back to the clinical lead’s office, apologising for disturbing him so soon after she was last in there before asking him if she could make a quick phone call, the man nodding and signing off on the paper in front of him before grabbing his stethoscope from his desk, intending to head out onto the ward to give Bernie some privacy to make her call.

Serena had been shocked when Bernie had called to tell her Edward was working on the same ward as Bernie, but once she knew, there was only one thing she could do… 

“Ms Wolfe” she  was only a few minutes away from the end of her shift when a nurse got her attention and nodded her head towards the door, her face lighting up when she saw Serena stood in the doorway to the ward, Ellie on her hip, Charlie and Cam by her side.

“Mumma” Ellie grinned when she saw Bernie, wriggling in Serena’s grip, wanting to get down.  Bernie nodded and Serena set Elinor on the floor, smiling as she raced across the ward as fast as her little legs would carry her, shouting “Mumma” over and over.

“Hello Trouble” Bernie chuckled as she lifted Elinor into her arms and gently tickled her stomach, have you been good for Mamma?” Elinor babbled up at Bernie as she walked back over to Serena, “oh, is that right?” she asked, chating back to the baby.  She was well aware that Edward had noticed them, so didn’t even think twice about leaning in to kiss Serena gently, “hello you” she smiled as Serena reached up to stroke her cheek.

“Good day?” Serena asked as Cameron wandered off to talk to the clinical lead, the man lifting him up to sit on the desk at the nurse’s station so Cam could tell him all about using his new ‘stethyscope’.

“All the better for seeing you my Love.”

“Serena” Bernie turned to, find Edward with a face like thunder, “what the hell..”

“Edward” Serena drawled, “I’d say it’s a pleasure to see you again, but I’d be lying.”

“What is this? Couldn’t find another man so decided to become a dyke instead? It’s disgusting Serena.”

“Have you ever thought there’s a reason I don’t want another man in my life…” Serena let her eyes briefly fall to Edward’s crotch, “and I didn’t decide to become anything, I met Bernie, we fell in love and now we’re raising a family together.  You made your decision Edward, you don’t get to walk in here now and tell me how to live my life.”

It was then that Edward realised the toddler that was so excited to see Bernie must be his daughter, “it’s sick, you shouldn’t be allowed to have ch…” Bernie stepped forward, Ellie still on her hip, her free hand clenched tightly into a fist, but she didn’t have time to react, Edward was cut off by a firm hand on his shoulder.

“I think that’s quite enough Doctor Campbell, please get your things together and leave the hospital, we won’t be requiring your services anymore.  This hospital is accepting of all it’s staff members and I will not tolerate this sort of behaviour on my wards.”  Edward’s face dropped when he realised the CEO of the hospital had heard his outburst, as well as the clinical lead who had turned to face them with a face like thunder, “please leave Doctor Campbell” Hanssen repeated, “you have fifteen minutes before I ask security to escort you out of the building, “Ms Wolfe, Ms Campbell, a word if you wouldn’t mind?” He didn’t wait for a response, simply turned and walked away, expecting the women to follow him.

Hanssen took Bernie and her family into the staff room, producing chocolate biscuits for all three children, Charlie and Cam slightly shaken by Edward’s outburst and Ellie just excited to be given chocolate. “I'll speak to the agency” he told them both, “I'll be making a formal complaint about Doctor Campbell behaviour, and if you'd like to take the matter further then I will give you all the support you need to do so.”

Bernie nodded and smiled as Elinor babbled happily about her ‘bi’bit’ “thank you, Serena and I will talk about what happened tonight and I'll let you know in the morning whether we'd like to make a formal complaint or not.”

“I would” Serena spoke up, reaching for Bernie's hand, “what he said, I don't want him to think he's got away with it, I'd like to make a formal complaint.” 

“In that case I'll get the ball rolling now, but I'm going to need written statements from you both.” 

Luckily Hanssen bought in some games from the relatives room, and the three children played happily on the floor of the staffroom as Bernie and Serena wrote out their statements, the clinical lead popping in to say that he’d written a statement too, and he was going to ask the nurses who’d complained about Edward earlier if they’d like to report his behaviour too. 

It was getting late by the time they'd finished so Bernie decided they could go out for dinner, Serena suggesting she'd drop Bernie off at work in the morning so she could leave her car here whilst they all travelled home together. 

They walked out of the hospital hand in hand, Ellie on Bernie's hip, Charlotte holding Serena's hand and Cam walking a few steps in front of him chattering about something his friend had said at school. 

“You know she only wants you so you’ll look after her kids.” Edward spat, Bernie and Serena having been so focused on their own family that they hadn’t noticed Edward as he leant against the railings outside the hospital.

Serena rolled her eyes and handed Bernie her car keys, “go and get the kids in the car, I won’t be long” she promised, squeezing Bernie’s hand as Cameron told her he’d show her where the car was.  “You have absolutely no right to make any judgement on my life or my relationship” she told him once Bernie and the kids were out of earshot, “you told me I had to make a choice, I made a choice and having my daughter was the best decision I have ever made, and if you don’t like that, then that’s your problem not mine.  But for the record, that little girl has absolutely adored Bernie since the moment they met and the feeling is completely mutual.  Bernie loves that little girl like she was her own and I feel the same way about her children.”

“Are you really that stupid?” Edward laughed, “you know she’s planning on having another one to dump on you too?”

It was Serena’s turn to laugh, “‘She’ isn’t planning on having another baby, ‘we’ are having another baby, do you really think I wouldn’t notice the woman I share a bed with every night was pregnant? I know you’re not an obstetrician, but surely even you didn’t think she could hide a pregnancy from me and just turn up with a baby one morning.” Edward frowned, annoyed that he wasn’t winding Serena up the way he’d have liked, “just leave me alone Edward, if I had my way, I wouldn’t have you within 50 miles of me, Bernie or any of our children.” She didn’t give him change to reply, turning on her heel and beginning to walk away.

“What’s her name?” Edward asked.

Serena stopped and turned back to face him, “I beg your pardon.”

“Our baby, what did you call her?”

Serena raised an eyebrow, “She’s not your daughter Edward, and I don’t think you deserve to know her name and I’m certain that, unless she asks, she’ll never know yours.” She told him, ending the conversation as she walked away, walking back towards her family.

Bernie and the kids were already in the car when Serena came over, and, after checking everyone was okay, much to Cameron's delight, she suggested his favourite burger restaurant for dinner.

Serena noticed Bernie wasn’t herself over dinner, she was quieter than usual, seemed to only speak when she had to interact with the children and barely ate any of her meal, the food she did eat obviously forced down to hide her lack of hunger. Serena didn't force her though, she knew Bernie, trusted her to open up in her own time, and she did. Once the kids were asleep and she and Serena were in their own bed she finally let Serena know what had been on her mind all evening.

“It's not true you know” she quietly told Serena as they laid side by side in the bed, Serena linking her fingers with Bernie's under the duver, “I don’t just want you here to look after the kids”.

“Oh Darling” Serena rolled closer to Bernie and wrapped her arms around her, “I know you don’t, I never for one minute thought you did.”

“I’d put Charlotte in the hospital creche if you…”

“No” Serena interrupted her, “I don’t, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t want to, I love Charlotte and Cameron, I love you and I love our little one” she said, gently placing her hand on Bernie’s stomach, “and I know you love me, love Elinor just as much as we love you.”

“I do” Bernie whispered leaning in and kissing Serena softly, “I love you so, so much.”

“I know” Serena stroked Bernie’s cheek with her thumb, “don’t let that idiot get to you” she told Bernie, “he knows nothing about you, about us, about our family. And if you do start to believe what he said, just ask yourself, if you only wanted me here to look after the kids, would you be giving me half your wages every month? You give me more now than when I was just Charlie and Cam’s nanny” It was the agreement they’d come to, when Bernie got paid every month, she paid the bills and then half of what was left was transferred straight into Serena’s bank account, “he never did that, he never loved me the way you do.”

Bernie nuzzled into Serena and kissed her softly, “I love you.”

Serena kissed her hair, “I love you too Darling” she said as she held her close, chuckling as she heard Bernie yawn, “close your eyes Love, get some sleep.”

Bernie nodded, “g’night.”

Serena chuckled and kissed her again, “Goodnight Darling, sweet dreams.”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken a lot longer than I intended it to, and I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I feel like I could keep editing it for another month and still not be happy with it, so I'm just going to post it as it is and hope you all like it! Thank you all for your patience & support over the past few weeks!

“And this is the locker…” Bernie heard her clinical lead trail off as he opened the door to find her changing for her shift, “sorry, I didn't think anyone was in here.”

“It's okay” Bernie pulled her scrub top over her head, smoothing the fabric over the slight swell of her stomach, “I'm done.” 

“Well, while you're here I might as well introduce you, Alex, this is Bernie Wolfe, our trauma specialist, Bernie this is…” 

He didn't get chance to finish, the brunette had dropped her gaze to the floor when she'd realised someone was getting changed in the locker room, but her head snapped up at the mention of the name, “Bernie?” 

Bernie turned from where she’d been putting her clothes in her locker.her face lighting up as she saw the woman in the doorway, “Alex!” 

“I take it you two know each other then?” the clinical lead asked with an amused smirk. 

“We served together” Bernie explained, “Alex was my right hand woman in the field.” 

“Well then Alex” the clinical lead smiled, “I'll leave you in Ms Wolfe's capable hands and give you both 10 minutes to catch up, you know where I am if you need anything.” 

“Hello stranger” Alex beamed as she opened her arms for a hug, “how are you?” 

Bernie smiled as she hugged the younger woman tightly, “I'm good thanks, how are you?” 

Alex nodded, “yeah I'm good thanks.” 

“What are you doing here?” Bernie asked, “I didn't think I'd ever see you working for the NHS, what made you leave the RAMC?” Alex said nothing but her gaze dropped to the floor and Bernie frowned, “Alex?” 

“I didn't have much choice, I erm, I was medically discharged.” She said as she sat down on the bench and gestured for Bernie to sit beside her. 

Bernie frowned as she joined Alex on the wooden bench, “you...what happened?”

Alex bit her lip, “I went on another tour after our R&R, I lasted 3 weeks. They erm, I was in a car that swerved to hit an IED, the car was flipped in the blast…”

“Al…”

Alex sighed, knew Bernie would get it out of her one way or another, so thought she might as well just tell her, “C5, C6 fracture and a pseudoaneurysm” she whispered. 

“Fuck” 

“I'm okay now” Alex tried to reassure Bernie, “I took some time off and then the locum posts meant that I could do as much it as little as I felt able to, this is my first longer job, I've just been doing odd shifts here and there.” 

“They should have brought you here, let me operate.”

“They wanted to” Alex admitted, “but I asked them not to.” 

Bernie looked up at Alex, “what? Why? You know that I could have…” 

“I know you're more than capable Bern” Alex interrupted, “but you're one of my closest friends, I was worried something was going to go wrong and I, I didn't want you living with that on your conscience.” 

“Oh Alex” Bernie whispered. 

“It's okay” Alex reached for Bernie's hand and squeezed it gently, “I'm okay, I made it through the surgery and I'm getting stronger every day, you don't need to worry about me” she squeezed Bernie's hand again, “now, do you want to show me where I can put my stuff? Don't want the boss thinking I'm going to keep you from your job, not on my first shift anyway” 

Bernie laughed and pointed to an empty locker, grabbing a pair of grey scrubs and putting them down on the bench, “I'd better get out there and make a start on my ward rounds” 

“Of course” Alex nodded as she pulled a battered pair of trainers from her bag, “see you later.” 

It was less than half an hour into her shift when Bernie found herself scrubbing into theatre, Alex already scrubbed in and the patient already anaesthetised. 

Bernie wasn't at all surprised when she noticed her clinical lead watching through the observation window, but it didn't put her off, she knew she and Alex worked well together, knew Alex could almost read her mind in theatre, updating her on the patient’s status without being asked. Bernie had wondered if their relationship would have dwindled, it had grown after years of working together, but it was still there, Alex was still as on the ball as she was in the field, and Bernie felt happy to be working with her again. 

Somehow they both managed to find time to eat lunch together, both getting a sandwich from the canteen, Bernie grabbing an apple, Alex a chocolate muffin before Bernie lead them out into the hospital gardens where they found a bench in a slightly secluded spot, allowing them to continue their conversation from that morning without being overhead. 

“I couldn't help but notice” Alex said softly before discretely nodding her head towards Bernie's stomach, “when you were changing this morning”. Anyone else would just have assumed that Bernie was carrying a little extra weight, but not Alex, they'd changed and showered together so often she'd recognised the changes in Bernie's body almost instantly. 

“11 weeks” Bernie smiled. 

“So you got your third baby then?” Alex smiled, knowing that had been the reason Bernie had planned to leave the army before she'd found out about Marcus’ affair. 

“I did” Bernie nodded before letting her hand rest on her stomach, “but this is number four, number three’s going to be two in a couple of months.” 

Bernie laughed as she saw the look on Alex’s face as she tried to work out how Bernie had had a baby whilst she was deployed, “you and Marcus…” 

“Me and the nanny actually” Bernie admitted, number three, Elinor. She's Serena's, but one day she just started calling me Mumma and well” Bernie shrugged, “I've been her Mumma ever since. Biologically, this one’s hers too” she told Alex. 

Alex smiled, “that’s great, I’m so happy for you Bern.”

“What about you?” Bernie took a bite of her sandwich, “anyone special in your life?” Alex blushed and smiled slightly and Bernie’s own smile grew, “go on, you can at least tell me her name.”

“Lexy, she erm, she’s a doctor in the ED at St James’, we're taking it slowly but...yeah… she’s been great, she understands that the IED didn’t just affect my physical health...”

“Alex” Bernie frowned slightly.

“I was diagnosed with PTSD, there erm, there were days, weeks when I couldn’t leave the house, I was having flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks, Lex, she… I don’t know if I’d have got the help I needed had it not been for her. She kept me going, practically dragged me to doctor’s appointments, sat with me through therapy, encouraged me to keep going when I was trying to find meds that worked.”

“Oh Alex” Bernie reached over and gently squeezed her hand, “I’m glad you had her, and that you’re getting help, but if you ever need anything…”

Alex forced a smile and nodded, “thank you.”

They chatted about lighter subjects as they finished their lunch and were just throwing their rubbish into the bin when both their pagers beeped. “Just like old times right? Bernie chuckled as Alex confirmed they'd both been paged for the same case, “think you can manage the stairs?” Alex nodded and they raced inside, Alex surprised that she actually managed to keep up with Bernie, and they arrived on the ward with just seconds to spare before the first patient was brought from a 5 car pile up on the motorway.

“Nothing like being thrown in at the deep end” Alex chuckled as she changed from her scrubs, long after he shift had finished, Bernie doing the same. 

“Not too much for you was it Captain?” Bernie teased as she pulled the band from her hair and combed her fingers through unruly curls. 

“Absolutely not, in fact it was good to be back doing something with an edge of uncertainty to it, stints with GS are a bit predictable at times.” 

“Definitely” Bernie smiled, “I think I'd have been climbing the walls had I gone into GS”. 

“Probably” Alex laughed as they left the locker room together, heading for the lift. “Oh” Alex smiled slightly as they left the building, gesturing to a dark haired woman leaning against a lamppost, “that's Lexy”. 

Bernie smiled, “I'd better not keep you then” she chuckled. “I'll see you tomorrow?” 

Alex nodded, a small skip in her step as she headed towards her partner, “absolutely.” 

Her late finish meant it was almost bedtime when Bernie walked through the front door, but as always, Serena knew exactly what her partner needed, and, as soon as Bernie had slipped off her coat and kicked off her shoes, sleepy Ellie, already dressed in cow print pyjamas was placed in her arms, Serena kissing her cheek as Charlotte, also already in her pyjamas, took hold of her Mummy’s hand. “I'll give you half an hour and then send Cam up” Serena said softly, “dinner will be waiting for you once he's settled.” 

Bernie nodded and smiled, “thanks, I love you” 

Serena pecked Bernie's lips, “I love you too.” 

As always, Bernie let the girls each pick a book before the three of them snuggled together in Charlotte's bed. Charlotte tucked into Bernie's side with her bear as she sucked her thumb, Ellie settled on her lap clutching her stuffed cow as she let out a loud yawn. 

It didn't take long, less than 15 minutes, before both girls were fast asleep, Bernie carefully standing with Ellie in her arms, being careful not to wake the sleeping infant as she tucked her into her cot and straightened the covers around Charlotte, kissing them both goodnight as she decided to make good use of the spare few minutes she had before Cameron would be coming up.  She headed for her own bedroom, grabbing some clean pyjamas on her way through to the ensuite, wanting to be able to settle down with Serena once Cam was asleep and not have to worry about anything else for the rest of the night. 

Just like the girls, it didn't take Cameron long to fall asleep, he and Bernie cuddled together under a blanket on the bottom bunk as they spoke about their day before they read together for fifteen minutes. Then, with a final kiss and cuddle from his Mummy Cameron carefully made his way to the top bunk, snuggling down under the duvet and mumbling a sleepy goodnight as Bernie tucked him in. 

“All asleep?” Serena asked gently when Bernie walked into the kitchen, the blonde smiling when she saw Serena, as promised, had two plates of food on the table along with a large glass of water and two paracetamol in Bernie's usual place, Serena not even needing to ask to know that Bernie was getting a headache. 

“Elinor went almost straight away, Charlie and Cam didn't take much longer” she said, thanking Serena as she gratefully swallowed the painkillers with a large gulp of water before sitting at the table to at. 

“Ellie only had half an hour this afternoon, I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did, I think she was waiting to see you.”

They spoke about their days, Serena telling her what the girls had done, about how Cameron’s school had sent home a permission slip for a bug hunt in a park near the school, told Bernie she'd already signed it for him to take in the next morning, and, as Serena told her how much fun the girls had had at the park earlier that day, Bernie felt the stresses of her own day slowly begin to fade away. 

“The new locum anaesthetist started today” Bernie told Serena once they were curled together on the sofa,one of Serena’s hands splayed over Bernie’s stomach, the other gently stroking the skin of her hip.

“Yeah? You haven’t had any more trouble have you?”

Bernie shook her head as she felt Serena’s lips brush against her temple, “no, it’s someone I worked with in the army actually, Alex Dawson, she’s good at what she does, and she’s gay so she doesn’t have a problem with our relationship.”

“That’s good, do the two of you get along or is it just a professional relationship?”

“We lived together 24/7 the best part of 9 years, she’s a good friend, why?”

Serena began playing with Bernie’s hair, twisting messy curls around her index finger, “if the two of you get along I was going to suggest you invite her round for dinner one night, and her partner if she has one?”

“She has, we spoke for a while earlier, it was good to catch up, and you erm, you wouldn’t mind if she came over?”

“Of course not, why would I?”

“I knew she only lived at the other side of town, but Marcus didn’t like me seeing her when I was home, said it was time for me to spend with my family…”

“I’m not Marcus” Serena gently reminded Bernie, “and you’re not in the army any more, you have plenty of time to spend with your family, I don’t begrudge you spending time with your friends.  You know I go out for coffee with some of the parents from Cam’s school occasionally, and sometimes do the same after Charlie’s gymnastics classes and you never complain. If you want to invite Alex over, or if you want to do something with her then you don’t need to ask my permission.”

Bernie nodded, “I’d like her to meet the kids, she erm, she knows about the baby, and I explained about Ellie too, she was really happy for us.”

“I’m glad” Serena smiled, “why don’t you talk to her tomorrow? Invite her round for dinner, and don’t worry about it, I don’t mind you spending time with other people, not at all.”

Bernie smiled and gently kissed Serena’s lips, “thank you.”

Serena returned the kiss, placing another kiss to the end of Bernie’s nose as she told her, “you’ve got absolutely nothing to thank me for My Love.”


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I hope it was worth the wait, and hopefully the next chapter won't take me quite so long!

Both Bernie and Serena were relieved when the date for Bernie's first scan finally arrived, although she'd had no symptoms to suggest that their unborn baby was anything but healthy, both women were still worried about the stress Bernie had been under during the shooting and the damage it could have caused to the child growing inside her. 

An 11am appointment meant that Bernie had spoken to her clinical lead clinical lead, asked him if she could take it as an early lunch hour, a request he'd refused. Instead he'd told her to go to her scan at 11 and then use her lunch hour to get something to eat in the canteen with Serena, Charlotte and Elinor before returning to work. 

Serena met Bernie in the hospital entrance after dropping the girls off in the creche, and, despite both expecting to be waiting a while, Bernie's experiences in the hospital making her assume they'd be running late, both she and Serena were surprised when Bernie's name was called just five minutes after they'd sat down in the waiting room. 

Bernie made herself comfortable on the bed, lifting up her top and rolling down the waistband of her scrubs before reaching for Serena's hand, squeezing it gently as the cold gel was applied to her stomach, Bernie surprised at her own tears when the screen was turned towards her and they got a first glimpse of their unborn child, the unmistakable shadow of a heartbeat fluttering strongly in the middle of the screen, “Serena” she whispered, tearing her gaze from the image of their child to look up at her partner, finding the other woman's eyes full of tears too. 

“I know” Serena whispered, a happy smile spreading over her face as she lifted their joined hands to kiss Bernie’s knuckles, “I know.”

They walked out to the peace gardens after the scan was over, both saying nothing as they sat, side by side, hand in hand on a bench, both smiling happily, one picture of their healthy little baby tucked in Serena's handbag, another in the pocket of Bernie's scrubs for her to stick in her locker along with the other pictures of her family when she returned to the ward. She'd already spoken to her clinical lead, told him she wouldn't be making a big announcement about her pregnancy, but, once her scan had confirmed that everything was okay, she wouldn't deny that she was pregnant if anyone asked. 

“Okay?” Bernie finally broke the silence as she gently squeezed Serena's hand. 

Serena looked up and smiled, “of course, are you?” 

Bernie nodded and gently stroked her bump through her scrubs, “yeah, it all seems real now doesn't it? I mean, I know we already knew I was pregnant but seeing him or her…”

“I know what you mean” Serena smiled, “actually seeing our little one, it's, well it's more than just two lines on a plastic stick.”.

Bernie nodded, “yeah, I still don't feel like it's fully sunk in yet though”. 

Serena laughed softly, “I'm sure it'll have sunk in by the time you can't see your feet any more.”

Bernie shook her head as she chuckled, “with the rate this one's growing I bet that won't be long, I was half expecting you to be right” she admitted. They'd spent several hours since Bernie’s pregnancy was confirmed, playfully arguing about how many babies she was carrying, Serena convinced that the speed at which she developed a small bump combined with the increased chance of multiples from the IVF could only mean one thing, they were having twins. If she was honest, Bernie was quite relieved to have been told that she was definitely only expecting one baby, and Serena didn't mind too much either.

Serena laughed, “could you imagine us having another two Ellies on our hands?” 

Bernie laughed too and shook her head, “I'm not sure I want to imagine it” she chuckled, “don't get me wrong, I love Ellie exactly how she is, but I'm not sure I could handle two more of her.” 

“I think I'd have had to hire a Nanny” Serena smiled, “but I'm glad everything's looking good, that he or she is growing as they should be.” 

“Yeah” Bernie smiled as she let her hand rest on her stomach, her head falling onto Serena's shoulder, “so am I.” 

Serena smiled and pecked Bernie's cheek, “do you want to go and get the girls? Get something to eat before you have to go back to work?” 

Bernie nodded and stood, Serena's hand still held in her own, “yeah, let's go and get them.” 

“Mumma” Elinor shrieked when she saw Bernie, her face lighting up as she charged across the creche as fast as her tiny legs would carry her, racing into Bernie's arms, not having expected to see her so soon. 

“Hello Trouble” Bernie smiled as she lifted Ellie to her hip, Charlotte coming over to join them, "have you had fun?”

Ellie nodded and giggled, “and Lala”. 

Bernie smiled and ran her hand over Charlotte’s hair, thanking the creche staff as she walked into the corridor, “good. Are you ready to get some dinner now before Mumma has to go back to work?” 

Ellie grinned and nodded, “ninins” she agreed. 

“What about you Peanut?” Bernie turned to Charlotte, “are you hungry too?” 

Charlotte nodded, “a little bit.” 

“Okay” Bernie led them into the lift, showing Charlotte which button to press to take them to the canteen, “let's go and find something to eat then.” 

Bernie left Serena settling Elinor into a highchair at a table as she went to get dinner for them all, the smile still on her face as she carried a tray of food over, Ellie shrieking excitedly at the sight of the food.  “Mumma come home now?” Charlotte asked before thanking Bernie as a small plate of pasta and meatballs was placed in front of her alongside a carton of orange juice.

“Not yet” Bernie told her as she sat down between the girls, opposite Serena, “I have to go back to work after this but I’ll be home later.”

“Before bedtime? For stories?” Charlotte asked hopefully.

Bernie smiled and nodded, running her hand over Charlie’s blonde curls, “I’ll definitely be home for bedtime, I’ll be home after Cameron finishes at school but before you have dinner.”

“You bath with me?” she asked, “no splashing.”

Bernie chuckled, glancing over at Elinor who was oblivious to the conversation, her attention focused solely on her food, “of course we can, now, are you going to eat your pasta before it goes cold?” Charlotte nodded and Bernie smiled, “good girl.”

“Do you want to walk Mummy back to work?” Serena asked the girls once they’d all finished eating, unsurprisingly, both girls nodded, and Serena and Bernie set off to AAU, Elinor on her Mumma’s hip, Charlotte walking between the two women, holding onto both their hands.

“Oh” Alex smiled when she saw Bernie in the corridor by the lifts, “I've been looking for you, I'm just going to grab a sandwich, do you want anything?”

Bernie shook her head, “I've just had my lunch, thanks though.” She saw Serena look at her, “sorry, Alex, this is Serena, Charlotte and Elinor” she introduced them all to each other before looking at Serena who nodded in recognition, holding her hand out for Alex to shake. 

“It's a pleasure to meet you” she smiled, “Bernie told me the two of you were deployed together? We’ll have to get together some time and you can tell me all her dirty little secrets” she teased as Bernie rolled her eyes. 

“Are you going to say hello Peanut?” Bernie asked Charlotte, “Alex is mummy's friend, we work together to make people better” she explained. 

Charlotte smiled shyly from where she stood close to Serena, slightly wary of Alex, “hi” she mumbled, waving briefly at Alex.”

“What about you trouble?” Bernie asked as she bounced Ellie on her hip, Alex greeting Charlotte, “are you going to say hello to Alex?”

Ellie shook her head, her face buried in the crook of Bernie's neck, “no”. 

“Ellie” Bernie said, a warning tone in her voice but Alex shook her head. 

“It's okay Bern, honestly, I should be off to get some lunch anyway, before I'm needed again, I'll see you soon yeah, it was nice to meet you” she told Charlotte and Serena before heading off towards the canteen. 

“I think this one might be ready for a nap” Bernie said as she handed Ellie over to Serena after she'd kissed her forehead. 

“Me too” Serena smiled as Elinor cuddled straight into her, not protesting at all at the fact Bernie was no longer the one holding her, “I bet she'll nod off in the car.”

Bernie nodded in agreement as she lifted Charlie to her hip to say goodbye to her daughter, promising yet again that she’d be home in time to have a bath and read a bedtime story to her daughter, kissing her forehead before smiling softly at Serena, “I’ll see you later?”

“Most definitely” Serena smiled as she leaned in to kiss Bernie’s lips, “have a good afternoon.”

“You too” Bernie smiled, waving goodbye to Charlotte as they headed back towards the lifts, Charlotte yawing as she waved back, leaving Bernie only slightly jealous that she wasn't going home to nap with her daughters.

The clinical lead called Bernie into his office when he noticed she was back on the ward, he asked if everything had gone okay with the scan, him too feeling relief that the shooting hadn't had any adverse effect on her pregnancy. He spoke to her about the paperwork she'd need to fill in with regards to her maternity leave and reminded her, as he already had, that his door was always open, and if there was anything she needed then she only had to ask. 

A now rare pang of nausea hit Bernie as she left the office, so, instead of making her way back to work, she made her way to the staffroom for a glass of water, Alex looking up from where she was sat eating her sandwich when she heard the door open, smiling as she saw Bernie, “okay?” she asked.

Bernie nodded and filled a pint glass with water, “I'm feeling a bit nauseous” she admitted as she sipped from the glass, “it should pass soon though.” 

Alex nodded, “is everything okay?” she asked, “I mean, I’m not being nosey, I just wondered with Serena and the girls being here…”

“They’re fine” Bernie smiled, touched at Alex’s concern, “Serena left the girls in the creche for an hour or so earlier, I was going to use my lunch hour but I was ordered to have lunch with Serena and the girls after…” She reached into the pocket of her scrubs, pulling out the grainy black and white image she’d been given that morning and offering it to her friend.

“Oh Bern” Alex’s face lit up as she took the scan picture from Bernie, “that’s brilliant, it’s really clear! I take it everything’s okay?”

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, taking the picture back once Alex was done and slipping it safely back into her pocket, planning on sticking it inside the door of her locker later, “everything’s exactly as it should be. I think Serena is a bit disappointed that it isn't twins but I'd say that's probably a good thing" she chuckled. 

Alex smiled, “I can imagine why you'd think that.”

“If this one gets to be as active as Charlie and Cam then I'm definitely glad there's only one of them in there” Bernie said, sipping at her water as she ran her free hand over her stomach. 

“I can imagine” Alex smiled, “I'm glad everything's going well.”.

“Yeah” Bernie returned the smile, “me too.” 

The rest of the shift passed without incident and Bernie was, thankfully, able to leave on time, the smile on Charlotte’s face when she walked through the door and the quiet gasp of “Mumma” making her heart skip a beat as it swelled with love for her children. 

She didn't know why Charlotte had decided that today she wanted her attention more than Serena's, but she wasn't complaining and, as promised, after they'd eaten, she took her daughter upstairs to share a bath with her, Serena and Cam entertaining Ellie downstairs so that Bernie and Charlotte could spend some time together. 

Charlotte was almost asleep when Serena brought Elinor upstairs, quickly changing her into her pyjamas and letting her snuggle into her sister as together, she and Bernie read one final story to the girls. 

Serena smiled and reached for Bernie's hand as they stepped back out onto the landing, both girls tucked up in their own beds and well on their way to sleep, “do you want to tell Cam now?” she asked softly.

Bernie nodded and smiled, “yeah, I think I do.”

“Okay” Serena smiled, leaning in to peck Bernie's lips, “let's go and make his day. 

"Can we talk to you Cam?" Bernie asked softly as she walked into the living room where Cam was quietly watching a film

Cam nodded and sat up from where he'd been laying in the sofa, allowing Bernie and Serena to sit at either side of him, "have I been naughty?" he asked. 

Serena shook her head, "I've been a little bit naughty though" she told him, "because I told you a little lie." 

Cameron frowned, "what lie?" 

"Do you remember a while ago, when you asked me if Mummy was poorly?" Serena asked him, getting a nod in response. "And I told you she had a poorly tummy and that's why she was sick." Cameron nodded again, "well that was a lie, but don't worry, Mummy's not poorly." 

"But you was sick" Cameron looked up at Bernie. 

Bernie took Cam's hand and gently placed it on her stomach, gently pressing his hand down against her small bump, "can you feel that?" Cameron nodded, "that's your little brother or sister, that's why I was sick, I was sick when you were growing in my tummy and I was sick when Charlie was growing in my tummy too" she told him. 

Cameron face lit up, "we're getting a baby?" 

"We are" Bernie smiled, "it won't be here for a long time yet, it still has to grow a lot, but we're going to have another baby.

"When I told you that little lie, it was because we wanted to know that the baby was okay before we told you" Serena told him, "but today we went to the hospital and the doctors used a special machine to look at the baby in Mummy's tummy" she picked up the envelope from the table, "would you like to see the pictures?" 

Cam nodded excitedly and Serena pulled out the pictures, "can you see it?" Bernie asked as Cameron clutched at the images, "that's the baby's head there, and it's back..." She continued pointing out the baby to Cam, until he looked up at her with a frown. 

"It doesn't look like a baby, it looks like a bug" he announced.    
  
Bernie laughed, "he or she still needs to grow a lot more, I promise they'll look like a real baby once they're born." 

Cam nodded, “like when Ellie first comed here”.

“That's right Darling” Bernie smiled. 

Cam nodded and snuggled into Bernie, “I'll be the best big brother Mumma”. 

Bernie smiled and kissed his head,” you don't need to worry about that Darling, you're already are. You're the best big brother that Charlotte and Ellie could ever ask for.”   



	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this chapter for a while now but I wasn't happy with it. Luckily inspiration struck me at stupid o'clock this morning and I managed to get it to a place where I'm much happier with it!

Cameron’s excitement about his new sibling meant that Bernie and Serena decided to tell Charlotte about the baby the next morning. They had planned to wait a while before telling their oldest daughter their news, waiting until nearer Bernie’s due date to explain to her that she was going to become a big sister again, but Cameron was so excited, they didn't want him to feel like he had to keep quiet about the news. 

Bernie and Serena had spoken about it as they laid together in bed the night of Bernie's scan, they'd agreed that they'd tell Charlotte but they wouldn't ‘tell’ Elinor about the baby, assuming that she’d be too young to understand, instead they'd talk about the baby with her and do their best to try and make her understand that she wasn't going to be the baby of the family for much longer. 

It was Bernie's day off so they'd agreed to tell Charlotte about the baby after they'd dropped Cameron off at school to give them enough time to answer any questions she might have. 

Serena had decided to take a step back and allow Bernie to share their news with Charlotte, and, once Elinor was settled with some toys after the school run, Bernie decided to talk to her daughter, "Charlie" she lifted the toddler onto her knee, "there's something I want to tell you." 

"What Mumma?" Charlotte looked up at her Mummy, taking hold of her hand and beginning to play with her fingers as Serena watched on, letting Bernie share their news with her daughter. 

"You're going to be a big sister” she told her, “Mummy's got a little baby growing in her tummy." 

Charlotte frowned slightly, "Ellie?" 

"Like Ellie, yes" Bernie smiled, "they’ll need to grow in my tummy for a while longer before they come to live with us though." 

Charlie nodded, "I see baby?" 

"We've got some pictures you can see if you'd like?" 

Charlotte nodded and Serena went to get her copy of the scan picture, Charlotte’s hands splaying over the gentle swell of Bernie's stomach, “it nice baby?” 

Bernie smiled, gently putting her hand on top of Charlotte’s, “it'll be a very nice baby” she gently pushed Charlie’s hand against her bump, “can you feel that?” Charlotte nodded, “that's the baby.” 

Charlie’s eyes opened wide, “really?” 

“Really” Bernie nodded, “they've got to grow in my tummy for a long time yet though” she said as Serena returned with the scan pictures. 

Charlotte nodded, “okay, I wait, and then I give baby big cuddles?” 

Bernie nodded and kissed her daughters hair, “I think the baby will love that.” 

They spent a few minutes pointing out the features of the baby in the grainy image before, with a kiss to Bernie's cheek and stomach, Charlotte went off to play with Elinor. 

“She seems happy” Serena smiled as she watched Ellie giggle as she handed Charlie a plastic sheep and babbled happily at her. 

“She is” Bernie nodded, “can't wait to give the baby cuddles apparently.”

“Bless her” Serena smiled, “I was thinking we could get the three of them, or at least Charlie and Cam, involved when we start buying things for the baby? Try and stop them feeling left out?”

Bernie nodded, “that sounds good” she ran a hand over her stomach, “I've been thinking too.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I erm, unless you really want to, I was thinking we don't find out the gender, then if it is a girl, hopefully when they're born, Cam will be too excited about the baby being here to be disappointed that he didn't get a brother?”

“That's fine with me” Serena nodded, “I wasn't going to find out with Elinor but then at my 20 week scan she had her legs wide open and it was sort of obvious” she chuckled. 

“I wasn't bothered either, I'd have been happy to wait and see but Marcus wanted to know, especially with Charlotte, he was desperate for a daughter after Cam.”

“Another boy would be nice” Serena mused, “to even it out, but as long as they're healthy, and you too then I don't mind.”

Bernie smiled, “I don't mind either, like you said, as long as they're okay.”

They watched the girls playing together for a while before eventually joining them on the living room floor, Bernie and Serena building up the train track after Charlotte’s request for a ‘big, big train track’, the toddler herself busy helping Elinor set up her ‘Moos’ and an assortment of other animals in a ‘farm’ by the side of the train track, complete with plastic fencing, Charlotte telling Ellie it was so the trains didn't make the cows ‘owie’. 

“Why don't we make a picnic” Bernie asked softly a while later, Charlotte and Ellie giggling as they made Elinor’s cows drive the trains. “It’s a nice day, we can take the kids to the park after we've picked Cameron up from school and have a picnic for tea.”

Serena nodded and smiled, reaching for Bernie's hand and squeezing gently, “that sounds like a lovely idea.” 

Unsurprisingly, the children thought a trip to the park was a great idea and Cameron’s face lit up when he was told they wouldn’t be going straight home after school and instead would get to spend a while running around the adventure playground with his sisters and several of his classmates who were also at the park.

As had become usual, Charlotte was the first to flag and made her way back over to the bench where Serena and Bernie were sat watching the kids play, clambering up onto Serena’s lap and shaking her head when Bernie asked if she was sleepy.

Charlotte seemed happy sat on Serena's lap, chatting and singing nursery rhymes with her, so Bernie and Serena let Cameron and Elinor play for a while longer to play before telling them it was time to eat. At Elinor’s insistence, Bernie had joined her and Cameron, catching the toddler at the bottom of the slide, holding her up so she could cross the monkey bars and pushing both Elinor and Cameron on the swings. 

Elinor didn't want to go back in the buggy when they left the playground, instead taking hold of both Bernie and Cameron’s hands as they walked through the park, looking for somewhere suitable to eat their picnic.

It didn’t take them long to get settled on a large patch of grass under the shade of a large oak tree, everyone quickly tucking into the food, the children all having worked up an appetite running around the playground. “Mummy” Cameron started, swallowing a mouthful of sandwich before continuing, “can my friend come round for tea one day?” he asked, the family sat together on a large checked rug, Elinor sat between Bernie's legs to stop her crawling off to play again before she'd finished eating.

“Of course?” Bernie nodded as she picked up another sandwich for herself and offered Ellie a carrot stick, “is it Tommy? Serena can ask his Mummy in the morning if you want?”

Cameron shook his head, “it’s not Tommy Mummy, it’s a new girl, she only comed to my class on Monday, she’s called Morven, she’s really clever and she wants to be a doctor when she’s big like me, I want to show her my stethyscope.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “I’m going to work early in the morning, so if you see her when Serena drops you off or when we pick you up, point her out and Serena can sort something out with her Mummy or Daddy.”

“Okay” Cam nodded, “I will!”

As promised, Cameron pointed his friend out to Serena as she retrieved his book bag and lunch box from underneath the buggy. Serena ruffling his hair and promising she’d talk to the young girl’s dad before wishing Cameron a good day, letting him say goodbye to Charlie and Ellie before he went off into the playground, leaving Serena to approach the only adult by the school gates that she hadn’t seen before, hoping he was the right person. “Hi, are you Morven’s dad?” Serena asked cautiously, watching as Cameron bounded over to his new friend. 

“I am” the man frowned slightly and turned to face Serena, “why?” 

“She and Cameron seem to have hit it off” she explained, gesturing towards the playground where Cameron and Morven were already giggling together, “he asked if she could come round for tea one day and I told him I'd ask you if that would be okay.”

“Oh” the man relaxed slightly, a smile forming on his face as he realised his daughter was already settling in and making new friends, “of course, that would be lovely, I did wonder about inviting him over but erm...” he shrugged slightly, “single dad, some parents at her last school thought it was a bit odd…” 

Serena smiled sadly, “I don't think there's anything odd about a father wanting his daughter to spend time with her classmates out of school” she told him before continuing, “any day is good for us to have her, so if there any time that's better for you or…?” 

The man shook his head before something occurred to him, “actually, I've been struggling to find someone to swap shifts with on Thursday, so you'd be doing me a huge favour if you could have her then.” 

“Of course” Serena smiled, “Cameron’s barely stopped talking about her, she sounds like a lovely girl, we’d be happy to have her any time.” 

The man smiled as he heard Serena's praise for his daughter, “thank you, I finish at 6 so I should be able to pick her up at about half past.” 

“That's fine” Serena smiled, “I'll give you our address and phone number this afternoon?” 

“Thank you… Sorry, I don't know your name.”

“Serena, Serena Campbell” she held out her hand for the man to shake. 

“Austin Shreve” he introduced himself in return, “I'm sure Morven will be over the moon to hear she gets to spend more time with Cameron, he's all she talks about when I ask her about school.”

I'm sure she will” Serena smiled before gesturing to the double buggy, “I'd better be off, I need to get a few bits from the shop and they get a bit restless if they’re cooped up for too long, but it was a pleasure to meet you” she smiled, “and I look forward to meeting Morven properly.”


	49. Chapter 49

Thursday came quickly, despite Cameron's insistence that he'd never make it, that he was definitely going to burst with excitement first. And as the bell rang to signal the end of the day, he and Morven bounded excitedly into the playground hand in hand to where Serena was waiting for them with Charlotte and Elinor.”

“This is ‘Rena, and my little sister Charlotte and Ellie, she's my sister too” he beamed proudly as he introduced Morven to everyone. 

“Hi” Morven waved with her free hand as Serena smiled happily. 

“Hello” Serena smiled, taking Cameron’s book bag and lunch box from him and hanging them from the handles of the buggy before asking Morven, “would you like me to take your bag too?” she asked, the backpack on the young girl’s back almost as big as she was.

“I’m okay” Morven grinned, “I can manage.”

“Right then” Serena smiled as Ellie babbled loudly from where she sat in the buggy, “let’s get home so the two of you can play.”

“Me too?” Ellie asked, twisting slightly as she turned, trying to look up at Serena.

“You can play too trouble” Serena laughed, “don’t you worry about that.”

Cameron and Morven walked a few steps in front of Serena on the way home, never letting go of each other’s hands and waiting patiently whenever they needed to cross a road. Serena couldn’t hear the conversation that the two children shared, but she couldn’t hold back a smile every time she heard the two of them giggle.  Cameron might not have known Morven for long but it was obvious that the two of them were already firm friends.

“Shoes and coats off” Serena told them both once they were in the house, “then you can play for a little bit before dinner.”

“When’s Mummy coming home?” Cameron asked as he hung his jacket up on one of the coat hooks placed at a height he could reach, holding his hand out to hang up Morven’s jacket up too.

Serena glanced at her watch, “she won’t be long now, she’ll be home before we eat.”

“Good” Cameron beamed, “I told Morven that Mummy’s a real doctor, I want to ask her if she’ll help Morven listen to her heartbeat with my stethyscope”

Serena smiled as she took off Ellie’s jacket, slipping off the toddler’s shoes before letting her out of the buggy, Elinor racing off into the living room to play almost instantly, soon shouting for Mammy and Lala to join her, “go and play for a bit” Serena told Cameron as she let Charlotte out of the buggy too, “Mummy will be home soon and I’m sure she’ll help Morven find her heartbeat.”

Once the children were playing happily in the living room, Serena spent a few more minutes in the hallway, folding up the buggy and storing it in the cupboard under the stairs, hanging up her own jacket and putting Charlotte and Elinor’s shoes on the shoe rack. "I'm going to do fish fingers and chips for tea” she said as she walked into the living room, “is that okay Morven?" 

The girl nodded, “yes thanks” she grinned before turning to look up at Serena from where she sat on the floor, building a train track with Cameron, and asking, "what vegetables do you have?"

Serena let out a quiet chuckle, “we’ve got a lot of vegetables, what do you like?”

“I like peas” Morven nodded, “and carrots and well, I like all vegetables really.”

“Peas!” Elinor shrieked excitedly, “Mama peas?”

“Does Ellie like peas?” Morven asked.

“She does” Serena nodded, “how about I do peas and carrots for you all too?”

Morven nodded, “yes please.”

“Peas?” Ellie repeated.

Serena nodded and smiled at her daughter, “you’ll be having peas too Trouble.”

She was in the kitchen getting the food ready when Bernie came home a little after 4.30 after promising her son over and over again that she’d be home in time to have dinner with him and Morven.  Serena didn’t hear the scrape of Bernie’s key in the lock, but Cameron did, “Mummy” he raced into the hallway almost as soon as he heard the front door click closed, “come and say hello to Morven and will you help her find her heartbeat with my stethyscope? Please?” he asked almost without pausing for breath. 

“Cameron” Bernie didn't have chance to reply before she heard Serena's voice come through from the kitchen, “give Mummy chance to take her shoes and coat off first.”

“Sorry” Cam grinned sheepishly at Bernie, “I'm just really excited.”

“I know you are Darling” Bernie chuckled, ruffling her hand through his hair, “I'll come and say hello to Morven but then I'll go and get changed before I help you find Morven’s heartbeat, is that okay?” she asked as she slipped off her jacket and thanked her son as he put her shoes away for her. 

Cameron nodded, “can I whisper you something?” Bernie smiled and nodded, bending down so Cameron could cup his hands around her ear and whisper, “can I tell Morven that there's a baby in your tummy?” 

“If you want” Bernie nodded, “you don't have to keep it a secret.” 

“Okay” Cam beamed, taking Bernie’s hand and leading her into the living room, “Morven, this is my Mummy” he said, only pausing long enough for the pair to say hello to each other before he continued, still holding tightly onto Bernie's hand as he asked Morven, “guess what my Mummy’s got in her tummy?”

Morven shrugged, “biscuits?” she guessed.

“Nope” Cameron grinned proudly, “it's a baby. It's got to grow a lot bigger before it can come out though.” 

Morven frowned, “how did it get in your tummy?” she asked Bernie, tipping her head to the side inquisitively. 

Bernie didn't have time to answer, Cameron had asked the same question himself and was only too happy to share his new knowledge with his friend, “Mummy went to see a special doctor with ‘Rena and he put the baby inside of her”, Bernie and Serena had tried to explain the IVF process as simply as they could to Cameron, both agreeing to keep things basic and only go into more detail if he asked. 

“Wow” Morven gasped, “that's cool.” 

Bernie smiled and ruffled Cam’s hair, “why don't you ask Serena to show Morven the picture of the baby while I get changed and then we can see about finding both your heartbeats yeah?” 

Cam nodded and held out his hand to Morven, “okay Mummy, come on Morven, I'll show you the baby’s pictures” he said as he led her towards the kitchen where Serena was preparing dinner. 

With Cameron and Morven in the kitchen, Bernie took a moment to say hello to both Charlotte and Elinor before heading upstairs to change into something more comfortable than the maternity jeans and shirt she'd worn to work that morning. 

Bernie had been slightly surprised that Ellie hadn’t insisted on going upstairs with her like she did most other days, the toddler instead happy to stay with the others, probably not wanting to miss out on anything, but she toddled over to Bernie as soon as she saw her come back into the living room, holding her arms out with an order of “Mumma up?”

“Hello Trouble” Bernie kissed her hair as she settled Ellie on her hip and carried her over to the sofa where Cameron was already sat patiently, stethoscope in hand and Morven sat right beside him.

“Mumma?” Ellie frowned, looking up at Bernie as she sat on the sofa, sitting Elinor beside her, an action the toddler didn’t like, quickly crawling back onto Bernie’s lap.

“We’re going to help Morven listen to her heartbeat with Cameron’s stethoscope” she told Ellie, shifting her slightly to make herself comfortable, “are you going to help?”

“Yeah” Ellie grinned, even though Bernie was sure she didn’t really understand what was going on.

“Can I hear my heart beating too?” Charlotte asked as she came over to join them.

“Yep, Morven can go first and then you and then me” Cameron told his sister.

“And me?” Ellie frowned.

Cameron laughed, “Mummy will help you too” he nodded.

As expected, Morven was amazed to be able to hear her own heartbeat, “is it good?” she asked Bernie, getting a nod in response and confirmation that her heartbeat was good and strong from Bernie before Morven announced how cool it was that she could hear her own heart beating.

By the time Serena came through to tell them all that dinner was ready, Cameron’s stethoscope had been placed carefully on the coffee table and Bernie was teaching Charlie, Cam and Morven to find their pulse on their wrist, Cameron and Morven wearing big smiles on their faces, “I got it Morven” Cameron exclaimed, his fingers pressed to Morven’s wrist, “right here” he moved his fingers away so Morven could feel her pulse for herself, “can you feel it?”

“Yeah” she grinned, “I can.”

“Sorry to break this up” Serena said after watching them for a while, “but the food’s ready.”

Ellie’s face lit up from where she was still settled on Bernie’s knee, “peas?”

“Peas” Serena nodded, laughing when Ellie wriggled down from her Mumma’s lap.

“Mumma, peas!” she grinned as she raced off in the direction of the dining table.

“We’d better go and eat then hadn’t we?” Bernie chuckled, taking Charlotte’s outstretched hand and following Elinor towards the table.

The children’s excited chatter filled the air over the table, even Charlotte joining in with Morven and Cam’s conversation, but Serena’s attention was fixed firmly on Bernie and Elinor, she didn’t think she’d ever get sick of watching her daughter and her partner together, Bernie helping Ellie scoop peas onto a blue plastic spoon, Ellie gazing up at Bernie like the woman was her entire world.  No matter how busy her day had been or how tired she was, if Ellie was awake when Bernie came home from work, Bernie always made time for her, chatting away and asking about Ellie’s day, even if all Elinor had in response was a series of babbled sounds interspersed with the odd coherent word Bernie still replied as if she’d understood every syllable.

“Mumma choochoo?” Ellie asked as Bernie fed her a spoonful of peas.

“Of course” Bernie nodded, “once we’ve finished eating we can all play trains until Morven’s Daddy comes to pick her up.”

“One day” Cameron interrupted, “can Morven stay here all night and sleep in my bunk beds with me?”

“If it’s okay with her daddy then I’m sure she can” Serena nodded, Cameron and Morven high fiving each other in excitement.

Four excited children were given ice cream after their fish fingers and chips, and, once sticky hands and faces had been cleaned up, they all charged into the living room to play with the train set once again, giving Bernie and Serena brief moment together, “I didn’t get to say hi” Bernie said softly before brushing her lips against Serena’s.

“Hi” Serena softly returned the kiss, letting one hand come to rest on Bernie’s stomach, her tiny bump seeming to grow day by day, “how was work?”

“Same old” Bernie shrugged, smiling slightly at the feel of Serena’s hand on her stomach, “Alex said she and Lexi are both okay for Saturday, I thought I’d do a barbeque if it’s nice.”

“Sounds good to me” Serena smiled, stealing another kiss, “you’d better go through, before Ellie comes to shout at me” she chuckled, referring to something that had happened a few days ago, Elinor had seen Serena kiss Bernie and almost instantly told her she was ‘bad Mama’ and that Bernie was ‘her Mumma’ before taking Bernie’s hand and demanding ‘me kisses’.

Bernie laughed, “are you coming through?” she asked.

Serena nodded, “I’m just going to clear the table then I’ll be in” she said, stealing a final kiss before letting Bernie go to play with the kids. 

By the time Austin came to collect Morven, Charlotte had climbed onto Serena’s lap and, after not having an afternoon nap because she wasn’t tired, was fighting sleep in Serena’s arms and Elinor was proudly showing Morven her collection of toy cows.

“Thanks for having her” Austin picked up Morven’s rucksack as Bernie helped her into her jacket.

“It’s fine” Bernie smiled, “she’s no trouble.”

“I’m glad to hear it” Austin smiled, turning his attention to Morven, “what do you say to Bernie.”

“Thank you for having me” she wrapped her arms tightly around Bernie’s middle, giving her a hug, just as she had to Serena as she’d left the living room.”

“You’re welcome” Bernie smiled, looking up at Austin, “we’re happy to have her anytime. I mean that.”

“Thank you” he smiled, holding his hand out to his daughter, “come on then you, let’s get you home, it’s nearly bedtime.”

Morven grinned, waving to Bernie again as she walked down the path, hand in hand with her dad, “see you soon.”

Bernie chuckled as she closed the door, “I’m sure you will.”


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we've made it to 50 chapters! Than you all so much for your support and understanding that I had to take a break for a while, but hopefully I'm back now and you'll be getting regular updates again!

“Mumma, ‘ook” an arm came past the side of Bernie's face as Ellie pointed to a squirrel in the tree. 

“Oh Wow” Bernie smiled, almost picturing the inquisitive look on Elinor’s face, “it's a squirrel” she told her softly. 

“Wi’wa” Elinor mumbled, ‘squirrel’ too difficult for her to say. 

“That's right clever girl” Bernie grinned as Ellie babbled at her, “I know, it's got a very fluffy tail hasn't it?” 

Serena had had her doubts when Bernie had suggested they started carrying Elinor again, Charlotte had reached a point where she wanted to walk more often than not but they didn't want to swap the double buggy for a single one because they'd only need it for a few months until the baby was born, so, to Bernie the answer was simple, they went back to carrying Elinor for a while. 

She'd been slightly worried when Bernie had said she wanted to carry Elinor but they'd taken a while to find a carrier and a position that worked for both Bernie and for Elinor, and that ended up being a soft fabric carrier, holding Elinor on Bernie's back like she was having a piggy back. 

It was safe to say that Elinor loved it, the inquisitive toddler was carried high up, giving her a better view of the world than she got in the buggy and she loved being able to chat so easily to Bernie, ‘look Mumma’ quickly becoming one of Ellie’s most used phrases as she pointed out interesting things she saw, things that were new to her and Bernie was only too happy to talk back about what they saw, Serena knowing Ellie would learn more from her happy chats with Bernie than she ever would just strapped into the buggy.

Serena had to admit that carrying Ellie was practical on days like today, Bernie had been feeling restless so they'd bundled the kids into the car and decided to go for a walk in the woods not too far from their house, Bernie got to walk off some of the energy she felt bubbling inside of her, Cameron got to run off some of his own energy, climbing over boulders and tree stumps and she and Charlotte got to stretch their legs, Elinor happy to babble away to her Mumma. They'd never have been able to push the buggy down the dirt tracks and gravel paths that they'd been able to walk along with Elinor firmly strapped to Bernie's back. Of course she'd been worried about her pregnant partner carrying the toddler, according to the charts given to her by the doctor, Elinor was right on the line of ‘average’ weight for a child of her age but she still felt heavy in your arms after carrying her for a while. Bernie didn't seem to be bothered though, she and Elinor were both extremely happy with the idea and, as Ellie frequently fell asleep against Bernie’s back Serena knew she was comfortable, that along with Bernie's promise that she'd tell Serena if Elinor got too heavy or if she felt too uncomfortable, put her mind at rest slightly and she had to admit, she just loved seeing Bernie and Ellie together. 

“Mumma” Elinor spoke again, “me out?” 

“Okay Darling.” Bernie smiled before turning to Serena, breaking her from her thoughts, “Ellie wants to get out.”

“Okay” Serena smiled, “just give us a minute darling” she said, retrieving Elinor's wellies from the rucksack on her back as Bernie reached back to take off Elinor’s trainers. 

Elinor giggled, swinging her legs happily as Serena set her wellies down before lifting her from the brightly patterned wrap on Bernie's back, Bernie making sure the legs of Elinor’s waterproof all in one were tucked into her cow print wellies before she went racing off to join Cameron who was climbing over a fallen tree “me too Mammy” she grinned, as she began clambering over some of the smaller branches, Cameron only too happy to help Elinor climb. 

Surprisingly, even Charlotte was happy to go off with her siblings a few steps ahead of Bernie and Serena as they jumped in puddles and climbed over anything they could, allowing Serena to slip her hand into Bernie's as they walked, both women happy to see their children so happy. 

“I love watching them just be kids” Serena sighed happily as she watched Cameron hold Ellie's hand as she jumped in a puddle giggling happily, it breaks my heart to know that some kids are just stuck in front of the TV all day.”

Bernie squeezed Serena's hand and smiled sadly, “me too, but our four will know differently” she said, her free hand instantly drifting to her stomach, running her hand over the curve of her bump.

Serena nodded and smiled, “they will, I feel like they learn so much just by being allowed to explore and have adventures.” 

“They do” Bernie smiled before looking over to where the three children were crouched in the mud, grateful that they were all wearing waterproofs that could be stripped off once they got back to the car, “what are you up to?” she asked them. 

“‘ook Mumma” Ellie pointed to the ground. 

“Cammy finded a worm” Charlotte told them. 

He nodded, “a really fat one Mumma, come and see.” 

“A wum” Ellie mumbled to herself. 

Serena smiled and ran her hand over Elinor's head, “that's right” she told her, it's all wriggly isn't it?”

Ellie nodded, “di’ty wum.” 

“It is dirty” Serena nodded, “because it lives in the ground and he wriggles in all the mud.”

Elinor glanced down at herself, “me di’ty wum?” 

Bernie chuckled as she overheard, Serena only just managing to bite back a laugh of her own, “no darling, you're dirty but you're not a worm.” 

Elinor pointed to the mud on the dinosaur print of her all in one waterproof puddlesuit and her cow print wellies “my dibdydors an’ my moos di’ty.” Elinor was stubborn, Bernie called her determined, headstrong, but Serena knew that her daughter was stubborn, the toddler reaching a point where she wanted to choose her own clothes, both in the shop and from her wardrobe, meaning that today, a blue dinosaur print all in one was tucked into cow print wellies, the waterproof outer layer covering red jeans and a green tshirt with a shark printed on the front that had originally been bought for Cameron, but Serena didn’t mind. Not as long as Elinor was happy.

“They are” Serena agreed, “but that's okay, we can wash them, and you, once we’re home.”

Ellie nodded and took Serena's hand, pointing further down the path, “go now?” 

“Of course” Serena nodded, “show Mama where you want to go.” 

Ellie led Serena a little way further down the path before suddenly stopping, “Mama” she gasped as she pointed off to the side of the path, “‘ook wi’wa” 

Serena frowned for a moment before noticing the squirrel sat at the bottom of a tree, “oh wow” she smiled. 

“Mumma wi’wa” Ellie looked up at Serena excitedly.

“You want to show Mumma the squirrel?”

Ellie shook her head and pointed back the way they came, “Me, Mumma wi’wa” 

“Ah” Serena suddenly realised what Ellie was trying to tell her, “you and Mumma saw a squirrel earlier?”

Ellie nodded excitedly before pointing at the squirrel again as Charlie, Cam and Bernie caught up with them, “what is it?” Cameron frowned, not entirely sure what Ellie was pointing at. 

“A wi’wa Mammy” 

“It's a ‘quirrel Cammy” Charlotte saw it almost instantly, “by the tree.”

“Oh cool” Cameron grinned, “well done Ellie.” 

Ellie nodded, “well done” she mumbled quietly to herself as she tugged on Serena's hand, ready to explore some more. 

“Mumma” Ellie looked up at Bernie and held out her arms a while later, Serena having let go of Ellie's hand to let her walk with Charlotte and Cameron, “me up p’ease?” 

Bernie nodded and lifted Ellie to her hip, “everything okay?” Serena asked. 

“She asked to go back in the sling” Bernie said as Ellie nuzzled into her, “I think she's tired.”

“She’s not the only one” Serena chuckled as she took Ellie from Bernie to help get her back in the sling. 

“I don't think she'd appreciate me carrying you and not her” Bernie laughed. 

“Mmm, that's true” Serena chuckled, kissing Elinor’s head as she swapped the toddler's muddy wellies for her clean trainers to stop Bernie getting completely covered in mud. 

“Mama go my moos” Ellie pouted as Serena took off her wellies. 

“I know Darling” Bernie said softly, “she's just putting them in the bag because they're muddy.” 

“Moos s’eepy?” 

Bernie chuckled quietly, “is Ellie sleepy?” 

“No” Ellie protested, “I no s’eep”.

“Okay Darling” Bernie said as she began to walk again once Ellie had her trainers back on, knowing full well that she would be asleep by the time they got back to the car. 

She wasn't wrong, as soon as she felt Elinor lay her head on her shoulder she knew the toddler was on her way out. It was one of the things she loved most about carrying Ellie, the way the girl would cuddle into her, one hand tangled in the hair at the nape of her Mumma's neck as she slowly fell asleep. 

Serena couldn't help but smile, reaching for her camera to take a picture of Elinor, fast asleep on Bernie's back, she loved the bond Bernie and Elinor shared, the way Ellie just trusted Bernie, had done since the moment they first met, the way Bernie would do absolutely anything to make Elinor happy. 

They walked for a little bit longer, Ellie dozing against Bernie's shoulder, but eventually they could tell that Charlotte and Cameron were tiring too and headed back to the car, stripping all the kids of their muddy clothes and strapping them into the car before taking off their own outer layers and swapping mud covered walking boots for clean trainers to keep the car relatively clean. And, as they pulled out of the car park, neither parent was surprised to see all three kids beginning to fall asleep.

They woke Cam when they arrived home but managed to get the girls inside without waking them, Ellie snuggling into Bernie, Charlotte in Serena's arms, “I'm still sleepy” Cameron yawned as Bernie unlocked the front door. 

Bernie smiled, “go and pick a film and then get changed into something comfy” she told her son, “the girls are asleep and I could do with a nap too, we can put a film on and all cuddle up in the big bed, then you can sleep if you want to or you can watch the film” she told him. It wasn't unusual for the five of them to spend an afternoon napping together at the weekend, but Bernie's growing bump meant that snuggling up on the sofa, with at least one of the kids wanting to cuddle up to her, was becoming uncomfortable and laying down in her bed seemed much more appealing. 

Cameron left the film he'd chosen in Bernie and Serena's room before going to change, coming back a few minutes later in his pyjamas to find everyone else already in bed, Charlotte and Elinor asleep between Serena and Bernie, Bernie already beginning to doze, but she was awake enough to smile when she saw her son, holding her arms out and letting him cuddle up to her in the space she'd left for him. 

“I think I'm all tired out” Cam yawned as he snuggled into Bernie, one of his hands gently resting on her bump, “is my baby brother or sister tired too?” 

Bernie smiled and kissed her son’s head, “I think so” she nodded. 

“Good” Cam stretched up to kiss Bernie's cheek before snuggling down under the duvet, “I'm going to sleep now, goodnight.” 

Bernie laughed quietly, “goodnight Darling.”

“He's so excited about the baby isn't he?” Serena asked softly once she could hear Cam’s quiet snores. 

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “I can't believe how grown up he is” she admitted before gesturing to her bump, “it only seems like 5 minutes since this was him.” 

“I know that feeling” Serena chuckled as she looked over to Elinor, sprawled out beside her Mumma, clutching her stuffed cow to her chest as she slept peacefully, “she's turning into a proper little girl now, she's not my baby anymore.” 

Bernie smiled and leant over to kiss Serena, “I don't think we're doing a bad job.”

Serena smiled l, “definitely not.” 

Bernie yawned loudly and apologised, “I think I might need to take a leaf from the kid’s book and get my head down for a bit.” 

Serena nodded and kissed Bernie softly as she laid down, settling herself between Elinor and Cameron, “sweet dreams” Serena chuckled, “I love you.” 

Bernie smiled and made herself comfortable in the space she had, “I love you too.” 


	51. Chapter 51

Bernie couldn't remember being so tired during her previous pregnancies, but she as the weeks went by, she frequently found herself needing a quick nap when she got home after work or an afternoon nap on her days off. 

Most days, Elinor was happy to nap with her Mumma, but occasionally the toddler’s stubbornness won out and she refused to lay down and sleep. 

Unsurprisingly to Serena, Bernie had fallen asleep on the sofa on her day off whilst Elinor had declared “no s’eep” and had instead had spent the time she should have been napping quietly reading stories with Serena and Charlotte. Bernie hadn't woken by the time Serena had to leave to collect Cameron, meaning, despite Elinor’s protests, Serena had taken the girls to do the school run, leaving Bernie at home to sleep. 

“Mummy was asleep when we left” Serena told Cam as she carefully unlocked the front door, “so be quiet please incase she's still sleeping.” The young boy had been worried about how much his Mummy needed to sleep now, but Bernie and Serena had done their best to reassure him, to tell him that Bernie was tired because her body was working really hard to help the baby grow bigger and that it was nothing to worry about. 

However, this time Bernie wasn't asleep, she'd woken not long after Serena had left and sleepily padded upstairs, taking Cameron’s stethoscope from where it hung on the bottom of his bed before making her way into her own bedroom, getting comfortable on the bed and pushing her top up over her swollen stomach, pressing the cold metal of the stethoscope to her skin. 

She'd been trying to find the baby’s heartbeat for several weeks but had yet to be successful, she wasn't worried though, she could feel the baby moving even if the movements weren't yet strong enough for anyone else to feel, and the midwife had never had any problems finding the heartbeat at any of her appointments so she just assumed the baby was laying in a position that made it difficult to hear the heartbeat with a stethoscope. 

Today was different though and Bernie felt tears pricking at her eyes as the reassuring whoosh of her baby’s heartbeat filled her ears, “oh! Hello little one” she smiled, rubbing her free hand over her bump. 

“Mummy, what are you doing with my stethyscope?” Cameron appeared in the doorway after going looking for his Mummy when she wasn't asleep on the sofa. 

“Come here” Bernie gestured for Cameron to join her on the bed, passing over the ear pieces to the stethoscope, watching her son’s face light up as he heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

“Is that the baby?” he asked, a huge smile on his face. 

“It is” Bernie smiled, “isn't that good?” 

Cameron nodded, “it's really really fast.” 

“It is” Bernie nodded, “but that's okay.” She ruffled his hair and let him listen to his sibling’s heartbeat for a while before asking him, “will you ask Serena to come up?” 

“So she can hear the baby too?” 

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “but don't tell her, I want to surprise her.” 

“Okay” Cameron grinned, “I won't tell her, I promise!”  Cameron raced down the stairs, “‘Rena” he grinned, “Mummy’s in your bedroom, she’s not sleeping but she wants you to go up, I’ll stay with Ellie and Charlie”

Serena frowned slightly, “okay” she said as she made her way out of the room.  “Is everything okay?” she asked as she saw Bernie sat on the bed.

Bernie nodded and held out her hand, “sit with me” she said, Serena not arguing and joining her partner on the bed.

“Is everything okay?” Serena repeated.

“I’ve borrowed this” Bernie produced Cam’s stethoscope, “I thought you might like to say hello” she said, easily finding the baby’s heartbeat again, knowing the exact moment she found it by the look of awe on Serena’s face.

“Oh, that’s…”

“Pretty amazing right?”

“One of the best things I’ve ever heard” Serena smiled, taking the stethoscope from her ears before leaning forwards to brush her lips against Bernie’s stomach.

Bernie smiled softly and ran her fingers through Serena's hair, softly tugging on her brown locks, pulling her up gently so she could kiss her lips, surprised but not protesting when Serena deepened the kiss, “I love you’ she whispered when they parted, both slightly breathless. 

“I love you too” Serena smiled, her hand moving to Bernie's stomach, encouraging Bernie to curl into her, legs tangling together as Bernie made herself comfortable, her head on Serena's shoulder, her fingers chasing Serena's over her bump. 

“Okay” Bernie chuckled as she felt the baby shift slightly, “we know you're there.”

Bernie's words didn't have the intended effect on her unborn child as she felt the baby kick against her, “Bernie” Serena gasped. 

Bernie couldn't help but smile, “did you feel that one?” 

“I did” Serena grinned, “and that one” she laughed as the baby moved again. 

Bernie smiled as she ran her hand over her bump “are you saying hello to Mama, is that it?” she asked, “do you think she hasn't noticed you yet?” 

Serena chuckled, laying her hand flat against Bernie's bump, “do you think Ellie’s noticed yet?” 

“I don't know” Bernie chuckled, “but if she hasn't, she certainly will soon, when she cuddles into me and gets a swift kick from this one.”

“Yes” Serena laughed, “I can't see that going down too well.” She gently ran a hand over the curve of Bernie's stomach, “do you think the old wives tale is true? That if you're carrying low it's a boy?”

“I doubt it” Bernie chuckled, “Cam was really high until about 35 weeks and then he just dropped overnight and I felt like I was carrying him in my boots. Charlotte didn't feel particularly high or low” she shrugged, “maybe my muscles are just slowly giving up with each baby” she laughed. 

Serena smiled, “Ellie was high right up until I went into labour, and my bump was so round it looked like I had a beach ball under my top.”

Bernie smiled and kissed Serena's lips, briefly before letting their foreheads rest together, “we should get back to the kids, make sure they're not running riot”. 

Serena smiled and kissed Bernie's lips, “we probably should.” 

They spent another few minutes enjoying each others company before making their way back downstairs, finding the kids playing happily, Charlotte doing a jigsaw, Cam and Ellie playing with a set of zoo animals.

“Mumma” Charlotte smiled when she saw Bernie and Serena. 

“Hello Peanut” Bernie smiled, lowering herself to the floor beside her daughter as Serena made her way into the kitchen to get drinks for everyone, “are you okay?” 

“Yeah” Charlie nodded, “Mumma okay?” 

“I am” Bernie smiled.

“And baby okay?” Charlotte asked as she gently stroked Bernie's bump. 

“Baby’s okay too” Bernie nodded, gently moving Charlotte’s hand when she felt the baby kick. 

Charlotte frowned slightly and looked up at Bernie, “wha’s that?” she asked. 

“It's the baby” Bernie told her, “you know how Cammy wriggles when he's in bed?” Charlotte nodded, “well that's the baby wriggling inside my tummy.” 

Charlotte’s face lit up, “really?” 

Bernie nodded and kissed her daughter’s forehead, “really”. 

Charlotte settled herself on Bernie's lap, facing her mother, arms wrapped around her middle and her head on Bernie's chest, “I love baby.”

Bernie ran her fingers through her daughter's blonde curls, “and the baby loves you too Darling.”    
  
It didn't take long for Bernie and Serena to find out how Elinor felt about the new baby, just three days later Bernie had another day off and, this time, Elinor agreed to have a nap with her Mumma. A nap that meant she and Bernie were still curled into each other, sound asleep on Bernie and Serena's bed, when Serena went to get Cameron from school. 

She stopped off at the supermarket on her way home and was greeted by Ellie shrieking her name and racing towards her when she let herself back into the house, the toddler greeting Charlotte and Cameron in the same, excited manner too, as if they'd been separated for years, not just several hours.   
“Hello Darling” Serena chuckled as she greeted her daughter, “have you been good for Mumma.” 

Ellie nodded, “we s’eep and book” she told Serena. 

“Good girl” Serena smiled as she walked into the kitchen to put the shopping away, smiling as Ellie followed her, “do you want some juice?”

She nodded, “ta Mama.” 

Once she had her drink Elinor toddled off to find Charlotte and Cam, Serena following her into the living room a few minutes later. 

“Hello” Bernie grinned when she saw her partner, “everything okay?” 

Serena nodded and chanced a quick kiss when Ellie wasn't looking, “yeah, I stopped off at the supermarket to get a few bits, I was just putting them away. Was Elinor okay for you?”

“Good as gold” Bernie nodded, “actually…” she looked over to the kids, playing happily on the floor, “Ellie come here please Darling.”

Elinor crawled over to the sofa and pulled herself up to stand between Bernie and Serena on the sofa, “Mumma?” 

Bernie wrapped her arm around Ellie and pointed to her stomach with her other hand, "tell Mama, what this is?"    
  
Ellie giggled, "Mumma baba Mama" she grinned.    
  
"Good girl" Bernie smiled, "and what do you do to baby?"    
  
Ellie grinned up at Bernie "baba" she repeated before leaning forward to place a sloppy kiss on Bernie's bump.    
  
Serena chuckled and ran her hand over Elinor's back, "aren't you a clever girl" she smiled as Elinor settled herself against Bernie's bump, "do you love the baby?"    
  
Ellie nodded, wrapping her arms around Bernie's stomach, "my baba."    
  
"Is that right?" Serena smiled. 

Ellie giggled cheekily, snuggling into Bernie’s side, “yep.”

“What about me and Mumma?” Serena asked, “it’s our baby too!”

Ellie shook her head, “No Mama, mine.”

Bernie laughed and ran her hand over Ellie’s hair, “looks like we won’t have to worry about getting up in the night if it isn’t our baby” she said as Ellie leant over to kiss her bump again.

“I think you're right” Serena chuckled, “I just hope she's this excited when they finally arrive” 

Bernie ran her hand over Ellie's head again as she continued to cuddle her bump before helping her from the sofa when she wanted to get down to play, “I'm sure she will, it might take a while for her, for all of them to get used to having a baby in the house, but as long as we make sure they still get plenty of our attention then I'm sure they'll adjust.”

“You're right” Serena smiled, “we’ll be fine.” 

Bernie kissed Serena softly and reached for her hand, squeezing it gently, “you're not on your own this time, we're doing it together, we're going to be more than fine.”

Serena smiled, “have I ever told you I love you?” 

Bernie chuckled, “yeah, I think you've mentioned it once or twice.” 

Serena tucked herself into Bernie's side, letting her hand rest on Bernie's bump, smiling softly as she felt Bernie kiss her forehead, “do you want to get a takeaway tonight?”

Bernie nodded, “sure, but if we get pizza can we get garlic bread too?” 

“Craving?” Serena asked as she nodded. 

Bernie pouted slightly, “the baby’s hungry too.”

Serena chuckled, “well we can't have that can we” she winked, “I'll get two, you know Ellie will want some as soon as she sees you eating it.” 

“Sounds like a good idea to me” Bernie nodded. 

“Can you both wait, or do you want me to order it now?” 

Bernie shook her head and pulled Serena closer, “we're fine exactly where we are for now. “


	52. Chapter 52

“What's going on in here?” Bernie asked as she walked into her bedroom after hearing Ellie's screams and shouts of ‘no Mama’, “Aren't you ready yet Missy?” she asked as she found Ellie still in her pyjamas, laid out on the bed. 

“She's decided she doesn't want to have her hair brushed.” Serena sighed. 

“Is that right?” Bernie asked,” you need to have your hair brushed Trouble.”

Ellie shook her head, “no Mumma” she pouted. 

Bernie raised an eyebrow, “yes Ellie” 

Suddenly Serena had an idea, “Ellie Darling, do you want to brush Mumma’s hair?” she held out a brush, hoping that Ellie would agree to brush Bernie's hair, giving Serena chance to brush her daughter’s hair without too much fuss. 

Elinor face lit up, “yeah” she grinned as she sat up and took the brush from Serena, crawling across the bed to where Bernie was stood, “Mumma” she giggled. 

“Is Mama trying to suggest she wants me to brush my hair more often?” Bernie raised one eyebrow as she looked at Serena, pulling out the band that held her messy curls back from her face and running her fingers through them to get out any big tangles before sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Would I do such a thing?” Serena chuckled, helping Elinor to stand up behind Bernie, Elinor putting one hand on Bernie's shoulder for balance as she clumsily tried to brush her Mumma’s hair. 

“Yes” Bernie laughed before smiling as she heard Elinor mumbling at her about hair, “is that right Darling?” she asked, Elinor replying with another babble as she continued trying to brush Bernie's hair, “oh, I know, I think you're getting ready for a hair cut too, and Charlie, soon you'll both have hair so long that we won't be able to see your pretty little faces.”

Serena couldn't help but smile, Elinor’s conversation was getting better, but she still mixed the words she knew with incoherent babbles, but Bernie always responded as if she understood every single sound Elinor made, the toddler loving the conversations she had with her Mumma.  “Mama” Elinor frowned and turned her head when she felt Serena begin to brush her hair, “no.”

“Ellie” Serena chuckled, “yes, otherwise you'll have messier hair than Mummy and we can't have that” she smirked, winking as she met Bernie's eye in the mirror. 

Bernie rolled her eyes and shook her head, “come on Ellie, you brush my hair and Mama will brush yours.”

Elinor let out a loud sigh and babbled as if she wasn't happy with the situation but went back to clumsily attempting to brush Bernie's hair. “Good girl” Serena praised when Elinor didn't put up any more protest and a few moments later announced, “there we are, all done.” 

Ellie grinned, “all done Mumma. You gu’girl.” 

Bernie chuckled, standing as there was a knock at the door downstairs, “and you're a good girl too Darling,now shall we go and see who that is before we get you dressed?” 

Ellie nodded, “yeah” she grinned, holding her arms out. 

Bernie lifted Ellie to her hip, Cam meeting them by the door, an excited grin on his face as Bernie opened the door to Austin and Morven, “hello” Morven grinned. Cameron and Ellie both excitingly greeting the girl. 

“Thanks for having her” Austin handed over a rucksack, “I've put some money in the front pocket in case there's anything…” 

“We’ll be fine, don't worry about a thing” Bernie smiled. Morven had become a regular visitor to the Campbell-Wolfe household, Serena had been chatting to Austin in the playground and found he'd moved from the other side of town after his wife left him. The single father had had to give up both his three bedroomed semi detached house and his job as a long distance lorry driver in favour of a two bedroomed flat and a part time job in a supermarket with hours that fitted around the school run. 

Cameron and Morven were inseparable, and, as Charlotte and Ellie seemed to love her too, Serena had told him Morven was welcome round anytime, an offer Austin had reluctantly accepted, and today, not only was Morven joining them on a Saturday trip to the beach, she was spending the night too so Austin could pick up some overtime and work a nightshift. Cam had even offered to give up his much loved top bunk for the night. 

“Thank you though” Austin smiled as Bernie put Ellie down, “it's such a help and…” 

“It's fine, honestly, she's a lovely girl, we don't mind at all.” 

“Well, I'd better leave you to get on with your day” Austin smiled, saying goodbye to his daughter, “I'll see you tomorrow, after lunch” he told her, be good.”

“I will Daddy” she smiled as she waved, “have a nice time at work.”

Bernie left the older kids playing downstairs, Cameron and Morven both promising to shout if they needed anything, and she headed upstairs, Elinor on her hip, to where Serena was packing two small holdalls with everything they might need for the day. “Need a hand?” she asked. 

Serena shook her head, “I think I'm done, spare clothes for everyone and extra towels" she gestured to one bag, “and then towels, swimwear, suncream, armbands for Ellie and Charlotte.” 

Bernie smiled, “buckets and spades are already in the car and the changing bag is sorted too.” 

“Okay then” Serena smiled, "do you want to get Madam dressed? I'll put everything in the car and get the others to put their shoes on?" she asked, getting a nod and a peck on the cheek in response before Bernie went to get Elinor changed for the day.

The kids excitement meant there were no arguments, and it didn't take long to get them all ready and in the car, Bernie insisting she was fine to drive as they headed towards the beach. 

“Mumma” Ellie spoke up less than 10 minutes into the journey, “you sp’ash me?”

Bernie chuckled, “if you want me too Darling.”

“Will the sea be cold?” Morven asked.

“I don't know, it might be, but there’s an outdoor play area with fountains and little pools too for if the sea’s too cold.”

“I don't think Daddy packed my swimming costume or a towel” Morven frowned. 

“That's okay” Serena smiled, “we packed one for you, and your Daddy packed you extra clothes too in case you get wet.”

“Oh” Morven grinned, “thank you.”

“We got buckets and spades too” Cameron told Morven, “we can build a sand castle.”

“I dig?” Ellie asked. 

“Of course you can” Bernie chuckled, frowning slightly as she saw Serena twist in her seat to look into the back of the car, “you okay?”

Serena nodded, “sorry, I just thought Charlie was being a bit quiet but she's fast asleep”. 

Bernie smiled as Cameron and Morven continued to talk to Ellie, “she was one of ‘those’ babies she chuckled, “if ever she wouldn't settle, we'd stick her in the car and she'd be gone by the time we got to the end of the road.” 

“She's obviously saving up her energy to get up to no good once we're at the beach.”

Bernie laughed again , “you have met Charlotte right?”

Serena smiled and nodded, “Well then she's saving her energy for building sandcastles and finding shells.” 

“That sounds more like Charlie.” 

Charlotte woke about 10 minutes before Bernie pulled into a car park not far from the seafront and it didn't take long for them to get their things together and head towards the sand. 

“Serena and your Mummy hold hands a lot” Morven giggled as she saw the adults walking together hand in hand, Ellie tucked into the sling on Bernie's back so she didn't wear herself out before they even got to the beach, and Charlotte holding tightly to Serena's hand, her bucket and spade held tightly in her free hand. 

“It's because they're best friends” Cameron told her, “like me and you” 

Morven nodded, “and we can still hold hands when we’re grown ups.” 

Cameron nodded and grinned, “we can.” 

The family happily spent several hours on the beach, digging in the sand, building and destroying several sandcastles, taking only a short break to walk to a small cafe to get fish and chips for lunch, Elinor announcing that she didn't want her own dinner, instead standing on the seat next to Bernie to eat her Mumma’s dinner, turning down a fork to, instead, pick at the food with her fingers. 

They went for a long walk along the sand after they'd eaten, Bernie feeling the need to stretch her legs, and the kids all needing to burn off some energy. Charlotte, with help from Serena, Morven and Cam began filling her pink plastic bucket with shells and pretty pebbles as Elinor and Bernie chased the waves on the shore, Elinor racing towards the waves as they crashed on the sand, only to run away shrieking with laughter as the cold water brushed over her toes. 

The fun was interrupted mid afternoon for ice cream and, only once they were all thoroughly worn out, did they head back to the car, stopping off at a shop to buy rock and candyfloss for later. 

“Are you okay to drive?” Bernie asked Serena after they'd checked all the children were strapped securely into their car seats. 

“Of course” Serena nodded as she took the keys Bernie offered her, “are you okay?” 

“Yeah” Bernie nodded as she ran her hand over her bump, “just knackered after running around after Ellie.” 

Serena stole a kiss, “you should have said Darling.” 

Bernie shook her head, “I'm okay. I'll have a nap in the car and then I'll be as good as new” she promised. 

“Okay” Serena laughed, “you'd better get in then hadn't you.” 

Despite Morven insisting that she wasn't tired as she got into the car, all three children and Bernie fell asleep within minutes of Serena starting to drive, Cameron and Morven curled into each other, heads resting together and still holding hands as they slept. 

Serena turned the radio down, not wanting to disturb anyone and, as she pulled up outside a pub not too far from their home almost two hours later, was surprised to find nobody had woken yet, so she took the opportunity to lean over and press a gentle kiss to Bernie's lips. 

“Mmm” Bernie groaned softly, trying to stretch her back as she woke, “wha…” 

“We're at the pub” Serena told her softly, brushing Bernie's hair back from her face, “the kids are still all asleep.” 

Bernie nodded and smiled as she kissed Serena again, “we’d better wake them and get them fed then.” 

As always, Elinor was the only one that grumbled about being woken, although she quickly settled when she realised she'd been woken so she could eat. 

Morven seemed slightly surprised that she'd fallen asleep, but after rubbing at her eyes for a minute and stretching in her car seat she was ready to go. 

Elinor was happy to walk inside holding onto Cameron and Morven’s hand, Morven over the moon that she'd been trusted to walk with the toddler, leaving Charlotte to walk between Serena and Bernie, holding both their hands. 

“Table for 6?” a waitress greeted them at the door, gathering up several children's menus along with menus for the two adults. 

“Yes please” Bernie nodded, gesturing for Cameron and Morven to follow the young woman towards a circular booth at the back of the restaurant. 

“Do you need a high chair for the little one?” the waitress asked. 

Bernie watched as Elinor clambered up onto the bench seating, kneeling up at the table beside Morven and shook her head, “I think we’ll manage thanks.”

“Okay” she smiled, can I get you drinks while you're deciding what you want to eat?”

Ellie looked up at the word drink, “I juice?” 

Bernie and Serena both chuckled, “orange juice?” Serena asked. 

Ellie nodded, “ta Mama.” 

Bernie and Serena couldn't help but smile as they looked over the menu, Cameron and Morven taking it in turns to read out items on the children’s menu, both helping each other out if they got stuck, Charlotte quickly deciding she wanted pasta and meatballs, Elinor’s face lighting up at the mention of bangers and mash. 

Happy chatter filled the air as they waited for their meals to be brought to the table, and, as always Elinor wanted to try Bernie’s food, Bernie happy to cut some of her steak into small pieces to share with her daughter.

Serena watched on with amazement as Bernie ate the last piece of her steak before leaning back in her seat and rubbing circles on her bump. Serena was both amazed and jealous at the amount of food Bernie managed to eat whilst she was pregnant without putting weight on anywhere but her bump. She'd just eaten the largest steak on the menu, along with a large portion of chips, peas, fried onions and Morven’s garlic bread, and if Serena knew Bernie, the blonde would still have room for desert. Serena on the other hand, had only had to look at a picture of carbs when she'd been expecting Elinor and she'd put on half a stone. 

She couldn’t believe how different Bernie’s pregnancy was to her own, Bernie was the perfect poster woman for pregnancy, she'd had barely any morning sickness, her skin was glowing, and every time Serena saw her absentmindedly stroking her swollen stomach, she swore she fell more in love with her than she ever thought possible. 

“Can I get you any coffees or desserts?” the waitress broke Serena from her thoughts as she came to collect the empty plates. 

“Cake?” Elinor’s face lit up. 

Bernie chuckled and nodded, “chocolate cake” she agreed as Charlotte gently tapped Serena's arm. 

“Yes Darling?” 

“I have cake too?” 

Serena kissed Charlotte’s head, “if course you can” she smiled as Charlotte went back to colouring in the picture on the back of the children’s menu. 

Unsurprisingly children and adults were all exhausted as they piled into the car for the short drive home and, once home, they were all sent straight upstairs, Serena bathing Charlotte and Elinor before Cameron went to shower on his own in Bernie and Serena’s ensuite and Bernie helped Morven wash her hair in the bath. 

Bernie and Serena both had quick showers and, by the time they joined the kids in their bed, Charlotte was almost asleep and Elinor wasn’t far behind, the toddler desperately fighting to keep her eyes open. 

Two stories later and Cameron and Morven were sent to get in bed as Bernie and Serena carried Charlotte and Elinor, both fast asleep into their room, tucking them in and gently kissing their heads and wishing them sweet dreams before going through to Cam’s room, Cam tucked in to the bottom bunk, Morven happy to have been allowed to sleep in the top bunk. 

They wished them both goodnight and checked they were okay, and were about to leave the room when Morven called them back, “I had a really nice day today” she yawned, “thank you for letting me come.” 

Bernie and Serena both smiled as Serena told her, “you're welcome Darling, we’re glad you came with us, now get some sleep and we’ll see you in the morning.”

She nodded and rolled onto her side, a brown, battered teddy bear clutched to her chest, “goodnight.” 

“Goodnight Darling, sweet dreams.” 


	53. Chapter 53

They'd been talking about it for a while, they knew eventually they'd need the cot Elinor was sleeping in for the baby, but they didn't want Elinor to feel like the baby had ‘taken’ the cot from her, so the decision was made, the kids bundled into the car for a trip to IKEA to get Elinor her own ‘big girl’ bed so she could get used to sleeping in it before the baby arrived. 

As usual, the family ended up buying a lot more than they intended to. Not only did they get a bed and mattress for Elinor, but they also ended up with several storage boxes, more of the plastic plates and cutlery that the children used, a toy kitchen and several accessories, 3 big rolls of paper and several packets of crayons, coloured pencils and felt tips. If that wasn't enough, the kids had all chosen a stuffed toy each, a huge dog for Charlotte, a robot for Cam and a panda, almost as big as Elinor herself for the toddler.

They’d gotten slightly carried away in the baby section too, both parents and siblings adding things to the trolley for the new arrival. By the time they'd reached the halfway point, Serena could tell Bernie was beginning to flag a little, so she suggested they made a stop at the cafe for meatballs and chips. Elinor excited to be given the same meal as her Mumma, the toddler for once happy to eat her own food and not pick at whatever Bernie was eating. 

They decided to put her bed together straight away, so once they were home, the three children were asked to play in Cameron’s bedroom so Bernie and Serena could dismantle the cot and build Elinor’s new bed. 

It didn't take long for curiosity to get the better of Elinor and she toddled into her bedroom, frowning slightly as she saw Bernie taking the cot apart. “Wha’ do?” she asked inquisitively, shuffling to sit on Bernie's crossed legs, her little hand resting on her Mumma’s stomach.

“We’re taking your cot down” Bernie told her as she gently stroked her back, “because we’ve got you a big girl bed like Charlotte” she grinned, trying to make it sound exciting.

Elinor frowned slightly, “me bed?”

“Your bed” Bernie nodded, “we’ll read stories just like we always do, but then we’ll tuck you into a big girl bed, just like Charlotte.”

“Me see?”

Bernie kissed Elinor’s head, “go and play with Charlie and Cam, once it’s ready you can come and see it” she promised. 

Ellie had been happy with that agreement and played happily with her siblings in Cam’s bedroom for over an hour until Bernie asked her if she was ready to see her new bed, Elinor nodding and scrambling to her feet, holding her hand out to Bernie as they walked back into the girls’ bedroom. 

“What do you think?” Serena asked as she watched Elinor wander over from the door, the toddler having no problems climbing up onto the bed. 

“I got dibydors” she giggled as she stroked the dinosaur duvet cover that had been put on the bed, “and my moo” she grinned, noticing her cow tucked under the duvet. 

Bernie smiled as she watched, “do you like it?” 

Ellie nodded and giggled as she shuffled under the duvet, “nice” she said as she laid down, stuffed cow in one hand, free arm behind her head

“What are you doing?” Serena asked. 

“S’eep.” Elinor said simply, “in me bed.” 

Bernie laughed and glanced at her watch, “she did miss nap time” she told Serena, “and it makes a change for her not to be fighting it.” 

“It does” Serena agreed as she straightened the duvet around Ellie and tucked her in, “we can give her an hour I suppose” she told Bernie before kissing Elinor’s forehead, “sweet dreams Darling.” 

Ellie settled down after a moment of making herself comfortable, “Bye Mumma, bye Mama” she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep. 

Both Bernie and Serena had been slightly apprehensive about Elinor’s first night in her bed. They'd both worried about her waking early, about the trouble she could get herself into if she woke whilst everyone else was still sleeping. 

“I'll go and check on the girls” Serena told Bernie after their good morning kiss the next morning, Bernie nodding in response as she heaved herself out of bed, heading in the direction of the ensuite. 

Serena came back just seconds later, “everything okay?” Bernie asked as she came out of the bathroom. 

“You need to see them” Serena smiled as she walked back into the bedroom, holding her hand out to Bernie “come on” 

Bernie frowned slightly but took Serena's hand and followed her down the hall, unable to hold back her smile as she saw the girls. Elinor had left her bed at some point during the night, but instead of the mess and destruction that Bernie and Serena had half expected, she was still fast asleep, as was Charlotte, both curled together in Charlotte’s bed, limbs entangled underneath the duvet. 

It became a recurring theme over the next few weeks. Most mornings Bernie and Serena would wake to find one of the girls had moved into the other’s bed in the night. Some mornings Elinor wasn't even cuddling her sister, just curled up, fast asleep at the foot of Charlotte’s bed. They never woke each other though, no matter how closely they laid in the bed they still slept well, if anything, they slept better than when they were apart, Charlotte no longer waking in the early hours to join Bernie and Serena in bed, so, a decision was made. They were going to take down Charlotte and Elinor’s single beds and replace them with the double bed from the spare room. 

The thought of moving the double bed down from the attic bedroom had worried Serena slightly, she knew she wouldn't have been able to manage it on her own, but she wasn't sure she wanted Bernie lugging a heavy bed frame and mattress down the stairs either. 

Luckily she didn't need to worry, as, early one evening there was a knock at the door, Bernie opening it to reveal two teenage boys, one of whom Serena was sure lived at the end of their road, “this is Adrian and his friend Raf” Bernie introduced them, “they've said they'll move the beds for us.” 

“Please Mrs Wolfe” the taller of the two boys almost pleaded, “call me Fletch.” 

Bernie smiled, “only if you stop calling me Mrs Wolfe, it's Bernie.” 

“Alright.” The teen nodded, “deal.” 

“I think we've vaguely met before” Serena smiled as she greeted them both. 

“Yeah” Fletch nodded, “at the park.” He chuckled when he saw the confused look on Bernie's face, “your lad, he came and had a kick about with us and some mates while the girls went on the swings.” he explained. 

“Ah” Bernie nodded with a smile, “Iet he loved that.”

“He did” Fletch nodded, “now, do you want to show us where these beds are and we’ll get it sorted for you?” 

Serena made drinks for the two teens and took them upstairs with a packet of chocolate biscuits as Bernie showed them both the girls’ beds and the double bed in the spare room that they wanted to change it for. 

Bernie and Serena headed back downstairs hand in hand, leaving Fletch and Raf to it, telling them to shout if they needed anything before going back to their children, Bernie and Cameron curling up on the sofa to read his school book whilst Serena settled herself on the floor to colour with Charlotte and Elinor. 

The family were all curled together reading a book when Fletch came downstairs, “we've done” he told them, “do you want to come and check it's where you want it?” 

“Sure” Bernie nodded as she hauled herself to her feet, “do you want to come and see what Fletch and Raf have been doing in your bedroom?” she asked Charlotte and Elinor. 

Both girls nodded and Bernie and Serena followed Fletch back upstairs, Charlotte and Elinor in tow to find that, not only had Fletch and Raf put the bed where Bernie asked them, they'd also made it up with the bedding that had been left out and Charlotte’s bear and Elinor’s cow were propped up on the pillows. 

“Mumma” Ellie frowned, “me bed go?” she asked as Charlotte looked up at Serena. 

“And mine” she whispered. 

“I know” Bernie told them both, “but we know you both like to cuddles we've got you a big bed so you've got some more room. 

Elinor pointed to the bed, “me s’eep Lala?”. 

“That's right” Bernie nodded, turning to her daughter and asking, “is that okay Charlotte?” 

Charlotte couldn't hold back her smile as she nodded, “love snuggle Ellie” she grinned, Bernie and Serena laughing as Elinor threw her arms around her sister and hugged her tightly to prove her point.

“There we go then” Bernie smiled, “you'll be able to cuddle up with her at bedtime.” 

They took the girls back downstairs, the pair happily telling Cam about their new bed, Serena excusing herself to go and make dinner as Bernie saw the two teens out, “here you are” she pulled two twenty pound notes out of her pocket, offering one to each of the boys. 

“No” Raf tried to protest, “I erm, I was just helping Fletch.” 

“Exactly” Bernie insisted, “you did just as much as he did, take it.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Bernie laughed, “of course I am” she nodded, “you've done us a massive favour.” 

“I erm, I mean if it’s alright, we could take Cam out to the park one day, have a kickabout with him?” Fletch suggested as Raf finally gave in and thanked Bernie for the money as he slipped it in his pocket. 

Bernie nodded and smiled, “I think he'd like that very much.” 


	54. Chapter 54

Cameron was over the moon when he found out he was allowed to go to the park with the ‘big boys’. Bernie hadn't particularly expected Fletch to actually come round, couldn't imagine a pair of teenagers would want a young boy hanging around them, but when he knocked at the door one Sunday morning, football in hand, and asked if Cameron could go to the park, Bernie had, of course, agreed. 

“When do you want him back?” Fletch asked as Cameron excitedly pulled his shoes on. 

“We don't have any plans, how long are you planning to be out for?” she asked, taking a hoodie of Cam’s from the coat hooks and helping him put it on. 

Fletch shrugged, “dunno, probably til about dinner time.”

Bernie glanced at her watch, “how about I give you an hour?” she suggested, “then we’ll walk to the park, if you're all okay Cam can play with you a bit longer while we take the girls to the swings, if not he can come with us.” 

Fletch nodded, “sounds good, we'll see you in a bit then” he said, waiting for Cam to say goodbye to Bernie before he took the boys hand, “come on then Squirt, let's see how many goals we can score against Raf” he chuckled as they walked towards the other teen who’d waited at the bottom of the drive. 

After spending an hour playing games with Charlotte and Elinor, Bernie and Serena told them they were going to go to the swings, both adults giggling as Elinor raced off, returning just moments later, her shoes in her hand and a big grin on her face. 

It wasn't far to the park so neither adult protested when Elinor said she wanted to walk, Serena simply pushing the sling into her bag in case the toddler wore herself out at the park and was too tired to walk home. 

Bernie was slightly worried when they walked towards the enclosed football pitches, more people had joined Fletch and Raf and Bernie wasn't sure how they'd react to having Cameron with them. 

She needn't have worried though, she watched on as one of the other boys shouted for ‘Squirt’ before kicking the ball towards Cameron, another boy running as if to tackle him before dramatically falling to the floor, the boy in goal waiting until Cameron took his shot before purposely diving in the wrong direction, everybody cheering and high fiving Cam as the ball rolled into the goal. 

“I scored Mummy” Cameron giggled as he raced over to the gate in the fence when Raf pointed Bernie and Serena out to him, “did you see? Did you see?” 

Bernie laughed and smiled, “I did.” She looked up as Fletch came over, “has he been okay?” 

“He's been brilliant” Fletch nodded, “just glad he's on my team” he laughed. 

“Have I got to go now Mummy?” Cam asked. 

“We’re taking your sisters to the swings” Bernie told him, “you can come with us, or, if it's okay with everyone else, you can stay here and we’ll come and get you on the way home.” 

Cam looked up at Fletch, “can I stay with you? Is it okay?” 

Fletch nodded, “of course it is” he ruffled Cam’s hair. 

Bernie smiled and nodded, “we’ll be about half an hour” she told him, “is that okay?” 

Fletch nodded, “that's fine.”

Cam hugged Bernie briefly, thanking her for letting him stay before he raced off to join the game again. 

“My baby’s growing up” Bernie pouted as she walked back over to where Serena was keeping the girls entertained. 

Serena laughed and pecked Bernie's cheek, “it wasn't that long ago that mine wouldn't even let me go to the toilet without screaming, now look at her.”

Bernie laughed, “I suppose we're not doing a bad job though.” 

“Absolutely not, in fact, I think we're doing a brilliant job, even if I do say so myself!”

Serena didn't realise Bernie had fallen behind, not until she heard a confused “Mumma?” from Elinor, the toddler confused as to why her Mumma had stopped walking, especially when they were just metres from the play area.

“Bernie?” Serena frowned when she turned to face her partner, finding a look of both shock and fear on her face, “what's wrong?” Bernie said nothing, but when Serena followed her gaze she suddenly understood and kissed her cheek, “take the girls to the playground” she told her, “leave him to me.” 

Bernie’s gaze was drawn from her soon to be ex husband, storming towards them, to her partner’s face, “you…” 

“You watch the girls. I'll deal with him.” 

“Charlotte” it was too late, Marcus had seen them and made a beeline towards the family, “hello Darling, why don't you come and give me a hug?” 

“‘Re’a” Charlotte frowned, her grip on Serena’s hand tightening, not sure what was going on. 

“It's okay” Serena reassured her, “you go with Mummy Darling, you don't have to hug anybody unless you want to.” 

“You come too?” 

Serena nodded, “I'll be there in a minute, why don't you take Ellie on the slide for me? Or get Mummy to push you on the swing?”

Charlotte nodded and took Bernie's outstretched hand, “see you soon” she told Serena as she edged past Marcus to the safety of her Mumma, not looking back as Bernie led her towards the playground. 

“I don't know who you think you are Marcus hissed, Bernie and the girls barely out of earshot, “but she is my daughter!”

“Only genetically” Serena bit back

“I beg your pardon” she could see the anger rising in Marcus’ face but it didn't bother her. 

“You've just spoken to your ‘daughter’ and thankfully she didn't recognise you. The last time she saw you you scared her so much she wet herself and had nightmares for a week. Do you see that girl there?” Serena gestured to the playground where Bernie was stood in front of the swing she was pushing, chatting to Elinor as she waited for Serena, “I gave birth to her. But in a room full of people she could recognise Bernie at 20 paces with her eyes closed, and she could do it in a heartbeat. That's what being a parent is. It's not about providing genetics or DNA, it's about love, it's about being the one who gets up in the middle of the night because there are monsters under the bed. It's about who kisses scraped knees better and who reads bedtime stories, who’ll lay awake with her all night when she isn't feeling well and who tries to convince her she won't die if she eats the vegetables on her plate. You walked away, you walked away and you didn't look back, and when Charlotte was having nightmares about you, it was me she clung to, me that got up in the middle of the night to hold her and rock her and promise her she was safe. So, whilst you might be Charlotte’s father, I think you've lost any right to call yourself her Daddy. now” Serena pushed passed Marcus, “if you don't mind, I’ve got a family to be getting back to.” 

“Mama” Elinor beamed when she saw Serena let herself through the gage into the playground, “I s’ing”. 

“I can see that” Serena smiled, “is it fun?” 

“Yeah” Ellie giggled, “like it.”

“Are you okay?” Serena asked Bernie softly, gently squeezing her hand. 

Bernie nodded, “is he…” she didn't know what she was asking. 

“I don't think he'll bother us again” Serena said softly. 

“Re’a” Charlotte held out her arms, Serena instantly lifting her from the swing, “who that man?” 

Serena placed a kiss to Charlotte's curls, aware that Marcus was probably still watching them, “it doesn't matter who he is Darling, you're okay.”

Charlotte nodded, trusting Serena completely, “you help me climb?” she asked. 

“Of course” Serena smiled at Bernie before carrying Charlotte over to the rope net that all the children loved to climb, however unlike Cameron and Elinor, Charlotte lacked the confidence and liked to have one of her parents or her big brother with her. 

“Mumma” Elinor’s eyes lit up as she tried to scramble out of the swing, “Me too” she pointed to Charlotte, “me too.” 

It was almost an hour later when Bernie and Serena finally arrived back home, three tired children in tow, Cameron still beaming with excitement over being allowed to go to the park without an adult and being so included in by the group of teenagers. 

“Can I go s’eep?” Charlotte asked once she’d taken her shoes and jacket off, rubbing her eyes as she let out a large yawn.

“Of course you can” Serena smiled before looking over at Ellie, “are you going to have a nap with Charlotte?” she asked the defiant toddler.

Elinor giggled cheekily and shook her head, “nope.”

Bernie couldn’t hold back a yawn, “I think I’m going to go and have a lie down for a bit” she announced. It was a trick that always worked and this time was no different.

“Mumma naptime?” Elinor looked up at Bernie.

She nodded and held out her hand, “do you want to come?” Elinor looked conflicted, part of her wanting to avoid a nap, the other part of her not wanting to stray too far from Bernie, but eventually her love for her Mumma won out and she took her outstretched hand and nodded, “good girl” Bernie smiled before looking to Serena, “are you coming too?”

Serena nodded and smiled as she checked the door was locked, “try and stop me" she looked over at Cameron, “do you want to come and lay down with us?” 

Cameron thought for a moment before shaking his head, “can I play with lego in my bedroom? I can't always play with it because Ellie’s too little. I promise I'll tidy it all away when she wakes up.”

“Of course you can” Bernie smiled.

“I'll get you some juice and a snack” Serena told him, “but come and get us if you need anything.” 

Cam nodded before bounding up the stairs towards his bedroom, “I will.” 

Serena wasn't at all surprised that Charlotte and Elinor had both fallen asleep in the time it had taken her to take Cameron some juice and a bowl of fruit, but what did surprise her were the tears rolling silently down Bernie's cheeks. 

“Bernie” she frowned, not even bothering to kick off her jeans before crawling under the duvet, “what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry” Bernie whispered as she quickly wiped at her eyes.

“Hey, no” Serena reached over the girls to gently take Bernie’s hand, “talk to me Bernie, what’s wrong?”

“Earlier” Bernie whispered as she felt Serena’s fingers slip between her own, “you shouldn’t have been put in that situation, you shouldn’t have to have dealt with that. You should be able to take your children to the park without any of that.”

“Bernie” Serena said softly, “that wasn’t your fault. And I’d rather have dealt with it than have made you deal with him, you don’t need the stress or the upset.” 

“I… Bernie wiped at her eyes, “don't you think you and Elinor deserve better? Deserve someone who hasn't got all the baggage I've got?”

“Oh Bernie” Serena whispered, “we don't want anyone else, there is nobody in this world that could ever replace you anyway, for me or Ellie. You opened your home to us, I had nothing and you gave Elinor and I, not only a home better than we could ever have dreamt of, but you loved, you love us, you gave us a family Bernie and Elinor, she's completely changed, she's such a happy, confident girl and I'm sure that's more than partly down to you. “

“I… I…”

Serena squeezed Bernie's hand again, “one of the first days, if not the first day we stayed here, you went upstairs when she woke and she settled almost instantly for you. She barely let me put her down to go to the toilet before we moved here, but that first night, you took her, you put her in that bouncer chair, you told her she was okay and she was, it was the first time I'd been able to put her down without worrying about her since she was born. The first time she was ill you were the one that took her, that settled her, she was a few months old, she wasn't feeling well and it was skin contact with you that settled her. The day we picked you up, the day you came home, she was chatting to you like she'd known you forever, you'd been gone for months, she was tiny when you left but as soon as we were home, the little girl who wouldn't even look at the health visitor was pulling herself up on you and trying to climb on to your knee to eat cake with you. She was the one that decided you were her Mumma, you and I had never called you anything other than your name but our stubborn little girl decided that you loved her, you cared about her enough to be as important a person in her life as me. You might not biologically be her mother Bernie. You might not have given birth to her, but I am certain that Elinor has adored, loved and trusted you from the moment she first met you. No matter what happens she will never have another Mumma. Nobody will ever replace you, in Elinor’s life or mine.”

“I love you” Bernie whispered quietly, not quite sure how else to respond, she felt completely overwhelmed, both from seeing Marcus, and from the fact that pregnancy made her feel more vulnerable than usual, that she'd have felt uncomfortable dealing with Marcus on her own the way she wouldn't have had she not been pregnant. 

“I love you too Darling” Serena gently stroked Bernie’s cheek with the back of her fingers, “so much more than you could ever imagine, and I know that Elinor absolutley adores you too, we’re not going anywhere.”

“I'm sorry” Bernie whispered, “for doubting that…” 

“You don't need to apologise Bernie, you're allowed to have doubts and worries, just please don't ever doubt how much we all love you.” Bernie nodded and yawned and Serena leant over the sleeping girls to kiss her softly, “get some sleep Love, and don't worry about the girls. I'll get up with them when they wake.” 

Bernie nodded as she made herself comfortable, adjusting the pillows to support her ever-growing bump, “I love you” she yawned again. 

Serena smiled as she too settled down under the duvet, “I love you too Bernie, so, so much.” 


	55. Chapter 55

“Mumma?” 

“Yes Darling?” Bernie turned her head slightly towards the toddler on her back as they stood in the playground at the end of the day. 

“Morby come?” 

“Morven’s coming home with us today.” Bernie nodded. 

“We park?”

Bernie chuckled, “I'm sure we can.” 

“Lala” Bernie felt Elinor shift in the sling to talk to her sister, “we park.” 

Charlotte looked up at Bernie, “are we Mummy?” 

Bernie ran her hand over Charlotte’s hair, “we are.” 

“Lala play me?” Elinor spoke up again. 

Charlotte nodded, reaching up to stroke Elinor’s leg, “I play with you Ellie, and Cammy he’p you climb” she promised, Elinor clapping her hands together in excitement. 

Bernie smiled softly as Elinor decided that was the end of the conversation and began quietly singing a nursery rhyme to herself, mumbling the bits she didn't really know and making up other parts of her song. 

“‘Re’a” Charlotte frowned, tugging gently on her hand a few minutes later, “where Mumma go?” 

“I don't know” Serena frowned as she watched Bernie stalk over to a small group of women not too far from them. The last she knew, Bernie was happily stood with Ellie as they waited for Cameron and Morven to come out, but she could tell just from Bernie's stance that she wasn't happy. 

Serena was right, Bernie hadn't heard the whole conversation between the women, just odd fragments, ‘spoiled’ ‘too big to be carried’ ‘should be in a pushchair’ ‘babying her’ and that had been more than enough, “is there something you'd like to say about me carrying my daughter?” she asked the women who seemed surprised that they'd been overheard. 

“Well, she isn't a baby, those things are meant for carrying babies.” 

Bernie raised an eyebrow, “if that's the case, the weight limit wouldn't be in excess of the average toddler would it?” She didn't give the women chance to respond, “and, whilst I don't recall ever asking for your opinion, you're wrong, she and I are both happy for her to be carried, and far from ‘spoiling’ her and making her clingy, she's the most independent child I've ever met, and that's partly because being carried for so long has taught her that when she's done exploring and being independent, her Mama or I will be there for her. Now, unless I ask you to carry her, then what you think of me or my partner carrying our daughter is completely irrelevant, and I'd thank you for keeping your opinions to yourself.” She said fiercely before turning and walking back over to Serena. 

“Mumma” Elinor said quietly, recognising that Bernie wasn't happy. 

“Yes Darling?” Bernie asked, trying not to let the anger she felt bubbling inside of her reflect in her tone of voice, not wanting Ellie to think she was angry with her. 

“Lub you.” 

Bernie's anger suddenly disappeared, escaping her body in a quiet chuckle, her kids always knew how to cheer her up, “I love you too Darling.” 

“Everything okay?” Serena asked as Bernie walked back over to Charlotte and Serena, reaching out to gently squeeze Bernie’s arm, seeing how tense she looked. 

“Yeah” Bernie let out a breath she didn't realise she’d been holding. “Just people sticking their nose in where it's not wanted. I'll explain later” she said as the bell rang and children began streaming into the playground. 

“Mumma” Elinor began to squirm when she saw Morven and Cam, “me out! P’ease”. Bernie laughed, not even needing to ask as Serena lifted the toddler from the sling, Elinor charging towards Morven and Cam as fast as her little legs could carry her, “Moorby, Mammy” she beamed as she grabbed both their hands, “quick. We park. Come.” 

Cameron and Morven laughed, “we're coming Ellie” Cam grinned, waving as he approached Bernie, Serena and Charlotte, “are we really going to the park?” he asked, shaking his head as Serena offered to take his rucksack. 

“We are” Bernie nodded. 

“Now?” Cameron grinned, waiting for Bernie to nod before chancing his luck and asking, “can we have an ice cream too?”

Bernie laughed, “if you're good you can have an ice cream on the way home.” 

“Mummy” Cam looked at her seriously, “I'm always good.”

Serena slipped her hand into Bernie's as they walked through the park, “Elinor’s getting so grown up” she sighed as she watched her daughter, walking happily through the park holding hands with Morven and Cam, Charlotte holding Morven’s other hand. 

“She is” Bernie smiled, “I can't believe how much she's grown.” 

Serena smiled, “I can't believe that happy little girl is the same baby that used to scream every time I tried to put her down.” 

“She's certainly come out of her shell” Bernie laughed as she watched Ellie chatting to the others. 

“She has” Serena smiled, “she's certainly got her own little personality hasn't she.”

“She has” Bernie nodded, smiling as Cameron opened the gate to the play area, Elinor shrieking in excitement and racing over to the playground, “she's perfect, they all are.” 

“I'm so glad they get along so well” Serena said as she sat on the bench Cameron and Morven had left their school bags by, Cameron already helping Ellie climb the small cargo net that would take her up the climbing frame towards the slide. 

“Me too” Bernie squeezed Serena's hand, laughing at Elinor’s excited squeal as she made her way across the small bridge and threw herself down the slide, shouting for Cameron, Morven and Charlotte to hurry up, “me too.” 

Unsurprisingly Elinor was too tired to walk home after an hour racing around the park and, after being wiped clean of the ice cream that covered her face and hands, was happy to settle back in the sling to be carried home. 

Ellie sprawled out on her stomach on the living room floor to colour with Charlotte once they were home, Serena heading into the kitchen to make a start on dinner and Bernie settling herself on the sofa to listen to both Cameron and Morven read their school books. 

They settled in front of the TV after they'd eaten, Charlotte cuddled into Bernie and Serena as they watched a film, Elinor once again laid out on the floor only this time she was putting together jigsaws with Morven and Cam. 

Morven spending the night had become a regular occurance, Serena and Bernie only too happy to watch the girl overnight so Austin could work overtime. She stayed so often that having an extra child to get ready for bed didn't cause any disruptions to their routine, Cameron and Morven taking it in turns to shower in the ensuite as Bernie and Serena bathed the girls, tonight Serena's turn to read with Morven and Cameron whilst Bernie settled Charlotte and Elinor. 

“Did they go down okay?” Bernie asked as Serena walked into the bedroom a few minutes after her.

“Yeah” she nodded, “topping and tailing in the top bunk though, but the bottom one’s made up too in case someone wants to move in the night.”

“Thanks” Bernie smiled, “as long as they get some sleep.”

“I’m sure they will, they were both struggling to keep their eyes open as we read” she said before asking, “what about the girls, did they settle okay?”

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “Elinor had a giddy five minutes while I was helping Charlie get changed, but once I told her she couldn’t have a story unless she was in bed, she settled down quite quickly and they were both gone before I’d finished the first story.”

Serena nodded, “they were curled up together when I went in to say goodnight.”

“Doesn’t surprise me” Bernie laughed, “I’ll go and say goodnight to Cam and Morven” she smiled, heaving herself from the bed, “I won’t be long.”

“Okay” Serena pecked her lips, “I’m going to get changed” she gestured to the ensuite, earning her a quick nod from Bernie as she left the room.

Cameron and Morven were giggling together in the semi darkness when Bernie pushed the door open, the room lit only by Cam’s nightlight.  She chuckled quietly and shook her head as she heard them fall silent as soon as they heard the door creak open, “I don’t mind you talking quietly for a little while” she told them both, “as long as you don’t wake the girls and you don’t stay awake for so long that you’re tired in the morning.”

“Okay” Cameron yawned, “I’m going to go to sleep really soon Mummy” he yawned.

“Me too” Morven agreed, failing to stifle a yawn of her own.

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “I just came in to say goodnight” she said, kissing her fingers and reaching up to place them on Cameron’s cheek, her bump stopping her being able to climb up to the top bunk to kiss him properly, “so goodnight” she tucked him in the best she could before moving to the other end of the bed to tuck Morven in too, “sweet dreams both of you and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Both children said goodnight to Bernie and she made her way back into her own bedroom, it was barely 8.30 but Bernie had worked an 8 hour shift, most of which had been spent on her feet and she was exhausted. She’d noticed the tiredness creeping in earlier with this pregnancy than it had with Charlotte or Cameron, but put it down to having three other children to run around with, and a full time job, but it wasn’t too much of a problem just yet, it just meant she and Serena usually ended up going to bed almost as soon as the children were settled, instead of going back downstairs to watch tv together for an hour or two.

Serena was still in the bathroom so Bernie changed in the bedroom, slipping into her comfiest pyjama bottoms and smoothing the soft fabric of her tshirt over her bump, "come on bug" she said softly as she stroked her stomach, "it's time to go to sleep now."   
  
Serena wrapped her arms around Bernie, Bernie leaning back into her embrace as Serena’s hands came to rest beside her own, both women feeling their child moving beneath their hand, "bug?" she asked softly.

Bernie nodded and bit her lip, "all the other kids have little nicknames and the first time Cam saw the scan he said that this little one looked like a bug so..."

“So we’ve got ourselves a bug” Serena chuckled.

“Yeah” Bernie smiled softly, “it seems a bit nicer than just referring to them as it too.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “our little dancing bug”

Bernie laughed, “they don’t feel so little anymore”

“No” Serena smiled, “I can see that” she kissed Bernie’s cheek, “why don’t you use the bathroom and then I’ll give you a foot massage?”

Bernie groaned sightly at the thought, “I knew I loved you for a reason” she teased, turning to kiss Serena properly before making her way into the ensuite to get ready for bed.

Serena had piled the pillows up at the head of the bed by the time Bernie returned, the blonde sighing happily as she settled herself amongst them. “Comfy?” Serena asked once Bernie stopped shuffling, getting a single nod in response before lifting Bernie's feet into her lap, warming the foot lotion they'd bought recently between her hands before beginning to massage Bernie's aching feet and ankles. 

“I've been thinking” Bernie groaned softly a while later as Serena applied a little pressure to the ball of her foot.

“Yeah?” Serena smiled as she helped Bernie stretch the muscle that ran along the sole of her foot, “what about.” 

“I know we haven't decided on names yet” she said as she thought to the list of names stuck on the fridge downstairs, the list that seemed to have two names added to it for every one that was crossed off, “but how would you feel about Bug’s surname being Campbell-Wolfe?” 

Serena looked up, watching as Bernie absentmindedly stroked her bump, she'd be lying if she said she hadn't wondered about the baby’s surname, but hadn't been sure how to bring the subject up.  “I'd like that” she smiled, “Baby Campbell-Wolfe, it's got a nice ring to it.”

Serena moved to the head of the bed once she'd finished her massage, Bernie shifting slightly to allow Serena to take back her own pillows, Bernie waiting for Serena to get comfortable before curling into her, her head on Serena's shoulder, her bump resting against Serena's stomach. 

Serena smiled gently as she held Bernie close, one hand tracing patterns on her stomach with her fingertips As Bernie struggled to fight sleep, “Bern" she said softly, “I erm, there's something I want to ask you if this little one is going to have both our surnames” she said quietly. 

Bernie frowned, “Okay. You know they don't have to have both our surnames though don't you, if you'd rather they just had your surname then…” 

“No” Serena interrupted, “I want them to have both our names , I erm, it's, well, how would you feel if I changed Elinor’s surname too?” 

“To Campbell-Wolfe?” 

Serena nodded again, “I don't expect you to do the same with Cameron and Charlotte, I know it's not that easy, and if you think they'd feel left out then…”

“I think that's a lovely idea” Bernie kissed Serena's cheek, “and I've been thinking about changing Charlie and Cam’s surname to Wolfe for a while, so there's no reason that they couldn't be Campbell-Wolfe’s too” she smiled. 

“Are you sure?” Serena asked.

Bernie nodded, “absolutely, you’re their family Serena, I have no issues with them having your surname, I’ll speak to my lawyer in the morning, find out what I need to do to get the ball rolling.”

Serena smiled and kissed Bernie’s lips, “I love you.”

Bernie returned the kiss, nuzzling sleepily into Serena’s side, “we love you too.”   



	56. Chapter 56

“Mumma” Elinor frowned as Bernie heaved herself to her feet, the pair playing together on the living room floor as Charlotte and Cameron helped Serena make pizzas to put in the oven later , “play?” 

Bernie chuckled, “I'll be back in a minute”. 

“Go?” Elinor tipped her head to the side inquisitively. 

“I'm going to the toilet” Bernie told her, thinking briefly before asking, “do you want to come too?” They'd tried to start potty training Ellie several times, but their little girl was stubborn as always and refused to even sit on the potties they'd bought so Bernie knew that her question came with risk of a tantrum. 

Ellie thought for a minute before nodding and scrambling to her feet, holding out her little hand as she asked, “Mumma too?” 

Bernie smiled and nodded as she led Ellie to the downstairs toilet, “Mumma too.” She'd expected Elinor to change her mind when they reached the bathroom, to either kick up a fuss or just wander off. The best Bernie hoped for was that Elinor would just wait for her to be finished. She left the door open a crack in case Ellie wanted to leave, but she was surprised when Elinor tugged at her trousers, grinning when she managed to pull them off before frowning at her nappy and looking up at Bernie, “do you want me to take it off for you?” Both she and Serena had agreed that it would be nice if Elinor was potty trained before the baby was born, but they weren’t going to push her, were happy to let her do it in her own time. Serena had coped with changing Ellie’s nappies and potty training Charlotte so she was sure that she and Bernie could deal with potty training Ellie at the same time as having a newborn in nappies.

Bernie took off Ellie's nappy when she got a nod in response, completely surprised when she toddled over to sit on her potty, but Bernie decided not to make a fuss as she used the toilet herself, flushing it when she was done before going to wash her hands, “Mumma” Ellie frowned when she stood up, seemingly equal parts proud and surprised that she'd actually used the potty. 

“Oh clever girl” Bernie beamed, “well done.” 

“Gu’girl?” Elinor asked as Bernie helped her back into her nappy and trousers. 

“Very good girl” Bernie grinned as she emptied the potty and rinsed it out, “we need to wash our hands now” she told Ellie, lifting her up and sitting her on the edge the sink to help her wash her hands, smiling as Ellie played happily with the bubbles on her hands before rinsing them away. 

“Done?” she asked as she clumsily wiped her hands on the towel Bernie held out. 

“All done” Bernie nodded as she lifted Elinor down, smiling as the toddler took hold of her hand and led her back through to the living room.

Serena smiled when she saw them both, “what have you two been up to then?” she asked. 

Elinor grinned proudly, “Mumma go. Me too!” she babbled, Serena looking up at Bernie for clarification. 

“I needed the loo” she told her, “so someone decided to try out the big girl potty didn't they?” she smiled as she ruffled Ellie's hair. 

“Me!” Ellie beamed, “me gu’girl.”

“Well done” Serena picked Elinor up to cuddle her, “you are a good girl.” She looked to Bernie, “did she just sit on it?” 

Bernie shook her head, “she took her own trousers off and asked me to take her nappy off.” 

Serena looked surprised, “and did she…” 

“She did” Bernie nodded. 

“You are a clever girl” Serena tickled Ellie's stomach as she wriggled and giggled, “and getting to be so big too!” 

“I think she was just being Ellie” Bernie told Serena as Ellie ran off to play, “she wanted to do it when she wanted to do it, not when we wanted her to do it.”

Serena nodded, “we can ask her if she wants to go when we go, if she says yes that's great, if she doesn't then we try again next time”. 

Bernie nodded in agreement before gesturing to her stomach, “it's not like she won't get plenty of opportunities to go” she laughed. 

She settled herself on the sofa, resting her feet on the coffee table, Elinor happy to play with her siblings as Serena disappeared back into the kitchen, but it wasn’t long until Cameron came to sit beside her, “can I ask you something Mummy?”

Bernie nodded, wrapping her arm around her son, “you know you can Darling, what is it?”

“My friend Tommy said his Mummy had to go into hospital when his brother was born and he had to go to his Auntie’s house. Where am I going to go when the baby’s born? Because I haven’t got an auntie have I?”

“You don’t have to worry about it” Bernie said softly, “it all depends on when the baby comes, but there’ll always be someone to look after you, “it will probably be Alex or Lexy” she said, her friend and her partner had met the children several times, and had been only too happy to agree to watch the kids when Bernie went into labour, deciding without being asked that they’d work alternate shifts around the time of Bernie’s due date to be sure one of them would always be available, “but if I have to go to hospital while you’re at school, Morven’s Daddy will take you back to their house until Alex or Lexy can come and get you” she told him, Austin, without being asked, telling Bernie and Serena he’d taken annual leave around Bernie’s due date and he’d sort alternative child care until Bernie felt ready to have Morven round again.

“You’re not going to leave me on my own?”

Bernie kissed Cameron’s hair and shook her head, “definitely not Darling, like I said, it will probably be Alex or Lexy looking after you, but Morven’s Daddy or even Fletch might have to look after you for a little while until Alex or Lexy can get here, but you definitely won’t be left on your own.”

Cameron nodded, looking slightly more relaxed than he had a few moments ago, “thank you” he grinned, hugging Bernie tightly before going off to play with his sisters again now Bernie had put his mind at rest.

“Everything okay?” Serena asked as she sat herself down beside Bernie.

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “his friend told him he had to go and stay with his auntie when his brother was born, Cam was just worried about who was going to look after him but he’s okay now.”

“Good” Serena smiled, her hands coming to rest on Bernie’s bump as her partner curled into her, “I don’t want him worrying about anything.”

Bernie let her head fall onto Serena’s shoulder, “he knows Alex and Lexy will be looking after him, and that there are other people we can call if they’re working” she smiled, “he’s fine now.”

Serena didn’t get chance to respond as Elinor turned from where she was playing a frown on her face when she saw the way Serena was cuddling Bernie, her hand on Bernie’s bump, “No Mama” she stood to her feet and toddled over, clambering onto the sofa between her parents, “my baby” she pouted as she wrapped her arms around Bernie’s stomach, resting her head on the top of Bernie’s bump.

“Is that right hey?” Serena chuckled as she ran her hand over Elinor’s hair, getting a nod in response, Elinor not bothering to lift her head from Bernie’s bump.

“That’s you told” Bernie laughed as she stroked Elinor’s back.

Serena shook her head and rolled her eyes, “I’ll go” she said when Charlotte asked for a drink.

Serena had barely left the room when Bernie felt Elinor’s weight shift slightly against her stomach, she frowned and shifted slightly before rolling her eyes and chuckling to herself when she realised that the toddler had fallen asleep almost instantly, still draped over her bump, “oh Ellie” she whispered as she continued to stroke her back, “what are you like?”

“Is she okay?” Serena frowned when she came back to find Elinor hadn't moved from where she'd thrown herself over Bernie's stomach. 

“Would you believe she's fallen asleep?” Bernie raised an eyebrow. 

Serena laughed before looking at Ellie, “oh, she really has” she laughed, “are you okay with her there or…?”

Bernie shifted slightly, “can you lift her off me? I’m getting tired myself so I might take her upstairs for a bit.”

“Of course” Serena did as Bernie asked, “do you want me to carry her up for you?”

“No” Bernie shook her head and held out her arms for the toddler, “I think I can manage thanks.”

Charlotte frowned as she saw Bernie stand up with Ellie, “where you go Mumma?” she asked.

“Ellie’s fallen asleep, I’m going to go and lay down with her upstairs” she said softly.

“Can I come?” Charlotte asked, “I’ll be quiet.”

Bernie nodded, “of course you can Darling” she looked between Serena and Cam, “are you two going to be okay?”

“Of course we are” Serena smiled, “I’m sure we’ll find something to do.”

“Yep” Cam nodded, “we’ll be good Mum, I promise.”

“Do you want to lay down in Mummy's bed or your bed?” Bernie asked Charlotte as they reached the top of the stairs, Elinor still sleeping in her arms. 

Charlotte frowned for a minute as she thought before smiling, “Mumma’s bed, but can I get a story?”

Bernie nodded and ran her hand over her daughter's curls, “I'm going to lay Ellie down, but get a few books and we can read until you feel sleepy.”

Charlotte smiled and hugged Bernie's legs, “thank you Mumma” she beamed as she made her way towards her own bedroom. 

Bernie was sat in the middle of the bed when Charlotte came back into the room, arms full of picture books, “come on then peanut she smiled, gesturing to the space she'd left for her daughter having decided to lay in the middle of the two girls so there'd be no arguments about who got to cuddle her. 

Charlotte carefully put the books down before clambering onto the mattress, “can I take these off?” she pulled at her jeans. 

“Of course” Bernie nodded, knowing the kids were always more likely to nap if they were comfortable, she helped Charlotte from her jeans, the girl slipping under the duvet in just her t-shirt, Cinderella pants and green frog socks, smiling happily as she snuggled into Bernie, like Serena, her hand instantly finding Bernie's bump. 

“Baby like stories?” She asked quietly as Bernie picked up the first book. 

Bernie nodded and kissed Charlotte's hair, “I think they do Darling.” 

Happy with her mother's answer, Charlotte nodded, letting out a large yawn as she snuggled down under the duvet, tired eyes looking up at her Mummy as she listened to the story. 

With the amount of books Charlotte had carried through, Bernie assumed her daughter hadn't been that tired and perhaps intended to be awake for a while so she was pleasantly surprised when she saw Charlotte's grip on the duvet loosen before she was even half way through the second story. She finished the book, leaning over Charlotte to place it, along with the others, on her bedside table, running her fingers over Charlotte's hair as she she settled down herself, smiling as Charlotte rolled onto her side, nuzzling closer in her sleep. “Sweet dreams my beautiful girl” Bernie whispered, kissing both Charlotte and Elinor before letting her own eyes close and drifting onto a peaceful slumber. 


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those of you that like long chapters are in for a treat with this one! And thank you to everyone on twitter who cheered me on last night when this chapter just didn't want to be finished! I hope you like it.

“We've put a couple of changes of clothes in there for Ellie” Bernie said as she handed over an old Thomas the tank engine backpack that had once been bought for Cam but had now been claimed by Elinor, “she's doing well but you might want to ask her occasionally if she needs to go, and there are a couple of pull ups in there too just in case she decides she doesn't want to tell you she needs the potty” Bernie rolled her eyes, knowing how stubborn the toddler could be. 

Alex laughed as she took the bag, “we'll be fine Bern, honestly, you two just enjoy a day of peace.”

“We will” Bernie smiled, thanking Alex again. She and Lexy had offered to take the kids out for the day to give Bernie and Serena some time together, something they could barely remember happening in the past. 

“Mumma” Elinor frowned slightly, “wha'go?”

“You're going to have a day out with Alex and Lexy” Bernie told her, “you're going to go to the zoo.” 

“Mumma too?” 

“No Darling” Bernie said softly, “Charlotte and Cam are going with you but Mama and me are going to stay here. 

“No” Ellie frowned, “Mumma too.”

Bernie lifted Ellie to her hip, the toddlers legs curling round her bump, “Darling” she said softly, “Alex and Lexy are going to take you to the zoo with Charlotte and Cameron, and then later on, after you've had lots and lots of fun, they'll bring you home and we can have cuddles and read stories together before bed. 

Ellie sighed and pouted, “Ice c'eam?” 

Bernie smiled and ran her hand over Ellie's hair, “you'll have to ask Alex about that.”

Ellie looked up at Alex with wide eyes, “Ice c'eam?” 

Alex held out her arms for the toddler as she nodded, the toddler reluctantly leaning over towards Alex, “of course we can get ice cream” she said as she bounced her gently, “and if you're good, we might even get cake too.” 

Elinor's face lit up in excitement and she blew kisses to Bernie, “bye Mumma, go now” she grinned. 

Bernie chuckled and kissed Ellie's cheek, “see you later Darling.”

Bernie and Serena said a final goodbye to their children, Elinor having one last wobble about going out without her parents, but she was quickly reassured by her brother, Cameron producing Ellie's stuffed cow and distracting her by asking her about the animals she wanted to see at the zoo. 

“So” Serena smiled softly once Alex and Lexy had left, “what do you want to do with our child free day?” 

Bernie bit her lip slightly before asking, “can you shave my legs please?” 

Serena smiled and nodded, taking Bernie's hand as they headed back inside, “of course I can.”

She remembered the first night Bernie had come to bed, the shorts she usually favoured to sleep in replaced by long pyjama bottoms. She'd said nothing until Bernie had spent the best part of an hour fidgeting under the duvet, Bernie finally admitting that her bump had become so big that she was struggling to reach round it to shave her legs. 

Serena had kissed Bernie softly, reassured her that it was nothing to be ashamed about and then offered to help Bernie shave her legs, something that had now become a frequent occurrence, Bernie no longer worrying about asking Serena for help. 

She ran Bernie a bath, filling it with sweetly scented bubble bath and holding onto Bernie’s hand to help her keep her balance as she stepped into the warm water, sighing happily as she relaxed back in the bubbles.

“That feels nice” Bernie smiled as Serena sat on the end of the bath, gently scratching her fingers against Bernie’s scalp.

“Good” Serena smiled, “we can put a film on when we’re done if you want, we can order from that Thai place the kids don’t like for lunch and I’ll massage your feet for you.”

Bernie let out a content groan, “sounds perfect to me.”

Serena washed Bernie’s hair for her and helped her shave her legs before helping her out of the bath, going downstairs to order lunch for them both from their favourite takeaway, smiling softly when Bernie padded downstairs in leggings and an oversized t-shirt. “Okay?”

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “all ordered?”

Serena nodded, “I’ll pick it up in about half an hour, but in the meantime…” she held out a bowl full of orange smarties.

Bernie’s eyes lit up, “yes” she beamed.

Serena chuckled and handed over the bowl, the latest, and so far, longest lasting of all Bernie’s cravings, first milk, then beansprouts, then chicken supernoodles, but Serena didn’t think she’d ever forget the first time Bernie had thrown several multipacks of smarties into the shopping trolley, she’d raised an eyebrow, asked, “are you planning on sharing those with the kids?”

Bernie had blushed slightly and nodded, admitting that she only wanted the orange ones. It had become a habit now, after the weekly shop, all the packets of smarties were opened, the orange ones taken out and put in a bowl, the rest put back in the packets, the children knowing that they could have the packets but the bowl of orange smarties were ‘for the baby’.

They lounged on the sofa for a while, flicking through the TV channels as Bernie ate the smarties, bowl balanced on her bump, before Serena squeezed her hand gently, “I'm going to go and collect the food, do you feel up to the walk or are you going to stay here?” 

“No” Bernie stretched slightly before heaving herself to her feet, “I'll come with you, get some fresh air” she smiled, “we just might have to take it slowly” she chuckled. She was just two weeks away from starting her maternity leave and she was more than ready for it. Whilst her pregnancy had been relatively easy, she'd had no complications, barely any morning sickness, but she had found herself getting tired a lot more quickly than she had when she was carrying Charlotte or Cameron. 

“Of course” Serena smiled as she slipped on her shoes, “we'll go at your pace.” She'd noticed how tired Bernie got, had also noticed how low she was now carrying their baby and could only imagine how uncomfortable she must be at times, but she continued to take everything in her stride and didn't complain about anything.

Serena took Bernie's hand in her own as they strolled towards the takeaway, Serena unable to hold back a smile as she noticed Bernie had developed a slight waddle, something she remembered well from her own pregnancy. “Okay?” she asked as she saw Bernie rubbing the bottom of her bump as she walked.

“Yeah” Bernie squeezed Serena's hand to reassure her, “they're just really low now, and today they're practicing their tap dancing” he chuckled, “I can't tell if these are knees or elbows.”

“I remember that too well” Serena nodded, “I gave birth to a baby but I'm sure that for at least four months I was pregnant with an octopus.”

Bernie laughed, “I can tell that this one's really curled up now, I used to be able to tell what was where but I'm not sure anymore.”

Serena smiled softly, “I know you've said you'd tell me, but if you need to stop carrying Elinor…” the toddler loved being able to walk and explore, but when she was tired, or when it wasn't practical for her to walk, she loved being on her Mumma's back. They'd managed to find Charlotte's old buggy out for Alex and Lexy, but as soon as Ellie had seen it, she'd pointed to it with a decisive ‘no’, so Alex and Lexy had been given a quick lesson in using the sling too, Alex insisting she'd be fine despite Bernie's worries about her back. 

Bernie quickly shook her head, “I erm, I like carrying her” she told Serena, “it's comfortable” they walked in silence for a moment as Bernie thought about her words, wondered how to explain it to Serena, “it's like the weight of Ellie on my back balances out the weight of this" she ran her hand over her stomach, “it probably sounds silly but some days I'm more comfortable carrying her than not. “

Serena nodded, “I trust you, I just wanted you to know that it's okay if you need to stop carrying her for a while.” 

Bernie nodded, “I think the fact we've got a good quality sling helps too, but for now I'm fine" she promised as they reached the takeaway. 

They remained hand in hand as they walked home, deciding as they walked through the front door to make the most of the good weather and eat lunch in the garden, Serena taking the food out as Bernie collected plates and cutlery for them both.

Bernie let out a sigh as she lowered herself into a chair, Serena having laid the food out for them to help themselves to, “it's funny how I can be on my feet all day at work and barely notice it, but then a slow walk to the takeaway exhausts me.”

Serena smiled as she began putting food onto her plate, “well you've got the rest of the day to relax” she told her, “and we can have a lazy day tomorrow too, hopefully Alex and Lexy will wear the kids out so they'll be happy to have a duvet day or something tomorrow.” 

Bernie chuckled as she spooned rice onto her plate, “have you met Ellie.” 

Serena laughed, “that's true, well, if the weather's like this, they can run about in the garden and burn off some energy.” 

Bernie nodded and smiled, “sounds good to me.” 

They ate in content silence, both sharing occasional smiles when they caught each other’s eye, neither woman feeling the need to fill the silence with inane chat. 

“I enjoyed that” Serena relaxed back in her chair once she'd finished. 

“Me too” Bernie smiled, “and I like this too” she gestured around them, “I love the kids, I wouldn't change them for the world. But it's nice to have time just the two of us.”

“It is” Serena nodded, thinking for a moment before speaking again, “I think the last time we didn't have any of the kids with us, you got pregnant” she mused. 

Bernie laughed, “you're forgetting my first scan” she winked. 

“Okay” Serena rolled her eyes, “one of the very few times we've been alone without the kids, you got pregnant”. 

Bernie laughed again, “That I did” she smiled before running a hand over her bump, “but this makes it very unlikely for it to happen again this time” 

“In that case” Serena smiled, “I think I promised you a foot massage” she said, stacking the plates to take them inside. 

Bernie groaned at the thought, “I think you did too.”

“Why don't we go upstairs?” Serena suggested once they'd cleared everything away, “we can put a film on and get comfy in bed, then if you want to go to sleep for a bit you can.”

Bernie nodded as she liked her fingers with Serena's, “sounds like a plan to me.” 

Bernie used the bathroom once they were upstairs, Serena putting on a film and grabbing a towel and some foot lotion before sitting cross legged on the bottom of the bed. 

She watched as Bernie lowered herself onto the bed, using the mass of pillows and cushions they'd acquired to make herself comfortable. “Okay?” Serena asked. 

“Yeah” Bernie ran a hand over her bump, “we're good.” 

Serena nodded and moved closer, lifting Bernie's feet into her lap, warming the foot lotion between her hands before beginning to rub Bernie's aching muscles. 

She could see Bernie relaxing, sinking back into the pillows as Serena massaged her feet and ankles. 

“Thank you.” Bernie smiled, once Serena had finished, kissing the Brunette's lips as she came to sit beside her. 

“You're welcome” Serena smiled before kissing Bernie again, her fingers curling in Bernie's hair when she felt her deepen the kiss. 

They shuffled down in bed, laid on their sides facing each other as they shared kisses, Serena's hand running through Bernie's hair, Bernie's hand slipped under Serena's top, her fingers gently stroking at the soft skin of her hip. 

“I love you” Serena whispered as their lips parted, the pair laying as close as Bernie's bump would let them.

“I know” Bernie smiled softly, “I love you too.” 

Serena reached up to gently stroke Bernie's cheek, “are you tired?” 

Bernie kissed at Serena's fingers, “I'm okay.” 

“I'm glad to hear it” Serena smiled, rubbing noses with Bernie before kissing her again. 

They made the most of their time together, soft kisses and gentle touches, neither feeling the need to take things any further, both just content to be close to each other, making the most of the time they had with each other without having to worry about being interrupted by their children. 

Bernie did fall asleep eventually, content in Serena's arms she drifted off into a restful slumber.  “Hello you” Serena smiled down at Bernie when she felt her stir about an hour after she'd dozed off. 

Bernie smiled sleepily, “hi.” 

Serena brushed Bernie's hair out of her face, “feel better for that?”

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “bit hungry though” she admitted. 

Serena kissed her lips, “we'd better go and get you both fed then hadn't we.” 

They were lounging on the sofa together when Alex and Lexy brought the kids back. Serena helping Bernie to her feet before they made their way outside. 

“Were they okay?” Serena asked as Lexy handed over the bags and the buggy, Charlotte and Cameron coming over to see her.

“Good as gold” Lexy nodded, “we’ve had a great day haven’t we?” she ruffled Charlotte’s curls.

“I feeded a ‘raffe” Charlotte beamed.

“Wow” Serena gasped, “that sounds brilliant.”

“It tickled when it licked me.”

“I bet it did” Serena smiled.

“I held a lizard” Cameron grinned, “and a spider, and a snake.”

“Oh” Serena laughed, “you were very brave.”

“Not really” Cam shrugged, “they weren't scary.”

“Did she go in the buggy?” Bernie asked as Alex handed over their tired toddler, Ellie snuggling instinctively into her Mumma. 

Alex shook her head, “it came in handy for all the bags though” she chuckled, “she walked for most of the day, but she did let us both carry her. And she just had one little accident, they were playing on the playground and I think she was having too much fun to stop playing. 

“That's good” Bernie smiled as she kissed Ellie's hair, “you're getting all grown up now aren't you?” 

Ellie shook her head, “I s'eepy.” 

“I know Darling” Bernie bounced the toddler gently, “but you need to stay awake just a little bit longer so you can have your dinner before you go to bed.”

Bernie and Serena spoke to Alex and Lexy for a few minutes more, Charlotte and Cam going inside to play, Bernie passing Elinor to Serena, with no protest from the toddler, when she started to get heavy. 

Serena made a quick pasta dish for dinner, Charlotte and Elinor both happy to be put to bed once they'd eaten, the girls falling asleep before Bernie and Serena had finished their story. 

Once the girls were settled they spent half an hour with Cameron, the boy happy to tell Bernie and Serena all about his day, showing off the items that Alex and Lexy had bought him in the gift shop. 

Cameron had been the one to take to Alex and Lexy the quickest. As always, Charlotte had been wary of the ‘strangers’ when they'd been first introduced and for a reason only she knew, Elinor had refused to even go near either of them for the first hour or so of their meeting, only warming to Alex after she'd seen Bernie laughing and joking with her old friend. 

Cameron on the other hand had been over the moon to find out that both Lexy and Alex were doctors, not only that, but they didn't mind answering all his questions about their jobs. Bernie didn't think she'd ever forget the look of awe on her son's face when Alex had explained her job to him, that she was a doctor but didn't particularly ‘fix’ anything. 

He was halfway through telling Bernie about the monkeys they'd seen when he let out a large yawn. “I think it's bedtime Darling” Bernie smiled softly when he'd finished his story, “you can finish telling us about the zoo in the morning.” 

Cameron nodded and yawned again, “will you read me a story?” 

“Of course” Bernie kissed his head, “go and get your pyjamas on and clean your teeth, we'll be up in a minute.”

Cam smiled and nodded, “okay Mummy, see you in a minute.” 

“Are we heading up too?” Serena asked once Cameron was out of the room. 

Bernie nodded, “if that's okay?” 

“Of course. Why don't you go and get Cam settled and I'll lock up down here. “

“Okay” Bernie kissed Serena gently, “see you in a minute.” 

Cameron was waiting for Bernie when she came upstairs, as promised he'd changed into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth before curling up on the bottom bunk with a blanket and the book he and Bernie were currently reading. 

Bernie settled herself under the blanket, wrapping her arm around her son when he snuggled into her, “comfortable?” she asked, kissing his head when he nodded before beginning to read the book to him. 

They didn't read much, barely a few pages before Cameron let out a huge yawn, “can we read more tomorrow?” he asked Bernie before yawning again. 

Bernie slipped the bookmark back into the book and nodded, “of course we can Darling” she kissed his head again, “you get in bed and I'll get Serena to come and tuck you in” she told him, her bump meaning she found it almost impossible to reach up and tuck her son into his top bunk. 

“Okay” he hugged her tightly. “Goodnight Mummy.” 

“Goodnight Darling” she returned the hug, “sweet dreams.” 

As always, Serena was only too happy to tuck Cameron in, the boy's eyes barely open as she kissed his forehead and wished him goodnight just like his mother had just a few moments before and Serena knew, just like his sisters, it wouldn’t be long until the boy was fast asleep, worn out from the day at the zoo.

Bernie was in the ensuite when Serena came back into the bedroom, pushing the door to but not closing it completely before changing into her pyjamas and slipping under the duvet to wait for Bernie.

She wasn’t long, smiling when she saw Serena already in bed, “okay?” Serena asked as Bernie curled into her.

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “probably as tired as the kids though and I haven’t had an exciting day at the zoo.”

“No” Serena kissed her lips, “but you are growing another person.”

Bernie chuckled and ran her hand over her bump, “how could I forget?”

“Go to sleep if you want” Serena said softly, “I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?” Bernie frowned, “I always feel bad about going to sleep so early.”

Serena brushed Bernie’s hair back from her face and kissed her again, “I don’t mind” she reassured her, “I’m going to read for a little while and then settle down myself.”

“Okay” Bernie kissed Serena again before shuffling down under the duvet, thanking her when she helped her arrange the pillows so she was comfortable, “I love you.”

“I love you too” Serena smiled, “goodnight.”

Bernie fell asleep almost as soon as her eyes closed, something she’d picked up in the army, her body so used to going without sleep that it learnt to make the most of the time it did get to rest.  Serena wasn’t far behind her, spending just half an hour reading her book before turning off the light, reasoning that, as the kids had all gone to bed earlier than usual, they’d probably be up earlier too.

Both women fell into a peaceful slumber, neither waking as their bedroom door creaked open a little after 3am, neither waking as Ellie padded into the room and over to the bed, Bernie only stirring as she felt a little hand patting her arm. “Mumma” Elinor mumbled as she tried to wake Bernie, “Mumma come on” 

Bernie groaned slightly as she woke, “Elinor Darling” she reached out a hand to the toddler, “what's wrong?”

“Mumma” Ellie tugged at her hand, “come on… p'ease.” 

“Is she okay?” Serena murmured sleepily as she woke too.

“I don't know” Bernie squid quietly, “but whatever it is, I'll sort her out” she said, groaning quietly, hip popping as she stood to her feet and took Elinor’s outstretched hand, following her daughter, “where are we going”. 

“Quick” Ellie led Bernie from the room, “potty.”

Bernie couldn't hold back a smile, Elinor had been getting better at using the potty, not only when Bernie went to the toilet, but also when other members of the household did too, she'd even announced she needed the potty several times before but this was the first time she'd ever woken up to go in the night. “Come on then” Bernie helped Ellie out of her pyjamas and pull up once they reached the bathroom.

Ellie sat down on the potty and frowned up at Bernie, “Mumma too?”

Bernie chuckled and nodded, “sorry Ellie”. 

“S'okay Mumma” Ellie quickly forgave her. 

They used the bathroom together and washed their hands before Elinor let out a huge yawn and held out her arms to Bernie, “I know Darling” Bernie let out a yawn of her own as she picked her daughter up, “it's time to go back to bed isn't it?”  Elinor nodded sleepily, her head against Bernie's shoulder, “come on then, let's get you tucked in.” 

Ellie snuggled under the duvet once she was back in bed, shuffling closer to Charlotte with her cow clutched firmly in her hands, “Mumma” she looked sleepily up at Bernie, “in?”

Bernie could never deny any of her children cuddles so she laid down beside Elinor, kissing her head gently, “just until you fall asleep” she whispered as Ellie cuddled into her. 

“Charlotte?” Serena frowned when she woke the next morning to find the girl climbing into the space where Bernie usually slept. 

“Mumma's in my bed” Charlotte yawned as she settled down under the duvet, “she cuddle Ellie so I comed to cuddle you” she paused for a moment before asking, “is that okay?” 

Serena nodded, “of course it is” she held out her arms for Charlotte,”you can always come in here for cuddles” she told her, trying to hide her worry at the fact that Elinor had not only woken Bernie up in the night, but that Bernie had ended up spending the night with the toddler too. 

Charlotte fell quickly back to sleep in Serena's arms, but Serena didn't, waiting until she heard the door to the girls’ room creak open, footsteps too large to be Elinor's padding down the hall before untangling herself from Charlotte's embrace and making her way into the hall. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked when Bernie came out of the bathroom. 

Bernie nodded, seeing the worry on Serena face, “she needed the toilet” she explained, “that's what she woke me for, then she asked me to lay with her when I put her back to bed, I only planned on staying til she was asleep but I think I might have gone first” she admitted. 

Serena let out a sigh of relief, “that's okay. I'm not sure I like her getting up to go to the potty in the night though” Serena pouted, “her being dry in the day is bad enough.” 

Bernie chuckled, “don't you worry” she ran her hand over her stomach, “I'm sure this one will make sure you don't miss changing nappies.” 

Serena chuckled and stole a kiss, “I'm sure they won't either.” 

 


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a scene in this chapter that I think is one of my favourite things to happen in this AU, I'll let you guess what it is!
> 
> Absolutely ages ago, someone on twitter requested, "pregnant Bernie eating ice cream and watching a Miss Marple marathon" I can't remember who asked for it, and it's taken me pretty much forever to work it into the story, but here it is, and if you requested it, I hope you like it. I hope you like it if you didn't request it too!

****Bernie was over the moon when she started her maternity leave, leaving the hospital with a car full of presents for her unborn child and heading home to her family.

She'd saved up her annual leave to use in one block before her official maternity leave started, meaning that she had several weeks to enjoy being a Mum to the three children she already had before the newest member of their family arrived.

She'd all but despised her maternity leave with both Charlotte and Cameron, Marcus too had taken leave and insisted she did little more than laying on the sofa with her feet up, convinced she needed to get plenty of rest.

Serena on the other hand trusted Bernie to know her limits, and, as well as plenty of afternoon naps with all three of her girls, Bernie was enjoying being able to just do things with her children, things she only managed to do on the rare occasion she got a weekday off work.

The children too were enjoying having their Mummy home all the time, Bernie being able to take Charlotte to her gymnastic classes, to watch Cameron's football practices, and go to both story time and music sessions at the local library with Serena, Charlotte and Elinor.

Serena was also enjoying having Bernie home all the time too, even if it was for sometimes selfish reasons, like being able to go to the supermarket without having to drag two bored children around with her as she tried to do the shopping.

She swore she fell a little bit more in love with Bernie every time she saw her, she’d only been gone for an hour, making the most of Bernie being home by leaving her at home with the girls as she’d dropped Cam at school and then gone to the supermarket to pick up a few bits, avoiding the struggle to get Elinor dressed and ready to go on time, but she’d come back to a sight that made her heart swell.

The kitchen sides were covered in dirty pots and pans, a light dusting of flour seemed to cover every available surface along with drips of something that was quite obviously cake batter, given away by the selection of oddly sized cupcakes that sat on a cooling rack on the side. She was slightly irritated by the mess, but then she saw Bernie and that irritation was forgotten, Serena unable to hold back her smile when she saw her partner. She’d been in her pyjamas when Serena had left, but she’d changed into black leggings and a tight white vest top whilst Serena had gone, the stretchy fabric clinging to the curve of her chest and stomach, her hair was scraped back into a messy ponytail, and, as Serena walked into the kitchen, she was dancing with Charlotte and Elinor to the music coming from the radio on the windowsill, a huge smile on Bernie’s face and both girls giggling happily, it was moments like this Serena lived for. Yes the kitchen was a mess, but it was easy enough to tidy up, and as the girls grew up, the wouldn’t remember a dirty kitchen, but they would remember having a Mumma who'd bake cakes and dance in the kitchen with them and that was the most important thing.

She leant against the door frame watching them for a minute before speaking up, “is this a private party or can anyone join?”

The three of them looked up, happy smiles on their faces as Ellie reached out a hand, “come on Mamma” she beamed.

Serena took her daughter's hand, shaking her head slightly when she took a good look at her toddler, she'd been wearing cow print pyjamas when Serena had left, but was now dressed in a blue t-shirt with a dinosaur printed on the front, pink floral leggings and a pale yellow tutu giving away the fact she'd dressed herself, her feet bare as she'd recently decided socks were a big “no”.

“Have you had fun with Mummy while I've been out then?” Serena smiled as she span Elinor round.

“Look” Ellie pointed to the cakes cooling on the side, “we do.”

“I can see” Serena smiled, lifting Ellie to her hip as Bernie danced with Charlotte, “we can have one after lunch.”

“Kay” Elinor beamed before wriggling to be put down, “dance me?”

Serena smiled and nodded, standing her daughter in the floor, Elinor reaching for her hands as she began to dance to the radio.

Unsurprisingly, after spending most of the morning dancing with her partner and her daughters in the kitchen, Bernie was exhausted, and after a picnic lunch, at the dining table so Bernie wouldn't struggle getting up off the floor, she headed upstairs, Elinor in tow, for an afternoon nap, Charlotte opting to stay downstairs with Serena.

Bernie didn't mind Charlotte staying with Serena. She and Serena had spoken, had decided that they both wanted to spend some one on one time with each child before the new addition arrived, Charlotte choosing not to nap meant that she'd get to spend some time with Serena whilst Bernie got her time with Elinor, even if all the pair of them did was sleep.

Elinor seemed to only want to nap now if she got to nap with her Mumma, so, whilst Serena and Charlotte made a start on completing all Charlotte's jigsaws together, Elinor tucked herself around her Mumma's bump, clutched her stuffed cow to her chest and fell almost instantly to sleep.

Bernie wasn't far behind her daughter, but she was first to wake, smiling down at the toddler when she began to stir, gently tracing patterns on Elinor's stomach, “hello sleepyhead” she smiled.

“Mumma” Elinor grinned sleepily.

“Did you have a nice nap?”

“Yeah” Ellie pushed herself to sit up, “you too?”

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “I did” she kissed her daughter's head as Elinor curled into her, “Mamma and Charlie have gone to get Cam” she said softly as she played with one of Elinor's pigtails, “what do you want to do until they come home?”

Elinor frowned as she thought before grinning as she had an idea, shuffling to the edge of the bed before sliding off and holding out her hand to Bernie, “come?”

Bernie nodded and heaved herself to her feet, taking her daughter's outstretched hand, allowing herself to be led into the bedroom Ellie shared with her sister, “we book?” she asked, “in me bed?”

“Of course” Bernie smiled, “let's choose some books.”

Bernie managed to read four stories before Serena came home with Charlotte and Cameron, excitement getting the better of Elinor, the toddler wanting to go and play with her siblings.

She was happy to play with Charlotte for a while, Bernie sitting at the table to help Cam with his homework whilst Serena prepared dinner, “the girls are happy playing together” she told him once his homework was finished, “we can start putting your lego together before dinner if you want?”

Cameron's face lit up, “my new lego?” he asked, “my dinosaur?”

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “go grab it and we can make a start.”

“Has the baby got a name yet?” Cam asked as he emptied the bricks out onto the table a while later, sifting through the pieces for the ones he'd need first and clicking them together with a grin.

Bernie chuckled, thinking of the sheet of paper still stuck to the fridge, a line drawn down the middle, boys names on one side, girls names on the other, the list had both grown and been narrowed down over the course of her pregnancy as she, Serena and even Cameron had added names and crossed off ones they really didn't like.

“No” Bernie smiled as she turned the page in the instruction booklet, finding out the part Cam needed next, “not yet, I think we're just going to wait until the baby's born and see what we think.”

“And see if it's a brother or a sister?”

“Exactly” Bernie nodded, “but even when it's born it might take us a little while to decide what we want to call them, or we might decide straight away, I don't know.”

Cam frowned slightly as he studied the instructions before clicking two bricks together, “but if it hasn't got a name yet we can just call it bug, even once it's born?”

“Of course we can” Bernie nodded as she snapped some bricks together and handed them to Cameron to add to the rest of the figure , “even when they have a name we can still call them Bug.”

“Like you call me Monkey?” Cam asked,” and Charlie Peanut?”

“That's right.”

Cam nodded and smiled, “I can't wait to meet the baby Mummy.”

Bernie smiled and ran her hand over her bump, “and the baby can't wait to meet you either.”

The next day saw Serena entertaining Elinor after the morning school run, mother and daughter emptying the farm animals out on the living room floor as Bernie and Charlotte sat at the kitchen table to paint together.

“What are you painting?” Bernie asked as she saw Charlotte dip her brush into the thick green paint.

“I do flowers” Charlotte smiled shyly, “pretty flowers for you.”

“That's lovely” Bernie smiled, “what should I paint?”

“You do flowers too” Charlotte nodded, “for Re'a”

Bernie couldn't help but smile as she watched Charlie paint, her daughter loved drawing and painting, any time you asked her what she wanted to do, her response was always that she wanted to colour.

The pair chatted happily as they painted their flowers, “do you want to leave everything out when we've finished?” Bernie asked her daughter, “and paint some pictures with Ellie and Cam later?” she asked.

“Yeah” Charlotte beamed, “Ellie likes painting too.”

“And so does Cam” Bernie smiled.

“I tell Rena we paint later?”

Bernie nodded and kissed Charlotte's hair, “she's playing with Ellie for now, but when we've finished our pictures and got cleaned up, we can go and tell her what we're going to do.”

Charlotte enjoyed painting with her Mumma, finishing her flowers before they painted several pictures together, including a cow for Elinor and a train for Cam before allowing Bernie to put the pictures on the side to dry, Charlotte and Bernie cleaning themselves up ready to eat lunch with Serena and Elinor.

Bernie didn't feel the need to nap that afternoon but instead, after lunch, she and Serena settled down on the sofa with the girls to have some quiet time together, both Serena and Bernie surprised that it was Charlotte who dozed off, Elinor sprawling out on the sofa chatting happily to her parents as she watched the film.

They walked to school together to collect Cameron, both he and Elinor excited to hear that they were going to be painting once they were home.

Cameron raced upstairs to change once they were home, Serena stripping the girls down to their underwear to save their clothes getting covered in paint and Bernie emptying out the box of art supplies onto the kitchen table.

“What would you like us to do?” Bernie asked Charlotte, Elinor reaching straight for the box of crayons on the table.

“I don't know” she shrugged shyly.

“I know what we could do” Cam announced “but it would be messy.”

“Cam, when have we ever worried about getting messy?” Bernie chuckled, “if we were didn’t want you getting messy then we wouldn't be painting, so what's your idea?” she asked, Elinor happily scribbling away on a sheet of paper with a red crayon.

“We do a big brown trunk in the middle of the big paper” he began, “and then it's like a tree and then we do handprints to make leaves, all of us, and we can even leave space for the baby's hands to go on when it gets here.”

Bernie smiled and nodded, “that's a lovely idea” she said, Serena smiling and nodding in agreement.

“Elinor's happy drawing for now” she said softly, so why don't you and Charlotte do the trunk of the tree and then we can add the leaves after dinner when it’s had time to dry.

“Okay” Cam grinned as he passed his sister a brush, “we can even do little flowers with our fingers” he told her, “we did it at school.

“I like flowers” Charlotte piped up.

“We can do them” Cam promised, “but let's do the tree trunk first” he said as Serena poured brown poster paint onto a paper plate.

“I don't know how to do it” Charlotte admitted shyly.

“That's okay” Cam smiled, “I can draw it first if you want and then you can paint it if you want?”

Charlotte nodded, looking up at her big brother with a shy smile, Elinor too enthralled with her scribbles to care what else was going on at the table, “thank you Cammy”.

Cam reached for a pencil from the tub, brow creasing and tongue sticking out in concentration as he roughly sketched out a tree trunk with two rows of branches, explaining that the top two branches were for Bernie and Serena, the longer, bottom two branches were for him and his siblings to add their hand prints too.

“What are you drawing?” Serena asked Elinor as she continued her red scribble.

“Mamata” Elinor told her without looking up.

Serena chuckled, “a tomato? Why are you drawing a tomato?”

Elinor stopped scribbling and looked up at Serena like she was crazy, “like mamata” she told her before going back to her picture.

“Oh Serena laughed, “fair enough.”

Once Cameron had drawn out the tree trunk, he allowed Charlotte to colour it in whilst he painted grass on the bottom of the page, once again promising Charlotte that she could add flowers once the trunk and grass were dry.

As a special treat, pizza was ordered for tea, Charlotte and Cam cleaned up with wet wipes before moving from the kitchen table to the dining table to eat.

“Are you going to do some painting now?” Serena asked Ellie once they were back at the kitchen table, Elinor nodding excitedly, her little face lighting up when she saw Cam dip his hand into the green paint, “me too?” she beamed.

“You too” Serena nodded, letting Elinor dip her hands onto the paint before carefully helping her press them to the branch of the tree, giving her another sheet of paper to make more hand prints on once she'd done.

Charlotte was over the moon when Cameron showed her how to make flowers from her fingerprints, the grass soon filling with tiny flowers, Bernie cleaning the green paint from Elinor's hands to allow her to join in too.

“I think we might need to frame that” Bernie said softly as she watched Cam help his sisters make more flowers, “once it's finished of course” she smiled as she ran a hand over her bump, her eyes drifting to the space left beside Elinor's handprints that would soon be filled by the youngest member of their family.

“Me too” Serena kissed Bernie's temple, “and it won't be long until it’s finished.”

“I know” Bernie smiled, “four weeks and then it's time for you to come out” she told her stomach.

“I think we're going to have to have a bath Mummy” Cameron frowned when he saw how much paint Elinor and Charlotte were covered in, his hands too covered in several colours of paint.

“It's okay” Bernie reassured him, wondering if her son was old enough to remember living with Marcus, to remember that his father liked tidiness and order in his house, that he'd never have allowed the children to do something like this, would have hated the fact that Ellie had decided she needed to fingerpaint her own stomach as well as the paper in front of her, the toddler luckily only wearing a pull up, her parents having expected this to happen, “you can have a shower when we're done and the girls can have a bath, the paint will just wash off with soap.

“We have bubbles?” Charlotte asked, looking at her arms, she too in just her pants, but unlike her sister, she'd managed to mostly keep the paint to her hands and arms with the odd splatter on her face and stomach.

“Of course you can” Bernie smiled before shaking her head as she watched Ellie swirling her fingers in the paint on her stomach.

“You were meant to be putting the paint on the paper” Serena raised an eyebrow, trying to keep a straight face at her daughter's antics.

Elinor paused, fingers stilling in the masterpiece she was trying to create on her stomach as she looked innocently up at Serena, “oops?” she offered.

Serena laughed and shook her head, “oops indeed, you are definitely going to need a bath tonight.”

Elinor shrugged, “like splash” she said as she went back to spreading paint across her skin.

Unsurprisingly, the children all fell straight to sleep at bedtime, tonight Bernie's turn to read to Cam whilst Serena settled Charlotte and Elinor, and once the children were all asleep, Bernie and Serena both showered quickly and headed to bed themselves, Bernie already beginning to drift off by the time Serena came back from her shower.

They fell asleep curled together, but Serena wasn't too worried when she woke a few hours later to find the bed beside her empty, as she reached the final weeks of her pregnancy, Bernie frequently found herself waking in the night, sometimes because she had cramp, or felt restless and needed to walk around the house before she could settle again. Other times it was the baby that seemed restless, their fidgety infant waking the blonde who’d get out of bed so she didn't wake her partner as she waited for the baby to settle.

She laid in the darkness for a while, listening for sounds of life in the house to try and help her guess where Bernie was but the house was silent. That didn't bother Serena either, it wouldn't be the first time Bernie had fallen asleep on the sofa after walking around the house in the middle of the night.

Another few moments of silence and Serena hauled herself from the bed, slipping her feet into her slippers and pulling on her dressing gown around herself so she could find Bernie, and, if she had fallen asleep, wake her so she could go back to bed and be more comfortable.

She'd barely made it to the bottom of the stairs when she heard the quiet buzz of the TV, the light of the screen in the darkness of the living room, and, when she stepped into the doorway, she found the woman she was looking for.

Bernie was sat cross legged on the sofa in a sports bra and a small pair of running shorts, a bowl of vanilla ice cream balanced on her rounded stomach, a Miss Marple repeat playing on the TV.

She looked up when she heard the soft creak of the bottom stair, “hey” she said softly, “did I wake you?”

“No” Serena smiled as she sat down when Bernie moved her legs from the sofa, making space for Serena, “I woke up and you weren't there. I thought you might have fallen asleep down here again, I came to wake you up and get you back to bed.”

“I'm awake” Bernie smiled, running her hands over her stomach, “and so is our bug.”

She smiled when Serena's hands came to rest on her stomach, feeling their child moving beneath her skin, “must be the ice cream” Serena teased.

Bernie chuckled and held out a spoonful of ice cream, “want some?”

Serena smiled and shook her head, “I'm okay thanks.”  Bernie nodded and ate the ice cream herself, Serena's head resting on her shoulder as they watched the TV, “you know, I think she might be my favourite” Serena murmured a while later, long after Bernie thought she'd fallen asleep.

“Who?” Bernie frowned.

“Geraldine McEwan” Serena clarified, “my favourite Miss Marple, although I do like Joan Hickson” she mused.

“Oh no” Bernie shook her head, “Margaret Rutherford was by far the best.”

Serena laughed and shook her head slightly, “it's almost 4am. I'm not going to argue about who's the best Miss Marple.”

“Do you want to go back to bed?” Bernie asked.

Serena shook her head, “no, not until you're ready to go up.”

“Are you sure, I don't mind if…”

Serena lifted her head from Bernie's shoulder and kissed her cheek before settling back down, “if I wanted to go back to bed then I'd go back, but for now I'm fine here, so shh and eat your ice cream, I want to know who the murderer is.”

Bernie chuckled quietly and kissed Serena's hair as she felt the brunette begin tracing patterns on her stomach with her fingertips, “I love you.”

Serena tipped her head up to smile at Bernie briefly before turning her attention to the TV, “I love you too.”


End file.
